by Seema Anand
Kissing has many a health benefit. It can cure headaches and relieve blood pressure, it can fight cavities and create temporary facelifts, it can make the skin glow and burn calories. And of course it is the perfect barometer for good sex—good kiss = good sex.
*Alain Daniélou, The Complete Kama Sutra, New York: Simon and Schuster, 1993. (King Nala, noticing that his beloved new bride, Damayanti, was looking unsatisfied, sends her this message through her maid.)
*From The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayan translated by Sir Richard Burton, 1883.
Oral Sex
In 342 ce, the ecumenical council of the Catholic Church passed a law banning oral and anal sex. Sex was a necessary evil, you had it only in order to reproduce. There was nothing remotely utilitarian about oral sex—it was purely for pleasure—and therefore it was bad for the soul.
Coincidentally, across the oceans, Vatysayayan too was shaking his head over oral sex—he had decided it could be bad for health.
The problem was, he said, that people always tended to have oral sex in the same way, they focus on the same spot and end up stimulating the same nerves each time. This could lead to some nerves becoming over stimulated and eventually desensitized, and some other nerves not getting any stimulation at all—leading to long-term sensory imbalance, constrictions in the blood vessels and, potentially, even impotence.
The genitals are packed with nerve endings which connect to all the different organs. Each time you kiss one part it impacts the corresponding organ and if just one part (of the penis or the yoni) is stimulated over and over again while the rest are ignored, it can create an imbalance in that organ. For instance, the clitoris is connected to the kidneys, and as you go deeper inside the yoni you have the nerve endings for the heart, lungs, etc. If just the clitoris gets stimulated each time, eventually it will cause kidney-related issues like bladder control problems, memory loss, back and knee pain, while other organs like the heart and the lungs will be under-stimulated and develop their own problems. In a man, the tip of the penis is connected to the lungs and overstimulation of the tip can lead to lung-related problems.
Vatsyayan says if people wanted to have oral sex it was essential they learn exactly how it should be done so that it can be both pleasurable and beneficial—at what points of the genitals the kisses should be placed, what the tongue movements should be, how long should each one last, in what sequence, and so on.
The Kama Sutra offers a careful education for both fellatio and cunnilingus.
There are eight specific methods of fellatio:
Begin with Nimitta or Casual Touch—holding the penis in one hand, place your lips gently around the tip and move your head in small semicircles. It should be like a half kiss, using the inside of the lips.
Parshavatodashta or Nibbling the Sides—holding the penis from the top, nibble alternately with the lips and the teeth, very gently on one side, all the way up and down, then on the other side in the same way.
Bahiha-Samdansha or External Pinching—After the penis has been stimulated by nibbling, it is time to increase the pressure. You can now alternate between kissing and sucking the tip of the penis.
Antaha-Samdansha or Internal Pinching—This is when the shaft is taken deep into the mouth and sucked hard. The man is ready to come and wants more friction. The Kama Sutra says this kiss will inflame the man so much that at this point, he will pay extra to increase the tempo.
Chumbitaka or Kiss—Instead of increasing the tempo, the woman will use this kiss to slow things down. It is still too early for him to come, so the penis is removed from the mouth and held in the hand and the lips are used to dot little kisses on the top.
Parimrshtaka or Striking at the Tip—Still holding the penis in the hand it is time to lash at it repeatedly with the tongue. The tip of the tongue is rolled into a sharp point and used like a whip.
Amrachushita or Sucking the Mango—Taking half the penis into the mouth, suck on it hard—like you would the flesh of a mango from its seed.
Sangara or Devoured Whole—When he is close to orgasm, take the whole penis in your mouth and using the pressure of the tongue and lips, make him come.
It is not necessary to swallow the semen. Some people will lick off the small amounts that appear at the tip, some are happy to swallow it all while others will spit it all out. That is a matter of choice.
Those are the eight ways to fellate.
Equally there are eight ways to perform cunnilingus.
Before you begin with cunnilingus, the first thing to understand is the benefits of the different shapes of the tongue when pleasuring a woman.
If you change the shape of the tongue, this will alter its movement and that in turn will change the sensations. The three most popular shapes are:
Soochi—penetrate with the flat tongue for a soft exploration.
Pratati—roll the tongue and penetrate with a sharp tip for a harder massage.
Vaakali—enter with the flat tongue and then vibrate it in a trembling motion. This is said to be the most exciting of all, but it needs a lot of practice.
The function of the first kiss it to get the yoni accustomed to your touch and to the sensations that are about to follow. Begin by delicately closing the lips of the yoni and holding them together, kiss the area, rubbing and agitating it with your lips. This is known as the Quivering Kiss.
This is followed by the Circling Tongue in which, using your forefinger and thumb, you spread open the lips of the yoni and probe the entrance with your nose and tongue. But you should stay at the entrance—it is not yet time to enter further.
The Tongue Massage is where you enter deeper and massage vigorously with the tongue. This will get the juices flowing and thoroughly lubricate the inside.
Next it is time for the Chushita or The Sucked. Use the teeth, the tongue and the lips together to nibble just on the inside of the opening of the yoni while sucking on the clitoris.
As the excitement mounts, kiss her with the Uchchushita or The Sucked Up. Raise her buttocks with either a crescent shaped cushion or by placing your hands under her. Now run your tongue from her navel down her abdomen into the entrance of her vulva. This will awaken the erotic nerves in the navel and set the juices flowing more copiously.
Massaging the tops of the thighs and playing with them, pulling them together and then apart again, enter her with your tongue in the Kshobhaka or Stirring.
As she lies on her back, kneel in front of her and, placing her knees on your shoulders, bend down and kiss her while playing with the curve of her waist. This is known as the Bahuchushita.
And, finally, the position that has come to be known as ‘69’ and what the Kama Sutra calls the Kakila. Lie face to feet and enjoy each other with your tongues and lips.
Such is the pleasure of oral sex that women have been known to abandon the company of good and decent patrons who are also wealthy and generous for a lover of unsteady character and no money just because he will indulge them with cunnilingus.
The Kama Sutra has a strange and contradictory relationship with oral sex.
It begins by saying that it does not recommend oral sex and that decent people should not indulge in it, while simultaneously telling us that it is the most pleasurable of all sexual acts and then going into great detail about how it should be done in order to maximize that pleasure.
It is constantly swinging between telling us ‘it is against societal norms, don’t do it’ and ‘it is very pleasurable, this is how you do it’. It is not permitted, but still permitted, it is not pure but still pure, it is not healthy but still healthy!
According to the law books of dharma the mouth is pure, it should only be used for eating or saying prayers, not sullied by touching the genitals. But the same dharma says that during sex, the woman’s mouth is pure and cannot be sullied no matter what act she performs.
However, kings and ministers are urged to set an example and not perform oral sex. If they find themselves with a woman who is known to have done it
with someone else, they should not even consent to kiss her on the mouth, as even that could pollute them.
Often eunuchs and transvestites (hijras) were employed to fellate the men of higher classes since there was less expectation of reciprocation. Unlike with a courtesan, you did not have to ‘return the favour’—at most you would pinch their nipples as a mutual expression of arousal—but there was absolutely no need for kissing (no exchange of saliva meant no danger of polluting the mouth with leftover semen or other fluids). One did not did judge the eunuchs and transvestites for performing oral sex as this was their only way of earning a living.
The law books continue—it was okay to have oral sex for one’s personal pleasure but only with someone you paid; under no circumstances could you ask your wife to do this for you because that was a sin so heinous that it would affect not just your future generations but even your dead ancestors (the ancestors or pitiris would lose fifteen years of their heavenly merits and their nirvana would be set back by one lifetime). However, in some regions of India, oral sex is an acceptable practice and if the wife comes from one of these places then she should be allowed to perform it without any kind of judgement or censure. And in this case it is not a sin.
There was also the question of the sexual fluids themselves. They were believed to be more potent than the most powerful tonics and the health benefits of ingesting them were considerable. Semen is made up of 60 per cent vitamins and 40 per cent essential minerals—it is the most natural energy booster. In Ancient China, emperors would have their servants collect the semen of healthy young men, which was then mixed with herbs and taken as medicine. In Tantra, there is a position called the Vajroli Mudra in which the man, instead of ejaculating his semen, can be taught to reverse the flow so that not only does his semen get reabsorbed into his own body, but he can suck up the woman’s fluids as well.
The Kama Sutra does not mention anything about ingesting semen but all the other sexual and medical texts of the East treat it as a very important subject, including the Chinese texts (such as Secret Methods of the Plain Girl, Arts of the Bedchamber, etc.), Ayurvedic and Tantric works. It does, however, tell us that the taste and smell of sexual fluids, which is the most common hesitation people have when it comes to oral sex, depends on what you eat and how much you drink—particularly alcohol. Vatsyayan says that the less alcohol you drink the better your sexual fluids taste.
It is difficult to know whether the Kama Sutra approves of oral sex or not—as I’ve said, it tells us in equal measure not to do it but also how to do it. But whether it approves of it or not it clearly acknowledges this to be an extraordinarily pleasurable act to which maximum attention should be paid.
The tongue is the second most powerful muscle in the body, it is warm, it is wet and it is mobile and when accompanied by the lips and the teeth, it can create explosive sensations.
My Advice
Oral sex is the most intimate act you will ever perform with your partner, even more than penetrative sex. The combination of the power of the tongue, the sensitivity of the lips and friction of the teeth can provide more sensations than anything else. We talk about the immense power, the ultimate pleasure and variety—not till you have experienced the mouth down there will you understand the true meaning of this. Add to that the fact that you can use your hands over other parts of the body at the same time—an immeasurable advantage.
But aside from the physical excitement this is one act where the mind also gets involved consciously. It is a combination of passion and stillness. There is a feeling of being completely in the moment.
In regular sex, pleasure depends on the penis being able to access certain erotic nerves and to access them with the right amount of pressure—some nerves need less pressure than others and, depending on the time of month and the season, different nerves need stimulating in different ways. The size and placement of the genitals mean that the positions and movements needed to fit them together are not always organic.
All this is not a problem in oral sex. Because there is such intense pleasure and because there is no insecurity on the continuation of that pleasure—that if you lose the rhythm the friction will decrease—there is no frenzy or panic to ‘get it right’. Both mind and body slow down and create a stillness that in turn allows you to feel all the subtle little sensations that you did not even know existed. It is your chance to explore pleasure at your own pace.
Get comfortable with each other’s genitals. Science tells us that the pheromones produced during excitement make the groin area of both men and women smell wonderful—enjoy the smell.
Hygiene is paramount; the entire area should be really clean—any hint of smell or sweat will put your partner off for life. The men of the Kama Sutra were expected to shave their pubic regions regularly to keep the area free of sweat and smell. It was a very strictly laid down regime—pubic hair was shaved every five days and waxed every ten days. The area was also kept free of sweat by wiping with a special cloth and perfuming. This was the mark of the sophisticated man.
Diet decides what our sexual fluids taste like—we are what we eat and we taste of it. Semen doesn’t actually taste of anything at all but can take on an unpleasant flavour owing to an illness or excessive alcohol intake, etc. Alcohol is one of the biggest factors—laying off alcohol and drinking a lot more water, even for one week, can completely transform the taste of you.
Don’t stress about swallowing. Oral sex doesn’t have to end with orgasm. Going down on someone is best done in short spurts. If, as a woman, you are unsure about swallowing, try licking off little bits from the tip of the penis. The tip is constantly being moistened with tiny bits of ejaculate—pick it up with the finger and taste it, see how you feel about it. Or don’t ingest at all—perform oral sex for a while and then finish with penetrative sex. As a man, you can coat your partner’s yoni with a flavoured lubricant like chocolate or honey or whatever else works for you—you get lubricants in all kinds of flavours these days. It may be useful to disguise the sexual fluids till you have a chance to get used to them.
Work on the whole organ and use every bit of the tongue and your lips for mutual pleasure.
And, finally, don’t overdose on oral sex. Not just the Kama Sutra, even the Chinese texts say one should not have oral sex too often as the excess of sensations (although wonderful) can lead to a gradual loss of feeling in the area.
Everything in moderation is a good motto for almost anything in life.
Feet
Legend has it that when the entertainment for the heavens was being decided Indra had specifically asked for dance. He could visualize those beautiful feet moving like lightning, twisting and turning into inconceivable mudras, able to stamp out rhythms that even the musicians struggled with. What magic there was in a foot! Place it this way and one little ghungroo would quiver tentatively to life, place it that way and it could send the universe pounding. What sensitivity, what discipline, what love was that foot capable of! The refined foot was worthy of worship.
The Apsaras (celestial dancers of Indra’s court) are the patron deities of seduction, the mistresses of the refined foot, and dance is the very first of the sixty-four essential skills of the Kama Sutra.
There is a whole language of feet in the love traditions of Sanskrit poetry—it has been carved into the Ajanta sculptures, it has been etched into the verses of the Rasatarangini, it has been immortalized in the dance of the Apsaras and, according to some scholars, it may even have been the original inspiration behind the Chinese foot fetish. Howard Levy, author of Chinese Footbinding: The History of a Curious Erotic Custom, says that the Chinese obsession with feet was born out of Indian dance traditions while other scholars feel that ancient India’s romance with the foot came from China, via the courtesans.
It was the courtesans’ job to learn all the newest trends in sex—the more she knew the more desirable she was and the higher her status. Since it was customary for all men of high position, when entering a city,
to first pay their respects to these courtesans, they were required to have vast knowledge—they could be called upon to do anything to entertain the visitors. And with the number of visitors coming from China, it would have only made sense for courtesans of the time to be familiar with, if not masters of, Chinese foot erotica.
In reality, it could easily have been either. Two thousand years ago there seems to have been a surprising amount of travel between countries and cultures; literature and traditions were carried back and forth and absorbed, creating some new, and some shared, practices. Ancient Indian and Chinese texts share a great deal of knowledge and wisdom on all subjects ranging from sexual practices to medicine to horticulture to Vastu (Feng Shui)—even foot erotica.
The Chinese believed that the foot (which they called the ‘golden lotus flower’) was the most intimate part of the woman’s body and just to hold it was tantamount to having sex. The ancient Chinese had more variations of holding the foot in the hand than the number of sexual positions in the Kama Sutra—how to lift the foot, with what pressure to grasp it, when to encase it with the fingers, when to move it to the palms, two hands, one hand—it was the source of hours of pleasure and repeated orgasms. Levy writes, ‘Play included kissing, sucking and inserting the foot in the mouth until it filled both cheeks, either nibbling at it or chewing vigorously, and adoringly placing it against one’s cheeks, chest, knees or virile member.’ One of the most highly sought after practices of foreplay was to eat almonds from between the toes of the lover. Men would pay in gold to watch a woman manipulating almonds between her toes. And then to be fed those same almonds was to know new heights of ecstasy.
The ancient Chinese practice of foot binding was not only aimed at making the feet tiny but also to reshape them to serve different purposes. The big toe, for instance, was left to grow abnormally large (or perhaps it just looked that big compared to the rest of the foot), to resemble a small penis or an extra-large clitoris. The arch was so deeply pronounced that when the woman put both feet together the arches created a sort of cavity, much like the vulva.
