by Melissa Haag
But the man carrying me wasn’t the Fenris I knew. The one I cared about more than I dared to acknowledge.
“Fine. Be my meal,” I snapped.
I didn’t hold back. I fed deeply, pulling all his sexual energy, along with everything else. Frustration. Worry. Pride. All of it interwoven with his endless lust.
He stumbled a step but quickly recovered.
“Is that all you got? You fed better when you thought I was trees feeding you cakes.”
I consumed everything. At least, it should have been everything. But the more I ate, the more there was. An endless supply of sexual energy at my fingertips. The other emotions I stole from him weren’t as consistent. They surged and faded as I fed, delicious accompaniments to the main course.
Submerged in my gluttony, I barely noticed the glittery snow falling around us or the fact that Fenris didn’t set me down to undress before entering the cave. I very much noticed, though, when he dropped me into the first hot spring.
I came up sputtering and gasping.
“Are you ready to listen now?” he asked.
Wiping my eyes, I saw him squatting beside the pool.
“Me?”
I thrust my hands out of the water, dousing him.
“Feel better?” he asked, water dripping from his hair.
“Hardly! I warned you it was dangerous for me to feed on you, but did you listen? No. You tricked me, and I still don’t know how or why. Why, Fenris? You weren’t supposed to be like everyone else. I thought you were my friend. But it was all what? Lies? Some trick or game to cause trouble?”
I could feel his building frustration and, under that, growing anger.
“Will you just stop and listen for two seconds?”
“All I’ve been doing is listening to you. Don’t run from your problems, Eliana. Stand up for yourself, Eliana. Have fun, Eliana.” My scowl faded with the rise of my desperation. “What did I do to start your fascination with me? We need to end it before you get any worse, Fenris. Please.”
He took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. I was pretty sure he mumbled “impossible” before lifting his gaze again.
“Do you know why I wanted to meet your parents so badly? I wanted to meet the shell of a man with hollow cheeks and a dull look in his eyes who raised you for twelve years. But that wasn’t who I met. I met a man in love with his wife, struggling to understand a previously-unknown-to-him world. A world with completely different rules. He wasn’t hollow or dull. He was alert and caring and a little afraid. Which just makes him smart.
“And when we talked, it wasn’t just about your mom. It was about you and all the things he was learning. He was curious and asked about me. Knowing about my species had nothing to do with Nicolette and her needs. That was his need.
“So tell me again how your kind are nothing but life-stealing monsters, and I’ll tell you why I had to use underhanded means to feed a succubus so stubbornly biased against her own kind that she was willing to starve herself to death.”
I couldn’t say anything, stunned by the vehemence in his tone and the truth in his words. Dad had been normal during the breakfast we’d had with my parents. But that didn’t mean I was wrong about what a succubus could do to a person. Dad had been a mess during my childhood. I didn’t dream up all the nights I cared for him. But then I remembered my dad’s admission that he’d been hiding from the truth of what Mom was for all those years. That he’d been an angry, weak man unable to cope with reality.
It had sounded like something Mom would want him to say.
But other memories were insistently abrading my brain. Mom telling him to apologize to me and him flat-out telling her no. Mom’s reaction to my self-doubt and how she’d yelled for Dad to get the car so she could kill Adira. And Dad had essentially told her to sit down and shut up.
Fenris was right. That wasn’t a shell of a man without his own thoughts. But how? Why? Had his behavior after Mom left truly been all him? Is that why, after a week in her company, he was acting more human and less obsessed than ever?
Yet, I knew what my kind could do. I’d seen the way men and women begged for Mom to return to them. But after they were mind wiped?
“I don’t know what to think anymore.”
Fenris let out a long breath and slid into the water with me, jeans and all.
“Come here, Eliana.”
I shook my head.
“Maybe you’re right,” I said, “and I’ve been wrong all these years about the long term-effects of sustained feedings. But I’m not wrong about the short-term ones. I’ve seen how people are before they get mind wiped. I’m not turning you into a mindless puddle, Fenris. I know I need to eat. I’m not trying to starve myself. I’m just trying to figure out how to feed without hurting anyone.”
Fenris studied me for a moment.
“Do I look hurt to you?” His gaze locked with mine as he started to swim closer.
Panic hit me hard as I read the intent in his expression, and I scurried backward. His eyes narrowed, and before I could reach the side of the pool, he rushed for me. With a squeal, I tried to lift myself out, but he was far too fast. An arm snaked around my waist, and my fingers left the ledge. Water engulfed me, and suddenly stone pressed against my back.
“Don’t run, Eliana.”
Sputtering and blinking, I looked up at him. He had me pressed against the edge of the pool with his arms boxing me in. He released his hold on the ledge long enough to wipe the water from my face then leaned in to lick my nose.
“Do you know why you’ll never turn me into a mindless puddle, chipmunk? Because I found my mate years ago.”
The boyish smile, which had been missing since he got into my car, lit his face.
“I saw her, and it was everything. She was everything. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think straight.” He shook his head ruefully. “I was a mess, but she wasn’t. She was perfect. But it only took one inhale of her sweet, terrified scent to know she wasn’t ready. So I walked away to give her the time she needed.”
I felt sick. It’d been bad enough when I thought he was unattached. It was another story completely to know that I’d been feeding on one side of a mated pair without the other side’s approval.
Fenris gently took my wrists and removed my arms from around my waist. I hadn’t realized I’d hugged myself.
“And now I’m dying a little bit every day. I’ve been patiently waiting for her to be ready, and I think she finally is.”
He leaned in and set his forehead against mine. I swam in his scent, torn between my hunger and my need to respect that he wasn’t mine to have.
“Help me, Eliana,” he whispered.
“I want to, but I don’t know how.”
“Yes, you do.” He closed his eyes. “You were twelve. Your hair was parted down the middle and hung in two braids. One on either side of your flushed face. Your mom was talking to Mrs. Quill, and Oanen was standing next to you. You were wearing the prettiest blue dress.”
I stared at him in stunned silence as what he was saying sank in. He’d seen me the day my mom talked to Mrs. Quill about letting me stay with them. I thought back to that day, trying to recall him.
“I don’t remember,” I said.
“My dad and I were passing through the foyer on our way to meet with Mr. Quill. Adira had let us in. I don’t think you ever looked at me.”
But I did now. I leaned back to look at his handsome face. My insides went hot and cold as I stared. Mine? Was he really saying he was mine? No. He couldn’t be. This had to be more of his confusion from all the feedings.
“Who are you, Eliana?”
“I…” I struggled to draw in a decent breath. It felt like the water was crushing me.
“Come on, chipmunk, you know the answer. I’ve been waiting so long to hear you say it. Put me out of my misery.”
He cupped my face, and I panted against the weight of my panic.
“Two words can set us both free. Then, we can�
�” His head whipped toward the cave’s entrance, and a growl rumbled through the air between us.
The woman who entered was a stranger to me. Her gaze landed on us, on Fenris, in the water. That thing inside me fought to rise up as she scowled.
“Fenris, you foolish pup, get out of that water before—”
“Leave now. The pup is mine.”
Her eyes widened like I’d slapped her, and she bolted for the cave opening.
Fenris’s face popped into my line of sight. His gaze flicked to my eyes, and I knew what he saw. The real me. The monster.
I swallowed hard, waiting for his damning rejection.
“You are so beautiful when you let go,” he said, instead. “Do you want to know what started this? This thing between us that you pretend you don’t want but we both know you do? Instinct. And that’s not something that can be undone.” His thumb brushed over my cheek. “Now tell me who you are?”
He said two words would set us free and, in that moment, I understood what he wanted. Acknowledgment of his claim. My heart stuttered as I whispered what he believed to be true.
“Your mate.”
Chapter Nine
He crushed me to his chest, a chuckle sending shock waves through my hunger.
“There’s my girl.”
“This can’t be right,” I murmured.
He pulled back to look at me.
“Why?”
“Werewolves mate for life. They don’t share their mates. And I’m not the one-person-for-life kind.”
“Aren’t you? Was I sitting in Adira’s sex room of pain with someone else?”
“I can’t do this. I can’t be your mate. I’ve been kissed twice in my life. I can’t do—”
“Hey, I’m not asking you to do anything you’re not ready to do. I know we’re not there yet. Let’s start with something simpler and more important.” He cocked his boyish grin on me. “I’d like you to feed from me while you’re awake. And if you feel like licking my chest again, I’m completely okay with that.”
Denial that any of this was real warred with disbelief that I’d licked him in my sleep. Disbelief won.
“I licked you?”
His grin widened.
“In the cabin. Feeding you is always enjoyable, but it’s much more fun when I can hold you while you’re doing it.”
“When did the feedings start? How did it happen?”
“It started after I found out that Mrs. Quill was no longer feeding you. The first time was in the cabin. When I felt how hungry you were—” He shook his head. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk you into staying over, so I found a druid with knowledge and magic strong enough to create a counter spell to open warded windows. I thought I’d need to climb up to you, but you sensed me standing outside and fed long-distance.”
My mouth dropped open.
“You were the one opening my window?” I demanded, thinking of all the bull I’d had to put up with because of it.
“In my defense, I never thought the little flitter would keep coming back to bother you. I thought for sure a new girl would distract him.” He inhaled deeply. “Let’s talk about something less upsetting. Whose parents should we share the good news with first? Yours or mine?”
“You’re impossible.”
“I disagree. I’m full of possibilities.” He grinned at me. Rather than let him lead me into another tangent discussion, I remained focused.
“We already tried telling them we’re together. It’s not going to work.”
“We’re not telling them we’re together, my little anteater. We’re—”
“Anteater?”
“You like to use your tongue.”
My eyes went black. “Knock it off, Fenris.”
He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“As I was saying, we’re not together. We’re destined to be mates. There’s a big difference. Once I admit to my dad that I scented you years ago and have been holding back, our lives will be our own again, and we can take things at whatever pace you want.”
“So, no one knows?”
“It didn’t feel right telling anyone before you knew. Plus, I didn’t want anyone to pressure you.”
“I thought…what about your mate run?”
“Ah, the long-delayed and much-anticipated frolic through the trees? I have to admit that it hasn’t been easy holding back the urge every time you enter pack land. But now that you know not to run, we’ll be fine.”
We were anything but fine. But I kept that to myself.
“I’d rather we talk to our parents separately,” I said. “Your dad has the whole pack out looking for you in his effort to keep you away from me. Going with you isn’t going to help the situation.”
Fenris looked thoughtful for a moment, and I didn’t miss the way he glanced at the cave opening.
“Maybe you’re right,” he said finally. “There are probably a few things I’m going to need to explain. And maybe a few things you’re going to need to explain to your dad without me being there.” He grinned ruefully. “I know he’s human, but he makes me nervous.”
“My dad?”
“Yeah. I really want him to like me.”
“I think you’re safe there. He already likes you.”
“Will you make sure it stays that way? No more running from this?”
I considered Fenris and what he was asking of me. He wanted me to embrace that he was telling me the truth. We were destined to be together.
“I don’t have your nose or your instinct,” I said instead.
“Which is why I asked for your unconditional trust. Haven’t I earned it?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. I think I need some time to let this all sink in.”
He studied me for a moment.
“Put your legs around my waist, Eliana.”
My eyes went wide, and I shook my head. He sighed.
“That’s what I thought. You heard what I had to say. However, as soon as you leave, you’re going to talk yourself out of what I’m telling you. You’ll have a list of reasons it won’t work.”
I swallowed hard, pretty sure I was already listing reasons in the back of my mind.
“I’ll do us both a favor and list all the reasons you should try to keep ignoring me. You’ll turn me into your dad, a shell of the man he used to be. He’s a good-looking shell, by the way. Great sense of humor, too. How about this one? I’m a werewolf, a species known to mate for life. We’re extremely possessive creatures. I mean, when Megan kissed you, I was jealous, but probably not in a possessive way. She’s a bad example. How about that lucky little flitter who put his mark on you?”
Fenris ran his finger along the valley of my breasts, and I shivered.
“It’s a good thing I killed him for that in a jealous rage. Oh, wait. That didn’t happen either. What about the time you were in the pool with Eugene? Now that one I remember pretty clearly. I hit him right in the face.”
I wrinkled my nose at Fenris.
“You’ve made your point. You’re not the jealous type.”
“Eliana, this goes beyond possession or jealousy. By saying nothing, I thought I was giving you time to get used to Uttira. Instead, I watched you start to waste away. You so deeply hated everything about who you were that I could only do one thing.”
“What?”
“Love you exactly as you are. If you wanted to have an orgy and invited every creature in Uttira, I wouldn’t bat an eye. I’d watch you while you fed, marveling at your beauty, and when you finished, I’d welcome you back with open arms. I know everyone else is only food, Eliana. They’re what keeps you alive so I can have you for the rest of our lives. Do you understand now?”
I studied his expression and felt his sincerity before I answered.
“I know you can hear my heart hammering in my chest. You can smell my complete terror. You’re telling me everything I thought I knew was wrong. It’s not easy to change my view of the world, Fenris. I need time.”
“Fair eno
ugh. But I want you to promise me two things. Don’t shut me out, and start feeding on me regularly.”
My first instinct was to balk at the idea. But hadn’t I just glutted myself on him, and he’d still had his own freedom of will enough to toss me into the pool.
“Okay.”
My vision sharpened again as his lust flooded the steam-filled air around us.
“Take what you need, chipmunk. For you, I have an endless supply.”
It didn’t seem like he was exaggerating. There was so much. Far more than I’d ever felt before. And my mouth watered for it all.
I swallowed hard and put my hands on his shoulders. His smile returned, playful and inviting.
“You never need permission for this,” he said softly. “If you’re hungry, eat. You decide when and how. I’ll follow your lead.”
He was inviting me to lose control, something I didn’t think I would ever be willing to do. But I could do what he’d originally asked. Feed on him while I was awake. And this time without being angry.
Lips parted, I inhaled his sweet essence and reveled in watching his response. His pupils dilated, and his hands gripped my waist, rubbing slow circles with his thumbs. I could feel that he wanted to do more. So much more. But he held back, letting me lead.
I ate until he was trembling with need and my upper lip started to sweat. When I stopped and attempted to pull away, he crushed me in a hug.
“Thank you for trusting me.”
Tentatively, I wrapped my arms around him in return and rested my head against his shoulder.
“Thank you for never giving up on me.”
He released me and quirked a mischievous grin my way.
“You might not be thanking me in a few minutes. I forgot your bag in the car when you tried to run. That means a cold, wet run back.”
I wrinkled my nose at him, and he licked me. It ignited my hunger again. Instead of pushing it down, I let myself consume just a little more of what he had to offer.
He sighed contentedly.
“That’s something I’ll never tire of. Ready to face the cold?”
