by Maine, Miley
Yet I still like what I am doing. I can’t explain the impulse, but I’m compelled to go with it anyway. Even though I know it’s a silly move, I pick it up in his size and take it over to the counter to pay. My heart pounds frantically, my head aches with the knowledge that I might be wasting whole bunch of money here because I might not even give it to him, but I purchase it anyway. As I hand my card over to pay, I wonder what this means for my feelings now. Does it mean I’m accepting how much I love him even if I shouldn’t? Does it mean I’m in trouble?
14
Taylor
December 24th
“I had so much fun today, Daddy,” Jenny tells me excitedly. “Thank you for the best Christmas ever.”
I smile brightly as I tuck her into her bed. She looks like a girl who has had it all, and it isn’t even Christmas day yet. If Rebecca and I can carry this on, Jenny will have the most amazing time of the year ever. Really, this should be the worst because it’s our first time navigating the divorce during the holidays, but somehow, we have managed to make it incredible. I’m proud of both of us for working so well as a team.
“Mommy, thank you for coming with me and Daddy today. It was fun being a family again. You know, that’s what I asked Santa for. I told him that was my only wish. That he didn’t have to bring me toys if we could all be a family together all the time.”
Rebecca sucks in a short breath as if this shocks her, but it doesn’t freak me out at all. I already know that’s what Jenny wants. It’s what all children want, isn’t it? To have a happy family around them.
To make sure it isn’t awkward, I toss my head back and laugh. No point in ending what has been a wonderful day with us all being uncomfortable.
“Good news that you don’t want any presents then,” I tease Jenny. “Because you won’t be disappointed if we go downstairs in the morning and there isn’t anything there.”
“Oh, well I do want some things,” Jenny insists. “And I think that I have been a good girl this year...”
“Of course, you have, darling.” I give her a goodnight kiss. “You are always a very good girl. Now, would you prefer Mommy or me to read you a bedtime story?”
“Both of you!” She bangs her hands on the bed excited. “Like you used to, when you did different voices for me.”
I glance over to Rebecca to check that this is okay with her before I agree, but it doesn’t surprise me to see her nodding. It looks like she wants to make sure Jenny goes to sleep happy with good memories of today.
“What book do you want?” Rebecca asks. “How about the one with the wolf?”
Rebecca and I read the book seamlessly, taking our turns as necessary, just as Jenny likes. This brings us yet another step closer to how things used to be. I can almost feel the warmth coming from Rebecca’s body as she slides a little bit closer to mine. There’s something in the air, something shifted, and I can’t wait for us to be alone so I can explore that. But not right away, because family time is just as amazing as well.
“That was great,” Jenny murmurs sleepily, the moment the story comes to an end. “Thank you very much, Mommy and Daddy.”
We take turns kissing her goodnight and tucking her in, by which time she’s already lightly snoring and fully in a dreamland, before we leave her to rest.
“That really was a great day, you know,” Rebecca says quietly as we exit the room. “Thank you for arranging all of that for Jenny.”
“Well, like you pointed out, I work a lot. Probably too much, and I don’t get to spend as much time with her as I would like.” I don’t mean this in a negative way, this isn’t a dig for the divorce or anything, I’m just speaking very honestly. “So, I want to make it up to her. To make sure she knows how much she means to me, and how I’m always thinking of her.”
I get a little choked up actually, I’m more emotional than I thought I would be about the time I get with Jenny. It’s easy to forget about everything when I throw myself into my work, but when I pull myself out of it and experience family life again, it makes me wish that I could have so much more.
“I suppose if you want, we could change things up a bit.” Rebecca shrugs her shoulders and smiles. “Maybe negotiate more time with her. I don’t ever want to take you away from Jenny. Whatever has happened between you and me, you have always been an amazing father.”
“Thank you.” she did say this in court, so I know she really thinks it about me, but to have her saying it to me right now means something else. “Obviously, I think you’re a phenomenal mother as well. Jenny is an absolute credit to you.”
“To the both of us.” Rebecca watches me as I flick on the kettle. “I guess even if nothing else, we will always have Jenny in common.”
“I don’t know, I think we have a lot in common, Rebecca. We have always enjoyed doing a lot of things together, haven’t we? I know that things are different now, but I wouldn’t say that we don’t have things in common.”
Her face changes, and it’s to an expression that I can’t read which is unusual for me. It puts me on edge, all I want is to ask her what she is thinking. It takes every ounce of strength that I have not to act on that feeling.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right about that. We have always had a lot in common, haven’t we?”
As her eyes meet mine, the thickness in the air clings to us once more. I feel like I should say something, but I don’t know what to say because I don’t know which way I want to go. Do I want to shatter the atmosphere so we can go back to just being friends again, so we don’t have any awkwardness tomorrow, or would I rather see if there’s anything that could happen between us?
“Music, for one,” Rebecca continues, seemingly making the decision for me. “We have always enjoyed the same songs. And movies... maybe not all of them, you do have a few terrible favorites, but then again, I’m sure you feel the same about me. And food. We like a lot of the same foods. Games. I don’t suppose we have time to play games like we used to, but that was something we used to do to have fun, wasn’t it?”
“I actually have the old games console,” I admit. “I was kind of thinking that I might save it until Jenny is older and wants to play...”
“You weren’t doing that.” Rebecca shakes her head vigorously. “As if that girl is going to want to play something so old fashioned. There will be a million new consoles out when she is older, she isn’t going to want to play yours. You kept that for yourself.”
“Maybe so. And maybe I played it still, just to try and keep up all my high scores.”
“You never had any high scores,” she scoffs. “I was always the one who did well. You better not have wiped me off the leaderboards.” Her hands fling on to her hips. “If you really still have the console, go and get it so I can see.”
I grab it and laugh, thinking that some things never change. She’s just as fiery as ever. I’m used to that. I have spent many years experiencing it, and it always felt good, but today it feels better than ever. Just knowing that she feels comfortable enough to act that way with me is awesome.
“Here.” I pull out the console and connect it to the television. While we wait for it to load, I can’t help but laugh at Rebecca’s determined smile. I haven’t seen this competitive side of her for such a long time, this fun-loving side that makes her my best friend as well as the woman that I love. “Take a look.”
She’s pissed off as she sees that I have taken some of her top scores off, but she still has the number one spot on all the most important games that we had fun playing. Even if I could beat her, I wouldn’t because I love the memories all too much. Looking at the high score and thinking about all the nights we spent laughing and fighting as we tried to get the high score.
“I need to get you off there,” Rebecca growls as she grabs a controller. “I can’t stand that. Come on, give me a fair fight. I want to kick your ass fair and square.”
Now that is a look that I cannot ignore. I grab the controller next to her and we set about playing. Of cours
e, this immediately descends into arguing and play fighting, which is very much like old times, but in the best possible way. I already feel like I’m losing my mind around her even though I promised myself that I would try and keep it together until we have had a talk.
Do we really need to talk? I ask myself curiously. Could we not just continue to enjoy ourselves and see where it goes in the end?
“Yes!” Rebecca’s fist bumps the air in excitement as she knocks off another of my high scores. Clearly, she isn’t as plagued as I am by everything that’s happening. “That’s another one gone. I am going to flood the screen with my name at the end of this. You will never play this game again without seeing me all over it.”
If only she knew that wasn’t a punishment for me. I would love nothing more than to see her name all over the screen and remember this amazing time.
But I don’t say that out loud. “I’m not having that,” I say with a laugh. “Let’s go again. I need to see my name on there at least a few times.”
She shoves me, pushes me, she tries to take the controller from me, Rebecca does everything that she can to try make me lose, but she’s winning anyway. She doesn’t need to cheat. Still, it’s part of the fun when it comes to me and her. The cheating and the fighting are what we like best.
In the past, this fighting always leads to something else, but I don’t expect that today. I’m happy to just work on our friendship, as long as we are going somewhere in the right direction.
* * *
I didn’t mean to get another bottle of wine out for us, because I thought we were going to have a serious talk, but since I’d already decided against that for the time being and she asked me for a glass, I certainly wasn’t about to say no. We sit next to one another slowly sipping our glasses, I wonder how much I can touch her now that we aren’t fighting. All I want to do is reach out and hold her, but the situation doesn’t ask for it now, so I suppose I should keep my hands to myself even if I don’t want to.
“That can’t be our last battle,” I tell her seriously with a shake of my head. “No way I’m leaving you with all the top spots.”
“I might never play you again, so I always have the top spots,” she chuckles back.
“Don’t make me play alone to keep beating them. That’s just embarrassing.”
“We’ll see.”
All of a sudden, she slides closer to me, the heat of her body radiating next to me in a way that I can’t ignore. Rebecca has a sparkle in her eyes as well. One that I recognize well, because I know where that always leads... or used to lead anyway, I suppose I can’t guarantee anything anymore. Which is why I don’t make the first move, why I refuse to... but that doesn’t stop her. It’s definitely Rebecca this time around. She’s the one who kisses me...
15
Rebecca
December 24th
His kiss tastes wonderful, I don’t want it to end, and it seems like he doesn’t either. In fact, I definitely feel like this time the kiss is going somewhere… there is much more passion as his tongue invades every inch of my mouth. He’s claiming me, and it sets every bit of me on fire.
I’m wild, animalistic, and crazy, grabbing at him like there is no tomorrow. My cells explode in an incredible way, bringing all of me to life in the way it hasn’t been in the last year. Damn, this really does feel phenomenal. I forgot how good it could feel with Taylor…
Shit, should I be doing this? I definitely shouldn’t, but we’re beyond that now. My top is on the floor somewhere and I have popped some of the buttons keeping Taylor’s muscular body inside my view. My hands are already exploring his thick chest, which I’m pretty sure is more muscular than the last time I felt him. He must have been at the gym a lot in the last year. Mmm, I hope he’s been doing that for me and not someone else who has been touching him all over…
Not that I want to think about anyone else with Taylor right now, because he feels like mine again. This is very new, but like old times, which means he still belongs to me.
“Oh God,” I moan as I toss my head back, exposing my naked throat to him. Taylor takes full advantage of this by sucking and nipping at my sensitive skin until I can hardly stand it any longer. “Fucking hell, that feels so good, Taylor. Wow.”
I knot my fingers up in his hair and massage gently, getting harder as his eager fingers slip downwards towards the hem line of my panties. He isn’t yet touching me where I’m aching for him, but he’s close enough. Tantalizingly so. The anticipation is killing me, making my hips roll eagerly towards him, my body basically begging him to take me. I can’t be cool, calm, and collected when he has flames licking all over my skin.
“I want you.” I kiss him all over, loving the taste of the perspiration on his skin as it washes over my lips. The familiarity of it is absolutely incredible. “I want you so bad.”
The rest of the world simply melts away into nothingness. Anything else that has come before is long gone. It’s just us in our own little bubble of love all over again.
“I love you,” I hear him murmur as his lips move downwards towards my collar bone, kissing me in places that have been ignored for far too long. “I love you so much, Rebecca.”
I don’t get a chance to argue with him because he’s desperately attacking my bra, needing it gone. It pops off, causing the cool night air to tickle my nipples, making them stand to attention. Or maybe it’s him and his gorgeous body that they are screaming for.
My breaths grow heavy as his lips edge towards me. My body stiffens in intense anticipation as his mouth aims for my nipples. Just like in all of my dreams about him, it feels like it’s been a lifetime since his tongue explored my clit, like our bodies have become strangers to one another and I have no idea what it will feel like…
“Holy shit!” Every suck, every lick, has my body trembling with joy. I grip hard on to him, needing to hold him to my chest, to keep this feeling for as long as I can. “Oh God.”
But it isn’t just the upper part of my body aching for him. I can’t ignore the intense fluttering in my panties, the way my core is absolutely throbbing. I roll my hips against him, trying to silently let him know what I want from him.
My pants vanish. I don’t even know what happens to them, they simply seem to vanish, leaving me naked aside from my favorite lace panties. I don’t know if Taylor will remember them, but we have had a lot of fun times in these … perhaps I knew he would see them when I put them on this morning. Albeit subconsciously.
“I want to taste you,” Taylor rasps against me. His breath tickles the skin on my stomach because he’s already sliding himself down to his knees. I know what it feels like to have his mouth buried between my thighs, and that makes it even more thrilling. “So bad.”
His teeth nip my hips as he peels my panties down with his teeth. My eyes can’t drag away from him, it’s the hottest thing that I have ever seen in my life and he makes my heart pound.
“You smell so good,” he murmurs, his words vibrating up my leg. “I missed you.”
There are so many ways I could reply to this, but I don’t get to say a damn thing because he becomes a mad man far too quickly. His mouth connects with my clit and he ravishes me until I nearly fall backwards under the intensity of it all. I can’t think of a time when it has ever been this desperate before, when Taylor’s tongue has been so hungry to drag an orgasm from me. My toes are curling already with the sheer passion of his movements and he hasn’t even driven me to the edge yet,
“Fuck!” I scream as my head lolls to one side. “Oh fuck.”
He is relentless, powerful, exploring my body as if it’s the very first time. The heat spreads through my veins at the speed of light as the onslaught of pleasure pushes me rapidly down the tracks until the orgasm hits me so hard, I don’t think I will ever be able to breathe again. The bliss is wonderful, overwhelming, phenomenal. The waves of bliss are like a tsunami, smashing through me until there is nothing left. I’m not even on the planet anymore, the intense sensations have s
ent me somewhere else entirely and it’s a place that I never want to leave…
As the post orgasmic bliss swims around me, Taylor scoops me up into his arms and slams me down on to the floor, as if I haven’t had the wind knocked out of me enough already. But I’m certainly not complaining, because his mouth is all over mine once more and I can feel his steel rod teasing between my thighs. I might have already been wonderfully satisfied by this man, but it’s been a long year without him. I can’t help being insatiable and wanting more…
“Fuck me.” I roll my hips upwards, trying desperately to angle him inside me. There is nothing I love more than him thrusting and burying himself in me. “I want you, Taylor.”
“You do?” he gasps in between kisses. “Because I want you too, but it could get weird…”
“Less talking,” I demand as I squeeze my eyes closed. “I don’t want to think, I just want to do.”
Allowing myself to think is dangerous because it might cause me to give up these feelings, and I really can’t stand the idea of that. Instead, I arch my back and press every inch of me against him to let him know how much I need him.
Thankfully, he can’t seem to be able to resist me either, because it isn’t long before his wonderful cock is deep within me, giving me everything I need and so much more. I wrap my legs and arms tightly around him, wanting to hold on to every inch of him while we have this bonding moment, and I honestly don’t know how the hell I’m going to let him go. Especially when his sweaty and writhing body feels so wonderful against me.
“Oh, fucking hell!” I cry out as the pleasure surges through me a second time. Or perhaps this is still the first time and it didn’t ever stop, I’m not too sure. “Oh, Taylor…”
How can this be wrong when it feels so right? How can he and I be meant to be apart when we have such intense chemistry? When he makes me feel so good and he gives me this never-ending pleasure? I mean, this is off the scale. It really is something else. I want to hold on to Taylor forever and forget about all the shit that we have been through. I want to be back together… even if it would be absolutely crazy….
