Our Totally, Ridiculous, Made-Up Christmas Relationship

by Brittainy C. Cherry

  “Mom, Dad”—her eyes roll as she mumbles, not looking toward Danny or Lisa—”everyone else, this is Richard.”

  I extend my hand and shake hands with Oscar winners. Jesus. My life just went to a pretty good place. “Nice to meet you all,” I say, and mean, more than any words I have ever spoken.

  Jules’s dad, the Matt Stone, pats me on the back and pulls me toward the house. “You hungry, Rich? I can call you Rich, yes?”

  “Sir, you can call me anything you want.” I smirk as I follow him inside. He could call me asswipe and I would be flattered. I listen to Jules talking to her mom—or well, getting scolded by her mom for not greeting her sister and Danny.

  “Do you have to be so childish, Julie Anne?” Tina hisses, moving everyone into the living room.

  “Sorry. Hi Lisa. Danny.” I watch Jules roll her eyes and can’t help but laugh at her stubbornness.

  “Hey Jules,” Danny smiles and goes in for an awkward hug, and for some reason, the amount of time he holds on to her annoys me. “You lose weight?”

  “Gained ten pounds,” Jules says, but I doubt it’s true. I couldn’t imagine her ten pounds lighter than she is now; she has perfect curves to her.

  “Oh…it looks good on you.”

  Awkward silence. I’m still looking at Jules’s curves, and I’m getting pissed because so is Danny. “Should we grab our luggage now?” I ask, changing the subject from the weird vibe happening. It’s nice to see another dysfunctional family. It brings me a bit of comfort.

  “No, don’t worry about it. Danny and I will grab it after dinner for you. You’re our guest!” Matt pats me on the back again, and I can’t help but feel star-struck every time this guy talks my way.

  “Where’s Grandma?” Jules asks her mother.

  “Oh, she couldn’t make it. She said that she and the new boyfriend are skiing in the Alps for the holiday.” The way Tina says the word boyfriend has a sting to it. I’m not sure if anyone else picks up on it, but the sound of Tina’s disapproval of her mother’s new guy is pretty damn clear.

  “What?! Grandma’s the whole reason I said I would come!” Jules is pouting again, so I walk over and wrap my arms around her from behind and kiss her cheek, feeling her relax into me.

  Out of nowhere a little girl streaks through the cabin completely naked. She couldn’t have been any older than three or four. I help Jules remove her jacket as she chuckles at her young niece running around in her birthday suit. “Don’t mind Olivia. She’s always naked.” The sweet tone in her voice takes on an edge when she adds, “just like her mother.” Another passive aggressive comment from one of the Stone family members. I make a mental note to brace myself against these snide comments and not-so-subtle pot-shots that this family takes at one another with such malicious ease.

  Lisa tries to brush off Jules’ rude comment even as the blush of embarrassment reddens her face. I can’t even lie—Lisa is also beautiful. She’s pretty skinny, but not stick-thin. Her long brown hair moves perfectly with her, and her deep blue eyes match her mother’s. She and Jules are about the same height, but if I didn’t know they were related, I would never have considered it to be true. They are opposites in almost every way. Jules has these adorable blue doe eyes, and Lisa possesses the intense, cat-shaped, sexed-up eyes that always appear in her movies.

  There’s an uncomfortable silence filling the room, so I try my best to defuse it. “She’s beautiful,” I say, gesturing—but not looking—at the naked girl running around the space.

  Danny laughs. “You don’t have to be nice. She looks like an alien.”

  Stunned by his rude comment, I hardly know what to say. “I beg your pardon?”

  “An alien,” Tina reinforces about her granddaughter. “It’s not an insult. Aliens are really the big thing in Hollywood right now. That’s what’s hot in the industry.”

  “If we get her started before she’s four, she’ll be golden.” Danny chimes in.

  “I think horror movies are going to be her money maker, you know, with the creepy kid look and stuff,” Lisa adds.

  The three of them laugh and that’s when I see it, that’s when I notice everything that makes Jules her awkward, crying self. She came from a house of nut job Hollywood weirdos. They just called that sweet, innocent, beautiful little girl a creepy looking alien. What. The. Fuck?!

  Matt, Jules’s father, is the only one who doesn’t join in on the bullying. He reaches for the naked girl and lifts her into his arms. “Don’t listen to them, Olivia. You’re a perfect princess. Now, let’s go get you into some pajamas and ready for dinner.” The little girl smiles to her grandfather and wraps her arms around his neck.

  Leaning in toward Jules, I whisper against her ear, “Are they always like this?”

  “You haven’t even experienced the true blue Stone family dinner yet.”

  “Here, let me put your coats in your bedroom,” Danny offers, reaching for Jules’ jacket, and I toss mine off to him before watching him disappear down the hallway.

  “Let me make you a drink?” I ask Jules, nodding my head toward the bar in the other room.

  She turns and stares into my eyes. A smile creeps on her lips and the overwhelmed look she’s worn since we pulled into the driveway is slowly fading. “Make it a strong one.”

  “Always.” Releasing her, I move toward the bar and start preparing her some fruity girl drink, because I’m almost positive that’s something she would love. Then I pull out another glass to get me some whiskey, hoping for a somewhat easy dinner and then bed. Out of nowhere, Jules’s sister Lisa appears and takes a seat at the bar, leaning forward.

  I’m not a dumbass, so I know the leaning is to give me a clear shot down at her fake tits, but I only look into her eyes. “Can I get ya something?”

  “I’ll just take this,” she says as she grabs Jules’s drink and starts to suck it down. “So…you’re Julie’s boyfriend, eh? I’m Lisa, the wicked sister.”

  “Richard.” I extend my hand toward her, giving her my fake name, and she accepts, “Nice to meet you. I actually saw your latest film, The Forbidden Gatekeepers, a few weeks ago. Amazing work.”

  “Well thank you. We filmed that a few years back, and it was nice to finally get it to the big screen.” She runs her fingers through her hair and leans back on her seat. “I have another fantasy film coming out in a few months. You should convince Jules to bring you to the premiere in Hollywood. I would ask her, but…”

  She doesn’t finish her thought because it’s pretty much a useless comment. She knows Jules wouldn’t want to go, and I can completely understand. If there’s anything I understand, it’s sibling issues. “I’ll ask her.”

  “No. Never mind. Stupid for me to even bring it up.” She edges around in her chair, making herself more comfortable, and changes the direction of the conversation. “So how did Jules and you meet?”

  I shift my eyes back to Jules, realizing we never talked about how we met. Well, time to make up some bullshit. “A bar.” Easy enough—people meet at bars all the time. Lisa crumples up her nose and I can’t help but notice. “What’s wrong?”

  “Jules hates bars. I think her boyfriend before you broke up with her in a bar. It’s just funny that you two met at one.”

  “Oh yeah, well. She was out celebrating her friend’s promotion or something. Anyway, I ordered her drinks, but she refused them. It wasn’t until bar close that she allowed me to exchange numbers with her. Then from there, we took off.”

  “How long have you been together?”

  “Seven months. Which doesn’t seem like a long time, but”—I chuckle, turning in Jules’ direction to see her engaged in a conversation with her mom—”if you know Jules, it takes less than an hour to figure her out. And I’m crazy about what I’ve figured out so far.” That’s the genuine truth.

  “Hmm…” Lisa hums, appearing in deep thought. “Did she ever mention us to you? Like who we are?”

  “Nope. Needless to say, I was a bit taken aback walk
ing into the cabin to find Oscars and Golden Globes awards hanging around on bookshelves.”

  Reaching across to me, she places her hand on my forearm, and bends forward. “No need to make a big deal about it. We’re just like the rest of the world. Only we poop out gold.” She winks, and I’m offended. She’s flirting with me, and I say a little prayer, hoping the rest of the weekend doesn’t involve her flirtation. It goes without saying that, from working in a bar, I’ve met a lot of Lisa Stone types. They think they are top shelf due to their looks, their sex appeal. But there’s nothing sexy about it. Plus, they normally turn out to be shitty in bed. The ones who surprise the hell out of me in the bedroom are the quirky ones, the shy ones, and the ones who embarrass easily. They always bring their A game. Lisa Stone is probably a solid D+ under the sheets. But Jules? Let’s just say I still want to bang my boss.

  “It’s funny. Jules never said how good-looking you are. It would definitely be something she would’ve mentioned, too. Jules is always trying to outdo me.” I don’t reply, mainly because her comment is out of left field, awkward, and uncomfortable. “I remember when I auditioned for my first movie. I was eleven, and Jules was twelve. After I landed the part, she showed up with straight As. Just to downplay my success.”

  “Maybe she wanted to be noticed, too.”

  “No, she did it to be spiteful.”

  I laugh at the idea of a twelve-year-old being spiteful. “She was a kid.”

  Lisa stares into me, and her eyes are not anything like her sister’s gentle eyes. Lisa’s eyes are completely devoid of the sweetness and sensitivity in Jules’ eyes. Her lips part as she whispers, “It was my first movie. I could have had that moment.” She takes another sip of her drink and smiles. “Wow, this is delish. Do you think you can drop a cherry into it?” She leans in closer, and I see the pink lace on her bra fighting its way out of her shirt. I look under the cabinet and see a fresh jar of cherries, and then I look up and see Jules staring at me from the living room, a frown on her lips. When her eyes meet mine, I mouth the words, “You all right?” toward her and she nods, mouthing the same question to me. My left shoulder rises and falls and I see her chuckle a small bit before she turns back to her mom.

  Returning my attention to Lisa, I reply to her question. “Sorry, looks like we’re fresh out of cherries.” I start moving toward Jules to give her my whiskey. She will definitely need something stronger than a fruity drink to make it through this evening. After I hand her the drink, her mom wanders off to make sure everything is ready for dinner.

  “Kayden what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” Jules asks. The expression of extreme anxiety on my face is probably freaking her out.

  I run my hands over my face, knowing that if this situation was reversed, I would hope that Jules would be upfront with me. “Yeah, everything’s fine. It’s just…” I take a deep breath, hoping that I don’t send Jules into overdrive with anger. “Lisa was just hitting on me.”

  Her hand flies to her chest and the look of worry overtaking her eyes is sad as hell. “What? What did she do? Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. She was leaning up close to make sure I could see down her blouse. Plus she kept touching my arm and flipping her hair.” A small chuckle escapes Jules’s lips and she covers her mouth to try to spare my ego from her following fit of giggles. I shift my body, crossing my arms. “I’m sorry. This is…funny?”

  Yup, she’s still giggling. “She wasn’t hitting on you.”

  I narrow my eyes and nod slowly. “Yes, she was, Jules. Look I know this might be tough with the whole Danny-Lisa situation but she was…”

  “Did she kiss you?”

  Her question is abrupt, which leads to me fumbling my words. “Wh—what? No of course not.”

  “Sorry, hun. She wasn’t flirting with you.”

  “I think I know what flirting looks like, Jules. I’ve had tons of women hit on me!”

  “Wow, no low self esteem here, eh? Really? Tons?” She snickers again, and her father walks over to join us, asking Jules what’s so funny. “Oh nothing. My boyfriend thinks Lisa was flirting with him.”

  Matt’s eyes widen as he turns to me. “She kissed you?!”

  “What?! No. But…” I’m feeling more and more uncomfortable as I start self-doubting my interaction with Lisa. Was she hitting on me? Am I overthinking it? I clear my throat, ready to explain. “There was winking. She also mentioned how good looking I was and stuff.”

  “So…?” Matt glares at me, waiting for the real true-blue juicy details—which I don’t have. But hell! She was flirting with me! Matt sighs, patting me on the back. “Rich, you are a good looking guy. But, Lisa doesn’t flirt. She makes out. And the winking thing? Well, she had a weird spa facial procedure with her mother a few years back. Now she just winks randomly. Best not to bring it up in a conversation—she’s super self-conscious about it.”

  My shoulders slump down, and reality sets in. Turning toward Jules, I see a sweet smile resting on her face. “So…she wasn’t hitting on me?”

  Moving over to me, she shrugs. “Better luck next time. Come on, dinner’s ready.” She and her dad start toward the dining room, leaving me standing there with a heavy level of bewilderment.

  Well shit.

  That’s embarrassing.

  I can’t believe I’m sitting at this dining room table, about to eat dinner with my family and fake boyfriend. Kayden looks fantastic. Then again, he hasn’t stopped looking fantastic since I met him. I just want to snuggle into his neck and make believe forever.

  When the thought fills my head, I shake it back and forth. Kayden warned me about this—the way I fall for any guy who looks at me. Which is sad, but true. After the Danny heartbreak, I figured I wasn’t good enough for anyone. Therefore, I settled for everyone. But since I met Kayden…seven hours ago…I’m a new woman! No more one-night stands! No more changing myself to make guys interested.

  I’m going to be me, and if they don’t like that, well, screw them. I’m Jules Stone and I’m motherfucking awesome!

  My eyes shift over to Kayden again, and I sigh. I still want to snuggle into him and make believe forever…which is sad because I know this is nothing more than an act.

  “So Richard, Jules says you’re into accounting?” Dad asks, and I instantly feel bad. Kayden is too beautiful to be called a Richard.

  “Yeah, but I’m thinking of diving into the business world. I’m really interested in commercial marketing.”

  “Oh yeah? Did you go to school for that?”

  “Actually I took a few classes, hoping to re-enroll in a few months. You know what they say. ‘It’s never too late to start over.’” I about lose it when I see Kayden’s full-toothed grin, directed at Dad. It’s the most charming smile I’ve seen in all of my life, and I want it to never disappear.

  “You ever think about acting?” Danny asks, and I hate him for interacting with Kayden. I also hate him because he looks good, handsome even. It looks like he’s been working out; he’s looking really buff. And tan, too. He’s probably preparing for another movie role. Why does he have to look so good? I hate myself for thinking how good he looks, and I hate myself even more for wishing I were wearing my push-up bra.

  “I beg your pardon?” Kayden asks, a bit thrown off by Danny’s question. I’ll admit that I am, too.

  Danny laughs as he picks at his salad. I always hated that about him—how he picks at his food. Just eat it already! “I ask because, well, you’re a good-looking guy.” His hands fly up and he laughs again. What a stupid laugh. “No offense, Jules. I’m not hitting on your boyfriend.”

  “Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time you hit on something that should have been off limits.” Even as the words roll off my tongue I taste it—my bitter resentment. Yup. It’s been over five years and I’m still replaying the memories, the scars through my head every single day. But how can I not? She’s my sister.

  “Jules, that was unnecessary,” Dad scolds me. Mom chimes in quic
kly, pointing out the inappropriateness of my behavior, especially in front of a guest…my guest, the fake boyfriend. When I look over to Kayden, I feel like a complete fool and mutter an apology, but he shakes his head, refusing to accept it, and squeezes my knee under the table.

  He clears his throat and that deep, smoky voice reappears. “Why do you ask, Danny?” The awkward bomb that’s destined to explode sometime over these next few days is defused for the time being by Kayden and his charm.

  “Oh, well, I’m currently in the works of auditioning for a movie and could use someone to run lines with. I would ask Matt, but he embarrasses me by how freaking amazing he is. Plus, he rehearses in the nude. But mostly, I’m intimated by his talent.”

  Dad laughs and rolls his eyes at Danny, smitten by his comment. I wish Dad would act like he despised Danny a little whenever I was around. Would that be too much to ask for?

  Kayden looks at me, wondering how he should respond to Danny’s invite, hoping not to betray me; but, I nod to give him the OK. Who knew? Maybe it could help Kayden with his acting career.

  “I would help; but…” Kayden nuzzles my neck, planting a light kiss there. “I’m really focused on connecting with Jules these next few days, to see where she comes from.” Kayden’s words are so caring and thoughtful, and I feel the knots in my stomach tighten a bit more. He has to know that running lines with someone like Danny could lead to some amazing networking, but he chooses against it, picking me over his career.

  Not to sound super annoying and pathetic; but hell, I’m going to sound super annoying and pathetic because that’s what I do best—no one has ever put me first. It feels pretty freaking good to be chosen first.

  A chef enters with homemade, super fancy gourmet pizzas. The table slowly starts to fill up with more and more options, and as the food keeps coming out, my stomach starts growling.

  Everyone starts to dive into the food, and Mom can’t help but apologize to Kayden for the ‘lame’ dinner spread. “We decided on an easier meal for tonight, saving the more elaborate meals for the next few days. I hope you like pizza.”