Distance of the Heart

by Agnes H Hagadus

  Again, Emily was smiling as she finally turned her attention away from the sun that was rising faster than she had ever seen it. She wondered if it was because she was nervous. She wondered if it was because anticipation was overrated. She wondered if it was because this was destiny. And sometimes there was no fighting destiny. That one couldn’t run from what was right there in front of them.

  Not that Emily had ever been running. Had she thought about it when Nicky had been so…disruptive? Sadly, she had. Not permanently. Just long enough for her to gather her bearings once again. But with the quick succession of her stepfather and mother’s deaths, there had been no chance of escaping. Her time in prison was far from a holiday. She couldn’t help but sigh heavily. A little of her good mood having vanished.

  “It’s not right for the bride to be sad or upset.” Emily turned to see her best friend. A week had done Abby a world of wonder. Not that the nurse had truly come to terms with everything that had happened during her honeymoon. It was merely being around family. It was the stability of being back in the house she shared with Sam. It was preparing for the upcoming school year, both as nurse and mother of three.

  “I know.” Emily waited for the ensuing hug. It was Abby’s way. She was a very affectionate person. At least, so far, that hadn’t changed. Had it, the therapist in Emily would be more worried than she already was. The best friend in her would always worry, even if everything seemed perfect for her friend. “And overall, I’m as happy as I’ve ever been. I was just thinking of the past. The road I’ve traveled to get here.”

  It was something Abby knew all too well. It was something she often thought of. She attempted not to dwell on it. Because if she dwelled on the negative aspects, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself. If she couldn’t live with herself, she wouldn’t be able to attend her best friend’s wedding. She wouldn’t be able to watch Adam, Conrad and Miss Alex grow into whatever it was they were going to be.

  Most importantly, Abby wouldn’t be able to continue to be with her soulmate. It was a dance that had begun most unexpectedly. Neither had known their friend was attempting to set them up, even though he knew Abby was married at the time. Neither could have predicted it was their chosen professions that would cause them to meet. And no one could have said they would have to fight for their very lives, it seemed like any day that ended in Y.

  “That’s dangerous thinking, my friend.” Abby pulled back. She looked into azure eyes. There was twinkling there. It was good to see. It meant Emily was quickly approaching the young woman who she had known before everything had happened. No one is the same because of their past experiences. But one can come close. Abby hoped she would be able to become the person she once was.

  Right now, the thing that seemed to heal Abby the most was holding her baby. Miss Alex was now nearly five months old and was extremely active. So holding her daughter wasn’t easy. It was usually at night when the toddler was so worn out, she had no choice but to sleep. It was a time when she felt Sam watching her. It seemed to be as therapeutic watching for her wife as it was for her to hold their daughter.

  “The past is the past. That’s easy to say, I know.” Abby smiled sadly before making her way to the sliding glass door. The sun was now fully in the sky. It wouldn’t be long, the way time was flying, until it was time. Emily and Tabby had chosen a noon wedding so that the reception could be a casual lunch with their family and friends. “I’ve found holding onto what I have now is aiding in healing my heart. Will I always be traumatized? Sadly, I’ll have flashbacks. I’ll have regrets. But to focus on the here and now and the future is the only thing I can do.”

  And yet, there was less than conviction in Abby’s voice. Emily understood. As she made her way to her best friend, it was something we all do. We put on this performance for the ones we love. At times, when we are at our worst, it’s an academy award winning performance. It’s not to hide how we are feeling. On the contrary, there’s a time and a place for revealing your feelings. And that means hiding, temporarily, just how dark we are feeling inside.

  “We are quite the pair.” Emily was now standing next to her best friend. They both stared out over the forest. There was something not too far away that represented so much to the nurse. It was a small cabin that had been built by Sam’s adopted grandfather. It was a place that had seen death and it had seen life. While some would want to sell to rid them of the reminders, Sam and Abby were different. They knew forgetting some things was just as bad as dwelling on them.

  “I say that about me and Sam.” They both chuckled. For a moment, it was like old times. When Abby had first began seeing Sam. Even before she had become involved with Sam, there were those girls’ night. It was a way for Abby to become full of life and be carefree. It was a way for Emily to not be so lonely for a few hours. “And I assume you say that about you and Tabby. Though you are more like a trio and we’re more like a quintet.”

  “It doesn’t matter the size of the herd.” Both women turned to see Melissa standing there. They both wondered how long she had been listening. Did it matter? She was the matriarch of the group. It didn’t matter if you were blood related or not. All that mattered was Melissa watched over everyone in her flock like they were one of her own. “All that matters is that we come together in good times and in bad. Luckily, this is a day of celebration. One that is long overdue. But then, that seems to be a tradition with this lot.”

  All three women laughed. It was true. Sam and Abby had instantly had a connection. But it had taken what seemed like forever for them to exchange vows. While Emily and Tabby’s relationship was a whirlwind, the becoming engaged and now ceremony had taken several months. And Melissa would be the first to admit that she had stonewalled Jarod. He had asked several times for her hand in marriage. And yet, because of her past, she had accepted, but refused to set a date.

  “And on that note, I think it’s time we joined everyone else. Tabby was pacing back and forth. Sierra and Desiree were attempting to calm her down.” Melissa chuckled. “My children are quite the lot. From my adult ones, to my grandchildren. I have a feeling you’ll keep me on my toes until…” The matriarch trailed off. Today was not a day to think of death. While one day each of them would move on to the next plane of existence, today was the day to celebrate beginnings. Something starting afresh. Anew.

  The three hugged briefly before they made their way from the bed and breakfast. Emily had been allowed to use Leon’s room for the night and morning so that the tradition of not seeing the bride the night before could be maintained. It was silly as no one was truly traditional in the Walker clan. And yet, sometimes it was the little things that made a ceremony unique. It made them sweet.

  Tabby was already waiting for Emily. The ceremony was to take place on the dock. The same judge who had married Sam and Abby awaited the couple. Nicky was by his momma’s side. He had chosen to be ring bearer and best man. The rings were tucked into his pocket. That way he could hold both his moms’ hands as they walked down the dock together.

  There were so many people. Nicky was nervous. Some he knew. Some he didn’t. While all were family and friends, it still caused a bit of trepidation. But not as much as he thought it would. Part of it was because Adam and Conrad weren’t far away. It was silly, but the two older boys were like his guardian angels. They were his protectors. He just hoped they would always remain in his life. Too many people had left him. Including a man he hadn’t gotten to know, his uncle Mitch.

  Leon was waiting at the end of the aisle. He had insisted if he couldn’t walk his daughter down the aisle, he could at least wait for her at the end. Though truth be told, Leon was happy he was a part of his children’s lives. It had been how many years without any contact with them. Now, at least Emily had accepted him into her life. Though Rick was here, he was keeping his distance from his father’s side of the family. Hopefully in time…

  The ceremony was a simple one. It reminded Abby of her own ceremony. Only there were quite
a few more people. There was the impending doom as Lena and whoever else was out there. Her greatest concern was Mitch. He had shown up and aided in their escape. And then, he was gone. Only saying that he had to make it back to protect his niece.

  Tabby and Emily made a matching pair as they stood before the judge. Emily was in her pale pink outfit. Tabby had chosen a spring blue. It was light and it reminded Abby of the skies they had experienced. Though it was technically the same sky, it seemed so different while they were in Europe. Each country seemed oh so slightly different. It wasn’t merely the differences in language.

  The cheering brought Abby out of her memories. She was grateful for that. Even though she’d had plenty of good memories, it seemed she dwelled on the negative ones too much as of late. Here she was at her best friend’s wedding. They were about to have a luncheon. It was a time to celebrate. And hopefully place all the evil behind them. At least for a day or so. Even a couple hours would be nice.

  The music was almost in sync with the kiss. Melissa had everything timed perfectly. No one would expect less of the matriarch. The families came together. Rick, however, maintained his distance, as the food was beginning to be served. He was alone. Not by his own choice. He’d invited Jasper to be his date, but the man had refused. It had hurt. But it also had made him feel there was more to their relationship than his former boyfriend was letting on.

  When he saw his father, Rick decided he’d had enough of the party. He made his way over to the happy couple. There was the open road calling him. It was time to get away from everything and everyone. He didn’t have much money, but he’d survive. Though he’d never done it, he’d work fast food or whatever else he could. He just needed to get away for a while. “Congratulations you two. Emster, can we talk for a little bit?”

  Emily could see the look of pain on her brother’s face. She knew, almost instantly, what he wanted to discuss. She sighed, turned to her wife giving her a passionate kiss, before turning back to her brother. “We can take a walk if you want. But a short one. Can’t leave the party too long as I’m one of the honored guests.”

  Rick understood. “Thanks. I appreciate the few minutes of your time.” The words had become harsher than he had intended. If his sister took offense, she never showed it. They walked until the music and conversations could barely be heard. “I know you hate running. You’d rather face things. But this is all too much for me. Facing Leon. Facing our other family. And the fact I could run into Jasper at any moment…”

  The elder of the siblings hugged her brother. Emily knew it wasn’t easy for Rick. She knew they were twins. They were nearly completely different. It wasn’t only the fact she was female and he male. There were so many emotional attributes that were different. If her brother needed to escape for a while, then so be it. “You do what you have to. Just remember what I said. When you are ready, at least give Leon a chance. Doesn’t have to be as father and son. Just friends would do.”

  A heavy sigh escaped Rick. He knew his sister would never give up. She might back off a little. But Emily was one of those people. She had self-confidence to spare. And she wanted to see all of the people in her life happy and healthy. It was a quality he admired in her. It could also be quite annoying at times. “I can’t make any promises. But I need to get out of here. I don’t know where I’m going, but I have to find some space.”

  “I know neither of us has a lot of money anymore, but if you need some for the trip, let me know.” Rick stared at his sister. He could tell there was a part of her that didn’t want him to leave. Especially not without spending time with their other family and him making amends with his father. But there was this other side. Truth be told, it was as if he was seeing his sister for the very first time. Each and every single day. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep. It’s just that…”

  Emily’s words were cut off by a hug. Rick wasn’t one for hugging so it surprised her. And yet, she understood. He was telling her, in the only way he could, that he was grateful. That if he needed to, he would borrow the money from her. Even though they had quite the extended family, sometimes it was as if they were the only family the other had. Yes, Emily was now married and had a son. But it was different between siblings. Or it should be different with siblings.

  “Now get out of here. Sorry, no loaning of the pink demon again. She’s been too fun to drive.” They both laughed. Emily wondered when she would see her brother again. If he was anything like his uncle, it could be for quite some time. Or it could be long enough to merely catch his breath. There were times when Emily understood the need to get away. To catch her breath. “Seriously though, be careful. There are still dangers lurking out there.”

  It was a sobering thought. And Rick knew it wasn’t only because whatever was happening to Emily and Tabby. It was because of what was following Jasper. His boyfriend was involved in something serious. It was part of what Rick had to think about. Yes, he had invited Jasper to the wedding. But did it mean he was really ready to begin dating him once again? Was he ready for all the extra baggage? And what if Jasper went to jail? Or worse?

  The thoughts became too much. “I gotta get out of here. Thanks for everything. I love you, Sis. Say my goodbyes to everyone.” Before Emily could even say a word, her brother was already to the gravel parking lot. The nurse stood there, shaking her head. Her brother was afraid. It wasn’t only of their father or the fact his former boyfriend was connected to the mob. Rick was afraid of life. Of love. Of getting broken.

  “I hope it’s not because of me.” Emily turned to look into her father’s eyes. There was happiness in them. But there was also sadness. It was unlike anything she had ever seen. That was because, like Sam and Abby, Leon was a family man. Family meant everything to him. It must have nearly killed him to have nothing to do with his twins for the past three decades plus. “I don’t mean to force myself on anyone.”

  “Daddy, you aren’t forcing yourself on anyone.” Just then a familiar song began to play. It was as if the gods themselves had timed it. When she glanced at where the DJ was, Melissa gave her a wink. It was a power stronger than the gods. It was the power of love of a mother. “In fact, I think it’s time we had our father/daughter dance. What do you say?” Emily held out her hand.

  Leon glanced at the crutches he still used to get around. They were doctor’s orders, otherwise he would have merely taken things easy and not bothered with them. But he had his children and grandchildren to set an example for. “Would you like me to watch these for you?” Leon wasn’t surprised when it was Sam who offered. “I know a thing or two about using crutches. They can be a pain, that’s for sure. But necessary. But for your dance, I think I can keep an eye on them.”

  “Thank you.” Leon was grateful for the support he found with the Walker clan. It meant his daughter would be in good hands when he had to return to California. The fact was, he didn’t necessarily have to return to California. At least, not on a full-time basis. It was one of the many perks of being retired. The trio made their way to the designated dancing area before Leon handed his crutches to Sam.

  Tabby came up next to the tall former SVU detective. There were tears in her eyes as she watched her wife dance with her father for the very first time. It was something Tabby wished for herself. Sadly, her family didn’t accept her or her son. It was their loss. But still… “Would you care for a dance?” Tabby turned to see Jarod standing there. “I know I’m not your father. And it would be better if say Mitch were here…”

  The nurse took Jarod’s hand and led him to the dance area, effectively silencing the man of few words. To Tabby, it could have been one of the Walker brothers who had asked her to dance. It was the fact there were so many people that cared enough to attempt to make her dreams come true. People that would do nearly anything for one another. Just to see them happy. Just to see them smile.

  As the song ended, Emily motioned for her son. Nicky quickly made his way onto the dance floor as Leon grudgingly took the crutches from
Sam. He, Sam, Abby, Melissa and the others watched as the family made their debut. Oh, they had been a family even before the ceremony. It was one of those moments that made it official. It was like the joining of two soulmates. They had, and would forever, be joined. It was merely a piece of paper that made it official to the world.

  Though he was becoming too big to hold, Emily managed to pick up her son. Nicky leaned his head on his mom’s shoulder, while his momma snuggled up to both of them. The song playing was slow. It was sweet. It was amazing to witness. It made Sam vow she would fight harder than ever, no matter the consequences, to rid Middletown and the world of the evils that seemed to lurk everywhere.

  The squeezing of her arm informed Sam that Abby felt the same way. They waited until the dance was over. Sam took Alex in her arms. The boys were instantly by their moms’ side. They made their way onto the dance floor. It wasn’t long before Melissa was dancing with Jarod. Jeff and his family were dancing, even though his sons protested at first. Robert had his wife and daughter. The trio looked amazing together.

  Leon watched as each of his children and grandchildren joined in. He wished he had someone to dance with. That was when he felt the tap on his shoulder. He turned to see someone he knew. She was someone who had attempted to help his daughter. He hoped Max was still attempting to help Emily and Tabby. They needed everyone they could and someone as high up in the ranks of the FBI as her…

  “I know we don’t know one another well, but I was wondering if you’d care to dance. My better half is sadly not up for dancing, yet.” Max knew, deep down, that Peter may never dance again. The fact he was alive and they were together still, that was enough for her. “I thought maybe we could share a dance.” There was a slight blush upon the redhead’s face. Never had she been so bold to ask a gentleman to dance, even if it was merely a friendly gesture.