American Love Story (Dreamers)

by Adriana Herrera

  I nodded, because I didn’t have to say what we both knew. That things could’ve been much worse if that kid hadn’t been more scared to reach into his pocket than he was of passing out from an asthma attack.

  “I’ll deal with this, Patrice,” he offered, his voice pleading.

  I ground my teeth together, my hands fist-deep in my coat pocket, hating this shit. Hating, that once again, something I wanted, something I needed, was being taken away by other people’s actions.

  “Easton, this is not something you need to resolve to appease me. It’s not even on just you to resolve.”

  He threw his hands up at my words and tried to move closer, then thought better of it and kept himself on the other side of the couch. “Of course it’s not about appeasing you, Patrice. I fucking know that.” He ran a hand over his face and exhaled before he spoke again. In a weird twisted way, I wished he’d say something terrible, something condescending or flippant, so I could retreat and go back to the more familiar place of expecting the worst.

  “I don’t do this job to piss off my parents, Patrice. I do it because I believe that I can play a role in seeking justice. I’m not naïve, I understand what it means that that kid risked suffocating to death rather than reach into his pocket. We will address this.”

  “Will you address it in the press?”

  This time he was the one grinding his teeth. “That’s not up to me.”

  My anger at his answer boiled up and then fizzled out just as fast, because I didn’t want to be doing this right now. I didn’t want to have to turn away from what I’d had just minutes ago with Easton because of something that neither of us had done.

  It felt so fucking unfair, but he was who he was, and I was who I was, and if I let what I felt for him change that, we’d be over before we really started.

  I walked up to him anyway and did the thing that I would’ve never done before Easton Archer came into my life. I compromised again. I took his face in my hands and pressed our lips together. He opened up for me like he always did. I licked into his mouth and pressed my fingers into his skin. My hands tightening on him.

  Possessive, even when I didn’t want to be. That pull that made me want to forget myself. Always one brush of skin away from igniting.

  “I know this is not all up to you,” I said just as much for myself as for him. We pressed our foreheads together, his hands gripping my wrists. We were there for one, two, three breaths, before pulling apart.

  “I’ll call you later,” I said, pointing down. “I’m going to go get ready for class. I’ll keep my eye out for any news on the jury. Good luck.”

  Easton only nodded, his face subdued and worried, but said nothing and I wondered if like me, he feared that if we started talking about this it would all come tumbling down.

  I walked out of his apartment and took the stairs, my phone burning a hole in my pocket. When I drove off to campus a couple of hours later, I responded to the organizers of the peaceful protest in the only way I could.

  You can count on me.

  * * *

  It was past four in the afternoon and already getting dark when Ted barged into my office. “The jury’s got a verdict.”

  I looked up from my monitor and waved him in as I opened the tab to the local newspaper’s Twitter. They’d been posting updates.

  “Looks like the judge is reading the charges.” Ted was now behind my chair reading it too. His mouth twisted to the side when he saw some of the previous tweets about the latest traffic stop. “The silence is deafening on this,” he muttered, eyes seemingly regretful, and I assumed it was because he knew about Easton and me. But from the time I’d known Ted, I also knew he was not going to take it easy on me just because I was fucking one of the ADAs.

  “They think people won’t notice because of the trial. Are you going to help out with the protest?”

  “Yeah, the director of the Ithaca Justice Project texted me this morning about it.” I was looking at my phone to see if there were any texts from Nesto—he always seemed to know the news before anyone else—when I heard Ted suck his teeth before a pretty astonished, “Holy shit, good for him,” came out of his mouth.

  When I looked at the monitor, it was there in black and white.

  Court Update: Jury convicts on all counts. Interim DA Easton Archer to run for DA in special election.

  “What the fuck?” I said in genuine astonishment.

  “You didn’t know about this?” Ted asked in a tone that brooked a very clear I’m glad I’m not Easton.

  I lifted a shoulder and was about to say something offhanded when I saw a text come through on my phone.

  Easton.

  We got him on all counts. BTW Cindy made that announcement without my permission, I had no intention of committing to running. I still don’t.

  The way my chest caved in with relief shouldn’t have surprised me. This day needed to end because there was just way too much shit happening. Still I was proud of Easton for getting justice for that family, and after seeing him with the survivor’s mom on Friday, I knew it wasn’t just another win for him. So when I responded, I went with my heart, not my head.

  I’m proud of you, we can talk about the other news when I see you.

  His response came seconds later.

  Tonight?

  I looked up and waved at Ted who was back-walking out of my office, pointing at the watch on his wrist, before texting Easton my response.

  Tonight.

  I thought about heading out, of going to the gym and exerting some of the pent-up anxious energy I was feeling on a grueling workout, but instead I grabbed my phone again and did something I rarely ever did. I called my mom.

  She picked up after only two rings, probably freaked out thinking something bad had happened.

  “Everything’s fine. Just calling to say hello.”

  The hissing I heard on the line told me my mother was not buying my bald-faced lie. “So you just called your Manman because you miss me?” The snark in her voice made a smile break out on my face, even as I closed my eyes, unsure of how to broach the subject.

  “I’ve been seeing someone.”

  “Oh?” My mother had a gift for delivering an entire monologue in one syllable.

  The unsaid, you must be real pressed if you’re calling me for advice... came through loud and clear.

  “We’re too different.” My mother made a sound between exhaustion and sympathy at my outburst. But she knew me well enough not interrupt. The next part I knew would get a reaction. “He’s rich. His dad’s kind of racist,” I said, ruthlessly leaving out everything that made Easton the man I was falling in love with.

  Because that was it, that’s what had me hesitating, trying to figure out how I could hold on to what I had with Easton for a bit longer, when with anyone else I would’ve walked away long ago. I could hide it from him, and even from my mother, but the weight of trying to hide it from myself was becoming impossibly heavy to carry.

  “Uh huh,” my mother said knowingly. “So, now that I know all the things that are wrong with him, why don’t you tell me the reasons why you’re calling me to talk you out of letting him go.”

  I groaned at her ability to see right through my bullshit. “Manman, he’s a prosecutor. It’s going to put us at odds, it already has.”

  I heard tongue clicking and a tired exhale. “Is he a good man?”

  “The best,” I said without hesitation.

  “Patrice, son, why do you look for ways to cheat yourself? Don’t let my mistakes cost you your happiness.”

  I sighed, not sure what to say, but I’d called my mother for a reason. I needed to hear this.

  “I want to be happy Manman, but I won’t compromise what I believe in.”

  There was more teeth sucking before she spoke again. “Pitit, for once let yourself fully have something b
efore you start finding ways to push it away. I am sure you have good reasons to hesitate, son, there is just so much that can go wrong when you open yourself up to someone like that. But you actually called me today to talk about him.” She laughed, sounding truly astonished. “That’s never happened, and that means something. Does he make you happy?”

  I shuddered out a breath as I thought of how Easton woke up smiling. Before he even opened his eyes, the sides of his mouth would defiantly turn up, challenging the world to wipe it off his face. I wanted that in my life every day.

  I ran a hand over my eyes before I answered, bracing myself for what needed to be said. “I think I love him.”

  My mom sighed at my revelation and when she spoke I could hear the smile in her voice. “Then you should try to find common ground, Patrice. If he loves you, that is worth fighting for. We have travelled such a long road since that day we left Port-au-Prince. Sometimes I can’t believe we’ve come so far.” The wonder in her voice, made my throat close up. “My strong and brilliant son. You make me so proud, Patrice, my chest cannot take it.” Her accent thickened the more emotional she got and I knew tears were not far behind.

  “I failed you—”

  “No, Manman,” I protested.

  “No, I did. When you told me about yourself, I thought of my own fears and not of yours. I was so worried about the world that I didn’t take care of your heart first. But I don’t ever want you to think that you don’t deserve to fall in love, to be cherished. Let yourself at least try.”

  I didn’t know how much I needed to hear those words from my mother until she said them, and the emotion in her voice made me think she’d needed to say them too. “Okay. I will,” I said, wanting to believe I could.

  After we ended the call I sat there thinking about my mother’s words, how she urged me to give what I had with Easton a try. I looked at my messages again and saw Easton had left one for me.

  See you at home.

  I could either walk away from that promise or for the first time ever, let my heart override my head.

  Chapter Twenty

  Patrice

  “You sure you don’t want a glass of prosecco with your slice, P?” Nesto asked as I took a second piece of the passion fruit silk pie thing he’d made for dessert.

  I shook my head as I licked some of the crust and delicious filling off my finger. “Nah, man. I’m driving.”

  He shook his head like I was the most stubborn motherfucker on earth. “Man, you gotta chill,” he teased and turned to Easton, an eyebrow raised and the bottle tipped in the direction of the flute by his place setting.

  My boyfriend smirked at me before raising the glass to Nesto. “I’m not nearly as good as Patrice,” he said as he leaned in to kiss my cheek.

  Nesto scoffed. “Yeah, but you had like one glass of wine and now one of prosecco. That’s not exactly getting your drink on.” He got up and slapped a hand on my shoulder. “My man has to relax a little more.”

  From the other end of the table Jude protested, “Leave him alone, Nesto, it’s been a bit stressful in this town for the past couple of months. I don’t blame him for being careful.”

  Jude was quiet and very mild mannered, but he did not pull a punch when it came to shit that he felt strongly about. At his words I saw Easton’s back go up. But Jude had those baby blues right on him. It’d been a few days since that last stop. Easton had gone to visit the kid who’d passed out at the hospital. Thankfully he’d made a full recovery, and of course things had quieted down again.

  I could see Easton trying to keep his sigh inward instead of responding to Jude.

  “I don’t blame him either, even if he is a little bit more intense than I am with these things,” Nesto said ruefully.

  Easton took a small sip then gave Jude a serious look. “Day has finally agreed to take a stronger stance and have some kind of diversity training in the department. Honestly I don’t think that’s enough. He needs to make a statement, publicly.”

  He’d been trying to get his boss to say something too, but so far, nothing. I was starting to wonder if that was where it would stay.

  Jude nodded and looked straight at me, as if he knew we’d be on the same page. “I know you’ll try, Easton. I just hope there’s not a tragedy while they’re sorting themselves out.”

  “Me too,” Easton said heavily, pushing his barely touched glass of prosecco away. “It’s what has me considering this run more seriously, maybe I could do some good. Take a different position as DA.” When he looked at me, I reached over and ran a hand over his.

  We’d reached a sort of détente since the day Cindy had announced his candidacy; he’d been moving behind the scenes trying to shake things up. I’d ended up participating in the peaceful protest after the last stop, and had been quietly helping some local groups organize. I’d also been intentionally laying off Twitter. I wasn’t sure how long it would work to leave things hanging like this. Those parts of our lives were too big to just keep them to ourselves. Eventually we’d either have to bring them together or they would collide on their own. But the struggle and the law could not go to bed every night, without coming to a standoff at some point.

  I heard Jude clearing his throat and found him looking at Easton and me like he knew exactly what was going down with us. But when he opened his mouth it mercifully went in another direction. “Did Ari tell you about the moving in date?”

  I nodded and smiled over at Easton, who was suddenly super focused on his hands. “Yeah,” I said, pointing a fork in my boyfriend’s direction. “His new landlord made sure the apartment was ready for him within a week.”

  Easton rolled his eyes at Nesto, Jude and me like what he had done was no big deal. “It didn’t need that much work. It’s a studio. Took like two days to get it ready.”

  “Uh huh,” Nesto said, putting his arm around Jude. “You’re charging him what he paid his uncle for rent, which I know was not very much, and giving him a brand new place downtown, which happened to be fully furnished. That ain’t nothing, my guy.”

  I could see the color rising on Easton’s cheeks like it always did whenever anyone tried to give him a compliment.

  After a moment he looked up from whatever he’d been closely inspecting on the table. “He’s gone through a lot this past month, so I’m glad that I can help on this one thing. It’s not like it comes at big cost to me.”

  Before I could interject, Nesto voiced what I was thinking. “You also got him the immigration lawyer who took his case pro bono. And you didn’t have to do a thing, but you did it anyways. So stop trying to talk yourself out of your cookout invitation, bruh.”

  That got us all laughing and moving on to discuss the logistics of getting Ari situated in his new place.

  After some more talk about what each of us would get for a housewarming I noticed Easton’s yawns were coming more and more frequently. I’d been staying at his house pretty much every night for the past month, and knew he was back to leaving for the office before five in the morning, preparing for his next trial. So, when I saw him nod off, I ran a hand over his shoulder.

  “Hey, you want to head home?”

  The sleepy look he gave me did not match up with the cheeky response or the lopsided smile that appeared on his face when I said the word “home.” “Will you tuck me in?”

  I could only laugh as I pulled him up with me. “Only if you’re good.”

  “Well that doesn’t bode well for me then,” he said, feigning annoyance.

  All I could do was shake my head. No matter how much I tried to keep my fortress of solitude act up, Easton always found a way to make me take myself a little less seriously.

  I liked the person I was with Easton.

  I looked over at Jude and Nesto who were getting up too. “We should be heading out. Easton’s on a super early wake-up schedule and I’ve started getting up
with him and heading to the gym before class.”

  We exchanged hugs and goodbyes and soon were walking up the street to our cars. Easton looked at me and pointed at my black SUV that was parked right by his. “Do you want to leave your car here and go in mine? I can drop you off here in the morning.”

  I laughed at the suggestion, because it made zero sense. “That would mean you driving like forty minutes tomorrow morning for no reason. So, no thank you,” I said, unable to keep a straight face at his hurt expression.

  I pulled on his scarf so I could give him a kiss and when he pulled back he seemed in much better spirits. “That should tide me over.”

  I was about to get in my car when he tugged on my hand, not letting go. “Hey.” The way he said it, made me turn fully around.

  “Hey, yourself.”

  He put both arms around my neck, and looked up at me, eyes locked with mine. “I could fall in love with you, Professor Denis.” His voice was clear and strong.

  To my surprise my response to his words seemed just as certain. “I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you.”

  Radiant.

  That was the only word for the smile the words got me, and the kiss afterward was so sweet I felt greedy that I got to have all of it.

  After a few more kisses, Easton pulled back, biting on his bottom lip. “Does this mean I get, ‘we said I love you sex’?”

  I shook my head, laughing as I got in my car. “When have you ever not eventually gotten what you want from me?” I waved as he grinned at me in answer. “I’ll see you at home.”

  I saw Easton quickly get in his BMW and drive off while I checked my Twitter account. I had a bunch of stuff in my mentions. People tagging me on different events and posts related to race relations in Ithaca. I responded to some and retweeted the less incendiary ones. Everything else I just let sit there for now, tonight I would be a little selfish, like my mother had said. I felt so good right now, I wanted to hold on just a little longer.