Distance of the Heart

by Agnes H Hagadus

  It was to inform him of how Emily had been affected. It was because of her ex. It was because of Sam and Abby. The connections weren’t because she had chosen a lover with mob ties, though Tabby had worked for Jenny. There wasn’t a tie anymore. And even if there was, Emily knew exactly what she was setting herself up for, potentially.

  The brief time spent connecting with her brother helped Emily to calm, if only slightly. She was no longer shaking. It hadn’t been the fact she had slapped Lena, though violence was not something she chose. Her way was love and talking things through. It had been seeing her uncle with a gun pointed at someone. At least someone who she wasn’t certain of what she was dealing with.

  Or was it because there had been a brief connection with Lena. It was only on the cook’s part as she had flirted shamelessly. She had even attempted to break Tabby and herself up. Whatever the reason was behind the near breakdown, Emily was now recovered enough to finally make her way to the airport. She was finally ready to face Tabby and Nicky. “I’m all right. I just don’t like being that angry or scared.”

  “I know, Darlin’. That’s why I asked Rick to step out.” Though his niece was now slightly more composed, Mitch didn’t hesitate in drawing her into a hug. “I think Lena is trouble. I want you to be on guard when you are back in Middletown. But I also want you to make certain you make things right with Tabby and Nicky. You let me and the rest worry about Lena. And you let Miss Rachael worry about your defense.”

  “That’s easier said than done, Mitch.” Emily had never felt comfortable calling him uncle. In fact, she would be more comfortable calling him father, dad or pops. Knowing him as she did, he would probably prefer pops. The thought caused her to relax some more and smile sadly. “You know that I’ve been taking care of myself and others since…”

  “Since you weren’t even up to my knees.” Mitch tightened his grip on his niece. It was a memory he hadn’t thought of in forever. The chuckle that escaped Emily informed him that she was remembering too. It was on one of his frequent visits. “You really knew how to bandage a knee. I don’t think I could walk right for weeks.”

  Emily was now laughing with abandon. It had been a long time since she had felt like this. That laughing wasn’t a bad thing. Even with the passing of both her parents, it was really what had possibly happened to Tabby that had her feeling…Words couldn’t describe how helpless she was feeling. What she needed was to keep the faith. It was redundant, but look at Sam and Abby. Look at Desiree and Sierra. Look at Melissa and Jarod. Look at both the Walker boys. Even her lawyer and Amanda had found a way.

  “I’ve come a long way in bandaging since then. You can ask my former patients on that.” Emily had stumbled over the words. She wanted to say how he could ask Nicky. But the young boy was anything but a fan of hers at the moment. Not that she could blame him. His past was something she would be fighting, possibly for the rest of her life. “Thank you for everything you’ve done. I just wish…”

  Mitch knew it wasn’t regret about her past. Emily was one of those people. Abby and she shared this characteristic. It was how both of them placed others before themselves. Not that Sam, Mitch or any of the others were selfish by any means. It was merely how Emily and her best friend went that extra mile to make certain others were happy. Even if that meant putting the worst of their past aside to deal with at a later time.

  “My sweet Emily. You and I both know that love isn’t in this old man’s cards.” Emily nudged her uncle with an elbow. Finally, he released her from his grip. “I’m not saying that I would not take advantage of a situation, should it arise. I’m just saying that love and me in general just have never been a match. So don’t go playing Cupid or The Goddess of Love.”

  “I won’t.” Emily leaned up and kissed her uncle on the forehead. “I better get going before Rick leaves without me. It’s hard enough allowing him to drive the pink demon back to Middletown.” Once again, Emily found herself chuckling. It was a good thing as she knew the time flying back to New York would kill her. She could attempt to read. She could listen to music. But the only thing that would make even a little bit of difference was once again holding Tabby in her arms.

  ()()()()()()()()()()()()()

  Tabby felt weak. And she felt like a fool. She had been in the hospital for several hours now. The nurse had lost track of how many. Nicky had been here, but she had felt this wasn’t the place for him to remain too long. Every so often, she called her little boy to let him know she was all right. That she would be with him sometime tomorrow.

  It was difficult to keep her emerald eyes open. The doctor had told her she needed bedrest. Tabby had been stupid. She had not forced herself to eat properly the past few days. There was the lack of proper sleeping as well. There was also the added stress of separation and the charges against herself and Emily. It had all combined to cause her to become dehydrated, undernourished and physically and emotionally exhausted.

  The best thing for her was to sleep. Yet, Tabby could not allow sleep to overtake her. Partly it was because Emily wasn’t there. Part of her was upset at the fact her soulmate was all the way across the country. The fact her father had just been laid to rest, her mother was in the hospital and the business needed to be dealt with were the reasons she wasn’t here. And they were all very good and valid reasons.

  And yet, Tabby was selfish. She wanted Emily here by her side in the worst way possible. More than that, she wanted Nicky to accept Emily back in their lives. She wanted them to be one big happy family. Would that mean they would one day be married? Would that mean one day they could call one another wife? Was it necessary?

  Perhaps it was. Not so much for Tabby as she already felt married to Emily. Even with the distance between them and so much yet to face, in her heart she knew they would be together. But then the fates sometimes had their own ideas of what should happen. Or was that destiny? It didn’t matter the outside force. Tabby knew there was something out there attempting to keep them apart.

  “Mind if I come in?” Tabby attempted to open her eyes. The exhaustion was far too great. “Don’t worry about opening your eyes. It’s just your old friend.” Sierra made her way to her employee’s side. Cautiously, she sat on the edge of the hospital bed. “I’ve been where you are. The best thing is to keep your eyes closed, know that you are being watched and know that Emily is doing everything she can to return home.”

  The corners of Tabby’s mouth managed to turn into a hesitant smile. Sierra understood the tentativeness. After all, she never thought she would be patient enough to rediscover the love she had once had with Desiree. There were so many things that had kept them apart. The biggest was the fear by both to finally admit that they weren’t whole without the other.

  What Sierra wasn’t about to tell Tabby was there had been heavy rains. Worse, there had been severe thunderstorms over the Rocky Mountains. Would it delay Emily’s flight? There was always the possibility that it could. It would sure to be full of turbulence. Something Sierra hated more than anything. That wasn’t true as she loathed being undercover and separated from Desiree.

  “So, tell me how you are doing.” Sierra gently touched her friend’s forehead. It was followed up by placing her hand over her heart, briefly. “I mean both in your head and your heart. I know we try so hard to make those match up. But let’s face it. We are only human beings. We can’t help but think the worst while our hearts are telling us that everything is going to be all right. Or vice versa, depending on the situation.”

  Tabby sighed. It was odd having this conversation with Sierra. For one, she wasn’t known for doing the sensitive chats. She was quite like Sam in that regard. The real reason was that Sierra was even here at all. Why? It wasn’t because she wouldn’t do anything to support Tabby. It was because of being forced to be undercover.

  “I don’t know.” Tabby slowly managed to open her eyes. The air hitting them caused them to ache even more than before. Hastily, her eyes closed once again. This time she vowe
d to allow them to remain closed. Even with the lighting reduced in her room and the fact it was nearing nine at night, end of visiting hours, she would only open them for the nurses, doctors and for the woman she loved.

  “I mean…” Tabby’s hand when to her forehead. It was a subconscious effort on her part. A sigh also escaped the nurse. “I know what I want. I know what I need. I know what hurdles there are to leap.” Tabby squeezed the blanket covering her as if it were her safety line. As if it could give her the words she was struggling so hard to come up with.

  “I feel like I can’t even function.” There was a long exhalation before Tabby was able to continue. What she couldn’t see was how the conversation was causing tears to form in the corners of Sierra’s eyes. It was something Sierra could relate to. On so many levels as there were so many types of distances. The physical. The emotional. It didn’t matter. Separation was separation. And it hurt just the same.

  “It’s not because I allowed myself to be in this state, to which I’m cursing myself for.” Tabby was struggling with how her condition had deteriorated so quickly. After all, she had Nicky to think about. While she would trust Emily to raise her son, she wasn’t ready to leave this earth. It was only malnutrition and dehydration. But what if it had gone untreated? What if there had been something else underlying? What if…

  “I’m a nurse, after all.” Though she knew it would be painful and hadn’t forgotten her vow, Tabby opened her eyes slightly. Thankfully the lighting in the hallway had also lessened. “I’m upset for so many reasons. I just want everything to go back to before Anthony kidnapped us! If that had never happened, we never would have fought. If we’d never fought, then we would still be together fully.”

  Tabby swallowed before continuing. “Nicky wouldn’t be questioning whether or not he can trust the love that Emily is offering him. We might not be in trouble with the law.” Emerald eyes blinked several times. Tears began to scatter. “I guess what I want is for that day we met in the diner to replay itself with the knowledge of what is to come. So that we could know what to expect and prepare ourselves. More importantly, we could prepare Nicky.”

  A silence hung between them as Tabby continued to stare at Sierra through half-closed eyelids. The nurse knew there was nothing anyone could respond with to what she had just said. But she was hoping that her boss and friend could come up with something. Ease her fears and regrets. Or sadly make the ‘what ifs’ she had described go away for good.

  “I can understand all of that.” Sierra’s phone buzzed. She cursed as she glanced at the screen. “Even though they deserve their vacation, I wish Sam and Abby were here.” Sierra sighed heavily before continuing. “I’m ready to possibly take this jackass down. But not without Sam here. I have a feeling there’s more of a connection to her than any of us realize. And that means everyone is affected.”

  The city they lived in might be called Middletown; it might as well be called Walkerville. Sierra had even felt this way when she had lived in New York City. The fact she and Sam would be forever linked caused Sam and Abby to be the center of everything. She had been after the soulmates. Jenny had been after the soulmates. And there were so many that had come to depend on the couple.

  “I’ll tell you what.” Sierra stood. She didn’t want to leave. But if what she had just been texted was true, it could finally mean the freedom to be who she truly was. It could mean she could be reunited with Desiree on a more permanent basis. After all, they were engaged to be married. “I’ll go take care of business. But I’ll make certain someone is here. Before you argue, you need someone here with you until Emily can make it. And don’t worry about visiting hours. The perks of being who I am and who we are both friends with.”

  Sierra winked before she made her way to the door. The blonde pulled out a second cellphone. Tabby didn’t need to be told that it was a burner phone. The one she would use to communicate with Desiree and anyone else. Tabby couldn’t hear what was being said as Sierra was already heading down the hallway. It was time to rest, whether she liked it or not.

  Something caused Tabby to suddenly awaken from a rather fitful dream. She couldn’t remember the details. All she could remember was sensing danger when she thought about Emily. It was probably the way Sierra had had to leave. It was probably the fact Emily still hadn’t arrived to make her feel better, at least emotionally.

  The shadow that fell across her startled her. Not only was it late at night, how late she was uncertain, but the lights of the hospital had long ago been turned down to a minimum. When Tabby began reaching for the call button, the shadow moved closer. “I’m sorry. I should have made certain you could see who it was.” Emerald eyes blinked. “I know. One of the last people you would expect to see.”

  The tall, broad-shouldered redhead was the last person Tabby would have ever thought would be standing there. Well, there was Helen, but she was unfortunately dead and gone. And her murder was affecting both herself and her soulmate. “Max!” Tabby somehow managed to sit up without the aid of the bed. The tough FBI Assistant Director adjusted her pillows. “I haven’t seen you…”

  It had been forever since they had seen one another. Since Jenny had been taken care of, Max had spent a majority of her time caring for her soulmate. Peter was the mob woman’s youngest son who had finally had enough of crime and attempted to be the one to take down his own mother. He had been tortured. To the point where he couldn’t walk. He’d been burned saving Max. But he had survived his injuries. But he still needed constant care. Max’s other time was spent attempting to track down leads on Sam’s father and anyone else that might have any kind of mob ties.

  “It’s been a long time, indeed.” Max shifted her weight. While she was glad she had been accepted into the Walker clan, she was still uneasy at times. It wasn’t because she didn’t appreciate the gifts that came along with family. It was because she wasn’t good with other people. True, she was an FBI Agent. She had to contend with all kinds of personalities, agents under her and those she dealt with while investigating.

  The real reason Max was so gun shy was because of her ten plus years undercover. It had become a nightmare. She was basically an assassin for Jenny and for the FBI. Sometimes their agendas meshed. Sometimes she had to do what she had to do not to be discovered. There was still so much blood on her hands. While she had come to terms, for the most part, with the roles she had to play, there were times when she still struggled.

  Times like comforting a friend. Times when it meant attempting to comfort someone. And worst of all, times when she had to give news that no one wants to hear. But she would ease her way into the news. Tabby, from what she knew, was an emotional woman at times. Just breaking bad news wasn’t something you did. Not if you wanted to keep the strings she was holding to her sanity from being snapped.

  “I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances.” Max wasn’t ready to reveal the severity of the statement. She cursed herself for being such a coward. But she couldn’t help herself. Not when it came to matters of the heart. Something she was all too familiar with. She and Peter had been through so much…And yet would not have it any other way. Whatever they had to endure to be with one another, that’s what they would do.

  Tabby closed her eyes. What was someone to say to that? “It’s not that bad. Just me being stupid.” The nurse smiled wryly. “I know Emily will get on me about not properly taking care of myself. Especially after I promised I would and told her I was.” The smile faded. “I just hope she’s taking care of herself. She could fib just like I was doing. Not lying, just making certain my soulmate worried less about me, if that was possible.”

  “It’s not.” Max didn’t hesitate. “I know that even if I knew Peter was in perfect health, I’d worry about him.” The FBI agent closed the distance between them. “Your soulmate is like an extension of you. If something happened to them, it would be like you were missing a hand or a foot. In other words, you couldn’t grasp the simple act of living or have anything to
support you. To me, it’s as simple as that.”

  “And they say you, Sam and Sierra have a lack of words.” Tabby chuckled softly when she chanced a peek at her friend. Max wasn’t quite the color of a lobster, but she was blushing profusely. “It’s not a bad thing. And I’ve learned something over the past few months. The past few years is more like it.” Once again emerald eyes were closing. The tiredness and the headache that was emerging becoming too much for her.

  “Sometimes you do things. Things you’ll regret.” Tabby swallowed as the emotions were threatening to overcome her. And yet, for some reason, she needed to say this. “Like me taking money and doing things that tainted my soul.” When Tabby managed to look Max in the eyes, she knew. They both had things that would forever torture them. Would not be forgiven, no matter how much they sought forgiveness.

  And there were other things that could be granted forgiveness, if only they allowed them. Those were the most difficult things to accept. That there was the possibility to ‘sin’ gravely and yet be able to be forgiven. That they could be loved, in spite of and because of the things they had done. Every day would be a struggle at acceptance of their own failures as they saw them. But with the love of their soulmates and their families, they would do just that.

  Silence descended on the duo once again. Their tainted pasts and their complicated presents causing both to think about the ‘what ifs’ in life. While one could not dwell on the past or what different paths could be taken, one did have to, from time to time, study one’s past. To make certain, if nothing else, to not repeat one’s past sins. It was something one had to learn and live. That was what life was about.

  That and holding onto the ones you loved, especially one’s soulmate. “What time is it?” Tabby had hoped that Emily would have managed to make it back to Middletown. Granted, there could have been many things that held her at bay. Had her mother passed away? Had Rachael suggested she stay or turn herself in? If she had turned herself in, had she been held without bail?