Keyword: Sawyer. And Will, but Will was not a boy of Hillcrest.
“This chance for me to come here a year ahead of time, to get a free ride, basically, would never have fallen in my lap if I didn’t remind Dean Briggs of Sabrina.” Ash let out a scoff, a sound that almost was a chuckle, but more pained than that. “I was literally only chosen because his dad felt like shit after what he did. I didn’t get accepted based on my merits or anything. My looks, my appearance—I was Dean Briggs’s apology to Declan, only Declan didn’t know what he was apologizing for.”
I knew Ash’s words were probably true. They were probably true, but simply because they were true did not hide the fact that they hurt her. Ash was the kind of girl who wanted to be special, but not because she looked somewhat like another girl. She didn’t want to be used as a chess piece in anyone’s game.
“If Sabrina was still alive, I would’ve gone to SCC with Kelsey,” Ash mumbled, biting her bottom lip. “And Ray would’ve got me. He would’ve tracked me down, like he did here, and he would’ve gotten me one way or another.”
“Now isn’t the time to linger on what could’ve been,” I told her, meaning every word. My hand went to her back, toying with the hemline of her shirt, my fingertips grazing the flesh on her lower back. I hoped I felt as warm to her as she did to me. I hoped I made chills go down that spine. “We have to face what is, Ash.”
A half-hearted sigh escaped her lips, and she leaned into me, whispering, “I know. I know that, but it’s hard. Things would be so different. It’s selfish of me to be happy that she’s dead. It’s wrong.”
Ash and I were two people very past the point of simply being wrong. We were so far over the line, we could no longer see it. Right and wrong didn’t apply to us anymore.
“If you want me to agree with you there, you know I won’t,” I told her, turning to get a better hold of her, no longer allowing her to cuddle against my shoulder. One of my hands found her neck, fingers curling around her throat slowly. “I wouldn’t give you up for anything, Ash. I would never take back what I did—or didn’t—do. It led me to you.”
It was almost funny, how innocent and fragile Ash looked in my hands. The way her head tilted back just enough to keep her hair out of her face, how her lips parted ever so slightly to allow short, rapid breaths out. She appeared so very breakable, and yet, past her looks, I knew she was stronger than most people gave her credit for.
Sure, she made mistakes—and certain mistakes I’d rather not think of—but didn’t we all? Being human, being alive, meant mistakes would be made. Even I made mistakes, and I prided myself on being calculated and cold.
I truly thought I was, until her. Until she came into the picture, making me actually care about things. Crazy, I knew. Me, Travis Scott, actually caring about someone else, wanting what was best for another person? Preposterous, but here we were.
With my hand around her neck, I brought my face down to hers, giving her a fast, heated kiss. Just enough to tell her that she was everything to me, that, without her, I would be nothing. A lot for such a quick kiss, but I knew now was not the time to do anything more.
It was…such an unfortunate thing sometimes, caring for others.
When our lips parted, I murmured, “Have you checked on him?”
“I think he wants to be alone,” Ash answered, letting out a sigh when I released my hold on her throat.
I could understand needing to be alone—if there was someone who went out of their way to brood, it was me—but this was not the kind of news one should contemplate alone. Especially Declan, considering his past and everything he’d been through up until this point. With that one, you never knew. Declan might put on a brave face, but inside a war raged. He might’ve taken Sawyer’s insults and pranks last year without recourse, but the moment Ash came to campus, he’d changed, morphed into something else, someone stronger.
Now, whether that strength was genuine or only pretend, I didn’t know. What I did know, however, was that Declan being upset was hurting Ash, and that was something I’d do my damnedest to stop.
I measuredly got off the bed, making my way to the bathroom. The handle was locked, but it wasn’t one of those locks where you needed a tiny pick to get in. All I had to do was grab a butter knife from the kitchenette area and push it into the outside of the knob and twist it to unlock it.
Still holding the butter knife, I went in, closing the door behind me as I was met with the steamy air. Thick and warm, it was almost difficult to breathe the air in. I set the butter knife down on the counter near the sink, leaning against the door as I slowly folded my arms. Declan’s clothes were in a heap on the floor; my guess was he got out of them as fast as he could before hopping in the shower.
Declan couldn’t see me through the shower curtain, and all I could see of him was his shadow. His voice carried over the water, “Ash, I’ll be fine. I just…I need some time, okay? I’m not going to run away, I promise.”
My eyebrows lifted at that as I wondered if Declan had tried to run away before coming here and hiding in the shower. I said nothing, staring at the curtain in silence, nothing but the sound of running water gracing my ears and the feeling of humid steam touching my skin.
His fingers curled around the curtain, slowly pulling it open. “Are you okay—” Declan’s question fell off his lips when he noticed it was me and not Ash, not our shared obsession. Because that’s what it was, at least for me. Love—I didn’t know if I was capable of such an emotion, but Declan? He was. He loved her so much he was consumed.
It all came down to obsession in the end.
“Oh,” Declan said, his expression falling, obviously disappointed that it was me and not Ash. “It’s you.” He yanked the curtain closed, hiding his wet, naked form from me. He was lean, I’d give him that, not an ounce of fat anywhere on his body, but me? I was toned. I was strong. Plus, my body wasn’t so plain, being so riddled with tattoos.
Really, what girl would choose him over me? It was a question that plagued my mind, and then I realized that Ash wasn’t choosing. She wouldn’t. If we went to her and asked her to choose one or the other, my bet would be she’d laugh in our faces and tell us to fuck off. She’d either have all of us, or she’d have none. She was spiteful like that, and she knew none of us could handle a life without her now.
That girl drove me crazy in the best and worst ways.
“What are you doing in here?” Declan asked.
“Ash told me what she found out,” I said. I would forever keep the little tidbit of finding Sabrina while she was still alive to myself. Declan would have it out with me, for sure. It would only end up badly for him, but he’d be foolish enough to try to beat me, anyway.
It was a while before Declan muttered, “Oh, yeah? Well…that’s great.” Great was the last thing this situation was; knowing his father was possibly involved with Sabrina was probably too much for him.
If I was a normal person, it’d be too much for me, especially after the things we’d been through up until this point.
“It’s okay to be upset, you know,” I told him, causing him to harshly pull open the curtain again. This time he was careful to only pull it open enough to reveal his face to me, not the rest of him. I’d seen his naked body so many times it was beginning to be burned in my memory, thanks to Ash.
“If this is some kind of pep talk, I’d rather we didn’t,” Declan muttered, shooting me a frown. The frown didn’t sit well on his face; he was a grinner, not a frowner. His dimples weren’t suited for such negative facial expressions.
“I don’t give pep talks.”
“Then what is this?”
I shrugged, meeting his dark eyes. “I don’t know.” And that was the truth. I didn’t know what the hell this was. Me, trying to make Declan feel better? Come on. I was long past the point where I gave a shit about what Declan felt, but if that was the case, why the fuck was I in here, trying to talk to him? Ash drove me to do things I would never normally do.
> “Great,” Declan muttered, closing the curtain yet again. It sounded as if he put his head directly under the showerhead; you could tell by the way the water’s sounds changed.
“I know it doesn’t mean much, but if it makes you feel any better, I had no idea either,” I told him, my skin itching. The longer I stood in this steamy bathroom, the harder it was for me to breathe. Declan hadn’t turned the fan on, so the steam had nowhere to go. I resisted my urge to flick the second switch to turn it on, my fingers curling on my arms as I held them in front of my chest.
“That doesn’t make me feel better.”
Eh, I figured that, but I might as well try, right? I was here, for whatever reason, trying to make him feel better.
“Maybe if you weren’t sleeping with her while she was with me,” Declan went on. “Maybe then it would mean something.” Silence as the sounds of the water overtook the bathroom yet again. It was a long while, and I honestly debated whether I should just leave, but then he said something else: “It’s my dad, Travis. My dad.” He sounded…pained, stressed, and a great deal confused.
If I had empathy, I would’ve felt bad for him.
“I know,” I said.
“Even if he’s arrested, they won’t keep him there. How the hell am I supposed to look at him? What am I supposed to say?”
Even I didn’t know the answers to those questions, and I liked to think I knew a lot more than the average college student when it came to real-world things. When you were born in my family, you tended to be tossed to the wolves straight away; it’s simply how things were done, to weed out those who were weak and those who would flourish in the family.
“I don’t know,” I told him. “It’s a tough situation.”
Declan let out a short chuckle, though the sound was anything but happy. “Tell me about it.”
“At least you’re not alone,” I said. “At least you have Ash now.” And, by extension, me. As long as Declan had Ash, he would have me as well.
Declan went to turn the water off, though he made no moves to come out. “That’s what I thought when I had Sabrina,” he whispered, his voice sad, downtrodden. He’d been given the short stick in life time and time again, with what happened to his mother, and then Sabrina, and now all of this. If I could feel, I’d feel for him.
“I don’t think anyone really had Sabrina,” I told him, watching as his arm reached out and grabbed a towel hanging off a nearby rack on the wall. Sabrina was…not normal, but I didn’t think any of the Salvatores were. They all had their problems, as did everyone else.
It was but a moment before Declan stepped out of the shower, his damp feet on the mat on the floor just outside of it. He must’ve quickly run the towel over his hair, because it wasn’t dripping, and its brown lengths stuck every which way. The towel now hung around his waist, covering his dick, not that any of it was a new sight for me.
Declan posed a question that made me think: “Does anyone really have Ash?”
I wanted to tell him yes, that I had her, that he had her, that his stupid, annoying, haughty brother had her. Hell, even fucking Sawyer had her, and the bastard wasn’t even here—but I didn’t. I couldn’t say any of that, because, the longer I thought about it, the more I realized he was right.
Ash was wild. Ash did what she wanted when she wanted, and she never stopped to ask permission. She had us all by the balls, and she knew it. I never considered myself a slave to anything, except my obsessions, but she turned that around, made us her puppets. But, you know what? You know what the strangest thing about all of it was? I didn’t mind. I didn’t mind joining the cult that was Ash, doing what she wanted me to do. Everything that I’d done lately had been for her.
I was seconds from telling him that he was right, that Ash would always be just out of reach, but then the devil herself popped in the room, poking her blonde head in with a small grin as she said, “Heard my name. What are you two boys talking about?” Her grey eyes flicked between us, and she leaned her hip on the doorframe, letting out all of the steam. “Hey, I’m glad you guys can use me to bond again, but just so you know, if you ever decide to get friendly with each other, I definitely want to watch.”
I could only stare at her, wondering exactly what she meant, while Declan’s mouth fell agape, like he wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn’t. His cheeks flushed a deeper pink shade, and not because of the hot shower he’d just gotten out of, which only made Ash laugh.
She moved closer to him, setting a hand on his arm as she gazed up at his flushed face. “You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed, Declan. I will never get tired of it.” Before Declan could gather his wits to respond, she wrapped her arms around his bare waist and hugged him. “You know I’m here for you, right? Through thick and thin, good and bad, all that shit—we’ll get through it together, okay?” She tilted her face, leaning her cheek against his lower chest, her eyes meeting his.
It was all such a sweet, sickening display of affection I either wanted to be ill or tear her off him and hold her against me instead.
Declan was slow to hug her back, closing his brown eyes and letting out a long, unhurried breath. “I know,” he told her. “I wouldn’t know what to do without you, Ash.”
“Oh, you mean besides have a somewhat normal life?” Ash teased, slowly disentangling herself from him as she stood between us, glancing at me. “Where’s the fun in that?” Mischief flashed across her eyes as she studied me. I couldn’t imagine what thoughts ran through that head of hers.
Ash was a mystery. Unpredictable in every way. It’s what drew me to her, what made me fall for her. I never thought I could feel true, unsullied feelings for another person—nothing more than what they could do for me—but with Ash, it was different. It wasn’t what she could do for me, but rather what I could do for her. If that wasn’t love, I didn’t know what was.
Love.
Me and love. Who would’ve ever guessed?
Chapter Eighteen – Ash
Travis left by the time Will showed up, and then the room was tense. Will had to wait for his classes to be done, so he didn’t get to the dorm until after five. By that time, Declan had dried from his shower, had a bit of time to settle his racing thoughts, and was trying to keep a cool head, but the moment Will showed up, the moment I told him what I saw at that police station and what Sawyer had told me on that note, it was like flicking a switch.
Will’s muscular body wore a heavy grey blazer, his short brown hair messed to the side. His hazel eyes were furious, as if he was wordlessly trying to tell Declan that he’d known this all along, that he was right to always be suspicious of their father. He stood between the desks, smackdab in the center of the dorm room, scoffing.
“I knew it,” he said, shaking his head over and over again. “I knew Dad wasn’t a good guy—”
“You’ve hated him for years, Will,” Declan told him. He stood near his brother, frowning, his arms folded over his chest. The two brothers were again at odds over their father, and I hated seeing them arguing like this.
Why couldn’t we all just get along? I wouldn’t be opposed to a brother sandwich, although now probably wasn’t the time for sex. Still—it’d be kind of hot.
“Yes,” Will said, shrugging, “because I always knew he was a shitty guy—”
“Yeah, but…this is different,” Declan tried to explain, but he was so flustered he wasn’t getting his words out right. “What if it’s all a mistake? What if Dad didn’t really sleep with Sabrina? I mean, how would they even know it was Sabrina? She’s been gone for over a year now—” He grasped at straws, and he tossed me a desperate look, a silent plea to help him, to stand by his side.
Declan was in the denial stage, having moved past the shock and anger part. Will moved right into the anger portion of the stages, reaffirming himself in his hatred for their father.
I hated seeing the brothers like this, hated having them at odds. Why couldn’t we all just be happy? Why couldn’t our lives be simple
and easy? Then again, if it was simple and easy, I highly doubted I’d have multiple boyfriends, so, there was that. Call me selfish, but I liked being the center of these guys’ worlds.
“I really don’t think it’s a mistake, Declan,” I spoke, causing both brothers to look at me. “Your dad always seemed nice to me, but all of the evidence kind of points to it.”
Declan’s mouth thinned into a line; he clearly wasn’t happy I’d said that, but it was what I genuinely thought. Will leapt to my defense, adding, “You already knew Sabrina went behind your back.”
“But with Dad?” Declan asked, shaking his head. Shadows danced across his face, and it was as I stood there, staring at him, that I knew Declan had come to the same possibility I did.
If Dean Briggs was sleeping with Sabrina, maybe he killed her, too. Maybe the mystery as to who killed her was closer to home than Declan had ever thought. I mean, Dean frigging Briggs. I’d met the man on several occasions before coming to Hillcrest as a student, for the interviews and even orientation, and not once did I ever get the killer vibe off him. Not once did I ever look into his warm, kind eyes—eyes that were so like Declan’s—and think: this man’s a killer.
“You always thought the best of him,” Will spoke, his voice losing its confidence, its strength. Right now, he just sounded resigned. “I never did.”
Declan met his brother’s stare. “But why? Why did you always hate him so much?”
“This…this isn’t the first time Dad has done something bad, Declan. You were too young to pay attention, and you probably don’t even remember much of that time, but…” Will paused, running a hand through his hair. “There were some incidences with Mom, before she died.”
“Incidences with Mom?” Declan echoed, eyes widening. “What are you talking about? Dad loved Mom.”
“Maybe he did, in his own way, but…”
“But what?”
“But Dad wasn’t nice to her. He hurt her.”
Killer: A Dark College Romance (Hillcrest University Book 5) Page 15
