Ashes of Dearen: Book 1

by Jayden Woods

  In the refuge of the forest, Sean faded in and out of sleep. Whenever he awoke, he became all too aware that his body felt like a horse had trampled it a hundred times over, then dragged him for miles. Perhaps Richard’s pummeling of Sean followed by Mina whisking him away made a near-exact comparison.

  Mina’s rescue had come as quite a surprise, to say the least. Sitting chained and battered in the khan’s carriage, Sean had felt ready to die. He did not know what else was left for him. He did not want to serve Belazar any longer. Belazar wanted to take Fayr’s life, and for a short while, Sean had even experienced the god’s hunger for her. He never wanted to feel that again. But he could never escape Belazar. The power of Belazar swam in his blood, oath or no oath. His body was severely wounded; even if he escaped fever and infection, he would never move, leap, and climb as he once did. Facing that tragedy was one of the worst fates he could ever imagine.

  When Picard prepared to stab his eyes out with an arrow, he knew he would fight it. His instincts—or perhaps Belazar—would never let him submit to such mutilation. Despite all that, as the archon had loomed over him with the metal tip posed to strike, Sean thought this might be an appropriate enough way to die.

  All this had run through his mind, then the red-headed maid rose suddenly from the shadows, striking Picard from behind. She truly possessed stealth if not even Sean had noticed her invasion. But there she was, and after she knocked out Picard with a rock, she fumbled through his clothes for a key, then unlocked Sean’s chains. He did not recognize her immediately. When he first saw her, she had been tied to Picard’s bed and dazed. Her red hair had been long, past her shoulders. Now, it looked as if she had roughly sawed it off with a knife. But the way she glared at Picard, then spat on his unconscious body as she passed, sparked his memory.

  Mina had helped him up and half-dragged, half-carried him out of the carriage. In the light of a camp-fire, Sean saw most of Richard’s men slumped over, asleep, with smiles on their faces and glitter on their lips. The maid must have used safra to subdue them.

  Mina grunted under Sean’s weight as he sagged against her. She pushed him to a line of horses and reached to untie one.

  “No,” groaned Sean. “That one. It’s my horse.”

  The beast nodded its head in acknowledgment. Despite himself, Sean was relieved to see the horse alive and well. Sean’s bags still hung from the saddle, although they appeared to be much lighter now. Mina helped push him up, and after much heaving and awkward shuffling, he finally fell over the beast’s back. Mina led the horse away.

  Sean became unconscious for awhile. He was losing a lot of blood. He felt the occasional sting of Mina pressing and dressing his wounds. A few times he thrashed and shoved against her. She would draw back until he fell asleep again. Then she would resume her ministrations.

  Eventually he woke up and felt as if his stomach gnawed through his flesh. “Food,” he rasped. So she gave him bread and ale, and he ate to his heart’s content. He felt her staring at him, but he ignored her. She wandered away. He huddled closer to the fire she had built and studied his surroundings. They were on the edges of the Shadowed Woods, not too far from the cliffs of Vikand. He shivered at the memory of the tigers he saw prowling before, but could only hope they remained elsewhere for now. A cold wind rolled through the trees and rattled the branches. Dead leaves scraped the earth and shriveled in the heat of the fire. Sean drew closer to the flames and fell back asleep.

  The next time he awoke, Mina sat across from him, studying him over the red glow of the embers. Night was heavy upon them, the earth stiff with frost. Sparks jumped and alighted in her gaze.

  He stared back at her, realizing for the first time that he wore no lenses to cover his eyes. In the light of the fire, they probably blazed redder than the flames themselves.

  “Who are you?” she asked at last.

  He looked away. How much did she remember?

  “I saw you back in the palace,” she said. “You took walks with the princess. Your name was Chief Darius. Wasn’t it?”

  He met her gaze again, glaring. What good would it do to lie? She knew his darkest secret. The only thing he could do about it was kill her. And in his current state, he wasn’t even sure he could do that.

  She paled with fear, as if sensing his thoughts. “Listen,” she said. “Any enemy of Picard’s is my friend. Besides, you were the one who saved me from him. Weren’t you?”

  He bowed his head in acknowledgment. He had almost forgotten about that. It had been so very easy to set her free: just the slice of a rope. He had merely been disgusted by what Picard seemed to be doing to her, and saw no reason to leave her trapped there. What she did for him had been much more difficult. But he saw no reason to point that out right now.

  “Talk to me,” she said. Even though she crouched close to the fire, she shivered from the chill of the night, or perhaps some other sensation. A desperation cracked the solidity of her gaze. “Please.”

  Sean took a deep breath, feeling the ache of his ribs and shoulders. He thought of how much he wanted to kill Richard right now. In one sense that would make him feel better. In another, the effort alone would hurt very much. The only thing he could do about his anger was clench and grind his teeth. “What would you have me say?”

  “I want you to tell me the truth. I have spent most my life under the spell of safra. When I first awoke from it, the first thing I knew was pain and fear beyond my wildest dreams. I am confused and frightened by the world I see clearly now. I can’t go back to the life I knew before. But I don’t know what else to do. I need someone to advise me. Or someone, at least, to talk to. So tell me the truth. I just saved your life. Perhaps you could say we are even, but could we at least try to be friends, too?”

  Her plea moved him more than he expected. For someone who had grown up in the Haze, she seemed unusually aware of her situation. He could only imagine how strange this new world must feel to her. He had learned to protect himself from emotions a long time ago. She, on the other hand, awoke in this terrible world with the heart of a baby in the body of twenty-year old. “My name is Sean,” he said. “I am a Wolven. Do you know what that is?”

  She shrank back a little further. She seemed to understand well enough.

  “I am an assassin,” he said.

  “But you … and the princess ...” Mina shook her head helplessly.

  “I was Chief Darius, and I wasn’t,” he confessed. “It was a role I played while on a mission.”

  “A role?” Her sharp eyes narrowed on him. “I saw you on your walks with the princess. I may have been in the Haze at the time, but I know what I saw. You didn’t fake all that. Did you?” Her red lashes batted violently, as if the thought of this deception was too awful for her to accept.

  Sean grunted with frustration. Again, she seemed wise beyond her experiences. “Not exactly. I … I don’t know, really. Chief Darius began as a deception. But while I was him, I felt …” He grimaced, clutching his aching leg. Was there any part of his body not mauled and hurting? “Damn it. I felt like I really was him!”

  “Here.” Mina gave him some more ale. She watched curiously as he emptied the flask, then threw it aside. “Who did you kill?” she asked after a brief silence.

  He looked at her sharply.

  “Your mission. Who were you there to assassinate?”

  “I’d … rather not say.”

  Mina sat up with a start. “Please tell me it wasn’t Princess Fayr!”

  “It wasn’t.” It was the next worst thing, however. He looked away from her, gnashing his teeth. “More ale, please.”

  “I don’t have any more.”

  They sat together for another long silence.

  “What are you going to do now that your mission is over?” asked Mina at last.

  “I don’t know.” Sean felt tired now. He wanted to go back to sleep. But he sensed that Mina’s questions were far from over.

  “You can’t go back to
Vikand. I saw how Richard and Picard treated you.”

  “Fucking bastards!” Sean kicked the fire, throwing a slew of sparks into the sky. The movement caused him pain, but he didn’t even care.

  “You could stay here in Dearen,” said Mina. “The tigers haven’t come after you yet. That’s a good sign.”

  “The tigers?” Sean snorted. “When I tried to flee through the forest, they chased me back.”

  Mina smiled. “That means they want you to stay.”

  She sounded ridiculous. What did the tigers have to do with anything? But he could not find the strength to argue with her.

  “You could go back to Princess Fayr,” Mina pressed. “You could try to live as Chief Darius.”

  Sean’s head was spinning. “I’m going back to sleep now,” he said. And so he did.

  Days and nights passed in a blur. Mina came and went, sometimes for longer and longer stretches of time. Sean fell once into a fever, and all of time seemed to tangle together. The memories of all he had ever done played back in his mind with a garish visage. The only memories he did not hate were those of Fayr and Chief Darius. Mina’s words came back to haunt him. Darius had been more than just a role he played. Darius had been a part of himself, a part he had buried most of his life. Darius arose to the surface only because of Fayr.

  The fever passed, and his wounds began healing. It would be a long time before they healed completely, if ever. He did not think he would ever return to the full prowess he possessed before. But perhaps he would regain the strength of a normal man.

  Several times, he saw Mina practicing with a knife in the woods. She looked as if she wanted to teach herself the arts of combat. Sean watched her in silence from afar, kicking, punching, and swiping. Then one day he burst out laughing.

  She turned to him with a face red as beets, her eyes blinking with anger.

  “If you plan to hurt anyone with that blade other than yourself,” he said, “you’d better learn to hold it right.”

  “Then fucking tell me how!”

  He tried his best to tell her, although it was difficult without being able to show her. It was the least he could do in return for the food she brought him and the care she gave him. When he had the strength, he shared some of his knowledge with her about holding and swinging a knife. He showed her his whip and his throwing stars. She could not do much with the stars; they took years of practice to throw properly, and extraordinary strength to do any damage. But she enjoyed cracking the whip all around her.

  Despite all this, Sean sensed that Mina grew restless, and he knew their time together drew to a close. One day as he dozed, he awoke suddenly to a tremendous sound in the air. It reminded him of the grumble of the Great Volcano in Vikand. But this was no volcano. Sean realized belatedly that it might have been a tiger, but if so it seemed to transcend the state of beast as it roared with fury into the heavens. The sound eventually faded and Sean tried to cast the incident from his mind, dismissing it as beyond his conception. Nonetheless, it awoke the feeling in him that he needed to make a decision, and soon.

  When Mina next returned to their camp, Sean broke the long silence between them. He managed to stand up on both his feet, though it caused him pain, and walk a few steps towards her. Then he grabbed a tree trunk for support and sagged against it. She just watched him and waited in awed silence.

  “You have done enough for me,” he said. “Your debt to me is repaid.”

  “Perhaps it is.” She looked at him uncertainly. “But what should I do now?”

  How the hell should he know? Nevertheless, he racked his brain for a response. “What do you want to do?”

  “I want to make Picard suffer,” snarled Mina.

  Sean chuckled softly, though in response to her scowl, he stopped and became grave. “Then that’s what you should do.”

  “How much would it cost,” said Mina, “if I wanted you to kill him?”

  Sean smirked. “I would kill that bastard for free.”

  She considered this a moment. “I appreciate that. But I’m not sure if his death would make me feel better.”

  “Then what would?”

  “I don’t know. I want to make him suffer. But I also want to understand.” She gave Sean a desperate, helpless expression. “Why did he do that to me?”

  Sean stared back at her levelly. “Some things are better off not knowing.”

  She shuddered. “Maybe. But I still have to know.”

  “Then I suppose you should pursue him.”

  Mina nodded gravely. “And what about you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Mina blushed suddenly and looked away.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “The princess gave a speech recently. Perhaps you heard the roar of the tigers? She thinks you’re dead, Sean—or Darius, I should say. She thinks you died protecting her brother from the Wolven.”

  Sean groaned and sagged further against the tree. He very much wanted to sit down again. But he could not bear to lose face in front of Mina more than he had already. He felt her green gaze boring into him.

  “So you killed Prince Kyne?”

  His silence was answer enough.

  “You’re right,” she said. “I should go. What you do now is your own business.”

  She returned his horse and saddlebags, for what remained in them now was of no use to her. He possessed only his Wolven suit, mask, a few brown lenses, and many vials of Discipline potion. The Vikands had pillaged the sacks for gold. Mina and Sean had used up all the food and drinks between the two of them. So Mina collected her own belongings, then turned to bid him farewell.

  “Thank you, Sean.” She seemed to have a hard time saying it, for she could not look him in the eyes.

  “You don’t need to—”

  “Yes I do.” She lunged forward and embraced him unexpectedly. He grunted from the impact, but reached to grip her in return. “I hope Darius is alive,” she gasped. “I hope it very much.”

  Then she left on her way.