Whiskey Chick

by Ryan Ringbloom

  “Why don’t you go inside where it’s warm, and I’ll be right in,” Henry suggests.

  “Okay.” She takes one more puff before she extinguishes the butt. “Meet you back in the den?” Her hand lands flirtatiously on his chest.

  “Sounds great.” Henry waits until she’s back inside before saying anything. He sighs, wiping a hand over his face. “We got a problem,” he says.

  “What’s going on?” I ask. Does he know I was just out here putting the moves on Remi? Should I just come clean and admit it?

  “I don’t know about Remi.”

  “What don’t you know?” I raise a brow.

  “We have nothing in common. She’s a bit boring, has no interest in golf, and has a crass sense of humor.” He blows out a stream of air, cracking his knuckles uncomfortably. “But Lori on the other hand is the complete opposite of all those things. I think I like her. What do I do?”

  I stand there silently for a few seconds and absorb what he said, making sure I heard him correctly. Nothing ever goes this smoothly.

  “I think you should go for Lori.” I’m smiling way too much and wipe a hand over my mouth to hide my elation over this turn in events.

  “But how do I do that without making Remi feel bad? We’re supposed to golf tomorrow, and I’d hate to cancel on her. I’m thinking maybe I need like a wingman to entertain Remi tomorrow while I spend a little more time getting to know Lori.” He pauses. “Do you think you could do that? Think of some excuse and help me out?”

  “I think I could,” I say, still trying to contain the giant smile forcing its way out.

  “Thanks, man, I owe ya,” Henry says before heading back into the house to find Lori.

  No, man, I owe you.

  Sorry ’Bout That

  I lie down on Jenn’s bed and pull a pillow over my face to scream. My brain is even more muddled now than it was during last night’s whiskey binge. What the hell is going on? Why did Adam say those things to me? Was he drunk? Was it payback for my drunkenness? Did we seriously almost kiss again? Fuck. This is crazy.

  The bedroom door opens and Jenn walks in, seeming relieved to see me.

  “I was looking all over for you. I even sent you a text. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. I’m just tired and needed to get away.” I toss her pillow aside and sit up.

  “Ugh, it’s my fault.” She sits down on the edge of the bed and tugs at one of her boots. “I’m sorry about the Henry thing. I shouldn’t have been so pushy. It’s just that we all want him to get over Sasha and move on already.” She momentarily stops tugging and hangs her head. “I should have just backed down when Tiffany wanted to introduce him to Lori. I knew you weren’t into him and… well, this is a horrible excuse, but me and my cousin have always had this weird competition thing.” The first boot clunks down on the floor. “I wanted to win, but it turns out Lori is the better match for him. Tiffany knows my own brother better than I do.”

  “No she doesn’t. And it’s not that I don’t like Henry, it’s….” I try to think of a gentle way to finish that sentence without any hurt feelings.

  “Don’t worry. You don’t need to make an excuse. I just saw him kissing Lori in the hall.” The other boot comes off and she lies down next to me in the bed. “I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. I promised no strings and then went and stringed it all up. And if he and Lori work out, then that’s great. I’m happy for him. That’s all I want, for him to move on from that toxic relationship with Sasha and find someone who will actually treat him right.”

  “So does this mean I don’t have to go golfing tomorrow?” I ask with my fingers crossed.

  “No. You’re off the hook.” She looks up at me. “You can be stuck with me instead, and I’ll make it up to you for putting you through all this bullshit. I can take you to this place in town, Jackle’s. We can have dinner and stay and hang out at the bar afterwards. I can help you find someone that you are interested in. And me too.” She laughs. “Geez, I’m so busy worrying about my brother’s love life that I forgot about my own. Ow.” She lifts her shirt up slightly and rubs her stomach. “My stomach is killing me.”

  “You okay?” I ask.

  “I think so. It’s probably just some residual whiskey lingering in my gut.” She shrugs, blowing it off. “Did you pack anything dressy to wear for tomorrow? If not you can wear something of mine. And you can do that braid thing for me where it weaves the colors. I want to look good.”

  “Yeah, I can do that braid,” I say absently. I’m off the hook with Henry and I’m relieved, but I can’t stop thinking about Adam. I just, he just… I feel… wavy.

  I don’t really know what that means, but the word seems to fit. One minute I’m floating up over the things he said, the next crashing down because… I’m the fucking whiskey chick.

  “This one right here. Try it on and see how it fits.” A black dress is flung in my direction, bringing me back to the present. “And what do you think of this one?” Jenn has a white dress held up against herself. “I think I need to wear white because of my hair. If I wear red, I feel like I’ll look too patriotic. And if I wear black, my hair won’t show as well. What do you think?”

  “The white will look good with your hair.” I look at the dress she threw to me. “But I think this one will look better.” I walk over and make her swap dresses. She takes the black one and holds it up, checking out her reflection in the mirror above her dresser.

  “You’re right. This does look good with the blues.” Her stomach gurgles. “And black is more slimming, which I need after all those s’mores I ate tonight.” She clutches her midsection and lets out a loud groan. “Can you do me a favor? Can you see if there’s any Pepto or Tums in the bathroom? I feel so sick.”

  “Sure.” I run into her bathroom and search through the medicine cabinet. For a place she claims she doesn’t get to too often, this place sure is well stocked. I grab both requested items and return to the room. “Here, I found both, which one do you want?”

  “Give me both.” She holds out her hand and plops both chewables into her mouth. “You try on the white dress. If I’m going to wear the black one, then you can wear the white one.”

  “Okay.” I slip my hoodie over my head and step out of my pants to slip the white dress on. I’m taller than Jenn so the dress is short, landing midthigh. White is not usually a color I go for but with my new darker hair, I’m actually pulling it off. A pair of nude stilettos are kicked in my direction, and I slip into them.

  “You look hot. You need to go into the guest room across the hall and check yourself out. There’s a mirrored closet door in there and you can get a full-length view.” Jenn goes over to her bed and climbs under the covers.

  “Are you okay?” I ask. She’s turning green.

  “No. Can you hand me the bottle of Tums?”

  “Sure.”

  She takes the bottle from me and flips it around. “I just want to see how many I can take.” She frowns. “Crap, these are expired. I should’ve known. These are probably from like three summers ago. Do you think they still work?”

  “I can text my brother. His girlfriend is a pharmacist. She would know.”

  “No, don’t bother. I just need to rest for a little and I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She fluffs her pillow up before resting her head back down. “Really, go look at the mirror in the other room and see how hot you look.”

  “Okay. Be right back.” I open her door and zoom across the hall to the guest room.

  I knock on the door just in case, and when no one says anything, I walk in. It’s empty at the moment but I can tell it’s being used by someone because there is a large pink duffle bag on the floor. I better make this quick.

  Positioning myself in front of the mirror, I can’t help but stare. I’m not sure if it’s the cut or the color but my boobs look bigger and my waist seems smaller. And the skin-colored stilettos paired with it make my legs look longer than ever. This is an ensemble I ma
y just “forget” to return to Jenn for a few months. I turn around to check the panty line situation. Not great. I need to try another pair or not wear any at all.

  “You look amazing.” A voice comes from the doorway, causing me to jump. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Henry grins and walks into the room.

  “Oh, hi.” I fold my arms nervously, trying to cover up the sexy formfitting dress. “It’s Jenn’s, I’m just trying it on to see how it looks for tomorrow.”

  “Well, I definitely approve,” he says.

  “Oh, um, okay.” I’m not sure why he thinks I need his approval.

  “I’m very excited for tomorrow,” he says. I’m not sure why he says that either.

  “Henry, you beat me here,” Lori sings flirtatiously as she enters the room. She stops when she sees me with a wide-eyed guilty expression. “Oh sorry, I didn’t see you, Remi.” Her big eyes take in my sexy attire and she frowns. “Am I interrupting something?”

  “Not at all, I was just borrowing your mirror.” I scurry toward the door, embarrassed by what this probably looks like and not wanting anyone to get the wrong impression. “Night guys, see you tomorrow.” I rush out.

  “What were you both doing in here?” I hear Lori ask before I make it safely back into Jenn’s room where she is curled up in a ball on her bed.

  “Kill me. I feel so sick. Do you think this is still from last night, or do you think it’s something I ate?” she asks.

  “I don’t know. We ate the same things at dinner, and I feel okay.”

  “What if it’s the s’mores?”

  “It’s not,” I say. “They’re only chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow. I’m sure you’ll feel better in the morning.”

  “I hope you’re right.” She frowns. “But I really think it might’ve been the s’mores.”

  “Trust me,” I assure her. “It’s definitely not the s’mores.”

  It’s the S’mores

  Everyone who ate the s’mores last night got sick.

  The good news is that I didn’t eat one; the even better news is that neither did Remi. Unfortunately for everyone else, they did.

  “Oh God, I want to die.” My brother exits the bathroom in his room. “Is she back yet?”

  “Yes.” I deposit his share of the requested stomach aids onto the bedside table. Remi had taken my sister’s car to the local drugstore to stock up on supplies for all the s’mores victims.

  There’s a knock at the door, and I open it up to Lori. She doesn’t look too bad. She steps inside, immediately going to tend to my sick brother.

  “I only had a little nibble last night, I think I’m okay.” She tucks the blanket around Henry. “I’ll be here all day to take care of you.”

  He has horrible diarrhea. Not sure what she’s gonna be able to do other than watch him run to the bowl. That oughta be a fun first date.

  “Thank you,” he says in a weak baby-like voice. Gross. And on that note, I’m outta here.

  Once I leave Henry’s room, I’m a free man. The last of the supplies have been handed out. Everyone has their meds, water, and extra TP. They’re all on their own now.

  Down in the kitchen, Remi is sitting at the island sipping a cup of coffee. Her hair is pulled back in a bun, and she’s in jeans and a sweatshirt. Casual elegance. I can’t tear my eyes away from her.

  “Ready to get out of here?” I ask. I’m in jeans and a button down, shaved and wearing cologne. She’s all mine for the day, and I plan on taking advantage of this amazing opportunity gifted to me by the tainted marshmallows gods.

  “What?” She pushes over a cup of coffee she poured for me. “We can’t just leave everyone.”

  “Oh yes we can. We’re not sick, and they’ll all be just fine on their own.”

  “I feel bad.”

  “Don’t.” They all have the shits. “Distance is the best thing we can do for them.”

  “Where will we go?”

  “Anywhere that’s not here.”

  “So when you say out, do you mean just out or out like a date?” She picks up her coffee mug and hides her face while she waits for me to answer. This is her way of asking me about the things I said last night. Even though the beer prompted the words, I meant them all. So, hell yeah, a date, but I’m nervous to give it that label, especially given the history of our last date.

  “The weather is actually nice, after all. We could take a ride toward town.” I don’t answer her question. “This time of year, there’s always stuff going on. Festivals and farmers’ markets and street fairs. Being this is the last long weekend of summer, there’s probably a ton of stuff to do.”

  She places her mug down eyeing me suspiciously for ignoring her question.

  “Okay. I’m up for a festival,” she says. “As long as it’s not golf.”

  “No golf, I promise.”

  “Should I go change first?” She looks down.

  “No, you look perfect, let’s go.” I dangle my keys and lead the way.

  “Okay, let’s go out.” She emphasizes the last word.

  Shit. I didn’t answer the question so she did. No way. I can’t risk getting friend-zoned. The chances of this girl showing back up in my life like this are like one in a billion. I have to just go for it.

  “It’s a date.”

  A Fair to Remember

  Adam opens the passenger door for me and shuts it once I’m seated.

  This is officially a date. Technically our second. I wish I had known; I feel completely unprepared.

  Adam looks and smells good. I’m in another hoodie and my hair is in a bun. A freaking bun. And I care. I really care because by some crazy screwed-up turn of events I’m getting a second chance with this guy. Adam. The awesome guy from the horrible date. How did this even happen?

  “Summer Sunset Festival.” He points to a sign. “Want to check it out?”

  “Yeah, definitely,” I say. Who says no to a festival?

  Several men guide us through the grassy makeshift parking lot to a space where Adam parks his car. The fields ahead of us are packed. There are rides, there are animals, there are vendors, there are food trucks everywhere, and in the far-off distance, you can see a few hot air balloons starting to rise. It’s a sensory overload. I love it already.

  “Where do we begin?” Adam has to yell over all the noise as we walk through the entrance.

  “I have no clue,” I say excitedly, looking toward the rides. I love rides but don’t want to put Adam on the spot in case he doesn’t.

  “Are you a ride person?” he asks.

  “I am,” I admit with my fingers crossed. Growing up, some of my best memories were when my parents would take me and my brother to any type of theme park.

  “Me too. Come on.” He takes my hand and leads me toward the ticket counter. A minute later, a bright yellow band is being wrapped around my wrist, granting us access to ride the rides all day long.

  “What should we go on first?” I lean in toward him so he can hear me over all the noise.

  “You tell me. Should we start small on the Tilt O’Whirl or go big and jump right in on the Zipper?”

  “Let’s meet in the middle and go on the Claw.” I suggest, glancing over at the short line.

  In no time at all, our harnesses get clicked into place and the ride begins its slow swing and twirl motion, building up momentum. Loud music blares through the speaker as the ride picks up speed. The cool air whips against my face, and I close my eyes, letting my first scream loose as the ride reaches full speed. My heart races from the fantastic rush of adrenaline.

  “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” I scream with a huge smile plastered across my face.

  The music fades, the ride stops, and the harness is lifted. I already can’t wait to ride it again.

  “Are you okay?” Adam quickly jumps from his seat, his face full of concern. “You were screaming.”

  “I’m fine.” I laugh. “Screaming is the best part. Don’t you scream when you’re on a ride?”
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  “No. I don’t even think I could if I tried.”

  “We need to fix that.” I nudge my head toward a ride called the Seven Seas, a pendulum ride that circles fast and makes your stomach drop. “Let’s go on that next, I’ll show you how it’s done.”

  After another quick wait in line, we’re seated directly in the center portion of a long string of seats. Shoulder to shoulder, we face forward with our legs dangling.

  “When we get to the top, I’ll nudge you with my foot and that’s when you get ready to scream right before the drop. Okay?” I yell to him.

  “What do I scream? Just—ah?” He yells back.

  “You can scream whatever you want.” My laughter is genuine and laced with excitement.

  The ride begins and so does the music. We swoosh to the right, don’t quite make it to the top, and then we swoosh back down and over to the left, again close to the top but not all the way.

  “Get ready,” I yell as we swoosh faster this time, getting ready to go all the way around. “Here it comes. Now.” I kick his leg as we hit the top.

  “Reeeeemmmmiiiiiii!” He screams my name as we plummet downward. I freaking love it. Swoosh, we reach the top again.

  “Adddaaaaammmm!” I scream his name, letting go of the harness and shooting my hands straight up in the air. Adam follows suit and the two of us continue to scream each other’s name as the ride circles around and around.

  My heart races for so many reasons. The blood in my veins is on a thrill ride of its own, zooming through my body. I’ve experienced fun days before, but the word fun is just not enough to explain what this feels like. This date with Adam is incredible. Nothing like last time. I’m on a bliss-filled high that copious amounts of whiskey could never match.

  The ride ends way too fast. My bun is a lost cause, and my hair is a mess, errant pieces strewn all over my face, but I don’t care.