Breathless With Her: A Less Than Novel

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  I sighed and went to the back of my truck to finish setting everything up.

  “Stop following me, Pippy.” The dog kept barking, yipping.

  This would be how my life ended. With a dog yapping in my ear. It would forever haunt my dreams. Yip yip yip, bark bark bark.

  All because of a tiny, little dog named Pippy.

  It was a Pomchi, a Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix—or so her mama had told me—with bright pink bows in its fur, and hot pink claws.

  The dog was usually pretty happy about life, but right now, it hated me.

  Well, that was just great. I was the mailman. I suppose dogs were supposed to hate me.

  Maybe it was the shorts.

  Honestly, I wasn’t a fan of the shorts.

  “Where’s your mama?” I asked again as the dog barked.

  I didn’t know if Pippy would follow me if I kept moving towards the house or end up in the street.

  And with its sharp little teeth, I wasn’t really sure I wanted to deal with bending down and trying to pick it up.

  I was not about to get bit by a dog. No, thank you.

  Miss Mahan still hadn’t come out of her house, so I had a feeling she didn’t know Pippy was out on her own.

  Well, that was just great.

  However, before I could figure out exactly what to do, Pippy decided to take matters into her own hands. Paws? She came at me, barking and trying to claw at me, I moved to the side and cursed under my breath.

  She rolled out into the street and kept going, right into the middle of the double-lane road. I swore every ounce of blood moved away from my face.

  “Fuck.”

  I ran out to get her, trying to be faster than my legs actually allowed. I might be in shape. I might work out and run and be on my feet for hours a day.

  But I couldn’t outrun a car.

  I reached down for her, but it was too late.

  There was a skid of brakes, a loud screech, and as I pushed the dog out of the way of the oncoming vehicle, she bit me gently on the hand, but that didn’t hurt.

  No, the car hitting me in the hip hurt.

  There was a flash of light, a scream, and shouts.

  But I didn’t hear much of it.

  No, all I could do was feel the blinding pain on my hip, the gravel along my face and my side, and everything else that came from getting hit by a car.

  But the dog?

  The dog kept yapping.

  So at least Pippy was fine.

  Me, on the other hand?

  Ouch.

  And then, there was nothing. Only darkness.

  Chapter 17

  Erin

  Baking helped relieve stress. At least that’s what the experts said. And while I loved baking and loved my job. Baking for my job when I was already stressed out about what to do with Devin didn’t really help things.

  I wasn’t truly stressed. Not really. Things were going okay at work. The place was back up and running. The roof had been fixed, the flooding damage was gone, and insurance had paid for almost all of it.

  I had a healthy savings account, mostly because I tried not to do anything that revolved around a social life, other than things with Devin recently, so I had the money to fix what the insurance didn’t cover.

  So, work was good.

  It was just everything else that wasn’t great.

  After Zoey had left the night before, both of us a little blotchy, and our eyes swollen from watching 10 Things I Hate About You and remembering our dear Heath, I had taken a shower like she asked me to. Something I desperately needed to do. And then I had gone to sleep, knowing I would have to find Devin today and go down to my knees to say I was sorry.

  Only I felt like I needed to find a different way to do that.

  Not that I wouldn’t go down to my knees, and not in a dirty way like my mind kept supplying.

  No, I needed to find a way to prove to him that I wasn’t scared. Well, I was scared. That was the problem. I was scared that he would leave me. I was scared that I would get hurt.

  But acting like I had with him, hurting him and therefore myself in the process, hadn’t worked out.

  I had to find trust. I just needed to realize that he was going to be there for me. Because he wanted to.

  Because he had never done anything to make me think that he wouldn’t.

  My lack of trust was all on me.

  And that sucked.

  I had just finished putting the last of my cakes in the fridge for the next day so I could go through my tablet and figure out what I needed to do overnight while I was thinking, when my phone rang.

  I looked down at the readout and picked up.

  “Hey, Zoey.”

  “I’m on my way to pick you up. We need to go to the hospital. Devin’s been hurt.”

  Everything froze inside of me. It was like time stood still. I could actually hear the tick-tock of the clock on the wall. I could hear the building groaning and settling. I heard the wind outside.

  I could hear my heartbeat slow. It wasn’t going fast, it wasn’t speeding up as if I were in danger.

  No, it was as if everything needed to slow down so I could figure out exactly what Zoey had said.

  “Hospital?”

  “I don’t know all of it. But he got hit by a car while working.”

  My hands shook, and I tried to look around for my purse, my keys, anything.

  I needed to change out of my work shoes. I needed to do something.

  Oh my God. “He’s alive?” Bile coated my tongue, and my hands shook again.

  “He is.”

  There was a screech of tires out front, and then Zoey was running into the shop.

  “I left the car running, and I’m double-parked. Come on. Get your stuff. I’m getting you to the hospital.”

  “He’s okay?”

  “I don’t know. He got hit by a car, Erin. Amelia just said I needed to get there.”

  I froze.

  “You needed to get there.”

  “Yeah. So, let’s go.”

  “His family’s not going to want me there. Devin won’t want me there. Just let me know if he’s okay. I just need him to be okay. He can’t be hurt.”

  What was he thinking, getting hit by a car like that?

  “It makes no sense. He’s usually so careful.”

  “I think there was a dog involved.”

  “But he pretends he hates dogs. Why would he do that?”

  “I don’t know. We’ll get more answers at the hospital. You’re coming with me.”

  “He’s not going to want me there.”

  “Well, tough shit. You’re going. See? This is one way you can make amends. You can go there and be by the love of your life’s side while he’s hurting.”

  “Okay. But if they don’t want me there?”

  “Then fuck them. They’re my friends, too. I love them. But you need to be there. Okay?”

  I nodded, knowing she was right, even though I was scared. But fuck this. I had been scared before, and I had hurt Devin. I wasn’t going to hurt him again. No, I was going to fix this thing between us. But first, he needed to be okay.

  Hit by a car?

  How could that happen?

  He had to be okay. I couldn’t lose him just as I found him. Right when I’d already let him slide through my fingers once.

  I would do anything to make sure he was okay. Even never see him again if that’s what I needed to do. Just that thought made me want to break down and cry. But it was fine. He would be okay. He had to be okay.

  I grabbed my purse, quickly shut everything down, and locked the door behind me as I ran to Zoey’s car.

  I slid into the passenger seat and let her drive. She was a pretty calm driver, and I didn’t think I would be able to do it in her place.

  “He’s going to be fine, Erin.”

  I looked over at Zoey as she pulled into the emergency room parking lot, and I nodded, wiping the flour and sugar from my pants.

  “Yes
. He’s fine. Everything’s okay. I just…he has to be okay.”

  “He will be.”

  “I’m sure.”

  I walked like a robot, just going through the motions as I followed Zoey into the ER.

  People waited in groups, some coughing, some just sitting there, listening for their name to be called. Zoey kept going, her eyes on her phone as she texted with somebody. I assumed it was Amelia because she seemed to know where she was going. We went down the hallway to another waiting room. This one was a little more private. And everyone was there.

  Amelia and Caleb were standing and talking with Tobey pacing nearby. He came and put his arm around his best friend.

  Tucker was also in the room, pacing in a corner.

  Dimitri and Thea were there, as well, both of them holding each other as they spoke to Caleb.

  Everyone was there.

  The family had been called. And I hadn’t.

  But what did I expect?

  I had dumped Devin. I had been a bitch.

  They didn’t need to tell me anything.

  After all, I was nothing to them.

  Amelia looked up at me, her eyes widening for a second, and then she turned her back on me. She leaned into Tobey, and he rubbed his hand down her back. Caleb just glared, and then started to pace on the opposite side of the room from Tucker.

  The two of them didn’t talk to each other, and nobody really paid attention to me.

  But then Zoey rushed into Thea’s arms, and the two held each other. And I was left standing there alone.

  Because I was an idiot.

  Because I had been so scared about getting hurt that I had dumped him. What was I doing here?

  The family didn’t need me here. They had each other. They were all so close.

  Devin didn’t need me.

  I was just about to turn away to go catch a cab or schedule an Uber, but then Dimitri was there, putting his hand on my shoulder.

  I looked up at him, tears prickling the backs of my eyes. And then he hugged me. “Sometimes, we have to do what we have to in order to protect ourselves and then we realize later that we should have seen what was in front of us the whole time.” He whispered the words, but I knew that everyone had heard.

  People were looking at me. I didn’t know what to say to them. How could I apologize for hurting their brother? For hurting Devin, especially now that he was even worse off.

  I wasn’t naïve enough to think that the world revolved around me and that he had gotten hurt because of me. At least, physically. Emotionally?

  Yeah, I was that bitch.

  “What happened?” I whispered.

  “He went to save a dog from getting hit by a car and got hit himself,” Amelia said, her voice icy.

  Amelia needed someone to be angry at, and you couldn’t be angry at a dog, so it seemed I was the target. That was fine. I deserved it.

  “He’s going to be fine, though,” Dimitri said. “We just need to remember that.” He rubbed my shoulder, and then Thea came closer and gave me a hug, too.

  “As someone who’s had to deal with hospital visits before with family members, it helps to pace and cry and just talk it out.”

  I wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but this wasn’t the time or place. Dimitri and Thea shared a look, and I pulled away slightly, folding my arms over my chest.

  Caleb was there then, putting his hands on my shoulders, and I looked up, wide-eyed.

  “Fix this.”

  I blinked. “I’m not a doctor.” And there was another stupid thing said.

  “You know what I mean. Fix it.”

  “I want to. I just don’t know how.”

  “You will,” Amelia said from the other side of the room. “But he has to be okay first. That damn dog.”

  “You know it wasn’t the dog’s fault, babe,” Tobey said, kissing the top of her head.

  I just looked between them all and blinked away tears.

  Devin had been hit by a car.

  It didn’t even seem real. We all stood there, taking our turns pacing or sitting down or just talking to one another. Most of them gave me space, but nobody really gave me the cold shoulder except for that instant when I first walked in. They needed a target to be angry at, and I was fine being that in the moment.

  After all, I blamed myself more than they did.

  It seemed like hours, but eventually, a man in scrubs walked through the double doors, looking exhausted but not defeated.

  That had to count for something.

  I stood frozen, so afraid to hear what he had to say. What we could lose.

  Please be okay, Devin.

  You have to be okay.

  “I’m looking for the family of Devin Carr.”

  Dimitri cleared his throat and stepped forward. Thea’s hand was in his, and the rest of the family moved closer. Tucker, Zoey, and I stood in the back, Tucker putting his arms around each of us as if we were our own little unit in the family of Carrs. Yes, Tobey was with Amelia, but that was fine. Everybody had someone.

  Devin had to be okay.

  “We’re it. All of us.”

  The doctor nodded. “Your brother’s a lucky man.”

  “He got hit by a car. How lucky can he be?” Amelia snapped.

  “Babe,” Tobey whispered.

  “Sorry.”

  “No, you’re right. I should have used a better word. He’s going to be fine. He has a broken tibia and fibula on his left leg. But it was a clean break, so it should heal nicely. He’s going to need some physical therapy for that eventually. He also lost his spleen from where he hit the pavement. That one’s going to take a little bit longer to heal, but we were able to go in laparoscopically, so he should be on the mend soon. He’s going to be in a boot for a while and will need to use a walker since he can’t use crutches with the incisions. And then, after that, he can move to crutches. It all depends on how he heals and how much of himself he puts into it. But Mr. Carr is in good shape, physically fit. As long as he does what we ask him to do, he’ll be fine. Now, who wants to see him first?”

  The others started talking, and I backed away from Tucker’s hold to sit down, my knees weak.

  And that’s when I let the tears come.

  Devin was okay. He was going to be okay.

  Why then did it feel like I was dying inside?

  The tears came, and Tucker took the seat next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders as I cried into his neatly pressed shirt.

  Devin was going to make it.

  But I wasn’t sure I would.

  Chapter 18

  Devin

  Day two of staying in the hospital meant I knew I was a cranky asshole. But fuck it. I’d just had surgery, my leg was in a boot-cast thingy, and Miss Mahan had already been there with the damn dog to make sure I was okay. She’d been kicked out quickly for sneaking Pippy inside the hospital, but still.

  I’d seen the dog I’d risked my life for, but I hadn’t seen Erin.

  Served me right for walking away like I had before and not trying. She’d been scared, and I’d pushed her away.

  But, damn it, getting hit by a car should have brought her to me. Right?

  Maybe she truly didn’t want me. Well, hell, that sucked, didn’t it? I guess it was well and truly over.

  Good riddance.

  “You’re growling,” Amelia said by my side, finally alone after Tobey had left to go clean up for work.

  “Sorry.” I mumbled out the word, and she just gave me a look.

  Dimitri, Thea, Caleb, and Amelia were now in my room, staring at me.

  Tucker had been in and out, so had Tobey. Zoey came as well with flower arrangements.

  And yet, I still didn’t see Erin.

  “So, never do that again,” Dimitri said after he’d cleared his throat.

  I raised my brow. “Okay, I’ll try not to let someone hit me with a car again,” I growled out.

  “Good,” Dimitri barked.

  This time, it was
Caleb who laughed. “You know, I’m usually the grumpy asshole. Kind of looks like it’s Dimitri this time. Also, how did all of us get back here? I thought they had a limit on how many people they let in a room at a time,” Caleb asked, kind of looking around.

  Amelia waved him off. “Thea and I handled it. Don’t worry. We’re not getting kicked out. Plus, we need to make sure that big brother here doesn’t pop a stitch or something or be an idiot. Because, seriously, he got hit by a damn car.”

  “I didn’t mean to. There was a dog.”

  “Are you sure you didn’t throw the dog into the street?” Caleb asked, and I flipped him off.

  “I don’t hate dogs.”

  “And yet, one tried to kill you,” Dimitri said, shrugging. “I’m just saying.”

  “The little thing came at me. I tried to get away from it, but it moved past me and into the street. When I tried to get to it, I got hit by the car instead. But the dog is fine.”

  “Yes, I saw the big busty blonde come in and make sure you were all good.” Amelia kind of growled out the words, and I narrowed my eyes.

  “Stop it.”

  “I’m just saying,” she said, looking down at her phone.

  I could hear the worry in her voice. All of them had been worried. Hell, I had been worried. I got hit by a car.

  It was ridiculous.

  “I’m okay,” I whispered and reached out for her. I winced a bit, and she scrambled up from the chair to take my hand and close the distance. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

  “Not any more than I already am, right?”

  “You just need to get better, okay?”

  “Yes. Because the fact that you made the news as Postman Saves Dog and Gets Hit by a Car or some shit like that is really too much for us. We’re a nice, calm family.”

  I just glared at Caleb, and Dimitri shrugged.

  “Well, we try to be calm. We’re not always.”

  “Well,” Thea began, “when you’re out, we’ll make sure you’re all taken care of. We’ll even have a little party or something. I can bring cheese. And, of course, cake.”

  Someone cleared their throat in the doorway, and I froze. I knew that voice. “I can bring cake, too,” Erin whispered from the hall. Everyone moved out of the way.