by LJ Swallow
“Are you high again?”
Andrei runs a hand through his hair. “Felt like some time away from the world.”
“Andrei...” I sigh and reach out to him, but he doesn’t respond.
“What happened, Maeve?”
“I’m not sure. Do you remember much?”
His brows shoot up. “Like you attacking Yvette? What the fuck was that?”
“I’m more bothered about her attacking you. Are you burnt anywhere?”
“Nah.” He points to his ankles. “I guess I’m not as flammable as I thought. I’m happy I had boots on, though.”
“Andrei, don’t joke, this is serious,” I retort.
“Damn right, it is.” He sits on the chair by his desk and toys with the bag of Lix. “What the fuck was that magic you used? I thought you’d control Yvette to stop the attack, not assault her.”
I wrap my arms around myself. “I don’t know why, or where that came from.”
“Has magic like that happened before?” I nod. “When?”
“The night Nikolai Blackwood died.”
Andrei’s mouth falls open. “Did you kill Nikolai? I thought Tobias did.”
“Both of us.”
“Right.” He looks away and the shock doesn't drop from his expression. “You fucking scared me, Maeve. You were out of control until Tobias stepped in.”
“I know. Please. I came to see you, not talk about me?”
“Is this Winterfall? I thought they were the ‘good guys’. Black magic versus white.”
“Nothing ever is black and white. But now I know that I need Tobias to help me deal with the darker magic.”
Andrei screws his face up. “Tobias.”
“He saved your life tonight, Andrei.”
“How was he there?”
“I asked him to help.”
“You asked him?" His eyes harden. "We don’t need Tobias.”
I perch on the edge of Andrei’s bed. “We do. I’ve had to admit that, and you need to accept this too.”
“Because you’re controlled by that curse,” he says.
I sigh. “You know things aren’t that simple. And stop deflecting. How are you?”
“I told you. Not burned.”
The time I went to Andrei after the sun caught him when we fought his mother, he joked around despite his trauma. Tonight, Andrei is distant, the drugs and something else keeping me at arm’s length rather than asking me to kiss him better.
“Yes, but you immediately took drugs.” I place my fingers on his lips. "I worry about how this affected you."
Andrei moves away and yanks open his desk drawer then takes out another small packet. Pulling a silver-wrapped strip out, he looks at it for a moment. Gum. With a huff, he tosses the packet and strip on his desk.
“You know what? Fuck it. Why should I pretend to be different if nobody fucking believes me? I’m hemia. I’m headed towards immortality and blood lust that I’ll fight harder to control. Maybe I should accept that truth.” He pauses. “We both should.”
My chest tightens. “But that’s not who you are.”
He snorts. “Seriously, Maeve?”
“Seriously, Andrei. I refuse to believe you’re anything but a good person.”
Silently, Andrei steps back to the bed and looks down at me, his eyes glittering, and the darkened pupils hike up my heart rate. “I’m not a good person.”
Not this again. I stand. “You’re high. You’ve had a bad experience. Sleep on what happened if you don’t want to talk this through now.”
“Bad experience?” His laugh has an edge to it that tightens my chest. “Yvette would’ve killed me.”
“No.”
He’s close enough that I feel his breath against my face and his agitation grows. I’d hug him, but he’s as distant as Tobias can be.
Andrei runs his tongue along his bottom lip and the way he looks at me chills the room further. “I lied.”
“What about?”
“The things you saw in my head that day in mental magic.” His hand slides against the back of my neck and he grips hard. “I lied about them, but to myself, not you.”
His eyes transfix me and I'm motionlessness through more than surprise at his admission as he moves his face closer. “Every time we fuck, I want more. If I could taste your blood and stop myself going too far, I would.”
Breaking away from his grip, I pull away from him. “You arsehole. Is that what I am? A fuck?” I snap. "That's a disgusting thing to say!"
“Did you hear what I said?” he retorts. "I want your blood."
“I will not stop trusting you,” I reply, but an instinct to protect myself stirs inside, throwing doubt on whether I should stay here.
Andrei takes hold of me again and his lips touch my cheek, slowly and gently moving across my face. “That trust takes me to a place I never believed I belonged, one where I could love and be loved, but I can’t deny what I am."
"You've proved you're more than that," I murmur.
"Yeah? How many other hemia have fucking chaperones to keep them under control?”
My breath hitches as his mouth touches my pulse point. “Because your grandfather wants to protect you from your mother.”
Each moment his warm lips rest against my neck, the harder my heart beats, and he inhales against my skin. “You risk your life with me.”
“I shouldn’t come near you when you’re high,” I say, annoyed by my breathlessness. “You’re not thinking straight.”
The room blurs for a moment and I gasp as my back hits the wall across his room, with Andrei’s hand around my neck where his mouth once was. His intense expression isn’t the worrying thing here; it’s his dulled thoughts.
“And I know why you take the risk,” he says. “You’re curious. You wanted to know what would happen if you let me close. That curiosity isn't satisfied, is it?”
I remain still, holding his look to allow me to push into his thoughts. I can hear my heart beating in my ears as it pumps the blood I see colouring his mind red.
Andrei brushes a thumb across my pulse point and smiles. “Did somebody tell you witches feel a high to match the vampire’s? You know that’s how Lorna was lured to her death by the guy who eventually killed her.”
I swallow hard. My curiosity and the attraction to a risk I take with Andrei each time we're physically close influences me more than I’d admit to him or myself. At any moment, a hemia guy could lose control with a witch, but I never cared because I believed Andrei loved me and would stop.
But I chose Andrei Tepes, and he's a bigger risk.
“I’m not doing this now, Andrei,” I say and curl my fingers around his hand to pull him away. “You’re high and saying things you don’t mean.”
The craziest part of all this is I’m more bothered by Andrei saying we fuck than his confession he wants my blood.
“But you want the same thing, don’t you?” he says, eyes fixed on mine again. “I promised I’d never pull anybody under my influence again to assault them, but I wouldn’t be assaulting you, would I?”
I fight to control my breathing and will my heart to calm down. I'm confused and exhausted—the fear I had for Andrei’s life prompted everything tonight.
The fear I'd lose him.
“I love you, Andrei,” I whisper. He blinks at me but doesn’t reply. “Yes, I’m curious but I'm equally frightened. I’m not stupid—when I walked into this relationship, I knew the eventual outcome.”
Andrei’s lips are a whisper away from mine and I fight against the desire to kiss him, frightened what I’d pull us into.
“But not tonight, Andrei. If you let in your true self tonight when you're already out of control, you'd use what happens as ammunition against yourself. You'd push me away again, and I don’t want to lose you.”
I don’t want you to go too far.
Andrei’s body pushes harder against mine but instead of scaring me, his arousal fuels the lust he always draws into my mind and body. And
rei winds my hair around his long fingers, and he tugs my head back teasing my lips with his tongue. My breath hitches as he tightens his grip and trails kisses along my neck, slowly and softly.
“You lose yourself to me every single time,” he murmurs. “And I lose myself in you. What do you think your darkness will do to us? Because your shadows tempt me and mine tempt you.”
“Not tonight,” I repeat.
“You want me to let you go?” he whispers, mouth moving against mine.
I expected to find an emotional and highly-charged Andrei, but I'm shocked by how hard Yvette's attack has hit him. Is he behaving like this to push me away? Convincing himself he belongs in the dark, away from others? Or is this our reality?
He’s right. One day I’ll do what he wants, to prove something to myself and to him.
Our hearts beat in unison as we lock ourselves in a moment that could go either way—backwards, towards the end, or into a place that’s only the beginning and will change us forever. But I’m out of control myself, still shocked and trying to come to terms with what I did to Yvette. Taking such a big step with Andrei shouldn’t happen like this.
“No.”
Andrei takes a shuddery breath before running the back of his hand down my face. “Is this the reason you’re holding back from me? Is this over?”
I moisten my sore lips. “No. We need to stop hiding from the truth.”
The night I walked into this room and crossed a line with Andrei, I fooled myself. I wasn't chasing the thrill of becoming the unobtainable guy’s lover after wearing him down. No. That night, I had sex with a vampire who hides part of who he is to allow himself close to me. I need to face the reality—if Andrei can't be his true self around me, that will kill what we have.
And there's a deeper truth that I refuse to admit.
The part of himself that Andrei hides is what I've wanted from the start.
Chapter Thirty
JAMIE
Maeve isn't in her room this morning; I presume she's with Andrei or Ash, so I sit in the common room waiting. The sun actually shines for once after dreary days, and I look out the window and consider what me and Maeve could to do together today. We could go into town, catch a movie, anything to get her away from the academy for a few hours.
I frown as I spot Maeve’s figure crossing towards Walcott from Petrescu. When I checked in on her last night, Maeve was in her room, in her pyjamas.
Shit. Not the heartbeat again.
I’m downstairs, ready to run across and meet Maeve within half a minute, but somebody beats me to her. Sofia stands between us, talking to Maeve, who digs her hands into the hoodie she’s wearing and stares at her shoes.
I stride over. “Good morning, Sofia.”
Sofia snaps her head around. “No. It is not.”
I look between her reddened face and Maeve's pale, tired one. “What’s happened?”
“Something involving you degenerates, I presume.” Sofia's eyes narrow. I shake my head in confusion. “Where were you last night, Jamie?”
“Bed.”
“Your own? Alone?”
“Yes.”
“Were you involved?”
“I’m sorry, I’m confused,” I say.
What the hell have Maeve and Andrei done?
Sofia’s mouth presses into a thin line. “I have three witches in the infirmary. One has a vampire bite, and none of the three are talking sense. Somebody has used powerful mental magic on them—too powerful for their minds. If there's serious damage, I will ensure every, single one of you pay for this.”
“Who are they?” I ask hoarsely.
“Cody, Yvette, and Kimberly. The trio came to me last week claiming hemia stalked Kimberly and I told them not to cause trouble.” She narrows her eyes at Maeve. “But it would seem Petrescu don’t care about trouble.”
She thinks this was Andrei.
Shit.
“And do you have a clever alibi for him again, Maeve,” she continues coldly. "Is that why you were in his bed again?"
“For who?”
I close my eyes at Maeve’s words. Don’t upset Sofia.
“Andrei Tepes.”
“If you’re accusing him, find proper evidence this time,” she says and meets Sofia’s eyes.
Maeve. Shut up.
“This academy is falling apart!” exclaims Sofia and two students passing by catch her words and glance at us.
“I’m sure Andrei will happily to speak to Theodora,” Maeve says. “I’ll speak to her too, if you think I’m involved again.”
Sofia tips her chin upwards. “Theodora knows about the witches in the infirmary. I asked her to talk to you all but expect I’m wasting my time. She has no control anymore.”
I try to catch Maeve’s eye, but she won’t look at me.
“If Maeve tells you what happened to the witches, Jamie, please come to me and explain. This would count in your favour once the time comes.”
“What time?” asks Maeve.
“The time the Confederacy discover what in the blazes is happening here—and your connection.” She places her hands behind her back and leans into Maeve's face. "And deals with you all."
Sofia's long skirts swish behind as she storms towards the door to Walcott. Maeve’s shoulders slump as she drops her cool facade.
“What happened? Who hurt the witches?” I whisper.
She shakes her head and leads me to a bench beneath the oak tree. “Someone hurt Kimberly. Yvette attacked Andrei last night. I found him standing in a ring of fire and—" she takes a huge breath. “I attacked Yvette, Jamie.”
“You hurt her mind?”
“I don’t know.” Her tired eyes well up. “Tobias used stronger than average mental magic on them because they needed to forget a lot—what if he's hurt Yvette and Cody?”
I slump back on the bench. The sunny day suddenly isn’t as bright anymore. “Tell me everything, Maeve, including why Tobias was with you.”
Chapter Thirty-One
JAMIE
I’m with Sofia on one thing—what the bloody hell is happening to the academy? Yvette is in Andrei’s group for the challenge; why would she do this to him? At first, I can’t process what Maeve tells me, filled with disbelief at Yvette’s actions and Cody’s in supporting her. We meet up with Ash to debrief and he listens silently, but his expression grows into shock. We’re filled with the same sense of powerlessness as the last time something threatened Andrei.
Ash and I sit either side of Maeve, who refuses to move from the bench, in case Confederacy arrive. She’s dressed in the same clothes as earlier and sits with the hood over her head. I know why: she’s crying and doesn’t want us to fuss. I attempt to reassure her that the three witches can’t remember, so Andrei can’t be in trouble.
But what if they remember?
Taking advantage of Maeve’s distraction, I silently communicate to Ash that I want to talk to him and stand. Unnoticed by her, we move closer to the tree, out of earshot.
“Do you think the Confederacy will take Andrei?” whispers Ash, a cautious eye on Maeve. "I heard that Sofia wants all hemia questioned."
“I’m not sure. There isn’t a huge fuss this time and nobody died.” I sigh. “The bigger issue might be the magic used on the three of them by Tobias.”
Ash drags a hand down his face. “Saving Andrei’s backside again.”
I chew my lip and look to Maeve. “You don’t understand. If the magic caused permanent damage, the person responsible will be in serious trouble.”
“Jamie. We need to let Tobias back into our circle.” His wariness switches to me and I clench my jaw. “You have to put aside how you feel, for Maeve’s sake.”
Deep down, I know Ash is right, but he isn’t a witch and doesn’t understand the seriousness of Tobias’s crimes to our society. Tobias changed our future by wiping out the one family who could stand against the Blackwoods—the witches who could destroy us all. But what about the curse? I'm more scared for Maeve's safet
y than any hate I have for Tobias. “I know. Tobias has a purpose in all this whether we like the idea or not.”
“Exactly. And Tobias cares about her, Jamie. He saved her life once and he’s part of us. I think Tobias loves her too.”
My mouth twists in disgust. “Yeah, right.”
With a sigh, Ash digs his hands into his jacket pockets. “Tobias still has links to Confederacy. That could be helpful in figuring out what the shifters’ game is.”
I’ve considered all this myself, but I saw Maeve’s distress immediately after Tobias told her the truth and that morning isn’t something I’ll easily forget.
But I need to forgive—or as much as I can.
I turn my back to Maeve on the bench. “I’m going up to the infirmary. I want to see how the three witches are.”
“I doubt the nurse would let you in, Jamie, and I don’t reckon the witches will want to see one of Andrei’s mates.”
“Can you come with me?”
“Uh. Why?”
“Don’t worry, there won’t be any blood.”
He pulls a face. “Ha ha.”
“Yeah, I’d like to see the three, but you’re right that they won’t appreciate my visit. No, I want to look at their medical notes to know what we’re dealing with—whether this is due to Tobias's magic or something more.”
“Is looking at notes allowed?”
I shake my head at Ash. “Of course not, but you can distract the nurse.”
Ash groans. “Secret agents again, huh?”
“You said we need to involve Tobias; he needs information.” I lower my voice. “Especially if their condition means trouble for him.”
The smell of lavender spills from the infirmary as we approach. The scent always evokes memories of times I spent in school nurses’ rooms when I was younger. Inside, the infirmary contains another smell I recognise as a mix of oils designed to encourage calm.
Ash hangs back as I sneak in and peek around the corner towards the beds. Long, light blue curtains are drawn across a section and, as the only other person here is a shifter guy I vaguely recognise, the three witches must be behind there. No nurse. Is she behind the curtain too?
