God, she really wanted me to pop a squat, didn’t she? Fine. Fine, I’d sit down, if it made her happy. I’d stop pacing and just stare at her until she spilled whatever it was out of those beautiful lips.
I sat on my bed, my knees spread apart. I wiped my sweaty palms along my pants, eager to hear whatever it was that had Ash so worried. Although, the more I stared at her, the more I started to realize that she didn’t look upset. She looked…concerned, her brows slightly furrowed together, her jaw tense, and she stared right at me.
Me.
Me?
Was this about me?
I really didn’t want this to be about me.
Ash heaved a giant breath, moving to stand before me. Less than a foot in front of me, and yet I felt distance between us. “While I was at the station, talking to Melendez, I saw other officers walking by in the hall.”
I blinked. “Okay…” I didn’t know what this had to do with me, had no idea where she was trying to go with this, unless…was this about my dad?
“They’re arresting your dad,” Ash finally spoke the words that she’d been keeping in.
Well, it wasn’t like it came as a shock to me, but still, hearing her say it made me ask aloud, “Why?” Why would the police be arresting my dad? Did Will have something to do with this? Just how…
“They supposedly have enough evidence to arrest him for a relationship with an underaged minor,” Ash told me, inching closer until her shoes touched mine. Such small feet compared to mine. How on earth did that girl hold so much weight on her shoulders when she was so freaking small?
Her words sunk in, and I could do nothing but stare at her. My dad in a relationship with an underaged minor? It didn’t make sense. Dad would never…no. Just no.
“That’s impossible,” I told her, about to say more, but the sad look she gave me right then and there shut me up. Her expression read like a broken heart—a broken heart for me? For what was going on with my dad? I didn’t…I didn’t understand, and I was unsure whether or not I wanted to.
“It’s not,” she said, slowly sinking, kneeling before me. She set her hands on my knees, slowly intertwining her fingers with mine, as if trying to be my strength. “And I don’t know this for sure, because Melendez didn’t outright say it, but…but I think your dad was seeing Sabrina.”
The air was knocked from my lungs, and I suddenly felt so very cold. “What?” I could barely get the word out, could hardly speak as I stared into those grey orbs, those beautifully entrancing eyes that drove me crazy.
This was why she wanted to talk to me first? This was…how the hell was I supposed to react to something like this? I could hardly think straight, could scarcely see straight. All I saw in that moment was Ash’s worried face, but my thoughts went wild.
My dad with Sabrina? I instantly wanted to deny the mere notion, but the more I thought about it, the more unsure I became. After all, I’d known for a long time that Sabrina had a wandering soul—I’d stupidly thought she’d always come home to me in the end, but she didn’t. The times when we were broken up, when I knew she was with other people, I never wanted to think about them. But then I found out she’d been with Travis, and then I’d broken up with her.
What if…what if Travis wasn’t the only one she was sneaking around with? What if there were others? What if my dad was one of them?
My dad. I just couldn’t picture it, but the way Ash currently stared up at me, the way her eyes radiated a sadness that I couldn’t help but feel in my bones, I knew she believed it. I knew she felt bad for me. I knew…I knew there might be pieces of this puzzle still missing, but my dad and Sabrina?
“I’m sorry,” Ash went on, squeezing my hands. I felt so cold, and even her warmth could hardly make up for the emptiness I felt inside at the mere possibility that Sabrina had betrayed me yet again—this time with my own father. And my dad? What the hell was I supposed to think of him now? If he and Sabrina were indeed together behind my back, how the hell was that supposed to make me feel?
I didn’t…I didn’t want to think about it.
I didn’t want to give into the notion that it was real, that it had happened all while I was oblivious.
“I wish I could’ve told you differently,” she continued, “but I wanted you to hear it from me and not…not the grapevine or the news.” Her fingers tightened their hold on mine, and I knew Ash believed what she was saying. I also knew there was more just from the look on her face. “Before Sawyer left, he told me he saw the note.”
The note. Sabrina’s note, the note that blamed me. She didn’t have to elaborate for me to know what she was talking about, and my gut clenched the moment I thought about that day, when I found out Sabrina was discovered with a rope around her neck and a note blaming me.
Me. As if I was the one who killed her, strung her up and forced her to die. Me, as if I was the one who cheated on her, strayed. I wasn’t like that. If there was one thing I was, it was loyal. I tried my best to be loyal to my friends, and they turned their backs on me and acted like I was no better than dog shit on the bottom of their shoes. Things had gotten better lately, thanks to Ash, but this brought back all those feelings.
I hated it.
Then Ash said words I wasn’t expecting to hear: “The note didn’t blame you, Declan. The note mentioned a D. Briggs. It never mentioned your name, only the letter D.”
The weight of the truth hit me like a thousand bricks, thrown at me all at once. D. Briggs? The note didn’t speak of me at all? Just the letter, and of course the Salvatores assumed it meant me, because we were together for so long, and so recently broken up. They never once thought it could mean Dean Briggs.
Was that what my dad made her call him, even when they were together? Dean Briggs? My stomach curdled, and I wanted to be sick.
I slowly pulled my hands away from Ash’s, even slower in standing. Ash got to her feet, watching me as I walked toward the door. I needed to think. I needed some time to myself to process this, to—
“No running away,” Ash’s voice cut through my thoughts, causing me to stop. My hand was inches away from the doorknob, shaking a bit. “If I can’t run away anymore, neither can you.”
My eyes closed, and I knew she was right. Still, was it too much to ask for privacy, to want to be alone after hearing that my dad might’ve been sleeping with Sabrina, keeping it a secret from me, for who knew how long? Surely privacy was warranted. I needed a place to think without those stormy grey eyes watching my every move.
I loved Ash, I did, but I wasn’t as strong as her. I didn’t know the right things to do or say. I was just me, Declan Briggs, and you know what? I never felt like I was enough.
Shoulders slumping, I turned. Instead of walking out of the dorm room and taking a walk in the brisk December air, I would lock myself in the bathroom to give myself some alone time to clean up my thoughts and get my emotions under control.
I headed to the bathroom, closing the door. It was only when I flicked on the light, only when I turned the small lock on the doorknob that I let myself breathe a shaky breath. It was an exhale that held a world of emotions back, and I was slow to turn to the giant mirror resting to my left, placing my hands on the counter and gripping the edge.
My eyes met my reflection, and I wondered why I could never be enough for anyone, why everyone always thought they had to lie to me. Ash had said Sawyer told her about the note before he left, but she’d kept it from me for this long. She knew there was something more going on, and she purposefully kept it from me.
How the hell was I supposed to pretend like that didn’t hurt me? It did. It might’ve been a wussy thing to admit, but I was hurt, something aching inside when I thought about Ash keeping things from me, about Sabrina and my dad together.
I loved Sabrina. I loved her more than logic advised. And my dad? He was my freaking dad. It should go without saying that he shouldn’t have ever looked at Sabrina like that, let alone been with her while I was…
Oh, G
od. New, disgusting thoughts raced through my head, and I had to tear myself away from my reflection.
There was a soft knock on the door. “You okay, Declan?” Ash’s voice, curious and kind, which hurt me all the more when I imagined how much pity she must’ve felt for me right now.
Pity. I didn’t want her pity. I wanted her love, nothing else.
“I’ll be fine,” I told her through the door, slipping off my shoes. Piece by piece I shed my clothing until I was naked. “I’m going to shower.” I didn’t need to shower; my body was already clean, but there was nothing else I could think of to do, nothing else I could do to drown out the pain I felt.
I hated feeling like this. Moments like this were why I sometimes hated life.
I stepped into the tub, turning the water on as hot as it would go before switching the water from the faucet to the showerhead. The water pelted the top of my head, and I let out a shaky breath. My eyes found the scar on my wrist again, and I swore right then and there I could feel a lingering, ghostly pain, almost as if my body was scolding me, telling me that it would’ve been simpler to die that night—because at least I wouldn’t have to deal with this.
But then I wouldn’t have Ash. Then I wouldn’t know what being alive again felt like. I couldn’t let this harsh, ugly truth break me again. I would not spiral into a deep depression and lose my will to live. I would not let this break me.
Still.
This sucked.
Chapter Seventeen – Travis
Skipping class had become somewhat of a routine lately. When Ray was on the prowl, it made sense to stick together. Truly, we’d all been foolish to think that with Ray gone, things would calm down. Not even a week could pass before new shit popped up and started happening. Ash wasn’t overly specific during the call, but I knew, just by the tone of her voice, I had to get to her and Declan’s dorm room as fast as I could.
Markus had told me, before he and Lincoln left, that the family would expect something of me soon—my guess was during summer break in a little over six months, because, even though winter break was currently approaching, there was hardly time at all to do anything the family would want.
That was something I’d have to deal with in the summer, I supposed. Right now I was solely focused on Ash and whatever was bothering her.
I walked across campus, ignoring literally everyone else around me. Other people might’ve had their own drama, but I knew ours was decidedly worse. Not every student at Hillcrest could say they’d had to deal with a serial killer while juggling everything else, now could they? Most other students also couldn’t say they’d ended another man’s life, but here I was.
Here I was, and it was as I headed up the stairs that led to Ash’s floor that I felt—strangely—worried. I didn’t often feel things, and when I did, they always centered on Ash. Before her, my life had been nothing special, all about duties and family, just trying to keep myself busy until the time came when my family would make demands of me. The moment Ash stepped onto the scene, the moment those sneakers hit the sidewalks of Hillcrest, everything had changed.
Ash made me feel things. She made me worry, made me try to be a good guy. A better man I’d never be, but for her I would try. Might not succeed, but trying was all that mattered, wasn’t it?
For Ash, I would do anything. I would enslave myself to my family if I had to. I would give up everything I owned, everything that made me who I was, for that girl. She’d never ask me to do such a thing, I knew, but that didn’t change the fact that I would do it. I would do it in a heartbeat.
That girl…that girl had changed me.
I found her door locked, and my fingers curled into a fist as I knocked. The whole locking bit was a habit after Ray; it would be a while before Ash was comfortable leaving any door unlocked. A habit of constantly looking over her shoulder, waiting for Ray to make his return. She needn’t worry now; that son of a bitch was deader than a doornail.
Whatever the fuck that saying meant.
Ash took her time in answering, and I pushed inside her room, instantly hearing the shower running. I spotted Declan’s bag on his desk, knowing he was the one in the shower. There was no way this was some ploy to get us three together again—as in, naked and together again—her voice had been too worried. No, whatever this was, it was something more than a primal, carnal need to be with us again.
It was worse.
Once the door was shut behind me, I strode deeper into the room, watching as Ash nearly collapsed on her bed. She’d long since kicked off her shoes; I saw them resting on the floor beside her bed. I slowly sat beside her, studying her reclining figure with a quiet intensity.
When the silence became too much for me, I asked, “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or should I guess?” I was not good at guessing games; I did not play them growing up, and I really wanted to avoid playing them now. Me and games in general didn’t get along. Sawyer was always the mastermind of plans—me? I just went along for the ride.
Well, unless it involved Ash. If it involved Ash, I put my all into it.
“I went to the police station,” Ash said, sitting up. Her blonde and pink hair was free, and she tucked it behind her ears. She sat less than a foot away from me, her legs behind me on the bed, and she wriggled her toes.
“And I trust you did not overshare your relationship with Ray?” I spoke, lifting my dark brows.
Ash toyed with the fraying holes on her jeans before lifting that peculiar stare and looking at me. “No, but…before leaving, I saw them bring someone else in.” I was just starting to wonder why she thought it pertinent to bring me here for that when she added, “It was Dean Briggs.”
I barely reacted to her words, though inside I was curious. Especially with the way she stared at me right now, I couldn’t help but wonder if Ash thought I already knew, if this was some sort of test. If my Ash was testing me, she’d find I’d pass every single time. “Interesting,” I said. “So I take it Declan’s pretty shaken up over it?”
Was that why I was here? Did she want me to try to cheer Declan up? I wasn’t the kind of guy who did much cheering up or comforting, but if Ash wanted me to…
“He was arrested for an inappropriate relationship with a minor,” Ash stated, still watching me, as if trying to see whether or not I’d known this.
I didn’t. This was all news to me, but it did not affect me, as it would Declan or even Will. Will, though, I knew would be happy to hear news such as this. Me? I still had no idea why Ash thought I would care.
Ash frowned at me. “Sabrina.”
Okay, at that, my eyebrows furrowed. “Sabrina?” At that, I sounded like a broken record. A broken record all because Ash had brought up the one girl that refused to stay buried. Though she’d been gone for a year, Sabrina’s memory still lived on.
“I’m about ninety percent sure that the inappropriate relationship was with Sabrina.”
That…okay, that was news to me. Dean Briggs and Sabrina? It didn’t seem right, plus I never even suspected Sabrina had been with someone else while she and I were going at it behind Declan’s back. Just a way to pass the time, me trying to find a real connection where there was none. Sabrina was not whole, but she wasn’t my other half; Ash was. I saw that now, which was why I’d do anything to keep her.
But Dean Briggs and Sabrina?
Ash’s voice quieted, and she asked, “Did the person you saw leaving the house that day look like it could be Dean Briggs?”
Honestly, that day was a blur, and I’d been too focused on watching Sabrina die to pay much attention to anything else. Bad, bad me. I could’ve saved her, but at that point, my mind was already made up. If I saw a train barreling towards a dozen unaware people, I wouldn’t warn them. I would simply stand there and watch the train hit them.
Death was a beautiful thing. Taboo among most people these days, but I found it beautiful nonetheless, and especially beautiful when my family had a hand in it. When you dealt in death every day, you learn
ed to appreciate its gorgeous simplicity. Death came for everyone; there was no escaping it. Why fight fate, why fear it?
“It could’ve been,” I relented, trying to picture the hooded figure that I’d seen in my peripherals. “But it could’ve been anyone.” My shoulders rose and fell with a single shrug. “I find it hard to believe that Dean Briggs would kill her after forcing her to write a note that put the blame on him.”
It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t smart. Then again, I doubted Dean Briggs was a natural-born killer, but still. Even an idiot would realize having a note at a crime scene blaming yourself would only point fingers at you.
“Maybe he didn’t supervise the note,” Ash suggested. “Maybe he was in a hurry because he didn’t want to get caught. It could be that Sabrina wrote D. Briggs instead of Declan Briggs to try to tell everyone who really killed her.” She tried rationalizing it, but still. It didn’t make much sense to me.
“So you think Dean Briggs killed her, and told her to write that note blaming Declan, but she put D. Briggs instead?” I asked quietly. The water still ran in the bathroom, so I knew Declan couldn’t hear us. “Maybe, but you’d think he would’ve checked the note before stringing her up.” So matter-of-fact about it, but there wasn’t any other way to be.
Death was death.
Ash let out a soft sigh. “I don’t know. I just know that Declan’s really torn up about it. I imagine Will won’t be, but…” She withdrew her legs, moving to swing them beside me. The side of her right leg touched my left, and I let her warmth flow through me. “I hate that this is happening. I wish I could change it, make it better.”
I said nothing, because at that point there was nothing to say.
“And I know it’s wrong, but a selfish part of me is almost glad that she’s gone, that Dean Briggs fucked up,” Ash whispered, glancing at me, as if expecting me to scold her for thinking such things. I was not one to judge; she should know that by now. “If Sabrina was alive, if Dean Briggs and her were never together, I might never have come here. I’d never have met Declan, or you, or any other Hillcrest boy.”
Killer: A Dark College Romance (Hillcrest University Book 5) Page 14
