The Essential Jagged Ivory (Jagged Ivory Boxed Set)

by Lashell Collins

  He swallowed anxiously once more as he thought about that one. He knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted her to love him again. But what could he possibly say that would make a difference and bring her back to him? Since he had no clue why she had pushed him away in the first place, he had no idea what the answer to that question might be. All he knew was that he still loved her, and he wanted her to love him back.

  ~~~~~

  “Oh, fuck. Ah!”

  He struggled to keep his voice down as their sweat-covered bodies moved and writhed together, twisting and pulsing as he pounded into her again and again. The walls of the small house were pretty thin, and the last thing they needed was for her very conservative Korean mother to hear them having sex. He had to admit though that the sneaking around was kinda hot.

  He loved the way Janie bit down on his shoulder to keep from screaming out as he drilled into her, and he could feel her fingernails digging into his back. When he heard the strangled moan of pleasure escape her lips and felt her trembling, he knew that he had gotten her there, and he let go, allowing himself to explode deep inside of her.

  He felt her arms tighten around him as he collapsed on top of her, panting loudly into her ear as he tried to catch his breath. He planted a series of soft kisses around her ear and down her neck, and she moaned softly as her fingers played in his hair.

  “Robby,” she whispered.

  Raising up onto his elbows, he looked down into her eyes, studying them for a moment as he traced his thumb over her cheek.

  “I love you so much, Janie,” he whispered, holding her gaze. “I will love you forever.”

  “I love you too, Robby,” she whispered, looking into his eyes.

  He kissed her deeply then, slow and passionate. And he knew in that moment that what he'd said was the truth. He would love her forever.

  ~~~~~

  “This is the place, pal. You getting out?” the cabbie asked him, pulling Buz out of his memory. He blinked a couple of times as he looked around, remembering that night. He and Janie had been going out for about two months by then, and that was the first time he had ever told her he loved her. Slowly, he shook his head.

  “No,” he said quietly. “No, I'm sorry. Just … just take me back to the hotel please.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes, I'm sure.”

  The cabbie nodded without another word and put the car into gear, and then got underway once more as Buzzy sat back and let the memories consume him.

  Inside the house, Janie pressed the repeat button on the CD player and listened once more as “Pin Up Baby” started to play. The tune had an in-you-face drum line that ran throughout it, and it was one of her favorite songs because of that. She could, and sometimes did, listen to the drum intro over and over again for hours, imagining that she was there watching as Robby recorded it.

  As the music played, she opened the door and reached up, pulling a shoe box from the top self of her bedroom closet. Then she walked over to the bed and sat down with it. Opening the lid, she pulled out the small stack of photographs and smiled slightly as she began flipping through them. It was all still here. Her romance with Robby West captured in pictures and trinkets. She giggled to herself as she studied their prom picture. What had she been thinking in that dress? But Robby looked so handsome in his tux. That had been a fun night. They hadn't actually stayed at the prom for very long. They made an appearance and had their picture taken with a few friends. But then they'd left and gone to a hotel. Robby had saved some of the money he had made from band gigs and splurged. They had a fancy dinner and then spent the night making love in an absolutely beautiful room, and Janie had felt like a princess.

  She was lost in her memories when her cellphone rang, and she jumped slightly. Then she sighed and rolled her eyes at the dread she felt. Getting up from the bed, she picked up the phone from the dresser and checked the caller ID before she answered it.

  “Hello,” she said as she continued to study the old picture in her hands. And she smiled as she listened to the voice on the other end of the line. “Yes, of course, I remember. … No, no, that's fine. You just be careful and have fun, and I'll see you after work, okay? … I love you too.”

  She hung up the phone and set it back on the dresser. Then she studied the picture in her hands once more, lightly running her finger over Robby's face, and wishing she could really touch him again.

  Chapter Three

  “Wait, so … you didn't go?” Benji asked, frowning at him.

  “I did go,” Buz answered quietly, avoiding eye contact. “I just didn't get out of the car.”

  Benji said nothing as he watched his friend sit down beside him in front of the TV. He set the Xbox controller down and then turned toward him.

  “I don't understand, man. Why didn't you get out of the car?” Benji asked. “I thought the point was to get her to talk to you.”

  “Get who to talk to you?”

  They both looked up to see Otis, Noah and Cory walking through the door of his suite, and Benji looked back at Buz, who sat shaking his head and still not looking him in the eye. But he meant what he had told him before. He would keep Buzzy's situation just between the two of them if that's what Buz wanted. He had no intention of breaking his friend's confidence.

  “Neither one of you are going to answer me, huh?” Otis asked.

  “It's nothing, O,” Benji replied. “We were just talking.”

  “About what?” he asked as he plopped down on the bed.

  They didn't respond, and Otis took the hint and let it drop. “Okay. Where's Fae?” he asked, changing the subject as Noah and Cory joined him on the bed.

  “She and Mercy went with Mike and Alison to the Rock Hall,” Noah spoke up.

  “The Rock Hall?”

  “Yeah. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum,” Noah clarified. “It's here in Cleveland. Remember, we all went the last time we were here.”

  “Oh, yeah. I like that place,” Otis said. “Hey, another twenty years and maybe Jagged Ivory will be inducted.”

  They all smiled at his comment. “Yeah, with any luck, man. You never know,” Noah answered. Then he gave his brother a questioning frown and asked, “So who was that chick leaving your room just now, O? Was that the same girl that was on the prowl in the dressing room?”

  Otis smiled at him and then stared off into space for a moment as his brain tried to access the pertinent information. “Hmm. I don't remember her name,” he admitted with a shrug. “Some chick I met at that club last night. Why?”

  Noah shrugged his shoulders. He was almost certain that had been the same girl whose tits they had autographed. “Because she looked like trouble, that's why.”

  “Yeah, she was hot as hell, wasn't she?” Otis smiled.

  “You didn't meet her at the club, Otis. You met her in the dressing room after the show,” Cory spoke up, agreeing with Noah.

  “I did?”

  “Yep. She came in the limo with us, and her girlfriends followed us to the club, remember?”

  “Well, I definitely remember that limo ride,” he said with a grin and a slow nod of his head. “Oh, yeah. Kinky Kiki … that was her name. And you both should have taken her up on her offer, 'cause shorty had some skills, let me tell you. You, I can understand,” he said, pointing to Cory. Then he turned to Buz and added, “But you had no excuse, and baby girl knew what to do with a lollypop, you know what I'm saying?”

  Buz smiled slightly at his lewd comment, but said nothing as the others chuckled at him.

  “Yeah, well her oral skills are not what I was talking about when I said that she looked like trouble,” Noah spoke up as he looked at Otis.

  Otis frowned at him. “Okay. What'd you mean then?”

  “I mean she looked young, man! Like jailbait kind of trouble,” Noah explained. “I didn't realize that in the dressing room. How old was she anyway? Seventeen maybe? Sixteen?”

  “Oh, hell, man … I don't know,” Otis frowned, sounding defensive.
“I don't usually stop to ask that question, do you? I mean, you certainly didn't seem to have a problem pawing her tits when you gave her an autograph last night.”

  Noah stared at him for a moment and then shook his head. “No. I guess I didn't,” he admitted quietly. And it was true. Before Mercy had come into his life and put an end to the endless groupie machine, age wasn't something he had really concerned himself with when it came to sex on the road. And he wasn't sure why he was concerned about it now with Otis, but something about that girl had struck him the moment he saw her emerge from his brother's hotel room this morning. In fact, from the moment she had propositioned him last night in front of Mercy. That one was trouble. He could feel it.

  “Alright, then,” Otis replied. “Lecture's over.”

  Noah rolled his eyes. “I wasn't trying to lecture you, O. I'm just saying she looked young to me, that's all.”

  “Well, why do you care?” Otis asked, looking him in the eye.

  “Because I care about you,” Noah shot back, returning his accusatory gaze. “Damn, man, don't get so defensive. It's not like we all haven't done it before at some point. But I'm just thinking about you! Just … be careful.”

  Otis sighed as he let the matter drop. He wasn't sure what was really going on in his brother's mind, but he did know when Noah was being sincere and when he was being an ass. And right now, his little brother was not being an ass.

  “Okay, so has anybody else noticed how mellow Mike seems these days?” Cory asked, changing the subject to more neutral territory and referring to the group's manager and Mercy's dad.

  “Yeah, that's because he's getting some regular pussy,” Noah smiled, and they all laughed. “Mercy says Alison has been a godsend for him.”

  “For you too, hot shot,” Otis said, smiling at him and forgetting their earlier spat. “I notice he's a lot less focused on you and Mercy now that he's got a woman of his own.”

  Noah laughed a little. “Mike's not so bad. Once he accepted the fact that I love her and I'm not gonna hurt her … he's calmed down quite a bit.”

  “I'll say,” Cory chimed in. “I swear I have heard him call you 'son' a couple of times now!”

  “Oh, my God,” Benji smiled, pointing at Cory. “I heard that too! Freaked me out.”

  Noah's laughter swelled as they talked, but he couldn't refute what they were saying because he had heard it too. Mike had called him son a few times lately. And while he had been incredibly surprised by it, it hadn't freaked him out. The truth of the matter was, he and Mike had always had a good rapport. But since he had fallen in love with Mike's daughter and she moved in with him, Mike had gone out of his way to be supportive, both of his relationship with Mercy and his endeavor to get and stay sober. And Noah actually felt like he and Mike had become friends; they weren't just artist and manager anymore.

  “So when are you going to start calling him dad?” Otis asked.

  “What do you mean?” Noah replied, looking at his brother with an amused frown.

  “Oh, you know what I mean.”

  Noah smiled at him but said nothing. He did know exactly what Otis was driving at, and he didn't want to have this conversation. Not that the question hadn't already crossed his mind. It had. He and Mercy were solid. They had a great relationship, and Noah had no doubt that he wanted to spend his life with her. But he didn't see any reason to rush things.

  Ignoring his brother's probing question, he turned to Buzzy with a smile. “Man, what's up with you? You're awfully quiet over there.”

  Buzzy smiled at him. “I'm fine. Just listening to the conversation,” he said quietly, and Noah frowned at him.

  “No, no, no,” Otis said. “Don't even try it, Buz. I think we all know each other way too well for that shit. Something is obviously bothering you, man, and has been since last night. And you and Benji both clammed up when we walked in. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But don't lie to us, brother.”

  Buz sighed heavily. “It's not that I don't want to talk about it, I just …” His voice trailed off as he thought about his situation. Then he smiled. “I don't want to talk about it.”

  Otis smiled at him. “Man, does this have something to do with the girl?”

  “What girl?” Buz asked.

  “The one backstage the other night,” Otis answered. “The one who ran out and had you calling after her.”

  Buzzy stared at him for a moment. He wasn't sure why, but it surprised him that Otis had been paying attention. “You saw that?” he asked as his brow furrowed slightly.

  “We all did, man,” Cory smiled.

  “Yeah, Buz. You were holding onto her like you didn't want her to get away,” Noah said. “You looked like you couldn't believe she was really there.”

  “When she ran out you called her Janie,” Cory added. “Come on, man. Who is she?”

  The corner of Buzzy's mouth curled up slightly in a small grin as he realized that all four of them had been paying attention. And that they were all worried about him.

  “It's her, isn't it?” Otis asked. “The girl you told me about a while back? The one you said you're still in love with.”

  Buzzy took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then he sat back in the chair and started to tell them everything.

  *****

  “Does everything look okay? Can I bring anyone anything else right now?”

  Janie looked over the table of patrons with an expectant smile as she waited for confirmation that they were set for a while. Then she turned to check on her other four tables before heading back to the tiny alcove where the wait staff congregated to look over the dining room or to take their turn at one of the registers.

  She sighed as she leaned against the wall. It had been a long day, and she was so happy that her shift was almost over. Just another twenty minutes and she could finally get off of her feet. She hated these 10- and 12-hour days, but she didn't really have a choice right now. The medical bills were killing her, and her uncle had been kind enough to give her a few extra hours here and there.

  Glancing up, she looked around at her surroundings. This is not what she had pictured for her life. Working in her uncle's Korean restaurant in Cleveland's AsiaTown. Not that it wasn't a beautiful and popular spot. It was. And she was grateful for the job. But back in high school, she'd had dreams. She'd had a plan. She was going to go to college. She was going to study literature and history and become a successful, celebrated novelist someday. That was the plan anyway, before life happened. Before she fell in love and everything changed. But maybe things were supposed to change. Maybe they were called “dreams” for a reason, and in the real world those sorts of fantasies and delusions of grandeur aren't really meant to pan out. Not for everyone. Her uncle had taught her that.

  Hyo Kim had the voice of an angel. So sweet and mellow, like songbirds at dawn. When she was a very little girl, Janie used to love for her Uncle Hyo to sing to her, and she would listen in rapt fascination. He was always such a happy man, prone to bursting into song at the drop of a hat. But somewhere between teddy bears and learning to read, Janie noticed a change in her mother's younger brother. He stopped singing. At the time, Janie was much too young to understand. All she knew was that uncle wouldn't sing anymore. He was still the same happy, good-natured man that he had always been. But the beautiful singing was silenced.

  When she got old enough to ask about it, her mother explained that Hyo had loved singing so much and that it was all he had ever wanted to do with his life. But when he met his wife, Seong, and fell in love with her, Hyo began to doubt whether or not pursuing a career in singing was a sensible thing to do. When he married Seong, he soon had a family to feed, not to mention his own father pressuring him to do the dutiful thing and take over the family restaurant. So Hyo had set his singing aside and concentrated on making a living that his growing family could be proud of and his father could be honored by. And even though he was sometimes asked by various people in the community to sing at certain
functions and events, Hyo always kindly refused. When she was in high school, Janie got the courage to ask him about it one night. And he told her that he had made the decision to let that part of himself go in order to take care of his family, and to him that meant letting it go for good. Even though he loved it so much.

  ~~~~~

  “Do you ever regret your decision?” she had asked him, practically holding her breath in anticipation of his response.

  Hyo was silent for a time as he thought honestly about her question. Then he looked at her and answered, “I love my wife and my children, Janie. More than anything. And I know that I would make the same decision again if I had to. But … there are times when I wonder … what if? What if I had done things differently. Made the other choice. Before we were married, Seong pushed me not to give up on my dream. She urged me to follow my heart.”

  “Then why did you give up?” Janie asked.

  “Because dreams take time that a growing family doesn't often have, Janie,” he said simply. “Some dreams aren't meant to be pursued. And some dreams are meant only for those who are strong enough and special enough to endure them.”

  “But how do you know if someone is strong and special enough?”

  Hyo hesitated as he looked at her. He knew why he and his niece were having this conversation. He understood what she was asking him. “You just know it when you feel it. And you've felt it recently, haven't you?”

  Janie grew tearful as she lowered her eyes and nodded her head.

  Hyo watched her for a moment, hating the sorrow he saw in her eyes. “Seong urged me to follow my heart because she said that she didn't want me to ever feel resentment later on. I promised her that I never would. And I never have. That's how I know that I made the right decision for me and for my family. If your young man can't promise you the same, then his heart is with the music, and he should follow that.”

  ~~~~~

  Janie closed her eyes for a brief moment as she thought about that conversation. It had been a turning point in her life. And in her relationship with Robby. But she couldn't think about any of that right now though. Right now, table twelve needed refills.