Demi Heroes

by Andrew Lynch

  Jess screwed up her face. ‘That is not lucky, idiot. Why is this hard to understand?’

  ‘Because he fell out of a tree and onto a sword, Elf.’

  Lucian suspected the two of them enjoyed throwing a few barbs at each other. As long as it didn’t escalate, Lucian would let them have their fun.

  ‘Now, if I was trying to find one of these threads of magic. How would I go about that?’ Lucian asked.

  ‘Why?’ Jess asked, suspicious.

  Lucian opened his eyes to see Jess staring down at him. ‘Well, maybe I need to be a bit magical to know what we're looking for.’

  Jess actually considered it before responding. ‘I do not think magic is for you.’

  Lucian felt a bit crestfallen, but Khleb jumped at the opportunity. ‘Oh, and magic is for you?’

  Jess turned to face him. Lucian knew this wouldn’t end well and stopped his swaying.

  ‘You dare to question me? You, who ran away in the final hour?’

  ‘Oi! You’re the idiot for blindly following someone into a fight with Gods.’

  ‘All right, guys, knock it off,’ Lucian said. Darrius and Gar were on the opposite side of the pyramid, so it was going to be up to Lucian to stop the imminent fight.

  ‘Oh I'll knock her off all right.’ Khleb began stalking towards Jess.

  ‘Try it, whelp!’ Jess readied her staff, whether to cast a spell or hit a skull, Lucian didn’t know.

  Lucian stepped forwards to interject himself, but caught his foot on the first step of the speaker’s pit. He tripped and failed to catch himself from landing awkwardly. Had he felt it? Had he felt a tug of magic? He certainly felt something. But it was coming from his stomach. His stomach was being left behind. Lucian decided it wasn’t magic, just the sense of falling. Specifically him falling downwards, into an unknown darkness.

  Chapter 26

  Lucian landed on his back, staring up at the yellow lit hole above. The back of his head was covered in pain, but after a cautious probe, not blood. Breathing was a challenge, but he’d had the wind knocked out of him before. Just needed to lie still and focus on breathing for a few minutes. The slab of stone he found himself lying on was perfect for curling up and trying to breathe on.

  Darrius' head appeared in the square of light. ‘Are you okay?’

  Lucian tried to say yes, but just groaned and wheezed, causing a coughing fit as air rushed back into his lungs after the fall.

  ‘Jolly good. It seems we've got ourselves a genuine hidden entrance.’

  He seemed much happier than Lucian felt he should.

  Gar’s head appeared. ‘Dungeon.’

  ‘I think you’re right!’ Darrius said. ‘Isn’t this great news, sir! Exactly what you wanted for your first Quest. A dungeon!’

  ‘Yup,’ was all Lucian could say as he rolled over. With his arms braced under him, he managed to stand. Having risen by approximately the height of an average Human, he realised that the fall was, roughly, the size of an average Human. His head stuck out into the pyramid pit of worship.

  The commotion seemed to have made Khleb and Jess forget their previous argument as they rushed down the steps. Seeing Lucian’s head appear, their speed diminished.

  ‘Thought you’d been hurt, boss,’ Khleb said, annoyed. He quickly moved on to a more naturally occurring emotion. ‘Any loot down there? Anything with a lustre? Even just a general shine will do.’

  ‘It’s a bit dark to tell,’ Lucian said.

  ‘You are an idiot, Lucian.’ Jess showed her affection in strange ways.

  ‘I, uhh, can’t really argue with that. But, I did find a clue to where we need to go!’ Lucian said, trying to follow Darrius' lead and see the positives.

  Jess made a dismissive gesture.

  ‘I think it may have been magic,’ Lucian said to the group. They seemed sceptical. ‘Like she said, luck magic.’

  ‘Not all luck is magic, Lucian. Certainly I didn’t feel any influx or discharge in the area,’ Jess said.

  ‘Hey, come on now,’ Darrius jumped in. ‘It could have been a very subtle magic.’

  No one said anything for a moment. An awkward silence. Lucian congratulated himself on his previous metaphor, and that this silence was so awkward it did become eerie.

  ‘Anyway.’ Lucian had to break it, feeling uncomfortable. ‘Let’s explore.’

  They lowered themselves down, Lucian moving out of the way as much as possible, although the slab he found himself on was only a metre wide, and his small stone island was surrounded by a sea of black. Darrius had no trouble, his wounds fully healed if Lucian had to guess. Khleb slipped when he touched the small platform and fell into the darkness that was the dungeon, which fortunately proved to be non lethal, although it involved a lot of steps. Jess glided down in typical elegant Elvish fashion, and even Lucian had trouble not rolling his eyes when she didn’t even have to bend her knees to land gracefully. Finally, Gar got stuck and required several minutes of levering and greasing to get him down the hole.

  Upon being questioned, Khleb refused to give a decent answer as to why he felt a large amount of grease would be required on this trip, saying only, “You never know”.

  Lucian blithely lit a torch, much to the annoyance of everyone else. After several minutes of everyone choking on the fumes and blinding themselves by accidentally looking into the fire, he extinguished it and allowed Jess to infuse her staff with a soft, far-reaching glow.

  Happy with the lack of lung damage, they pressed forwards into the darkness. The small island they had landed on was surrounded by steps on all sides, continuing the pyramid theme from the temple. The floor that Khleb had found a few minutes earlier thanks to gravity was a very typical dungeon floor. The same boring stone as the above ground temple had fashioned long corridors that connected large rooms. There were sconces on the walls for torches waiting to be lit, but Lucian didn’t dare.

  The entrance room held nothing of interest. However, the contents of further rooms made Lucian give Gar the order to not let Khleb steal anything. Clearly the looters hadn’t found any of this, and perhaps Lucian had been focusing too much on the “ransacked” part of “ransacked temple”.

  They found themselves wandering down another identical corridor, when they heard a sound from ahead. The group froze and Lucian fought the instinct to turn around and calmly walk away. Pretending he hadn’t heard anything wasn’t very heroic.

  After a second he whispered encouragingly to the group, urging them on. No one moved. He remembered he was the Hero, so he moved forward and took the lead from Jess and Gar.

  The corridor was a perfect environment for his bow, no wind or hiding places. But the darkness would limit him to a single shot before whatever was hidden in there was on top of him. He readied his hatchet instead.

  A Hero with a hatchet. It sounded snappy, but he wasn’t sure if that was the right image for him. Maybe he’d change to a sword and shield. A defender of the Empire. Then he remembered the batterings he had seen Gar endure, and decided against it.

  The sound continued from ahead - a high pitched nattering seeming to consist of squawks between several creatures. No, not squawks. As he continued down the hallway - the walls weren’t featureless, the blocks of light grey stone and torch sconces breaking the monotony of slightly darker grey stone - his group followed, and the sounds differentiated themselves. These weren’t the squawks of beasts, this was a language. Poorly spoken, thickly accented, high pitched, Common Tongue. Lucian suspected he wouldn’t have been able to understand the words even if he were right next to the speakers.

  Khleb passed a message up the line - naturally he was at the rear of the group. Jess whispered into Lucian’s ear, ‘Toddlers'.

  Lucian stopped and returned the whisper, ‘What the Gods are you talking about?’

  Several seconds later, Khleb spoke loud enough for Lucian to just hear, although everyone was being careful not to be heard by the noise-makers up ahead. ‘What did you say about my mum?’
>
  Gar chuckled, and Lucian gave him a stern look. ‘What was your message, Khleb?’

  ‘I said, Goblins.’

  ‘Okay. That makes more sense.’ Lucian had encountered goblins once or twice before during his time as a non-hero. About a metre tall, intelligent but only in the most technical of senses, and vicious. Not known for their strength or skill in combat. Lucian relaxed a little. Then he remembered that they made up for this lack of ability with numbers, and tensed up again.

  ‘All right, Gar, you’re up. We all know what to do.’ Lucian gave the order, and the group nodded.

  Gar went first, or more precisely, Gar’s trusty shield went first. It didn’t have quite the shine that it did when Lucian presented it to him only four months ago, but it would do the job.

  As the magical light from Jess’ staff breached the room, the chattering broke into screeches.The group pushed forwards until Gar was in the archway, shield against the wall so no pointy objects could get at his side.

  Jess pushed her glowing staff forwards, lighting up the room fully. Most of the small things this illuminated skittered away from the light, but one stood its ground boldly.

  ‘Who you is be?’ The screeching voice came from the lone goblin. Lucian found it hard to differentiate between Goblins, and this one looked much like any others he’d seen. A dull green skin - not the healthy green of an Orc - its angular nose hooking down at an improbable angle, and oversized feet making it seem comical. Until you got scratched by those nails, as they were razor sharp and usually led to an infection due to a complete disregard of personal hygiene.

  ‘We be - I mean, I am Lucian Huxley, Hero of... The Empire.’ Lucian hadn’t thought about a proper title.

  ‘I is be Ankskar!’ the little goblin shouted. ‘We is be Ankskar’s mob!’ Lucian admired its gumption, trying to be fierce with such a high pitched voice, but then it gave an evil grin, its lips spreading back unnaturally far, and showing teeth too big and sharp for its otherwise comical, almost cute, appearance.

  ‘What brings you here, goblin?’ Lucian intoned, and then realised that perhaps he wasn’t giving off the most commanding presence standing behind two other people. But he was very adamant that he was standing there, not hiding there, so he stepped forwards.

  ‘Nice good dark shadow.’ Ankskar said, his oversized skullcap slipping down and resting on his nose. He pushed it back up. ‘Big large friend feed nourish. Nice like.’

  Khleb whispered from behind. ‘Boss, they're goblins. Aren’t we meant to just barrel in and kill them?’

  Ankskar was apparently dealing with similar problems of command. Several goblins started screeching something at him, so he turned to put them in their place. Lucian took the opportunity to do the same. ‘It just doesn’t seem very fair. Does it?’

  ‘Just goblins, boss.’ Khleb shrugged, not seeing the issue.

  ‘We could challenge them? One on one, whoever wins the duel, all the others have to leave?’ Darrius suggested.

  ‘They should not be here. We remove,’ Gar said.

  ‘Humans, goblins, animals, you are all the same to me. Kill one, do not kill the other. An odd set of morals you Humans have,’ Jess said.

  By the time Lucian turned back, the goblins’ arguing had finished. Ankskar stood, legs spread wide, fists on his hips, a truly imposing figure - had he been a metre taller. His oversized skullcap precariously balanced on his head, a sheet of metal, most likely cut from an actual breastplate, protecting his chest, and some rags on his legs. The sword by his side dragged along the floor, and its end was chipped and ragged.

  ‘You have same problem trouble?’ Ankskar asked Lucian. ‘Me work hard tough to keep stay gobbos in place.’

  Lucian was a bit taken aback, but responded. ‘Heh, well, yes, leadership is a burden.’

  ‘True fact.’

  ‘So, Ankskar. We fight?’ Lucian tried to make it a statement but it definitely came out as a question. Lucian was a bit concerned by how many goblins were hiding in the darkness. He could make out numerous shadows shifting just beyond sight.

  ‘Okay,’ Ankskar said cheerily, and drew his sword. The unseen horde grew bolder, and several stepped into the light. Six at a quick count, with plenty more making a deafening shriek as they enjoyed the idea of getting to fight something other than each other.

  ‘Well, it was only a suggestion. To be honest, it seems a bit impolite to just start attacking each other,’ Lucian backtracked, after realising the weight of numbers would almost certainly get his group killed.

  ‘Me am great good warrior. Survived many lot fights. Ran away from over...’ Ankskar looked at his four fingered hand and counted them off. ‘Many fight. Came back every time. Me am are oldest aged. So me leader head. Normal usual Human attack fight no talk parlay. No have to fight battle die. Don’t want.’

  The rest of the goblins collectively made a disappointed “Aww” sound.

  ‘Well, umm, I mean, we don’t need to hurt you. We just want to keep looking around the place,’ Lucian said.

  ‘Okay.’ Ankskar seemed just as happy with this outcome as the fight. At that, the other goblins stepped into the light, kicking at the ground, sad they didn’t get to fight. Several of them went back to eating rats they had left when they fled.

  The group now found themselves in a room filled with goblins. Mostly docile goblins. They slowly went back to talking to each other in their odd doubling up of words and high pitched voices. Ankskar was the tallest goblin by a slight amount, and definitely had the best equipment of them all.

  The room had four entrances, just like all the other rooms they'd found so far. One in the centre of each wall. The architect of this dungeon was clearly trying to hit a quota, and such frivolous things as “interest” and “difference” had been left at the wayside.

  There were however two differences from every other room they'd been through so far. A small goblin horde - roughly twenty of them - had settled in for a long stay, and the archway on the opposite wall had a door. Lucian knew exactly why someone would put a door there. To stop people getting in. Excellent, he thought.

  He started picking his way around the small goblins. As they were showing no aggression, he could picture them as grossly deformed children. Almost cute until they smiled.

  His group followed behind him, all realising that accidentally knocking one of the goblins might cause a chain reaction and a huge fight - one they'd certainly lose now that Lucian had led them right into the middle of the horde. He suddenly questioned his decision, and hoped that he hadn’t just been outsmarted by a goblin. Not that he’d live long enough to really reflect upon it, but death by goblin just wasn’t very Heroic. Lucian saw Ankskar following along at his side. ‘Where you go do?’

  Lucian carefully avoided the goblins, but Ankskar just pushed them out of his way, and the others got the idea and cleared him a path. ‘Well, we were going to open that door.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘Not open door wood,’ Ankskar clarified.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘That’s where big large friend is. We guard protect.’

  ‘Ahh, so that’s why you’re all here? I thought it was just a natural affinity for dungeons or something.’

  ‘That too yes. You no go door.’

  Lucian looked to his team, all standing in various awkward poses to avoid touching anything, although Lucian now suspected it might be due to hygiene concerns more than being afraid to start a fight. Right. He needed to act like a Hero.

  ‘I think we're going to open the door anyway!’

  Ankskar scratched at his chin before giving a simple “No”. He actually said, ‘No stop,’ but Lucian had figured out the goblin parlance.

  Lucian placed his hand on the shaft of his hatchet. For the implication. Which was probably too subtle, and completely lost on a goblin. ‘I don’t want to start a fight here, Ankskar. Don’t you feel that Humans and Goblins have spilt enough blood already?’

 
‘Me think ponder Humans hurt bleed Goblins more than other way round circle.’

  For the first time, another goblin interjected itself into the conversation. ‘Ankskar weak!’

  The group looked worriedly at the newcomer.

  Ankskar pointed accusingly at Lucian and muttered, ‘Humans cause trouble if not dead kill then rift strife.’ He turned back to the upstart goblin and told him to sit down, in a very crude way.

  ‘You make break deal with one Human now you let these walk tread all over us.’

  Several other goblins hissed at this. Lucian didn’t know if the hisses were in opposition or support.

  ‘You want lead? You no lead till you consider think political ramifications consequences.’

  The goblin closed on Ankskar, pulling out a crude axe made of stick and flint. ‘You speak talk of consequence but no speak of pride morale.’

  Lucian realised they were about to witness a goblin uprising. He hadn’t come in here intending to kill goblins - it seemed awfully cliché to him - but it appeared the job was going to get done either way. Maybe this was how it always happened. No Hero ever wanted to fight the goblins, but... goblins will be goblins.

  ‘If me think like you we all dead now we all eat feed good,’ Ankskar said, beginning to take out his sword. It wasn’t a quick or elegant task for him.

  ‘We used had be fighter warriors. You lead now we rat trash.’

  ‘How many fight battle you survive? Me survive many lots you survive one single.’ Ankskar finished getting his sword out from his waistband, and let the point rest on the ground between him and the challenger. In an odd way, Ankskar reminded Lucian of himself wielding Gar’s sword.

  ‘One but I run away like real true goblin live to run away another day.’ Several goblins made approving sounds.

  ‘You think me I no can run hide?’ An equal amount of goblins nodded knowingly, confirming that they had indeed seen him “run hide” to a sufficient degree.

  Lucian was thoroughly confused by this exchange, and thought back to books he had read on goblins. They all contained very short passages about how goblins either died very quickly or there were so many they killed the observer. Either way it made studying their culture challenging.