Grimwood

by Nadia Shireen

  Nancy turned around to see Ted’s bum and tail hanging out of the basket. He’d dived in snout-first and was stuffing himself silly.

  ‘Move,’ said Nancy, shoving him to one side and attacking the basket in a frenzy.

  After about five seconds the foxes lay panting on the floor. They’d demolished every last scrap of food and it had been deeeelicious.

  Oh, what I’d give for a sticky bun.

  ‘Nance,’ said Ted, rubbing his furry belly. ‘I reckon those guys are just being nice to us, you know.’

  ‘Nobody’s ever nice for no reason,’ said Nancy, licking bits of sandwich off her fur.

  Ted thought for a while.

  ‘But the big horse guy said we didn’t need to give him anything.’

  ‘He’s just trying to keep us sweet,’ said Nancy. ‘That stupid bird stole my phone, remember? Also, he’s not a horse.’

  ‘What is he, then?’

  ‘I think he’s a reindeer.’

  Hullo! Titus is a stag, actually

  ‘I wonder who used to live here?’ said Ted, plonking down his rucksack and sniffing around.

  Nancy took one of the blankets and hung it across the den, creating two separate spaces.

  ‘You go here,’ she barked. ‘And behind this curtain is MY space, got it? No little boy foxes allowed.’

  Ted wrinkled his snout at her. As if he’d want to go in Nancy’s bit of the den anyway. He preferred to keep things neat and tidy. He set to work dusting the floor, then unpacked the contents of his rucksack. He still didn’t know what to do with Princess Buttons’ tail. It was an awkward reminder of the pickle they were in.

  * * *

  When Nancy woke up, she had absolutely no idea where she was. Then a gnat nibbled her armpit and she remembered she was in the countryside.

  ‘Rise and shine, wee foxes!’ boomed a voice from outside the den. ‘Special delivery.’

  Nancy scrambled out to see Frank the owl swooping down to land. In his talons he was clutching two bottles filled with a strange, gloopy green liquid.

  ‘Freshly made smoothies,’ he announced.

  Nancy grabbed one of the bottles and gave it a sniff. Then she chugged the whole lot down in seconds.

  ‘You’re welcome,’ said Frank.

  Nancy wiped her snout with the back of her paw.

  ‘Thanks,’ she grunted.

  ‘It’s not me you should be thanking, smiler,’ said Frank, stretching out his enormous wings.

  Nancy grunted again and looked at the bottle.

  ‘I don’t know why he’s bothering,’ snapped Frank. ‘His heart’s too big for his own good, that stag. Where’s the kid?’

  Nancy rubbed her eyes and felt a sudden lurch of panic in her chest. Where was Ted?

  ‘Ted!’ she barked. ‘TED!’

  She dashed back inside the den to double check but he wasn’t there. She came back outside again, and started to run around in circles, desperate to pick up his scent. Had Princess Buttons found them already? What if she’d kidnapped him?

  ‘TED!’ she cried.

  ‘Morning, Nance!’ said a bright voice from a nearby daisy patch.

  ‘AAAAARGH!‘ yelled Nancy, leaping on top of him as if she needed to protect him from an explosion.

  ‘Smoothie, laddie?’ said Frank, raising an eyebrow at the bundle of fox by his feet.

  ‘Oh, yes please!’ said Ted, crawling out from under Nancy. He gulped the drink down in one go.

  ‘Don’t you DARE wander off from me, Ted!’ panted Nancy.

  ‘Oh… sorry, sis. I was just having a little explore.’

  Nancy growled.

  ‘We’re in HIDING, remember?’

  ‘Aww, what an adorable wee laddie,’ said Frank, pecking at a bit of leftover breakfast worm from his talons. ‘There’s plenty to see in Grimwood, young Ted.’

  Nancy was about to say something grumpy again when a mysterious object WHOOOOOSHED over their heads.

  She threw herself on top of Ted again.

  When she looked up, she saw a squirrel in a leotard splatted against a tree trunk.

  Frank flew over and helped to peel it off.

  ‘You’re getting better at landing, Dolly,’ he said to the squirrel.

  ‘Thanks, Frank!’ squeaked Dolly, rubbing her head before scampering off.

  Frank chuckled. ‘Always get a fair few splatterers at the beginning of treebonk season,’ he murmured.

  ‘What?’ said Nancy.

  ‘Treebonk,’ said Frank, as if that explained everything.

  ‘Ooooh!’ said Ted, bouncing up and down. ‘How exciting!’

  ‘Thanks for the drinks,’ said Nancy to Frank before he could say more about treebonk or anything else. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got some hiding to do.’

  And she gave her biggest HARRUMPH before dragging Ted back inside the den.

  ‘Oh, Nance,’ moaned Ted. ‘I wanted to explore!’

  ‘Since when are you so keen on exploring?’ said Nancy.

  ‘Since we arrived here!’ said Ted. ‘It’s safe, Nance, a million times safer than living in the Big City. Nothing bad ever happens in the countryside!’

  Nancy pointed to Princess Buttons’ tail, which she had pinned to the wall.

  ‘THIS is why we’re here, Ted. We’re not on holiday. Now stay on your side of the den, and don’t leave my sight, OK? I don’t want your head getting bitten off like that Bonky Snuffington guy.’

  ‘Fine,’ snapped Ted. He shuffled over to his bed and cuddled Slipper. He hated being stuck inside when outside felt so fresh and exciting. He wanted to meet some new people and maybe, just maybe, make a friend. He lay on his bed and wrote a sad poem about loneliness, while Nancy practised her martial arts moves.

  * * *

  Hours passed. The light outside gradually changed as the day wore on. Nancy had exhausted herself and nodded off, just as Ted hoped she would. He stared at her, making sure she was absolutely, definitely fast asleep. When she gave a little snore, Ted took a deep breath and slowly crept out of the den…

  The moment he poked his head outside, Ted took a big sniff. WOW! It really was mind-blowing. His nostrils were hit by so many weird and wonderful smells. Flowers! Leaves! Ants! Nettles! Bird poo!

  He pottered about, running his paws through the long grass. The ground was a glorious carpet of wildflowers – dainty daisies, bright yellow buttercups and long stalks of floppy hollyhocks. Ted scampered about and collected armfuls of them, pausing every now and then to shove his face into the petals and take a great big snort of happiness. He felt so happy, he decided to make up a song.

  ‘OI! Shut it!’ shouted a very angry voice.

  THUNK

  Someone threw an acorn at Ted’s head.

  Ted rubbed his nose and looked up.

  In front of him was the teeniest, tiniest, cutest and fluffiest bunny-wunny he had ever seen.

  She threw another acorn at him.

  ‘Ow!’ said Ted.

  ‘Some of us are trying to sleep!’ squeaked the bunny. ‘Pipe down!’

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ said Ted. ‘I was just—’

  ‘I don’t care!’

  The flopperty-flipperty little bunny gave a shake of her soft, white fluffy tail, wrinkled her nose and twitched her whiskers.

  ‘Aw,’ said Ted. ‘You’re such a cute little thing.’

  The bunny started thumping at Ted’s head with her feet.

  ‘WaaaaaAAAAAAArrrrRGGGH!’

  ‘I (thwack)… AM (thwack)… NOT (thwack)… CUTE! (thwack thwack thwack).’

  ‘OK, OK!’ pleaded Ted, shielding himself from the ferocious blows of the fluffy little nugget.

  The bunny eventually stopped thwacking and looked at Ted thoughtfully.

  ‘Your song was quite good, actually,’ she said.

  Ted clasped his paws together.

  ‘Oh, thank you! I just made it up on the spot. I’m always doing that.’

  The bunny held out a floofy paw.

&nbs
p; ‘My name’s Willow. You’re not from around here, are you?’

  ‘Nope,’ said Ted, offering his paw in return. ‘I’m Ted. My sister and I arrived yesterday. The big horse guy showed us a den we can stay in, and I was just collecting some wildflowers to make my bedroom pretty. Look!’

  The bunny politely sniffed at what remained of Ted’s flowers. But they looked a little worse for wear after Willow’s attack.

  ‘Sorry about all the kicking,’ said Willow.

  ‘That’s OK,’ said Ted cheerfully.

  ‘Wanna play?’ asked Willow.

  Ted’s heart gave a little leap… but just then he heard a roar so loud his ears flattened against his head.

  ‘TED!’

  ‘Uh-oh,’ said Ted, his tail drooping.

  Nancy stormed over to the patch of grass where Ted and Willow were standing.

  ‘Hullo! I’m Willow,’ said Willow, offering a paw.

  But Nancy ignored her completely.

  ‘What did I say about leaving the den? GET BACK IN THE DEN.’

  And she thwacked Ted’s ears.

  ‘Ow! I was only getting us some flowers to cheer the place up!’ pleaded Ted.

  But Nancy just picked Ted up by the scruff of the neck and gave him a swift kick on his bottom. Ted flew through the air and landed gracefully in the fox hole.

  ‘She shoots, she scores!’ cried Willow.

  Nancy swivelled around and frowned at the young rabbit.

  ‘Get lost, hoppy,’ said Nancy. ‘Stay away from Ted. We’re not here to make friends, OK?’

  Willow narrowed her eyes as Nancy sloped away.

  ‘Well, we’ll see about THAT,’ she harrumphed. And Willow hopped away with a determined look on her face.

  illow did not appreciate being told what to do, especially by grumpy foxes like Nancy.

  The next day, she hid among the long grass and waited for Frank to swoop down with more Crazyhorns Power Juice.

  ‘Morning, Willow,’ said Frank.

  ‘How did you see me?’ said Willow, in a huff.

  ‘Excited by our new guests, are you?’ Frank smiled.

  Willow pushed her nose close to Frank’s beak. Her fists were clenched and she looked extremely serious.

  ‘I AM GOING TO MAKE THAT LITTLE FOX MY BEST FRIEND,’ she said through gritted teeth.

  Frank chuckled.

  ‘I don’t doubt it, lassie! He’d be lucky to have a pal like you, that’s for sure.’

  Willow produced a daisy chain from behind her back and looped it over one of the glass bottles. She gave Frank a wink before lolloping over to hide among the long grass again.

  ‘Rise and shine, wee foxes!’ called Frank.

  This time it was Ted who popped out of the den.

  ‘Thank you so much, Frank!’ said Ted. ‘Oh, it looks like another lovely day.’

  ‘You two staying inside again, then?’ asked Frank.

  ‘Nancy won’t let me go anywhere,’ whispered Ted, pointing towards the den. ‘She’s worried I’m going to get attacked or kidnapped or something.’

  Just then he spotted the daisy chain.

  ‘Oh! Oh my goodness! How pretty,’ said Ted, looping it over his wrist.

  ‘You’ve got an admirer,’ said Frank, nodding towards the long grass.

  ‘Thank you!’ whispered Ted as loud as he dared. ‘Thank you so much!’

  The ears waggled.

  Just then Nancy crawled out of the den, grabbed a bottle and chugged it down.

  ‘Got any coffee in this place?’ she grunted.

  Frank glanced at Ted, and then at Willow, who was still hiding.

  ‘Coffee, you say? Aye, I know just the place for coffee,’ he said. ‘Why don’t you follow me?’

  Nancy’s ears perked up immediately.

  ‘Result,’ she said. ‘Come on, Ted.’

  Frank swivelled his head around and gave a little cough.

  ‘Ach, no, I’m afraid the wee laddie will have to stay put,’ he said. ‘He’s too young to be allowed where we’re going.’

  Ted’s tail drooped a little. He’d been hoping for at least some adventure. But then he noticed that the bunny ears were moving up and down in excitement. He looked at Frank, who had a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

  ‘You’ll be all right, Ted, yeah?’ said Nancy. ‘Just stay put – I’ll be back later. If I find out you’ve left the den, there’ll be trouble…’

  ‘Oh yes, that’s FINE, Nance!’ said Ted brightly. ‘You go and get your coffee. Take as long as you need.’

  Frank gave Ted a wink and began to glide away from the den. Nancy scampered after him.

  When the coast was clear, Willow bounded out of the long grass.

  ‘Hooray!’ she said. ‘NOW can you play?’

  Ted nodded, bouncing up and down. ‘Yes, oh yes!’

  Hey, guys, how are you doing? I’ve got to say, I like this Willow character. She seems FUN! And I’m excited about the tour. Do you think there’ll be snacks? And a gift shop where I can buy a giant pencil? I do hope so. Anyway, back to the story, I suppose.

  Ted knew he was being a bit naughty, but no one had ever wanted to play with him before. He just had to make sure he got back to the den before Nancy.

  ‘Why don’t I give you a GRAND TOUR OF GRIMWOOD?’ said Willow, clasping her paws together.

  ‘That would be amazing!’ said Ted.

  ‘We’ll start straight away,’ said Willow, suddenly feeling very important.

  ‘Grimwood was discovered a gazillion and a half years ago,’ began Willow. ‘Everything was in black and white, humans hadn’t been invented and dinosaurs roamed the earth and had cars and bank accounts.’

  Ted scampered behind her. Willow’s voice was loud and important-sounding, and she waved her paws around as she spoke, as if conducting an orchestra. She stood on top of a mound of earth and gestured towards a small pond.

  ‘They say that this small pond is the oldest place in Grimwood,’ said Willow. ‘We call it… THE SMALL POND.’

  Ted looked at the small pond, which was indeed a pond, and also quite small. The water was murky, and there was a collection of upside-down shopping trolleys in the middle. Sitting on top of the shopping trolleys was a duck. She looked absolutely furious.

  ‘That’s Ingrid,’ whispered Willow. ‘She doesn’t like to be disturbed.’

  ‘QUAAAAAACK!’ quacked Ingrid angrily.

  ‘How did she get hold of all those shopping trolleys?’ asked Ted.

  ‘We don’t ask,’ whispered Willow. ‘But every few months there’s another one. She takes the coins out of those little slots too, even the ones that are really jammed in. People say she’s a millionaire.’

  ‘What? You can’t become a millionaire from stealing the coins out of shopping trolleys,’ laughed Ted, a bit too loudly.

  ‘QUAAAAAACK!’ quacked Ingrid, sounding really very angry now. ‘I AM a millionaire! I’ll have you know I own several hotels in Tokyo, Abu Dhabi and New York.’

  ‘Sorry, Ingrid!’ said Willow. ‘It’s me, Willow. He’s new here.’

  The duck stood up and waggled her bottom. Ted noticed there were other ducks, snoozing on their peculiar island of twisted-up, rusty trolleys.

  ‘I used to be a great beauty, you know,’ cried Ingrid. ‘I used to be in the movies.’

  ‘Oh, how wonderful!’ said Ted. ‘Would I have heard of any of your films?’

  Ingrid plumped up her feathers. ‘Well… I had a small role in Motorcycle Bad Guys 3. For a few seconds you see me waddle past a policeman eating a doughnut in the park.’

  ‘That’s amazing!’ said Ted.

  Ingrid smiled shyly. ‘Thank you,’ she said graciously. Then she stared at Ted. ‘Willow,’ she continued. ‘You must bring this boy to rehearsals later. We cannot waste that face.’

  ‘OK, Ingrid!’ said Willow cheerfully.

  ‘Rehearsals?’ asked Ted. ‘For what?’

  But Willow had grabbed Ted’s paw and she dragged him away from the smell
y pond. Soon Ted found himself walking down a track carpeted with daffodils and daisies, until they emerged upon a glorious patch of bluebells.

  ‘And this is where I live,’ beamed Willow.

  There were bunnies everywhere.

  ‘We call this part of Grimwood “Bunnyville”,’ said Willow. ‘But nobody knows why…’

  ‘Erm,’ said Ted. ‘Is it because it’s a village of bunnies?’

  Willow ignored him and was still looking mysteriously into the distance. ‘Nobody… but nobody… knows why…’

  Suddenly a low, deep grumbling sound filled the forest and shook the leaves from the trees.

  ‘Uh-oh,’ said Willow. ‘JUMP!’

  She shoved her little body into Ted, and they tumbled into the bushes.

  BRRRMMMMM, BRRRRMMMMMMMM, BRRRRRMMMMMMMM!

  ‘COMING THROUGH!’

  Ted gasped as a huge open-topped car bounced past them, driven by a gang of very rowdy badgers. They were hooting and shouting at the top of their voices. One of them was guzzling something out of a large green bottle, and another one was whirling what looked like a pair of tatty red trousers round and round above its head.

  ‘Sorry, missy!’ shouted one of the badgers as the car bounced through the woods. ‘Didn’t mean any harm!’

  ‘Watch where you’re going, Wiggy!’ shouted Willow, who looked very annoyed.

  But the badgers sounded the horn, so she was drowned out by a PA-PA-PA-PAAAARP!

  ‘Hooligans, the lot of them!’ huffed Willow, brushing herself down and gingerly picking a nettle leaf from her paws.

  Willow ushered Ted away from Bunnyville and marched deep, deep into the forest. Ted’s neck ached as he gazed up at the trees. He’d never seen so many in his life. They were huge, gnarly things, with branches that stretched and grabbed above his head like giant claws. As he looked closer, he could see small dark shadows zooming between them.

  ‘What are they?’ he whispered.

  ‘Squirrels, you nincompoop,’ said Willow. ‘Don’t tell me you haven’t seen squirrels before.’