by Maine, Miley
As we lay next to one another panting heavily, my head spins in a new direction. One that isn’t quite as fun. In the heat of the moment, Taylor and I keep getting carried away, but afterwards, the intense lust stops filling my brain, I feel scared. After the kiss, it wasn’t exactly regret I experienced, more just an intense fear, but even that was nothing compared to this. This time we have really overstepped the boundaries and there’s no going back.
“Are you okay?” Taylor senses my fear. “Are you freaking out? You don’t have to freak out, we can talk about this if you want to. Please don’t run away again. I think we should discuss it if it’s going to keep happening, because I don’t want it to ruin the friendship, I have with you.”
God, he looks all freaked out now which only makes it worse. The panic is zig zagging through me, threatening to swallow me up whole if I’m not careful.
“We should... we should go to bed,” I stammer out as I try to grab my clothes in a hurry. I don’t really want him to see me like this. It doesn’t matter that he sees me naked hundreds of times before, this is different. “We need to get some rest. I think that it will be better if we don’t talk about it until we are in a clearer head space.”
Before I can make my escape, Taylor grabs my arm, and refuses to let me go.
“Please don’t run off, Rebecca,” he begs again. “If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to. We can just sit with one another. Maybe even climb into bed together and hug. I don’t want to push you, but I don’t want to lose you either.”
Tears fill my eyes because I don’t want to lose him just as much, but I really can’t forget about everything that has happened. I can’t just ignore that we got divorced for a reason.
“I need time.” I snatch myself away from him. “We probably shouldn’t have done that, and I certainly can’t lie in bed with you because of Jenny. You heard her today, she wants us back together and I don’t want to give her any false expectations. I don’t want to get her hopes up going on with us yet.”
I still don’t think that he wants to let me go, but he does reluctantly. I haven’t exactly refused him, but I haven’t exactly agreed to do anything either. I hate running away from him yet again, but the sanctuary of the spare room is the only place where I can be alone in his house. The only place where I can think over my decisions and I make more rational one’s next time... not that I’m having much success with that.
“Oh God.” I shake my head and let it fall into my hands. “Oh God, why do I keep doing this? And what now?”
16
Taylor
December 25th
“I can’t believe it, Jenny. Every single day you wake up early, and on Christmas morning, I’m the one waking you up.” I shake her lightly. “Santa has been, you know…. you have gifts downstairs.”
She rubs her eyes sleepily before sitting up, but not in a rapid fashion. I think yesterday might have tired her out more than I anticipated.
“What did you say, Daddy?” she asks me quietly.
“I said that Santa was here. Mommy is downstairs now looking at a big pile of gifts. If you don’t hurry up, she might start opening them for you.”
Thankfully, that is enough to snap Jenny into action. She shoves the bed sheets off her, and bolts down the stairs towards the living room, screaming for her mom the whole time.
I laugh as I follow her, knowing that today is about to be chaos. Christmas with Jenny always has been, but this year is definitely going to be worse. We got all riled up yesterday, and now the big day has finally arrived.
“Sorry, Rebecca,” I call down after her. “I didn’t mean to say that you were going to open the presents, but I had to get Jenny out of bed somehow.”
“It’s okay,” she replies loudly. “But you have turned her in to a feral animal. She’s like a beast tearing at the wrappers.”
It doesn’t take me long to realize how accurate Rebecca’s words are. Jenny really is manic, but she’s enjoying herself. That’s the main thing. She’s having the best time, which is making me and Rebecca happy as well.
As has become our little routine, I go and make coffees immediately to wake me and Rebecca up, today we are even more exhausted than usual because we were up late getting everything ready, then awake again early this morning because we assumed that Jenny would be as well. Little did we know that this would be the day she chooses not to.
I like this part of our routine, it’s something I’m going to miss when it’s gone in the new year... if they are going in the new year, of course. After what happened last night, I don’t where we’re going to go from here. Every time I think they are making good progress; everything shifts all over again. She had to feel the connection we shared last night; how could she not experience it? So that must have changed her mind somewhat...
I guess only time will tell, even if ten days isn’t exactly long enough for me to find out.
“Thank you, Daddy.” Jenny flings her arms around me, almost knocking the drinks from my hand and covering herself in hot liquid as she does. I just about managed to keep them up right. “I love all of my presents. They are amazing. You and Mommy, are the best.”
Rebecca has tears in her eyes, happy tears by the look of it. I think she’s feeling as overwhelmed as me by how much of an impact us all being together is having on everyone.
“I’m glad you like it, all of it.” I grin. “But let me put these drinks down now before we have an accident.”
“You need your hands free anyway, so you can open your present.”
“I have a present?”
“You have been good this year, haven’t you? So, Santa has left you a gift.”
As she hands me a package, I’m more than a little confused. I wasn’t expecting anything from anyone, and realistically Rebecca is the only person who can have given this to me, which doesn’t make a lot of sense. I know I have a gift for her, but that’s different. I have been wanting her to see my love ever since this plan began, and this is a part of me showing it. I don’t know why she would get me a gift.
“Thank you, Jenny.” I try not to show how confused I feel inside. “Shall we open it together?”
Jenny eagerly tears the paper open, not really giving me a chance to open any of it, not that I mind, before she hands me what is inside. The soft feel of the material inside is gorgeous to the touch, as is the deep mossy green color. I pull it apart and admire it, instantly falling head over heels in love with the sweater that only Rebecca could have given me. Even if it wasn’t completely obviously from her, I would be able to tell anyway because this is her taste. This is just the sort of thing she always gets for me knowing how much I will love it. This is no different. I absolutely adore the sweater and can’t wait to get it on.
Without wasting a second, I pull off the top I already have on, the same tee shirt I wore to bed, and I throw it over my head. The warm fuzzy feeling of the material against my skin is a lot like Rebecca’s love for me. It makes me feel special and cared for, just like she does when she’s open with her emotions. This makes me yearn even more to get back to that place.
“This is wonderful. Santa did an incredible job. What do you think?”
“You look very handsome, Daddy.” Jenny gives me a heart stopping smile. “I like it a lot.”
“You know, Santa left a gift for Mommy as well. You might be able to find that under the tree if you look hard enough.”
Rebecca’s eyes narrow suspiciously. She certainly isn’t returning my smile, but that’s all about to change in a moment. Jenny dives under the Christmas tree and quickly finds the small package I have under there for Rebecca. I debated whether or not this would be a good idea because it is a big step and it could make things even worse since we haven’t had a conversation, but she is giving me a gift, so I can give her I want to.
“Here we are, Mommy, open it up.”
“Should I?” Rebecca asks me more than Jenny. I nod encouragingly. “Right, sure, okay then.”
“What is this?” she whispers.
“If Santa left it for you, Mommy, then he must want you to have it,” Jenny argues, very logically. “You must have been a really good girl all year. Open it, I want to see what’s inside.”
I don’t know if Rebecca wants to, but she does pop the box open, and gasps when she sees what’s inside.
“Oh my God, this is a diamond bracelet. I don’t deserve this, I can’t take it, it’s too much.”
“Put it on, Mommy.” Thankfully, I have Jenny around to make her take it. I don’t know if she would be quite so willing to put it on if my daughter wasn’t making her do that. “It will look beautiful on you.”
“It will,” I agree with a smile. “Santa must know what suits you because that’s going to look awesome on you.”
“You think so?” she stares directly at me. “I don’t know, it might be a bit much. I don’t know if I can take it.”
I open my arms wide and point towards the sweater. “We all have to take our gifts from Santa, especially when they look amazing on us.”
I risk closing the gap between us and taking the box from her. She fights against it for just a moment, but eventually let’s it free. My heart pounds as I take it from the box, and I slip it around her wrist. I’m all nervous, like this is the first piece I have ever put on Rebecca’s arm. It isn’t, I have bought her many pieces in our time, but this is the most important. This one means so much more.
“Merry Christmas,” I whisper to her. “I hope you wear this bracelet all year round.”
Even if she doesn’t wear it all the time, it will still be something. Even if she decides that she doesn’t want to start the next year with me, this will be better than nothing.
“I will wear it whenever you are in your sweater,” she jokes with a cheeky smile in her eyes.
“Oh, well then the world better be ready for me to smell, because I’m never taking it off.”
For a second, it feels like she might lead in to kiss me. It would be a terrible idea, because Jenny is watching us and the last thing we want is to get her excited, Rebecca was right about that, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to resist her either...
Ring, ring... Ring, ring... Ring, ring...
Unfortunately, or fortunately as the case may be, my cell phone rings loudly, pulling us both apart once more.
“I should probably get that,” I mumble while stepping back away from her. “Just in case...”
It’s Archie’s name on my screen which has me worried. He hasn’t called me at all over the Christmas break, and whenever I have spoken to him, he’s told me that it’s okay. But for him to ring me on Christmas Day, something drastic must have happened. So, I step into the hallway to take the call so no one else has to worry.
“Archie?” There is a stiff panic my voice. “What’s going on?”
“I wouldn’t call you if I didn’t need you, but the computer systems are all down.” I have never heard Archie sound so devastated in my life. “I have tried everything, but I can’t make it work again. I came in to check on things, grab a couple of bits to take home with me, and now I’m in a real pickle...”
Shit, this is bad, this is really bad. I can tell how awful it is from Archie’s voice. I rake my fingers through my hair and try to plan what I’m going to do next. I don’t want to leave this moment here, because it’s amazing. I’m having the best time with my family, but if all the computer systems are down, it could be a real problem.
“I will come in, Archie,” I finally say decisively. “Don’t worry, I won’t be long. Don’t do anything and don’t you panic.”
“I’m so sorry, Taylor, I really didn’t want to have to do this. Will Jenny be ok?”
“She’ll be fine. Just wait.”
I hang up to find the door frame waiting for me. She already knows what’s going on, I can see it in your eyes, surprised she doesn’t look irritated about the fact that I have to go into the office today of all days.
“We will be fine, don’t you worry. I don’t want you to leave any emergencies at work because it might affect everything. I know what it’s like, you have to go.”
“Thank you so much for understanding, that means a lot to me. I won’t be long. I promise.”
I can see that she really isn’t annoyed, which makes it even better. Rebecca fully understands me and what I need to do. She must understand even more now that I have to be there if necessary, because I’m not doing anything illegal to finance my business... at least I hope that’s what’s going on.
After a couple of moments, she heads back in to the living room with Jenny, and I’m blown away with the sound of them singing Christmas carols together, making me wish more than ever that I could just stay, but I force myself out the door because I know that Archie needs me as well.
I won’t be long anyway; this can’t take more than a couple of moments...
17
Rebecca
December 25th
I watch Jenny play happily with her toys that she got for Christmas Day, which means she is relishing in the novelty of them all. She has barely even looked my way and certainly doesn’t seem to need my attention, which means I might have a couple moments to call my friend. I have been avoiding calling Maggie, because I know what she’s going to say to me. But I can’t avoid it forever. Especially not now. So, after checking that Jenny is okay for a couple of seconds, because I don’t want her to overhear my conversation, I head into the kitchen and finally brave calling my best friend.
She takes a while to pick up, so long that I almost hang up feeling that I’m making a mistake but eventually she answers, and I can immediately tell that she’s stressed.
“Oh my God, Rebecca, please tell me that your Christmas day is going better than mine. My mom had too much to drink, and she’s arguing with my uncle about something that happened five years ago. As usual, my dad isn’t even getting involved. I keep telling him to intervene because it’s getting ridiculous, but he shrugs and says nothing. Maybe he has the right idea because when I tried to say something just now, they both turned on me and bit my head off.”
“Oh God, sorry Maggie, that sounds awful.” I really do sympathize with her. It must be terrible. “How are you surviving? I’m surprised you haven’t murdered anyone yet.”
“Me too, believe me. I might do it in a minute if things don’t calm down. In fact, I’m going to hide in my room for a while so I can talk to you. Who knows, maybe in that time there will have been a Christmas miracle, and everyone will be talking again. Either that or passed out drunk. By this point, I don’t care which way it goes.”
I wait patiently as I listen to her thunder up the stairs and slam a door behind her. It’s probably better that we have this conversation while she’s by herself anyway.
“So, what’s going on with you? How is your dysfunctional Christmas going?”
“It’s err...” How do I word this? “It’s going, I suppose.”
“Uhuh, and where is Taylor right now? Is he spoiling you to make up for being a shit all your life?”
“He’s actually at work.” I cringe as those words leave my mouth because I know how she’s going to take them. “But apart from that, everything has been awesome. He’s been really good...”
“He’s at the office now? On Christmas Day?” Maggie sounds utterly disbelieving. “But he’s supposed to have Jenny. He shouldn’t be there. What would he do if he was on his own with her? Drag her to the office with him on Christmas? What sort of father would do that?”
“Well I did tell him to go. I don’t think he would have done if I wasn’t here.”
“Don’t start making excuses for him, Rebecca. You know what he’s like, better than
anyone, and you also know that it’s very suspicious for him to be called into the office today of all days.”
“Suspicious.” I can’t help it jump on that. “What do you mean suspicious?”
“Well, what sort of office is staffed on Christmas Day? None that I know of.” She’s giving off the air of someone who knows more about business than she does, but she might be on to something here. I don’t want to admit it, but it is a little suspicious. “I would suggest that he’s up to something else.”
My chest tightens. “Like another woman?”
“What do you mean ‘another woman’? Surely if he had someone else, she would be his only woman. I knew something like this was going to happen, Rebecca. You pretty much just dropped yourself in it there,” Maggie warns me. “So, I think it’s time for some truth.”
“I...” I don’t know how I’m going to start with this. I’m regretting my decision to call her at all. “I didn’t really mean it like that. It’s just the first thing you think of when someone is being sneaky isn’t it?” My excuse sounds weak even to my ears. “Do you think it’s something to do with his business then?”
“Yes, I do, since he’s already proven that he has shady business practices. But don’t think you’re getting away with what you just said. I had a gut feeling that you would end up back in Taylor’s arms, I imagined it would be impossible to resist living together like that, which is why I advised you against it in the first place, but if something has happened and you need some advice, I won’t start with the whole ‘I told you so’ bit.”
I sigh loudly, cursing myself for everything, as I begin to speak. “Yes, Maggie, you are right. Something happened between me and Taylor. I don’t think it was a good idea for me to come here. I assumed that I could be strong, I thought I still hated him, but now I’m confused. I don’t know what’s going on.”
