“Hi poodle! How are you?”
His voice was cheerful, as always, and it made Fae smile. “Hi Wayne. Whatcha doing?”
“Oh, I'm just minding the store, chipmunk. One of us has got to,” he said sarcastically, and Fae wondered what he meant. “What about you? You have a show today, don't you?”
“Yeah. I'm just eating lunch before things get crazy,” she said. “Where's Dave?”
“He had to drop everything and run to his sister's house,” Wayne said dramatically. “Apparently there's some sort of family drama brewing. I'm trying to stay out of it but it's already caused two heated discussions this week. You know how Dave gets,” Wayne said, and Fae could hear the roll of his eyes even over the phone.
“Well, you two aren't fighting, are you?” she asked with genuine concern.
“No. We're not fighting,” Wayne answered. “I give him my opinion, he says I'm nagging, I give him the silent treatment for a couple of days, and then he comes groveling because he's not getting any. You've seen us play this game a hundred times before!” Wayne's voice was sarcastic, but Fae could tell that he was still upset by whatever had caused their little spat.
“Well, you two make up soon, please. You know that I hate it when mommy and daddy are fighting,” she sighed.
“Oh, don't you worry about us, sweetie,” he said dismissively. “Dave and I will be together until the bitter end. You know that.”
Fae smiled at his words because she knew they were true. “Yes. I do know that.”
“So, what's going on with you, honey?” Wayne asked. “We've been following that tour journal on Jagged Ivory's website. The shows look amazing!”
“Oh, they are,” Fae smiled.
“Mmm hmm. Then why do you sound so depressed, Faerie Princess?” he asked. “What's going on?”
Fae took a deep breath and sighed. “Oh, I'm not depressed. I'm just … confused,” she said quietly as she stabbed at her pasta with her fork. “I think I've gone and done something incredibly stupid and I just needed to talk to someone who loves me. So you can tell me how stupid I am!”
“Ohh, pumpkin,” he said sadly. “What's the matter? Tell me what happened.”
“Oh, Wayne,” Fae sighed, looking around to make sure no one was within ear shot of her phone conversation. “I think I've fallen in love.”
“O.M.G!” Wayne's voice was dramatic and full of amusement, and Fae rolled her eyes slightly. “Fae Marilyn Miller! I did not just hear those words come out of your mouth?” he questioned.
“Yes, you did,” she wailed softly. “And I don't know what to do about it, and I am quietly freaking out here!”
“Oh, my God. Fae! You're serious,” he softly exclaimed. And he paused for a moment as he let the notion sink in. Fae understood his astonishment. He and Dave were well aware of the struggles she went through working in such a male-dominated field, and how hard she worked to prove herself. Keeping romance – and even sex, for that matter – at bay in her work environment was just a necessary part of her job. “Well, tell me everything, sweetie. In love with who?”
She hesitated a moment and took another deep breath before whispering, “Benji Staffon.”
“Uh … what the hell did you just say?” he asked softly.
“You heard me,” she sighed.
“Oh. No, I didn't, girlfriend. Because it sounded like you just said Benji Staffon,” Wayne stated. “As in, the Benji Staffon!”
Fae nodded her head, as if he could see her over the phone. “Yep. That's what I said.” She pushed her half-eaten pasta salad away then, and drew her legs up onto the chair beneath her, getting comfortable as she proceeded to tell him everything. All about hanging out with Benji and getting to know him. About how much fun they always had together, and how he constantly made her laugh. About how much they seemed to have in common, and how she loved talking to him. And she knew that she was gushing, but she just couldn't help it. She poured out her heart to Wayne and told him all of it. How she felt about Benji. How he made her feel about herself, and how he made her look at the world differently. How she had gained a whole new admiration for him after learning all he had gone through and overcome in his life. She even told him about their unusual sleeping habits.
“Oh, my God, girl … you have got it bad,” he said softly.
“I know,” she answered just as softly. “I know that I do. And I think I just made it worse.”
“Made it worse how?”
“This morning,” she said softly. She paused a moment as the luscious memories swept over her. “We made love this morning.”
“Oh, shit,” he whispered.
“Yeah, tell me about it,” she responded.
“Well, does he know how you feel about him?”
“No! Of course not.”
Wayne paused a beat. “Are you going to tell him?”
Fae said nothing as she thought about his question. And she could feel the unshed tears sting her eyes. “I don't know how,” she whispered tearfully. “He keeps saying that we need to talk. And I know that he's right, but we're not going to have a chance to until after the show tonight. And I am terrified of what he might say.”
“Why, sweetie?”
“Because … I know that how I feel about him doesn't matter. He's not … he doesn't think of me in that way.”
“Sweetie, you just finished telling me that you had sex this morning. I think that means he feels something!”
“Yeah, it means he felt horny! But what happened didn't mean anything to him.”
“Why do you say that? How do you know that?” Wayne asked.
“Because I just do,” she said with a sniff. “I mean, he said that he doesn't regret it but … I know that I'm not his type, Wayne. In his mind, we're buddies. I'm … I'm just his sidekick. I'm his bass tech.”
“Alright, chipmunk, listen to me,” Wayne said with an air of authority. “The relationship that you just described to me sounds like a hell of a lot more than just a bassist and his tech. In fact, it sounds like a hell of a lot more than just friendship, Fae. You two sleep together on an almost nightly basis. You cuddle and spoon, for God's sake! Now, as someone who has gone both ways … I'm going to let you in on a little secret, so pay close attention, okay? Men – whether we are straight or gay – just don't do that sort of thing unless there are romantic feelings behind it, sweet pea. Trust me! I know what I'm talking about! If all that man wanted from you was a piece of ass, he would have figured out how to get that weeks ago, and then moved on! But he didn't do that. Instead, he sleeps with you each night. Holding you … with no promise of sex. That man has feelings for you!”
Fae felt her brows knit as she listened to him. Was he right? “But what if you're wrong?” she asked tearfully. “What if he doesn't feel anything other than friendship for me? What if I tell him how I'm feeling, and he doesn't feel the same way? Then what would I do? How could I look at him each night? I couldn't continue to tech for him after that; I'd be much too humiliated! And that's just the start of my dilemma, Wayne.”
“There's more?”
“Yes, there's more,” she quietly exclaimed, glancing around her once again. “Benji's an addict. You know how I feel about that!”
“That man just came out of rehab a few months ago,” Wayne stated. “Are you telling me that he's using again?”
“No, he's not. He's actually been very committed to his sobriety since he got out,” Fae admitted. “It's very important to him. Which is why he told me that we could only be friends in the first place. Because that's all he felt he could handle right now.”
“Well, apparently he's changed his mind,” Wayne quipped.
“Wayne,” Fae sighed.
“Well, what do you want me to say, sweetie? You two just took a major step away from 'just friends.' And if the man is committed to his sobriety, then why are you trying to make that an issue, Fae? If he's clean and sober then you have nothing to worry about.”
“But what if he doesn't stay clean
and sober?”
“Sweetie, Dave and I have talked to you about this before. You simply cannot go into every relationship worrying about all the potential 'what ifs' out there. You will never find happiness that way.”
“But I can't …”
“I know, honey,” Wayne said softly as he cut her off. “I know what you went through with your mom, and I know how much you worry about that. But sweetie, let me ask you a question. If you were to find the man of your dreams, and you didn't learn that he was a recovering addict until after you were completely in love with one another … would it change how you felt? Would you walk away from him because of the fear that he might fall off the wagon someday?”
Fae was silent as she listened to his words, and they made her think.
“Life is short, sweet pea,” he said softly. “And sometimes, it's not very pleasant. You, of all people know a little something about that, don't you? And from everything you've just told me about Mr. Staffon's past, it sounds like he knows all about that unpleasantness too. So, if the two of you have found a little bit of happiness in this unpleasant world … maybe you shouldn't be so quick to dismiss it over 'what ifs.' Especially if he is as committed to his sobriety as he seems.”
Fae still said nothing, and Wayne could hear her softly sniffing over the phone.
“Oh, sweetie,” Wayne sighed. “My heart just breaks for you right now. I wish I knew what to say to make this better.”
“You just did,” she said, wiping her tears.
“Dave and I are always here for you, Faerie Princess. You know that.”
“I know. Thanks, Wayne.”
“You're welcome, honey. Now go tell that man how you feel.”
Chapter Nine
Eyes closed, head thrown back as it bopped in time with Buzzy's beat, Benji let the groove move him as his fingers glided effortlessly over the strings of his bass. He felt as if he were in another space and time, as if the music and the energy of the crowd had transported him to another dimension. It was a trip he had never experienced sober before, and one that he was quickly growing to love. Each show of this leg of the tour had brought him to this nirvana, and Benji never wanted it to end. He had found a new drug. A new high. And he was beginning to wonder what sober life would be like once the Thank Heaven world tour ended and he didn't have the stage to escape to each night. But he knew that he shouldn't get ahead of himself. He would cross that problem when he got to it. One new hurdle at a time.
The show was spectacular, as usual, and Benji was riding high by the time he and the guys went back out for their encore numbers. He and Fae still hadn't had a chance to talk about their special morning or the consequences of it, but Benji was feeling more than encouraged by their conversation after the soundcheck. And they had shared several significant glances and shy smiles during their bass exchanges throughout the show. It was enough to make him hopeful that they were on the same page about wanting to explore this new direction their friendship had taken.
The appealing notion had occupied his thoughts and left him with the strangest sense of peace and tranquility since he had walked away from her after soundcheck. It was the same sort of calming contentment he had felt after they had made love this morning, and Benji wasn't sure what it meant, but he knew that he liked it. He had even been able to sit in the dressing room with the guys before the show and not feel like he was about to crawl out of his skin. It was the first time that had happened since coming out of rehab, and Benji didn't know if it was his feelings for Fae, or if it was simply the passage of time. Either way, he couldn't wait for the show to end so that he could get her alone because they had so much to talk about.
Fae was just as anxious as Benji. And when the band finally came off the stage at the end of the night she couldn't wait to get to her end-of-show duties so that they could head off to someplace private and talk. Her conversation with Wayne was still fresh in her mind and she was really hoping that her friend knew what he was talking about. He said that men didn't do things like cuddle and spoon with a person they had no romantic feelings for. That one statement had lifted her spirits immensely, and she couldn't wait to talk to Benji.
She returned his smile as he walked toward her, removing his bass. And when he handed it to her with one hand, he reached up with the other and lightly grazed his thumb across her chin. Fae could feel herself blushing, and his smile got bigger as he watched her. He said not a word, but he winked at her as he walked away with his bandmates, and Fae felt an excited flutter in her belly as she watched him go.
She got right to work then, packing away all of the instruments and equipment in her charge and paying special attention to Benji's cache of basses as she put them away. She worked steadily but quickly, and she directed the roadies as they loaded up the amps and the heavy-duty road cases. Roughly an hour later she had all of his gear neatly stowed away and strapped in. And as soon as her task was completed, she felt a wave of jitters hit her. Time to find Benji and face the music. She smiled to herself as she gathered her things and headed for the dressing room.
*****
Benji hit the dressing room on cloud nine. And he was so happy to find that his earlier peace of mind in the dressing room was still there. He laughed and joked with his brothers as they excitedly chattered on about the show, and never once did he feel that now familiar twinge of uneasiness or disquiet that he had felt at the start of this leg of the tour. And he realized now that this sense of calm was a phenomenon that had occurred slowly over the last month. Since that incident with Crank after the first concert, his post-show experience had improved greatly. He really was beginning to think about the dressing room, and what it represented for him in a different way. And again, he wasn't entirely sure if that was due to the simple passage of time or if it had more to do with spending that passing time with Fae. It didn't really matter to him. Whatever the cause, he was grateful for the outcome.
As he watched the dressing room begin to fill with a few famous faces, he looked around and saw Otis and Buzzy talking to Shannon O'Dell, and he was surprised to find that he was actually happy to see her. He didn't feel nearly as rattled by her presence as he had by Crank's. Maybe the passage of time was helping after all, and he was becoming more comfortable in this new sober skin of his. At any rate, Shannon O'Dell was a welcome, friendly face backstage and Benji was genuinely happy to see her.
Copper-red hair and a body that wouldn't quit, Shannon was a New York celebutante, famous for being the daughter of a billionaire oil magnate, and the star of her own reality TV show. She was also famous for being a party girl, and her infamous gatherings were usually nothing short of legendary, notorious for all the drugs and the general bad behavior that went on at them. It was a scene of debauchery that Benji would have flocked to before his overdose and been right at home. In fact, before getting clean, partying with Shannon had always been one of his favorite things about being in the Big Apple. She smiled as he approached them, and she quickly wrapped her arms around him.
“I'm so happy to see you,” she exclaimed.
“I'm happy to see you too,” he smiled at her. “How have you been?”
“You know me, baby. I'm always good,” she smiled. “But I'll be even better if you come home with me. I could use a man with your considerable assets tonight,” she said with a raised eyebrow and a glance down at his crotch.
Benji was taken aback for a moment by her forwardness. But then he smiled as he remembered that that was just Shannon. She saw something she wanted and she was never shy about asking for it. And Benji had taken her up on similar offers on more than one occasion. Shannon was the type of girl he would call anytime he was in New York for any reason, and after he was finished with whatever business had brought him to the city, a drug-fueled sexual hookup at her place was always the perfect ending to the visit.
“Mmm, thanks for the offer, but I'm afraid I can't do that this trip,” he smiled at her.
“And why the hell not? You got something bett
er going on?” she asked, placing her hands on her hips as she smiled indignantly at him.
“Ooh, now that's a loaded question Benji may not want to answer, baby,” Otis said as he wrapped his arms around Shannon from behind. He kissed her temple as he smiled at Benji. And Benji wasn't surprised by O's overly friendly behavior. He was well aware that Shannon and his bandmate shared a sexual history all their own. In fact, he recalled one wasted encounter where he and Otis had taken turns with the lovely socialite. That had been a wild night.
“What does that mean?” she asked, looking from one man to the other.
Benji flashed her a slightly embarrassed smile as he said, “It means that I … I have someone.”
“Oh. Well, so what. That never stopped you before,” she smiled as she settled into Otis' embrace. “What was the model's name?”
“Her name was Lea,” he answered, suddenly feeling like a worm. “And no … I didn't let that stop me, you're right. But things were different back then. I was different. And Fae is not Lea. But she's also not the only reason I'm saying no.”
She pouted at him. “You're talking about the drugs, aren't you?”
“Yes, I am,” he nodded.
She rolled her eyes at him. “I don't care if you don't want to get high, Benji. Otis never gets high with me, do you baby?” she asked, glancing back over her shoulder at him.
“Nope,” he confirmed, planting soft little kisses around her ear.
“I think it's great that you've gotten clean, I really do. But I've been looking forward to tonight for weeks now because I wanted to be with you. I'm throwing an after-show party for the whole band, just to get you back in my bed tonight. Please,” she pouted once more.
Benji smiled at her. What was it about rock and roll that made the free pussy seem to fall from the sky? Besides the music itself, it was undoubtedly the best perk of the job. And there was no denying that Shannon was hotter than fuck.
The Essential Jagged Ivory (Jagged Ivory Boxed Set) Page 53
