by LJ Swallow
“Worry could cloud them or cause me to misinterpret. I accept I can change the future if forewarned, but not until the moment I see, so I can’t obsess.”
“You’re different to the Maeve I first met.”
“In a lot of ways,” I mumble. “Don’t you understand that the fact you won’t forgive yourself tells me more about you than your killing?”
“Don’t you understand that facing you means I have to face something I don’t ever want to think about?” he replies hoarsely.
I snap my head back. “The deaths or the curse?”
“Both.”
The loosened Tobias has wound tight again and when I reach out for his hand, he doesn’t respond. “I need you, Tobias.”
“What if I kill you?” he says through gritted teeth. “Do you know how close I came to attacking you the night we...” With an exasperated noise, he turns and pushes a hand into his hair.
“And you’d tasted my blood and still didn’t,” I say softly and touch his back. “If you’re convinced this curse will play out, then you know the outcome.” His death. “Is that why you don’t want to come near me? Because you’d rather die?”
“You think staying away from you will stop that?” he says to the fields below. “Because it won’t, and you know why.”
“I don’t know why. I never understand you half the time, Tobias.”
He turns again. “Because I will never be able to stay away from you.”
The confused strain on his face matches that of the night at the Blackwoods and in our minds we’re both there again, locked in the desire, and held together by the binding curse.
I half-stumble when his palm curves around my face. “I’ve fought every day not to come looking for you and ask you to listen to me. I couldn’t—I didn’t want to see that same disgust and hatred on your face that ripped into me the moment I told you. I believe I’m still the evil creature I was because in that moment, I destroyed you.”
“Don't you understand? You ripped away the lies and revealed the truth, Tobias,” I say, voice breaking. “You’ve exposed secrets that someone decided should never be told. Ones that change everything. They could change us. Everything could be better.”
He rubs his thumb down my cheek towards my lips, his breath speeding. “How? We’re fucking cursed, Maeve.”
“I’m going to break the curse. I told you.”
He rolls his eyes upwards. “And I told you that’s impossible.”
“No. You told me a Winterfall cursed you and their magic no longer exists.” I take his face and turn it back to me. “I’m a Winterfall. I have the power; all I need is the spell.”
I wait for him to comment on my naivety again, to dismiss my silly notion. His skin is smooth beneath my fingers and I’ve triggered everything again. Can we ever touch without sending energy this intense between us?
“Tobias. If you want to face what you did, you need to help me find everything I can about the Winterfalls. You didn’t randomly walk into their house that day. You planned. You must know more about the family; otherwise how would you know they'd all be at the house that day? How could you break through their powerful wards?”
He falls silent for a moment before answering. “Because the Winterfalls invited me, Maeve. I knew some of the family. They trusted me.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
TOBIAS
How many more times can I break Maeve’s heart, because every time I do, I lose a part of myself.
Her mind flies into turmoil again. You knew them.
“I befriended some family members and met them a couple of times. They are the ones who invited me”
“Female family members, I presume? Stupid ones pulled in by the vampire hybrid lying to them?” I wish she sounded angry, but there’s a strange defeat in her voice.
“Yes. I had no other way to enter the estate.”
Her face crumples. “This gets worse. Did you know her... Astrid?”
“No!” I half-shout. “No, Maeve.” I’ve lied to myself that worrying about Maeve’s reaction is the only reason I kept away. No. Each time I revisit the past, I relive everything. I can't cope with this—or her.
I gently move Maeve to one side and try to leave but she snatches the back of my shirt.
“No, you don’t!” she snaps. “Stop running!”
“I can’t do this to you anymore, Maeve. Stop asking questions.” I grab her hand and yank it away from my shirt, so she snatches my wrist instead.
“What did you see when you were in the house? Can you remember anything you think can help me?” My mouth drops open. “Are you sure everything burned?”
“Maeve,” I say hoarsely.
“Don’t you understand?” she cries when I turn. “You’re my connection to the Winterfalls. My aunt can’t keep up with reality, so she’s no help.”
“Don’t push my mind there,” I say harshly.
I stumble as Maeve pushes me in the chest, shocked by her response. “You need to let go and help, Tobias. Let me in. Push him out.”
Oh, fuck, no. Not angry, emotional Maeve. I’m too drawn into the scene between us to register the pneuma and lamia in me feeding on the atmosphere, and I can’t back up because the balcony rail is behind me and she’s standing in front of the door.
Her blood pumps harder and an image of Maeve naked beneath me joins the scent from her anger, but there’s no bloody way she’s taking me there again. Not today.
Maeve’s eyes widen and as she picks up my thought. "Tobias—" she begins.
“Yes. I want you, Maeve. All of you. Every last piece, but I never can.”
“That’s not true,” she protests. “I want to give you all of me—if you give me all of you. Then I know I’m safe.”
“You're not.”
“Sometimes I think you and Andrei are more alike than you realise, talking as if I’m too weak to survive. Andrei learned to let go and connect.”
I laugh harshly. “Andrei hasn’t murdered witches.”
“Shut up!” she shouts and the emotion rolls from her, washing over and dragging me back with the tide. “You said you’d help me—then help me. Yes, what's between us is painful but we need to do this. If I can let go of the past and accept how I feel, you also have to.”
I barely hear Maeve's words; I’m fixated on her as strongly as if she’d climbed into my mind and taken over. For a moment I think she has, but this is all me.
I reach out and curl a hand around the back of her neck and dig my fingers into her skin as I tighten them. “Kiss me.” I pull Maeve's face closer to mine, and her cheeks flush as her blood pulses harder. “If you genuinely believe I won’t hurt you when my control loosens; if you trust me heart, body, and soul, kiss me.”
“That depends,” she says hoarsely. “Which Tobias are you right now?”
“All of them, Maeve. He will always be with me when I’m touching you—whispering to me, reminding me, pushing me to let go.” My lips touch Maeve’s cheek and her breath hitches. “That’s the risk you take.”
“I didn’t come here for this, Tobias,” she breathes out.
“But ‘this’ follows us everywhere. Are you going to kiss me or not?” I move my head back when she doesn’t reply and loosen my grip on her neck. “No? Because you know how wrong we are. I will help you Maeve, but this stops.”
Wide eyes with darkened pupils look back at me. “This will never stop, Tobias.”
Maeve pushes me in the chest and my back bumps against the railings as she presses herself to me and crashes her mouth on mine. Her fingers splay across my stomach, beneath my shirt and she may as well have pushed her way inside and pulled him out.
Fuck.
The Maeve I never thought I’d have again clings to me and kisses me, and my heart aches when I sense her worry that I’ll push her away again. She doesn’t realise how I’ve struggled to breathe since she walked in here today and that this kiss breathes life into the guy who loves her, not the one with darker desires.
<
br /> I’ve craved the high from her touch and kiss every day since our bodies met, longed to explore her body again and not stop. This insane reaction to Maeve pulls me between hunger and despair—despair because I can never reach that point with her. I’ve destroyed her once and never want to experience her pain again. Obsessing over those memories hurts—acting on them and damaging Maeve would kill me.
With willpower I never possessed in my shadowed past, I turn my head from Maeve and try to block my senses, but she covers me. Her taste is on my tongue, blood close to the surface and colouring her cheeks, the scent driving deep into my hemia side. I’m desperate to consume Maeve, but she’s the one who consumes me.
“Maeve,” I say hoarsely. “Don’t do this to me. To us.”
This time, there’s no tears. No protest or distress that I’ve pushed her away. She fights to control her breathing and slowly moves her hands away from my body, and her eyes are clear with determination. I tense, now certain I’ll give in if she kisses me once more.
Instead, she takes a shaky step back.
“This isn’t over,” she says. “I will break this curse and you will never, ever treat me like this again.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
MAEVE
I'm unsurprised when Theodora calls me to her room before class, but I am surprised that Sofia isn't with her and that I'm alone. How much does Theodora know about last night’s events?
Perspiration growing across my back, I sit on the sofa as indicated and straighten my skirt before picking off imaginary lint. Theodora stands across the room close to the window, and when I subtly reach out to gauge her mood, I sense an absence that matches the one in her green eyes.
"Sofia approached me today with concerns and informed me about the Walcott witches who are unwell. What is your theory, Maeve?"
I frown in confusion, wary because you could be asking about any of a few possibilities. "About?"
"The change in Petrescu students. Has Andrei reacted differently to you?"
Has Sofia planted this thought in Theodora's mind? "I haven't noticed a change, and I haven't felt threatened by him. Are you worried about more division in the academy? Yvette makes no secret about how she feels."
She pauses long enough for my discomfort to grow. "I wasn't, but now I have an unexplained incident that involves hemia, witches, and a powerful mental magic user."
"Do you have suspicions?" I ask cautiously.
Theodora moves to sit in the wing-backed armchair opposite, then folds her hands in her lap, stiffly upright. "Yes, which is why I'd like to speak to you about your Winterfall connection."
"I was involved, but I didn't use magic," I blurt, hoping she can't read my lie.
Her red-painted lips remain thin. "Yes. I don't know the whole story, but judging by the magic, Tobias was involved. I'll speak to him presently."
"And the witches?" I ask cautiously.
"I've instructed Sofia and Garrett to subtly investigate the situation. Fortunately, nobody died, and we can carry on as normal. I will not be taking this any further."
Is this woman insane? I quickly hide the thought, but somebody on campus attacked other students and she’s doing nothing. She’d accept permanent damage to the witches? April’s death? Tobias needs to come back into the academy.
"Tobias helped, Theodora. He always helps. Maybe reconsider his position here?"
"You're defending the man?" She arches a shaped brow.
"Not for his past, no. But for the present and the future, yes."
The room sinks into silence for a moment before she speaks again. "You're a very different girl to the one who arrived, Maeve. But do you understand the role you have here?"
"To fight against the Dominion and keep the academy safe."
"That's rather simplistic." She sighs deeply. "And impossible unless you look further into your heritage. If I'd known you're a Winterfall, I could've assisted you."
And that’s it? No more talk about dangers around the academy?
"Did you know the Winterfall family?"
She blinks. "A little. They helped me in the past, against the Blackwoods. My position as a founding Confederacy member shortly after the Purge brought me closer to witch business than I'd like."
"The Blackwoods? Have they threatened you?"
Her laughter chimes. "Sweetest girl, I spent years threatened by witches and vampires—and the occasional shifter. I tired of life on the council and stepped down to take over an academy instead. Some may accuse me of cloistering myself away, but my sole intention is to protect my students and the future of our world."
I bite my lip; my next words could see me punished for insolence, and I'm unaware what punishment Theodora doles out. "With respect, Theodora, aren't you exposing the students to risk allowing the academy to remain open?"
"I have a duty to protect," she repeats, and her eyes harden.
"But Petrescu are—"
"I'll identify those slipping, if this is indeed the case, and ensure they're kept separate."
"You will tell the Confederacy, won't you?" I urge. "What if the next attack is worse?"
"You seem to think you've input into how I run my academy, Ms. Foster," she says stiffly. "I have enough Confederacy interference currently; I do not wish for more."
I take another deep breath. I may as well air everything while I'm here. "And Gilgamesh? The shifters?"
She makes a scornful noise. "Ashley came to me about the unsanctioned activity by some students. That behaviour isn't new. Every year, stronger Gilgamesh students indulge in early shifting. I always inform their council, but as the activities never cause me issues, I ignore this childish behaviour."
Childish behaviour? "But Vincent?" I blurt.
"Isn't at the academy anymore."
"He could be organising something. He disappeared the night Anastasia took me and we're positive they're responsible for his existence. Doesn't that worry you?"
As Theodora stands and moves back to the window, I stare in disbelief at the elegant woman. In the past, her calm and commanding front slipped with fear for her students, but now she's composed and ignoring the reality around her.
"No, Maeve, I'm quite lucid." Crap. I forget her strength in mind-reading. "The mistrust I hold for those within the academy has spread to the Confederacy in general. However, I'm informed that Vincent was apprehended and handed over to the shifter council."
"No!" I half-shout and she snaps her head around to look at me. "That's a bad idea." And is that even true?
"Goodness, Maeve. Within the space of a few months you've become expert in Confederacy affairs." Her voice is edged with irritation. "Each race must deal with their troublemakers. This is set in stone."
"But Vincent is more than a troublemaker. He wants a war." I pause. "And he's not a shifter anymore!"
"Then his race will deal with him—imprisonment or death sentence."
I drag both hands down my face. "This involves everyone, not only shifters," I mumble. "I can help with that situation."
"One man is less of a concern to me than the threat to my academy," she says tersely. "Your magic is best served in assisting me."
Her academy. Assisting her.
"You need to discover and practice Winterfall magic as a matter of urgency. You must prevent the tragedy witnessed in your vision."
"I intend to. But please reconsider closing the academy."
"I do not take advice from students, Maeve, however powerful they are.” I bow my head. “Has Tobias or your aunt assisted you in discovering more about your history? Did he take anything from the house? Hand something to the Blackwoods?" She steps towards me and looks down. "Do you think Tobias would tell you?"
My mouth dries at her intensity. "No. I heard that's part of the reason the Dominion abandoned him to his fate at Ravenhold. Tobias wasn't supposed to burn the house to the ground; the Blackwoods couldn't salvage anything."
"To the ground?" She relaxes back again. "The house still exists�
�or rather the ruins do. Of course, Confederacy searched the ruined building for magic items and found nothing. If you went to the estate, you could perhaps detect something hidden. Find items to help you. Anything."
Her urgent tone unnerves me. "I—I don't think I'd like to go. My aunt gave me runes and a spell. Isn't that enough?"
Theodora's face brightens. "Runes? How many? Do you have them?"
I nod. "Six. I carry them everywhere."
"Six? Are you sure? Show me."
Doing as she asks, I produce the pouch and tip the stones onto the table. Theodora leans forward and pushes each stone until they're in a row. "Six."
"Like I said."
"Hmm." She takes the pouch and drops the runestones back inside. "I insist that you visit your family's estate. That is our best course of action for you and the academy."
"But won't the Blackwoods follow me? Watch for me?" I protest. "You say your role is to protect—" Theodora’s glacial stare stops me.
"The man who helped you escape the Blackwoods will help." She hands the pouch to me. "Take Tobias with you—and Jamie. Perhaps the other... what is it Sofia calls you? Mavericks."
Visiting the estate could help me—all of us—and I’d considered going, but I’m frightened by what I’ll find, maybe more frightened I’ll find nothing.
Theodora switched from wanting Tobias away from the scenario to now insisting he join me. Does she worry about my safety?
And how would returning to the scene affect Tobias?
Chapter Thirty-Five
MAEVE
I’m nervous, as this is our first meeting as a whole group since Tobias’s revelation, and I hope that our unity in the face of adversity wins. There’s an unusual and subtle shift in dynamics, but Tobias’s silence dominates the room as much as his authoritarian aura has in the past.
Tobias arrives with me, a show of that unity, and the guys are already sitting on the sofa and armchairs, with the folder Jamie discovered placed on the low table between them. Nobody greets Tobias—Jamie and Ash glance at him while Andrei stares at the table instead.
