Distance of the Heart

by Agnes H Hagadus

  Well not all of them as the man who had given Sierra the cut to remember him by was now singing for Saint Peter. It was something she had to inform Max about. Yet another dead body lying around. It felt like New York City. There were too many to count in the death toll over the past year or so in Middletown. And there was the potential for more if she couldn’t get that weasel to finally give something away.

  What had always amazed her about Tabby was the fact she could transform from a loving, caring person to someone who was all business. And yet, she was like Abby in the way she never lost her bedside manner. How her heart was the biggest part of her. It was something to behold. And it had saved both her own life and Samantha’s.

  Even after Tabby had finished with the stitches and wrapped the gauze in place to keep the stitches clean, the silence seemed to stretch out between the two women. While it was Desiree who was the talker in the relationship, it didn’t mean Sierra didn’t know how to talk. And it didn’t mean she didn’t know how to do the sensitive chats.

  There was something weighing heavily on her friend. Sierra thought about all the things that had happened to her. How anyone in Middletown ever maintained their sanity was beyond the undercover woman. Sierra cleared her throat. “I know it’s sometimes easier to talk to Desiree, Melissa or Abby about things that might be bothering you, but I want you to know I’m here for you. I wish more so but…”

  “I know.” Tabby removed the latex gloves before washing her hands. Absently, she placed everything back where it belonged. She couldn’t help but wonder when she would finally have everything where it belonged. She needed Emily in her life. She needed Helen out of it. She needed her adoptive family to be safe and happy. But when it would happen was anyone’s guess.

  “I know you can’t stay long. I’m sure you have places to be to maintain your cover.” Tabby sat on the stool she had been using as she tended her friend’s wound. “But I really could use someone to talk to. Someone who I think understands what both Emily and I are going through. I’ve already spoken to Abby. She gave me some good advice, but…”

  “But she’s close to the situation.” Tabby nodded. Sierra sighed. She understood. Abby was best friends with Emily. While she knew Abby was objective, no one was completely. She knew that Emily and Abby had been friends since nursing school. They knew each other almost as well as they knew their soulmates. “If not me, you can always talk to Desiree. I understand Melissa is a little close as well. If only because Abby is her daughter-in-law and has a soft spot for Emily.”

  “Exactly.” Tabby once again found herself sighing as she stared at her hands. “I need to get home soon. Little Nicky is going to wonder where his old mom is. After all, it’s not that long till his birthday.” Her eyes were captured by chocolate eyes. “Do you have time for a cup of coffee? Sam had one of those coffee makers installed. It makes everything under the sun I swear. But you know her and caffeine.”

  “She’s not much different than me when it comes to caffeine.” Tabby took that as an affirmative response. Without saying a word, the nurse stood. She stretched before making her way into Sam’s office. She was glad none of the office doors were locked. And if the doors were locked, especially Sam’s, she knew to keep on walking. At least if it were her and Emily in her little office…

  Tabby took her time in preparing their coffees. She knew that Sierra needed to leave. But finding the right words to express herself was…The nurse sighed as she handed her friend the fresh cup of coffee. They stood in silence, each sipping their coffee in turn. “I guess it’s not just the distance between us that is getting to me.”

  “I guess what it is, is the not knowing.” Tabby stared into the depths of her murky coffee. She sighed heavily once again as she considered her words carefully. She didn’t want to paint Sam, Abby, Melissa or Emily in a bad light. And yet, she had to say what was in her heart. “And the fact I know there is a woman in California that is interested in her. That’s more than interested in her.”

  “I heard from Desiree about the text.” Sierra could see the anger in emerald eyes. Though it pained her slightly with the recently stitched bicep, the private investigator held up her hands in mock surrender. “Not many know that we meet at least twice a week. She’s worried about you. She’s worried about Nicky. So she told me about the text. You told her, remember?”

  Emerald eyes closed. She hadn’t remembered speaking to Desiree about it. It was, sadly, probably before she had truly thought about the situation and had spoken out of anger. “I know she loves me. I know we’ve physically only been separated for a few days now. But we’ve been emotionally separated for months now. And now I’m here and she’s there. And she has someone after her and Helen showed up and…”

  The tears were now streaming down her face. Tabby needed something. She needed Emily. Sierra, not used to dealing with emotions or the consequences of them, pulled her friend into a hug. Once again, the movement placed a strain on the fresh stitches, but she ignored the discomfort. The physical discomfort she could handle after being beaten and left for dead.

  But it was emotions that Sierra had issues dealing with. Even with her opening her heart to the love of a good woman, she still had issues dealing with anything too in depth. And what Tabby was dealing with was so deep and intense, it was painful for her to watch her friend deal with them. She wished she could do more than merely hold her.

  Sierra pulled back so she could look into emerald eyes. It was eerie how much those eyes reminded her of Abby’s. Not the color, as much as the look in them. So strong and yet so vulnerable at the same time. The vulnerability had lessoned over time in Abby’s eyes, except when it came to her family. “There’s only two things you can do.”

  Tabby closed her eyes. She had already known the answer to the questions. It was her aching heart that wouldn’t allow for her to accept the fact it truly was that simple. She either needed to jump on an airplane and at least make a weekend with her family. Or at the very least she needed to take a moment and video chat with her girlfriend, as she had planned.

  “Thanks.” Tabby kissed her friend on the cheek. The look of mortification was enough for all the stress to finally work its way out in a burst of laughter. “I’m sorry. I’ll give Desiree a kiss for you.” Sierra shook her head as she finally fully released her friend. “I need to get home and make certain Nicky is all right. And then I have to make a call.”

  Hazel eyes twinkled. “I better get going.” Desiree made her way over to her boss’ desk. Internally she chuckled at the thought. While it might be Sam’s last name that was on the agency doors, it was a partnership. At the moment, it was mostly run by her former enemy and Abby. That would change, once she could leave undercover work behind.

  It took a moment for Sierra to find a notepad. The pen she picked up made her smile. It was one Abby had given to her wife on the day they officially opened the agency’s doors. She scribbled a quick note, folding it and placing a kiss upon it. Without a word, Sierra handed the note to Tabby and graced her with a wink. She squeezed her bicep before making her way out the front door.

  Tabby hastily cleaned up the remnants of their coffee before returning her tiny clinic to order. It wasn’t long before she was locking the front door and making certain the security was turned on. She snickered at the way a security agency had a security system. It was a design by Sam, but had been dreamed up by an outside company. There was talk the new hire was a computer expert. Hopefully soon so they didn’t have to outsource and could keep it all in the family.

  The nurse enjoyed a family dinner with Melissa, Jarod the innkeeper’s husband and with her son. The rest of the Walker clan was out and about. Desiree had disappeared shortly after Tabby had handed her the note from Sierra. It wasn’t surprising. The time they spent together was unimaginable. It made Tabby appreciate what she had with Emily, as strained as it was.

  In fact, it really made her appreciate exactly what she and Emily had. As Tabby made her way to the lake, the
re was a smile upon her face. It was overnight it seemed a bench had been placed near the water’s edge. When she saw the names carved inside the heart in the center, she smiled even more. Sam was such a romantic at heart. Not everyone realized just how much of a softy she was when it came to Abby and her children.

  Tabby settled herself on the bench. She waited for the skype application to load all her contacts. There were new messages from a couple friends back in New York City. There was one from her ex requesting to be added. The nurse quickly deleted the request. For some reason, she didn’t block Helen. Why, she wasn’t certain.

  It wasn’t long before Emily had responded to her messages. Apparently something wasn’t quite right. Immediately Tabby was on alert. It wasn’t even the words Emily had typed. It was…The nurse couldn’t understand what she was feeling or why. When the image finally cleared, she could see the remnants of tears.

  Worse, Tabby could see that Emily had recently been ill. Without even a thought, she reached out towards the screen. Hearing the greeting caused her eyes to twinkle. How she wanted to comfort her soulmate properly. A shaky hand reached out and touched the screen. It was almost, almost as if they could touch one another. It was what they needed. But when would they and would it be soon enough before outside forces destroyed what they had?

  Chapter 4

  It had been a restless night. Emily couldn’t remember a more restless night. That wasn’t true as she remembered the night after their fight. The thing that had torn them so far apart. The one where she had called her soulmate a bitch. So many more things had been said by both. There had been many steps on the road to one another. And yet it seemed one step forward, two steps back.

  As Emily straightened her makeup, she sighed. The tears had come and wouldn’t stop. It was partially her heart aching at seeing Tabby in distress. It was partially from the nightmares that had reared their ugly head. It’s what had had her spend her night in the atrium. It had calmed her some. But it wasn’t enough to sleep. It wasn’t enough to think of anything but getting home to her soulmate.

  Emily was grateful her uncle had promised to take her to the airport today. While he had initially intended on returning with her, Mitch had informed her he needed to do some research he could only do from Sacramento. She wondered if it had to do with her parents or Lena. Did it really matter? The only thing that mattered was he was looking out for his niece.

  Azure eyes closed. Emily knew it was past time she needed to leave for the airport. The only reason she was stalling was because of the possibility of running into the cook. Taking a deep breath, she took hold of her suitcase and carryon. She wished she would not need to come back. She wished she was returning home for good.

  As she descended her side of the stairs, Emily noticed her brother standing on the landing. Rick eyed her. His sister had once again transformed. She had gone from carefree in jeans and a T-shirt, to serious in what could be termed a business suit. It was still pale blue in color, soft almost. But it was still harsher than what she had been wearing the past few days.

  “I hope you don’t mind.” Rick held up his carryon bag. He always traveled light. He didn’t want to spring it on his sister like this. But he needed to get away. It wasn’t the impending potential deaths of his parents. It was his failure in life. Failure to be himself. Failure to find his way. Emily had discovered her way in New York. Perhaps he could do the same.

  Emily tilted her head, which was pounding a great deal. Lack of sleep, stress and lack caffeine were all taking their toll on her. Was she up to spending time with a brother she had barely known growing up? That as adults had only remained in touch because of their parents? Rubbing her throbbing temple, she sighed heavily. “I guess you could come see how real people live. People that love one another and only care about one another. I just hope you can stand the scrutiny.”

  Rick shifted his weight as he slung the bag over his shoulder. The weight suddenly seemed extensive. He knew what Emily had meant by scrutiny. It wasn’t because the people in Middletown were judgmental, exactly. It was that they watched out for their own. It was something he wasn’t used to. Love was the way with everyone in Middletown.

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.” Their eyes met. Rick ran his fingers through his short locks. He, for once, wasn’t clean shaven. Emily had to admit it made him look younger. It made him look relaxed. It was a look she could become accustomed to. “Especially the way our parents raised us. I mean, did they raise us? How many nannies? Our grandparents? Even Uncle Mitch was there more than they were.”

  “Yes, I was.” They both turned to see the man in question standing there. He was back to wearing his black, mesh shirt with khaki shorts. Mirrored sunglasses adorned his face. A baseball cap was on his head. It had tenacious printed across it. It was quite fitting. “But I should have done more, I think.” His eyes were locked on his niece’s.

  Emily nodded in appreciation. At the time, her uncle wasn’t in a position to handle raising children. He had been dealing with his own issues while in the service of his country. “Why don’t we all agree that we could have done things differently.” She turned to her brother. “It’s never too late to start over again. At least, I hope it’s not.”

  While she and Tabby had come to an understanding of sorts, there was worry. There would always be worry until they could be in the same place at the same time twenty-four-seven. There was a noise from the kitchen. Emily instantly paled. There was no way she was in emotional shape to face her stalker. “Why don’t we get to the airport before one of our phones begins to ring?”

  Mitch understood. He held out his hand. Though part of her wanted to object, Emily handed him the suitcase she had been carrying. Unlike at the airport, she managed to keep her carryon from him. She put her arm through her uncle’s arm. When Rick offered her his, she smiled. The last time this had happened was when they had attended senior prom together and their mother insisted on a picture before they had left.

  The flight was endless. Even with Rick sitting next to her, Emily couldn’t get comfortable. It wasn’t her long legs being crammed in economy class. It wasn’t the children running up and down the aisle, no parent in sight. In fact, that part made her think of Nicky and the Walker clan. Each child seemed to have an endless energy supply, especially Adam and Conrad, Sam and Abby’s sons.

  It was the fact Emily was still fearful of being back in Middletown and not being able to be with Tabby and Nicky fully. She sighed heavily and allowed her eyes to close. Perhaps if she closed her eyes, before she knew it she would be home. She would be in the arms of the woman she loved. And she would be complete.

  At least until Emily had to leave again. Her eyes remained closed, even with the dawning of the real fear. It wasn’t about being rejected, though that was a fear. It wasn’t about being around her friends and family. It was the fact either Monday or Tuesday morning, she would have to catch a flight back to Sacramento. She would have to finally face the fallout of her parents’ conditions.

  Worse, Emily would have to face Lena. She knew she wouldn’t have to face it alone. Rick would be flying back with her. He had said as much. Uncle Mitch would most likely still be there as well. Even if he hadn’t found anything to indicate her admirer was anything more than that, he felt guilty about having left her to grow up with parents like she had. And her current emotional condition would continue to cause her to be even more vulnerable.

  The jarring of the airplane woke Emily. When she was able to realize where she was, she felt a hand on her knee. Rick was awake, but he wasn’t looking at her. Did he even realize his hand was on her knee? It caused her to flash to a memory from her youth. Her brother had been witness to at least an episode between their parents. As they had hidden in the atrium most of the night, he had leaned against her, his hand on her knee.

  Emily covered the hand that was covering her knee. Rick looked down at their hands and smiled sadly. The pain and sadness in his eyes. It made her wonder if it was be
cause of past memories or the fact he wasn’t happy with his life. There were so many things that could be happening. The former nurse made a mental note to have a long, emotional conversation with her brother. Preferably when they were back in Sacramento.

  Not because she wanted to push it. Emily squeezed her brother’s hand before moving it. Rick winked before moving his hand as well. They both were in their own little world, wondering what their lives had in store for them. The airplane jerked a little as it turned into its assigned docking. Emily wondered if she and Tabby could reconnect in a couple days. Rick wondered if he could find direction he so desperately needed.

  It didn’t take long for the passengers to disembark. It didn’t take long for them to find the proper baggage carousel. Emily’s shiny silver bag stood out amongst the others. She wasn’t surprised when her brother reached for the bag. If nothing else, he had always been a gentleman. He had always been a good man. They had simply been lost in their own worlds, trying to protect their hearts and souls from untold heartache.

  Emily hadn’t thought about transportation. They needed a way to drive the nearly two hours from the airport. As she headed for the rental cars, her phone chirped. She paused and smiled when she saw it was her best friend. “Hey stranger! How did you know the plane landed already? Were you tracking my flight or something?”

  “Or something.” Abby laughed. She wasn’t to reveal the confidence that Tabby had shown in her by telling her she had been tracking her soulmate’s flight. Or that Tabby wanted to be at the airport in person, but Nicky had become ill. Or at least he was pretending to be ill. Children did come down with colds overnight. But the timing was awfully convenient. “I’m down the street a little ways. Remember that one café we used to visit?” It had been for the coffee.