“You are playing dirty,” he chuckled, and she smiled at him.
“You know I don't mind begging for what I want,” she smiled wickedly as Otis continued to hold her in his arms. “Is it working?”
He smiled at her and shook his head. “I'm afraid not, darlin'. The stakes are too high for me right now. And this girl is too important to me.”
“Well, she's a lucky bitch,” Shannon smiled. “Whoever she is.”
Benji cocked his head at her, giving her an amused frown for a minute. “Actually no … she's not. I'm the lucky one. Or, I will be … if I can make this work. But, thanks for the compliment.”
“Will you settle for me,” Otis whispered into her ear before lightly biting down on her earlobe.
She rolled her eyes and smiled. “I don't think any woman's ever settled for you, Otis Ivory. You are nobody's consolation prize, baby,” she said as she turned and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him like she had to have it. And Benji couldn't help the amused roll of his eyes. That was Shannon. She was a firm believer in the “love the one you're with” philosophy. But as far as he knew, he and Otis were the only members of Jagged Ivory to have had the pleasure. He wouldn't swear to it though.
As he showered and got cleaned up, his mind drifted back over his conversation with her. She was right when she said that his relationship with Lea had never stopped him from sleeping with her. He felt bad about that now. He felt bad about so many things now that he was clean. He had treated Lea like shit, and he knew that now. He had been a horrible boyfriend to her. He was never abusive or mean to her. That type of behavior with a woman just wasn't in his nature. But he had been indifferent toward her. Neglectful. He hadn't shown her the care or attention that she deserved. Was that because of the drugs or because he simply hadn't been in love with her? Benji wasn't sure that it mattered. What did matter to him now was that he learn from it. He already knew that Fae was so much more important to him than Lea ever had been. He felt things for Fae that he had never felt for any other woman before, and he wanted to show her that.
If she would even have him. Benji knew that he could very well be getting ahead of himself here. Yes, their brief conversation after soundcheck had done a lot to encourage him, and he hoped like hell that she wanted to explore this relationship as much as he did, even though he knew they would have to proceed with extreme caution. But he knew that it wasn't a foregone conclusion. He could get her alone tonight only to have her tell him that she just wanted to remain friends. And then where would he be? How would he be able to finish this tour with her as his bass tech if things were suddenly awkward and weird between them? God, he didn't want that. He honestly didn't know what he would do if it came to that. He and Fae had found such an amazing friendship over the last several weeks and it had come to mean so much to him. He didn't want to lose it. And he knew that trying to turn it into something more was risky, but she was so special to him and he felt so much for her that it was a gamble he felt he had to take.
He shook his head as he ventured back out to the dressing room, pushing all negative thoughts aside. He wanted to go find her and get her out of here, but he knew that he had to wait until she was finished with her after-show duties of getting the gear all packed away, and then came to find him. It had become part of their normal routine, but Benji knew that tonight the wait would drive him crazy.
He was laughing and talking with Noah and Mercy when he felt a tap on his shoulder, and he felt the unmistakable flutter of butterflies expecting it to be Fae. But when he turned around, he was suddenly staring into a very pretty, familiar young face, and his eyes flew open in surprise.
“Beth?”
She looked good as she smiled back at him. Happy and carefree. But something about her eyes gave him an instant tickle of dread amid the sheer delight of seeing her.
“Hi, Benji!” Her smile was big and bright, and her youthful exuberance made him smile too as she bounced into his arms.
“Beth, what the hell are you doing here?” he asked in clear shock at seeing her in this context. “I never thought I would see you again!”
“What are you talking about? We had a date, remember! Madison Square Garden? Well, here I am, and you forgot all about me!”
She was dressed to kill in a tight, short skirt and a sparkly tank top. Her four-inch heels were silver and sparkled like her top, and her thick red hair was teased to perfection. She looked like she had stepped out of an '80s rock music video.
Benji laughed at her. “I didn't forget about you! That would never happen. I just … forgot that you were coming to this show. But it's good to see you, Beth. How are you?” he asked, holding both of her hands in his as he gave her a genuine smile. How often had he thought about her since he left rehab? He really hoped she was doing well.
“I'm great! And you were so fabulous out there,” she raved. “The concert was amazing!”
“Thanks,” he said, smiling at her. He couldn't believe she was standing right here in front of him. She looked different than the last time he had seen her. More grown up maybe? Of course, the sexy clothing and all the makeup might have a little to do with that, he thought. “When did you leave Maynard?” he asked.
“I've been out a few weeks now. Back among the living!”
She sounded so excited and so full of energy as they talked. And for the briefest of moments, Benji actually wondered if she was on something, but he tried to shake that apprehension off as they talked some more. She introduced him to her friend, Jill, a girl who looked every bit the strung-out alley cat that Benji used to encounter back during his time on the streets. Seeing Beth with this girl gave him a much clearer picture of how she was faring post-rehab, and it saddened him. He didn't know for sure that it meant anything. Beth could very well be as straight as an arrow right now and just trying to point the way for her friend. He hoped so. But he suddenly got an image of Crank in his mind, and he wondered how straight he would be himself right now if he had continued to hang out with Crank after leaving Maynard. The thought was unsettling to him.
“Oh, Benji, it's so good to see you,” she exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around him once more and gave him a big bear hug.
His arms closed around her just as she planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek. And he looked up in time to see Fae walk into the crowded room. She stopped in her tracks as she stared at them, and Benji felt himself flush. Quickly releasing Beth, he smiled at Fae and motioned her over.
Fae stood watching Benji and this mystery woman with a sinking feeling. Who's the teenaged tart in the short skirt? Perhaps it was just an old friend. After all, he was motioning her to come over. She felt the stiff smile attach firmly in place as she made her way over to them. And it made her feel slightly better when Benji reached out and took her hand as she neared them.
“Um … Fae, this is my friend, Beth,” he said looking from one woman to the other in a somewhat awkward fashion. “I told you about her. From Maynard,” he explained.
“Oh. Yes, of course,” she smiled. The virtual jailbait with all the problems. She remembered. And looking her over, Fae had no trouble guessing what some of those problems might be.
“Beth lives here in New York,” Benji continued. Then he turned to Beth and said, “This is Fae. She's my bass tech and … my best friend,” he said softly as he glanced at her.
Fae was startled by his words, and she looked up at him with wide questioning eyes. Best friend? She didn't know whether to rejoice or to cry at the new label. Was this a good thing, or was this his way of telling her that what happened this morning could never happen again? She pushed it aside as she held out her hand. “It's nice to meet you,” she smiled as they shook hands. Beth was pretty, she noted. Shiny red hair, tall and thin like a model. Just the way Benji liked them.
Still firmly holding on to Fae's hand, Benji turned to Beth. “Fae and I were going to go grab a bite to eat. Why don't you and your friend join us, and we can catch up?”
“Oh, no,” she
exclaimed loudly. “Let's go have some fun! I heard the other guys talking about a party at Shannon O'Dell's place. Aren't you going to go?”
Benji frowned slightly at her. “Well, no. I wasn't planning on it.”
“But don't you know Shannon?” she asked with a disappointed frown. “I thought you guys were tight. You've been in the tabloids partying together and shit!”
Benji glanced at Fae and then back at Beth. “Yeah. Shannon and I are friends. But I haven't been in a party atmosphere since I left Maynard, Beth. And you've only been out a few weeks. I'm not going to try to tell you what to do but … I don't think it's a smart idea for either one of us,” he told her honestly.
“Oh, my God, Benji!” She rolled her eyes at him in exasperation. “You're acting like an old man again! Come on, it'll be fun. You remember fun, don't you? Rehab didn't take that away from you, did it?”
Benji stared at her with a dubious expression. She didn't look high exactly. But he could feel that something about her was off. And he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that she was obviously determined to put herself back in that environment.
“You're worrying about nothing,” she continued. “We're both strong enough to handle it. We'll just find a nice quiet corner of the place to sit and talk. We'll catch up and watch all the other idiots make fools of themselves. Come on. Please! I've always wanted to go to a Shannon O'Dell party but, I've never been cool enough to get on the guest list! I just want to see what they're like.”
She painted an innocent enough picture, and Benji actually smiled at her as he shook his head. Maybe she did just want to go to people watch and nothing more. Maybe he was concerned over nothing. He wasn't sure. But he also wasn't sure how it would feel to be in a party situation right now. It had been a few months but … was that enough time? Could he handle that environment right now?
And a better question might be could he let her go off to a place like Shannon's without an accountability partner? Or a chaperone for that matter. Shannon's parties could get pretty wild, and he wasn't sure it was the place for someone like Beth. She wasn't even legally old enough to drink after all. But he knew that watching over Beth was technically not his responsibility. Especially since he hadn't even seen her in months and hadn't been expecting to see her tonight. And in rehab they were taught that their sobriety is nobody's responsibility but their own. But she was just so young and so vulnerable-looking. And so obviously determined to get into trouble. He had to look after her, didn't he?
He drew in a deep breath and rolled his eyes at himself. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. Turning to Fae, he lightly squeezed her hand. “What do you say we go to the party for a while?” he asked quietly. “Just for like an hour or so.”
Fae stared at him in disbelief. How could he think that a party at Shannon O'Dell's was a good idea right now? Did he honestly think that he could handle a scene like that already? Fae had heard the stories. They were their own depraved mythology. Shannon's parties were like glorified crack dens, orgies of drugs, alcohol and sex. And this is where he wanted to go? What he wanted to do instead of going someplace private where they could talk about what happened this morning? After the soundcheck earlier, he said that he couldn't wait to get her alone so that they could talk. He said that he would never have left her this morning if it hadn't been for the interview. Had he meant any of that? Because to Fae, it felt like he was trying to avoid having this conversation at all. And she thought about Wayne and what he had said about Benji having feelings for her. She could feel the lump forming in her throat as she realized Wayne had been wrong.
She forced that stiff, fake smile back into place as she looked at him. “I'm going to go back to the hotel,” she said softly. “But you should definitely go out with your friend and have a good time.”
Benji could see the hurt in her eyes as she gently pulled her hand from his. Without another word, she turned quickly and pushed her way through the crowded room. He opened his mouth to call after her, but before he could she was out the door. And he stood watching after her and feeling like the biggest jerk in the world. He moved to follow her when he felt a hand on his arm.
“You're coming, right?” Beth asked, looking at him expectantly.
He stared at her feeling torn. He wanted like mad to go after Fae. To take her into his arms and apologize for being an ass. But for some strange reason, he felt responsible for Beth somehow, and he knew that he couldn't let her go off to that party on her own.
Chapter Ten
The music was blaring, and it was a frenzied techno beat that made him want to scream. The kind of music that made a person feel like they were on a psychedelic trip even if they weren't high. The strobe lights that Shannon was so fond of didn't help matters any, and Benji found himself wondering if the scene at her parties had always looked like this, and if he had really been so fucked up back then that he hadn't noticed how annoying it was. At the moment, he was barely tolerating it, and he could feel his blood pressure rising with each passing minute.
He sat in a chair like a wallflower, just watching all the deviant behavior going on around him. In the room where he currently sat, there was sex everywhere he looked. Men and women dancing on tables, stripping for whoever cared to watch. Various couples, straight and gay, occupying dark corners while they got busy out in the open. And in the middle of the room, as if it were the center ring of this perverted circus, a small group of about eight or ten people writhing around on a huge mattress as they performed various acts on one another. It was like a scene out of Caligula, and Benji wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there and go back to the hotel with Fae, but he couldn't.
He had barely been here an hour and he had spent most of that time policing Beth as she and her friend, Jill, drug him from one room to another, gawking at all the goings on. She seemed fascinated with the entire scene, and he supposed that he understood it. Shannon's parties were a spectacle to be sure. Something you just had to see to believe. But the promise of finding a semi-quiet corner to people-watch and catch up never materialized and Benji now sat waiting for Beth to return from the bathroom. And he rolled his eyes at himself when that thought finally struck him as ludicrous. He had actually trusted her to go off to the bathroom by herself, in this environment. And it dawned on him then that her earlier insistence of seeing every room was a ploy. She had been scoping out the place, looking for the location of whatever her drug of choice was. How stupid could you be, Benji!
Apparently he could be pretty fucking stupid. And he could see it the moment she finally ventured back over to him and sat down. He could see it all over her face, in the glassiness of her eyes. He felt like such an idiot. He had spent the better part of the last hour trying to keep her from this. And he realized now that it had been in vain.
“This is so amazing,” she shouted over the music. “Come on, Benji. Let's dance!” She grabbed his hand and stood up, trying to pull him to his feet.
“No,” he said, looking up at her with a disgusted expression.
“It'll be fun,” she insisted. “And maybe we can finish what we started at Maynard.” She giggled, and he knew she was referring to their aborted sexual encounter in rehab.
“I'm not going to dance with you, Beth,” he said, looking at her sternly.
“Oh, come on. You spoil sport!” She dropped his hand in a huff and then turned to her friend. “Jill will dance with me, won't you?” The girl smiled and stood up, her hips already gyrating to the music. “Jill and I will dance for you, Benji,” she said seductively.
She took the girl's hand and led her out to the floor. Standing in front of the small orgy they began to dance suggestively together, looking more like an amorous couple than a pair of girlfriends. And Benji shook his head slightly as he watched them. What the hell was he doing here? Why in the fuck hadn't he run after Fae when she hurried out of the dressing room? That was where he really wanted to be right now. With her, talking about the possibility of “them.” B
ut he had let her leave the stadium alone so that he could come to this God forsaken party and watch a sad, unhappy girl race toward an inevitable downfall. But he was beginning to realize that he couldn't stop her from free falling, no matter how badly he wanted to.
The longer he watched her dancing with her friend, the more he began to feel the pulsing of the techno music in his brain. It was numbing and hypnotic in an annoying sort of way, and he was suddenly very aware of his body. His breaths came quicker as his heart began to race in time with the rhythm. Glancing off to his right, he saw a few people huddle around a small table and begin to cut out lines of cocaine. Fuck. When Beth had gone to the bathroom Benji had settled in this room because there was no blatant drug use going on in here at the time. He had thought it was “safe.” Now he saw that wasn't the case, and he had to get out of here.
He stood up and took Beth by the arm. “Let's go outside,” he told her.
“What? I don't want to go outside, I want to dance!” She pulled her arm away from him and resumed her undulations. The whole scene was beginning to piss him off.
“Beth, what have you done?” he asked her pointedly. “What did you take when you went to the bathroom?”
“I haven't done anything, Benji,” she practically yelled. She pouted at him as she continued to sway to the music, but he didn't believe her. He knew that she was lying and for some reason, he had to make her admit it.
“Don't give me that! I want to know what you've done.”
“I haven't done anything!”
“I want some!” His voice was loud and insistent as he glared at her. And she said nothing as she stared at him, and Benji knew she was trying to determine if he was serious or not. “Whatever you took, I want some.”
She smiled slowly at him. “Promise?” she asked him.
He nodded his head. “Yeah, I promise. I want some,” he said. “Whatever you've got.”
She wrapped her arms around him as she continued dancing, swaying her hips back and forth to the beat. “Well, I don't have anything,” she said in a singsong voice. “Jill had some Ecstasy, but we did that before the concert. But when I went to the bathroom just now … I didn't really go to the bathroom,” she giggled.
The Essential Jagged Ivory (Jagged Ivory Boxed Set) Page 54
