Discovery

by Douglas E Roff

  “I can fix this,” he thought bravely, but his courage was razor thin. His confidence was buoyed as long as he was having a conversation with Hannah in his mind. There, he was witty and charming, and Hannah loved him again. “Unhappy Hannah” was a very different creature and one he had met only a few times before. He did not like “angry Hannah”, not one bit.

  He thought ‘she loves me, so she’ll forgive me and then I’ll change’ but he didn’t know that as much as he wished that.

  He arrived at the Inn, his mind still occupied with all things Hannah.

  Could he change? Change what? He finally accepted he was in deep, deep trouble as his turbulent mind eased him into a restive sleep.

  Chapter 11

  “Ali Parker,” a woman’s voice answered.

  “Oh, hi Mrs. Parker, it’s Adam,” he said, somewhat less confidently than he intended to sound. “I’m in town today and I was wondering if you might have time for lunch today. With me I mean. I mean I’d like to have lunch with you today if you are available. I have something I really need to discuss with you. Today would be good, if you can, I mean.”

  God that sounded pathetic, Adam thought to himself.

  “Adam, what is this about if I may ask? Hannah?”

  “Yeah, it’s Hannah. I think I fu..., messed up if you know what I mean. I just need some advice. I thought maybe you could help. I really need to talk to someone and I don’t think Hannah wants to talk to me right now. So maybe if you have some time you could, you know, help with some advice.”

  He sounded defeated, waiting for the clock to run out on his relationship, knowing that his court time was rapidly approaching zero. He was all but done.

  “Adam, sweetie, I know you mean well and maybe you think I can tell you something that will make everything alright. But truly, I don’t think this is a very good idea. You know I don’t get involved in the whole ‘Hannah and Adam’ thing, and even if I thought I could help, it really isn’t for me to intrude.”

  “No intrusion,” Adam blurted out. “None at all.”

  “Adam, what do you think Hannah would say if I had lunch with you today? And we talked about her? Any clue?”

  “She’d have both our heads, probably. You know I’m a little afraid of her when she gets mad, right?”

  “We all are sweetie. But it’s rare, so we ignore how she can be sometimes because we love her. And I love you too, Adam. Dad and I are really very sad about this whole thing and we hope you two can fix it. But I honestly don’t know how to help. It’s between you and Hannah and the only way she will change her mind is if you show her how.”

  “How do I even begin to do that? I don’t even know why she’s this mad at me. Mad, yes, I’m a jerk, but this seems ... too real, like it got way out of hand way too fast.”

  “Phil and I missed you on Sunday you know,” Ali said quietly. “So, did Hannah. She really thought you were going to be here with us all this time. You promised, remember?”

  “I couldn’t, I mean I just couldn’t make it. I wanted to, I really did, but then something came up. I couldn’t leave. I’m really sorry I bailed on the three of you but if you just understood what I was doing, you wouldn’t be mad at me at all.” His voice was plaintive and sounded like he was trying to convince himself at least as much as his girlfriend’s mother.

  “But sweetie, you didn’t just bail on Dad, Hannah and me. Didn’t you know? All of Canada was here too. Everyone. Hannah wanted it to be a big surprise and for everyone to be together. Dad thought Hannah was going to ask you to marry her, so she didn’t have to wait for you to ask. Silly, but you know Phil. And Hannah when she wants something. Really wants something badly.”

  “I know and I’m so sorry it turned out this way. You know I would never do anything on purpose to hurt any of you. I just didn’t know.”

  “Sweetie, you knew but you just didn’t quite understand the gravity of the moment. And Hannah thinks you just don’t care.”

  “But I do!”

  “And how does she know that? How does anyone know what’s in your heart or mind? It isn’t what you say or think that matters, Adam, it’s what you do that really counts. Do you understand?”

  “I ... don’t ... really, I guess. I know I love your daughter and that’s how I feel. And she knows that, I’m certain. Since the day we met, Hannah is all I ever think about. She’s the only girl I have ever loved in that way. How can she not know that?”

  “Or, maybe, how can she? I don’t know.”

  “Look Ali, let’s skip lunch but can I at least come over tonight for a visit with you and Phil. I’d like to say I’m sorry in person.”

  “Not this time Adam. To be truthful, Hannah has taken a few days of vacation time, and is ... at home. With Phil and me. I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to drop by. Maybe let Hannah work through her ... anger. Then we’ll see.”

  “At least tell her we talked, and I love her more than anything. I am so, so very sorry.”

  “Not much chance of that, Adam. Hannah expects Phil and me to be as mad at you as she is. We’re not, of course, but then it isn’t our heart that’s been broken. If it’s any consolation, she’s a mess. And by ‘mess’, I mean a full-on chocolate mess. In the end, by the time she’s gathered herself, she’ll either be moved on, or not. I wouldn’t want to bet either way. Think this through and then do something. It’s the only thing that will really matter to her. Phil and I have our fingers crossed.”

  The chat was way less helpful than he hoped. Adam thought for a minute, then a minute longer and instantly began to formulate a plan, something awesome he could do that would make things instantly right. Then, as if he had thought this through carefully, he suddenly decided that his snap plan was exactly what he had to do. Nothing was more important in his life than Hannah, so something extraordinary had to be done. Something great.

  Adam packed and departed by float plane for Barrows Bay via Victoria Harbour. He needed to talk to his Mom and to his brother Rod. They would help him figure this out, of that he was certain.

  Chapter 12

  “Where are we on mainframe access, Enzo? We need to find this guy and our stuff ASAP. I want all hands-on deck; send Trackers to get anything and everything on this guy.”

  It was the first full sentences Paulo had spoken since arriving in Newark, and Enzo had good news.

  “Already on it. On the computer access, we’re not quite there yet, but we’re very close. Should have some higher-level security clearance access in a week, maybe two, tops.”

  “How?”

  “Through the California subsidiary. It does DOD research and Harvey thinks we can get at least limited access. But, for how long, he doesn’t really know.”

  “Limited? What does that mean exactly?”

  “Limited in time and scope. We should have at least Level III, ‘Special Access’ to the DL Main but only for a week, two if we’re really lucky. Won’t be cheap. The DataLab Project commercial section is pricing access high these days. The big commercial gigs are beginning to carry the load, along with Uncle Sam.”

  “Cost? What price do we place on saving two hundred eighty-three million souls? Is there a rack rate for that?” Paulo was in one of his famous moods. Even Enzo could rarely snap him out of it.

  “I’m not the enemy here, Paulo. Save your hostility for the ones who threaten our kind, not me.”

  Paulo ignored his brother and carried on, “And the software?”

  “Done and ready. We’ll run it as soon as we have access. We should have an answer overnight.”

  Paulo grunted assent, spotted his bag, then absently turned to leave. “Where’s the car?”

  “Waiting outside. Jason’s back and waiting for you. In the car.”

  “He OK? Something wrong?” Paulo’s attention quickly snapped back into place. Jason was his eldest child and only son.

  “Yeah, but he wants to go back to Colorado and find a wife. If you give
him permission that is.”

  “Permission for a thirteen-year-old to marry? Not likely”, said Paulo, shaking his head. “He can wait.”

  “You spend too much time transitioned these days, brother. Maybe you need to go back with Jason and get some exercise. If you do, then perhaps you will understand your son’s own primal urges better.”

  “Advise your own son, Enzo”, Paulo said tersely. “And I’ll advise mine. Besides, we have a lot of work to do. We can all goof off when we’re finished with this project.”

  “When do you expect that to be?”

  “I wish I knew.”

  Chapter 13

  Adam landed back home in Barrows Bay in early evening. He had taken a floatplane from Seattle to Victoria Harbour where his brother Rod would be waiting to pick him up. They would then make the two-hour drive north up the TransCanada Highway hugging the eastern shoreline of Vancouver Island, Highway 1, to the gated turnoff onto the grounds of the Victoria Institute. There were no signs or monuments at the entrance to the fifteen-hundred-acre private estate, just a small broken-down chain link gate. Neither were there maps or directions indicating the correct path down the winding gravel road leading to the residential sections and grounds of the Victoria Institute compound. As there was but a single road, few got lost who were not intending to do so.

  Adam looked around the dock for the familiar face of his brother, only a few months younger than him and his best friend. He spotted his younger sibling at the top walk near the small coffee shop waving his arms wildly to catch Adam’s attention. Keys in hand, Adam could already see his brother making faces at him, a portent of the unceasing mockery and ribbing he would soon have to endure. Rod knew and loved Hannah too, as did Rod’s wife Cindy. Adam, never one to concern himself with embarrassment, shame or humiliation, suddenly felt exposed, his wounded heart open for all to see.

  “Look at your sad face, big brother,” Rod began taunting. “You look sadder than a weepy little school girl with her first broken heart. Have you had a good cry yet?” Rod mocked Adam in a way only brothers can – right to the tender part of his heart and just below the proverbial belt. Rod had done this to his brother countless times before, most often when Adam screwed up big time with Hannah. Rod would have considered it tiresome after the tenth time or so if it wasn’t so much fun.

  “You’re not funny Rod, this is serious this time. So, lay off. I’m in deep shit with Hannah. For real; she won’t even talk to me. She won’t even allow me to visit with Phil and Ali to apologize for missing the soiree.”

  “Little wussy baby. Of course, I’m going to fuck with you, man. I’m your only brother. And since you can’t give me a beat down any more, I’d say you better man up for the next two solid hours. Besides, this time you have no excuse and you deserve what you are about to get. From Mom and Dad. Don’t think you can get all moody and then get a free pass from family this time. Worked when you were seventeen, but not this time. This one’s on you, big bro, all on you. I can’t wait to see how you try to wiggle out of this one.”

  “No need to look so happy, asswipe. You’ve got your perfect little life, and I mean little. At least I’m doing something that matters. And what are you doing? Still stealing lunch money from little kids and taking the easy way? You used to be interesting, but now you’re just a part of the herd. Mooooo. Moooooooo. Maybe you should just go buy a condo and move to the suburbs in Seattle?”

  “Keep talking, let that bitterness and envy flow freely. Cindy and the girls would laugh their asses off hearing you, you lovesick girly girl.”

  Cindy was Cindy Suarez, Rod’s wife of eight years. The girls were Rod and Cindy’s two young daughters.

  “Now, seriously, Adam, what’s the damage?”

  “Hannah, or the other?”

  “Hannah first, then the other. By the by, Pops is really fucking annoyed. You know how he hates to travel, especially down to the land of the not-so-free. He was cursing in some language even I didn’t understand. Better bring him presents if you know what’s good for you.”

  “And Dad?”

  “What do you think, moron? He’s still looking up the synonyms for ‘selfish’, ‘self centered’, self-absorbed’, ‘childish’. He is royally pissed. It might be better if you stayed with Mom and Pops tonight. I think Dad is going to unload as soon as you set foot in the house. Ooooh, baby, that I want to see. I’m selling popcorn and skittles. All of Barrows is invited. I’m selling tickets, and they’re going fast.”

  Adam looked at his brother, trying to assess his next move. He thought for a moment, then said. “Nope. I’ll see Dad first thing and set this right. I still don’t really get why everyone is so fucking angry, but I’m trying. I need to speak to Mom, so she can translate but I think I have a plan. If it doesn’t work, then I guess I fucked up big time. But if it does, I might have a tiny but real chance to set things right with Hannah. I may need your help too.” He paused again, “You’re my brother, and I love you, so I know you’ll help try to get myself out of this dilemma. You will, won’t you?”

  “Of course, I will, if I can. But you need to understand exactly what you did. Otherwise, it doesn’t really matter what you say or do, or who you say or do it to. You’ll just be fucked and wondering why for the rest of your natural life. You gonna be OK with that?”

  “No. Yes. I guess. I don’t know. What now?”

  “Sit there, shut up, and listen. And I swear if you say jack, I’ll stop talking and make you figure this out all on your own. Assume I’m right no matter what I say or whether you understand any of it. Mom can interpret this for you later but, seriously, she has approved this message.”

  ***

  “Now you know, Adam. So where do you want to go first?” They were in Rod’s car, parked just outside of their Dad’s house and across the street from Mom and Pop’s house. Silhouettes were peering through sheer curtains, so his arrival was no longer a secret.

  “Dad’s. I want to get this over and then talk to Mom

  “You want Mom over when you talk to Dad?”

  “Dude, we haven’t done that in years. Mom doesn’t need to protect me. Dad won’t get all crazy; at least I hope not. But maybe you should be there just in case.”

  “Maybe. I’ll bring Cindy for protection. For both of us.”

  Chapter 14

  Rod and Adam both grew up in this neighborhood in tiny Barrows Bay, splitting time equally between two houses across the street from each other. One was the residence of their “Dad”, Adam’s biological father, Edward St. James. The other was the residence of their “Mom” and “Pops”, Maria and Agustin Suarez, Rod’s biological mother and father. But in Barrows Bay, as in life, it took all three adults to manage two healthy and mischievous boys who were bright, physically gifted and precocious.

  Rod was the “good son” while Adam was, and probably always would be, the problem child.

  The boys were raised in both homes together as brothers and had experienced as exciting and unique a childhood as only few could ever hope to imagine. Sadly, this idyllic childhood set in rural Vancouver Island, had only been made possible by the events which took place in LA when Adam and Rod were just toddlers.

  Twenty-four years ago, almost to the day, Edward’s wife and Adam’s mother, Anna St. James, was sitting in How You Bean, an upscale LA coffee house, with a friend from her old life. They were talking babies and happy lives, their two kids in strollers and in tow. It was a warm spring day when three men stood outside the bustling coffeehouse; one fired an unconscionable number of bullets from machine pistols through the front window in the direction of a man the three mistook for rival gangbanger. Then they calmly walked away, got in their car and drove off. They were never caught, and, while the police felt badly for the young archeologist and his baby boy, they knew it was very unlikely that the perpetrators would ever be caught.

  Sadly, according the press, they were correct.

  Edward St James, the young
archeologist, and his son Adam, were soon alone, adrift and on their own. Edward was, at best, incompetent in caring for and tending to an energetic young toddler who had just lost his mother. Edward’s entire world, he believed, had died that day with the sudden death of his wife. Although he had rarely, if ever, consumed any alcohol in his entire life, the pain of his present existence was simply too much for him to bear. For the first time in his life he did something outside his character: he drank. A lot. He drank to numb his mind and forget the loss of his Anna, but the pain of his loss still didn’t abate. It only became worse. Alcohol, it seemed, wasn’t the cure for what ailed him.

  The abruptness of the loss demanded an immediate adjustment to single parenthood for all the needs, physical and emotional, of a growing and active child. Edward, of all the human beings in the world, was just about the least able to assume such a pressing responsibility. Edward, boy prodigy in his own right, high IQ and academic prowess in every discipline he ever challenged, could only deal with certain specific real-life situations and even then, only so long as his wife Anna was around to support him. Their little baby, and quite possibly the whole rest of humanity, were the two main things about which he was mostly clueless. Anna had shored Adam up emotionally and helped him to understand the real world in ways he had seldom before ever imagined. He was now a complete mess.

  Edward learned important things from Anna, non-academic and worldly things, that had come to matter to him greatly and about which he had previously been mostly unaware. Edward marveled not only at the worlds opened to him by his wife but by the patience she showed in bringing her pupil along. Closed off emotionally for a good part of his life, the new emotions he experienced with his Anna were intoxicating and fresh: it wasn’t an overgeneralization to say that he faced every new day with Anna as if it were a new and exciting adventure of a lifetime. She was the one he wanted, loved and needed well before he eventually came to realize it.