Scared Shiftless: An Ex-Shifter turned Vampire Hunter Urban Fantasy (The Legend of Nyx Book 1)

by Theophilus Monroe

  I lifted my hands and crossed my fingers in front of my face. “Cross my fingers, hope to die. Whatever’s said on a hunt or, in this case, in the wake of a hunt… stays on the hunt. Your secrets are safe with me.”

  “Same here,” Devin said. “I mean, if you had anything you needed to get off your chest.”

  I smirked. “I don’t really. But I bet Chad back there has something he’d like off—or out of—his chest at the moment.”

  Devin laughed. “I’m sure he would. I’ve heard that when a vampire is staked, their spirits languish in a special part of hell.”

  I nodded. “I’ve been told the same.”

  “Told by who?”

  “I’ve had a few conversations with vampires,” I said. “I’d stake them, then bind them in chains and garlic. I don’t know if Mina or the ladies told you, but the whole reason I’m hunting vamps… Well, there was one who took something very important from me. And I’ve been hoping, perhaps against all hope, that if I hunted long enough I’d find the vamp who did it.”

  “What did the vampire take from you?”

  I took a deep breath. “I’ll just say that she bit me. And when she did, it felt like she took a piece of me with her.”

  Devin raised his eyebrows, even as he continued looking ahead at the highway. “So you’re a victim?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t like to use that word. When you call yourself a victim it gives whoever hurt you power over your life. It lets them define a part of who you are.”

  Devin shrugged. “But it’s true. This vampire is defining you. I mean, look at what an accomplished hunter you’ve become. Don’t tell me that hunting vamps hasn’t defined you.”

  “It’s a part of me,” I said honestly. “But it’s not all of me. I also like to sing. I can’t let vampire hunting be all that’s left. If I did that, you’d be right—I would allow the vamp who bit me to define me.”

  Devin nodded. “I’d like to hear you sing some time.”

  I grinned. “Perhaps when the occasion strikes, I’ll serenade you.”

  “I’d like that,” Devin said, blushing again.

  I just nodded. I didn’t know what to say next, and neither did he. The awkward silence, though, spoke volumes. We both knew it—we were attracted to each other. But we were both denying it, afraid to say it out loud. For him, accepting that and admitting it to someone even loosely connected to the Order, like me, risked him losing everything. And for me, pushing my interest in Devin risked compromising my mission.

  And after this kill, and a few more, I had to believe I’d get a contract on Alice sooner rather than later. What I had to do was get into the inner circle. And if I was going to do that, I needed to get Devin into the inner circle. I mean, I doubted they’d let me in before him. And if he got in and presented us as a team… maybe they’d bite. It was worth a shot, anyway.

  “I’ll try and help you,” Devin said, finally breaking the silence.

  “With what?”

  “Finding the vampire who bit you.”

  I nodded. “And I’ll help you do what needs to be done to get into the inner circle. Provided you can get me in along with you.”

  Devin cocked his head. “That might take some convincing. I mean, I have the benefit of being a legacy…”

  I shrugged. “Just do what you can. At the very least, if we get you in, put in a good word for me.”

  Devin chuckled. “If you can help me catch a tier-one vamp, I’ll insist that they bring you in at the very least as my apprentice.”

  I snorted. “Apprentice?”

  Devin laughed. “I mean, that’s how they’ll see it. But truth be told, I’m pretty sure it’s the other way around. I could use a more… experienced man.”

  I pressed my lips together. He’d said “man.” What if he knew that I wasn’t really a man at all? One thing at a time… one problem at a time. So far, we’d only flirted casually. And while he seemed comfortable sharing his truth with me, albeit subtly and indirectly, it would be a while before I could tell him mine.

  ——

  I flopped Chad’s staked body onto the loveseat.

  The three women, still knitting on the couch, didn’t even look up.

  “Where’s Mina?” Devin asked, strolling in behind me.

  “I trust the vampire is firmly staked?” Susan asked. “I’d hate to have a repeat of last time.”

  I glanced at Devin.

  He winced. “Yeah, last time… I had a staked vamp, brought him back, and tossed him down. When I did, the landing forced the stake out of his chest. And he was pissed.”

  “Nothing a knitting needle couldn’t take care of,” Dorcas added.

  “You ladies re-staked the vamp yourselves?”

  “What?” Carol asked. “Do you think we women can’t handle ourselves?”

  “It’s because we’re old,” Dorcas added. “Not because we’re women.”

  “Exactly,” I said.

  The three women on the couch stopped knitting and looked at me blankly.

  “Not that I’m saying you’re old, either…”

  Two more seconds of silence.

  And then they all busted out in raucous laughter. “No shame in that, dear!” Susan added. “Of course we’re old. It’s not an insult to speak the truth. But with age also comes experience.”

  This was the second time the topic of experience had come up, but when Devin mentioned it, I got the distinct sense he’d meant something entirely different.

  “I agree,” I said. “If you don’t have experience, it doesn’t matter how fit you are. You’ll never get it in.”

  The three women nodded, but didn’t respond.

  “The stake,” I clarified. “Obviously.”

  “We know what you meant, dear.” Dorcas resumed knitting.

  “Well, what do we have here?” Mina asked as she walked through the door. “I didn’t expect you two to be back so soon.”

  “Nick did great,” Devin said. “He’s a natural.”

  I smiled in appreciation. “Couldn’t have done it without you, Devin.”

  “We’ll take it from here, boys,” Mina said. “Perhaps next time we’ll give you a more challenging target.”

  “A tier one?” Devin asked.

  “Sweet Jesus, no,” Mina said. “You aren’t ready for that. But if you two continue to prove yourselves, I’ll see what I can do.”

  “Can I get your number?” Devin asked, turning to me.

  I cocked my head. “My… number?” I couldn’t believe he’d asked me that in front of the Order ladies.

  “So I can let you know when we have another target,” Devin said.

  I smiled wide. Duh. I should have known. “Of course.”

  Devin pulled out his phone, tapped at the screen, then handed it to me.

  I typed in my number and handed it back. “Call me any time,” I said. “Day or night.”

  Devin smiled and nodded.

  “It’s been a pleasure to meet you ladies,” I said as I glanced at Mina. Just looking at her, it was hard to believe the story Devin had told me, about how she’d burned a whole coven of witches alive. She looked so… sweet.

  “Thank you for seeking us out, Nick,” Mina said. “It was a pleasure.”

  “The pleasure was mine,” I said, nodding my head slightly.

  “God bless you, child.” Mina smiled wide.

  I nodded back. “You, too.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  My first encounter—and hunt—with the Order was nothing like what I’d expected. First, I’d never have predicted that the handlers would be little old ladies. Second, that I’d be paired with a dashing preacher’s son who seemed as attracted to me as I was to him.

  I sighed as flew down the highway on my bike, the wind blowing in my face.

  I was due to take the stage later in the evening at Leotards and Lace. I was looking forward to that. Too much Nyx for one day. Not even that—I’d had to pretend to be “Nick.” Ugh. I needed a little
Nicky time.

  I planned to go extra fabulous for the night. Maybe I’d have Donnie do my nails. She was good at it, and I’d have the time once she got off work before showtime.

  And as silly as it sounds, I couldn’t stop thinking about Devin. A part of it might have been the fact that I have a natural tendency to want to help the helpless. I have a bit of that “heroine” complex—I wanted to be the damsel in shining armor who beats the odds to rescue her knight in distress.

  But who was I kidding? Devin was gay. And while I had a body he might like, I wasn’t a man. If he was attracted to whatever of me was apparently masculine, he was only attracted to the act I was putting on. He desired Nick, not Nicky. And I couldn’t be Nick. I could pretend to be him for short periods of time—but even that was exhausting.

  If he knew me—the real me… If he knew Nicky, or even if he hunted alongside Nyx…

  I doubt he’d be into me. I wasn’t his type. Not really.

  But damnit, as much as I knew all that was true, I couldn’t help but see his face, his flawless complexion, his lean and toned backside, dancing through my mind.

  It wasn’t the first time I’d been attracted to a human. I mean, it was rare. Not medium rare, though that was more in line with the allure that humans historically had for me.

  But the longer I’d lived as a human, even if I wasn’t one, even if I didn’t bleed red, the more I thought of myself as a part of their species.

  And if Devin knew that about me—if he knew I wasn’t even human, that I used to eat humans…

  He’d be disgusted. Hell, I was disgusted by what I knew I was.

  Maybe I’d never be a human. Not completely. But when people have a dog, they come to love their dog. They begin to see the dog as a part of the family, as if it were one of them, as close to a human as any animal could be. And they’d never think about eating a dog, any dog, precisely because they’d bonded with one. They’d had one as a pet. They’d welcomed a dog into their family.

  I wasn’t like the dog. In the metaphor, the humans were like my dogs. Perhaps, before I’d ever had one as a companion, the idea of eating one wasn’t so repulsive. But now that I knew them, now that I felt as though we were one and the same, that we were connected, the thought of consuming their flesh turned my stomach.

  My metaphor falls flat on another count.

  Most humans, provided they aren’t totally sick, don’t find their dogs attractive. But that’s because humans don’t take the shape of their dogs. They stay human-shaped. I’d done more than embrace humans as companions—I’d entered their world. They didn’t come to my watery domain. I didn’t try to domesticate them. Instead, I’d come to them. I’d adopted their customs.

  I wasn’t like a pet owner.

  I was like Romulus and Remus, raised by wolves. I’d grown up, insofar as my human experiences were concerned, with the guidance of good people. People like Donnie. And I found myself thinking about Devin not as someone I could use, a meal to satisfy my urges, but as someone who could make me feel the sort of things only humans experience—desire, passion, and maybe even love… eventually.

  Definitely premature to think that way. But I could see the possibility. Finding love was no longer unbelievable, something I’d never have a chance to experience. Maybe it wouldn’t be Devin. There were a thousand reasons why it shouldn’t or couldn’t be.

  But just spending a few hours hunting with him, flirting back and forth…

  For the first time, I felt like love might not elude me forever.

  Yes, tonight I was going to turn the fabulous dial up to ten.

  Because for once in my post-elemental existence, I felt fabulous. Not just because I could leave “Nick” behind and be myself, but because for the first time I felt like I could be fabulous for more than myself, for more than my audience… but perhaps for someone, a man who might love me for me. Whoever that might be. Someday.

  It was something. And I was in the mood to celebrate it, even given the odd and disconcerting things I’d learned about the Order.

  There’d be time to worry about that. Tonight was about me.

  I pulled off the highway at the first exit and changed my shoes. Changing out of my man-boots and into my Jimmy Choo stilettos… it was like Clark Kent removing his glasses, unbuttoning his shirt, and donning his true colors in all the glory that form-fitting spandex allows.

  I mounted my bike again. Then something splashed me in the face. I cleared my eyes to see Brucie staring back at me.

  “Have a smoke?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t smoke. It’s bad for you.”

  “You don’t have regular lungs, you putz,” Brucie said. “Everything about you is from the water.”

  I shrugged. “I still breathe.”

  “Because you’ve shifted into a form that breathes,” Brucie said. “But if you stopped breathing, you’d be fine. You don’t technically need to.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe. But I do it anyway. It feels good to breathe.”

  “Exactly how I feel about my cigars!”

  “Regardless,” I said, “I don’t have any. Get some from wherever you stashed them before.”

  “That would be inconvenient.” Brucie flew through the air with his semi-translucent wings and squatted on the handlebars of my motorcycle.

  “Why are you here, Brucie?”

  “I’ve been with you all day,” Brucie said. “I just figured, you know, showing up probably wouldn’t go so well.”

  I nodded. “And since you know all my thoughts…”

  “Hot for preacher’s kid!” Brucie said. “Doesn’t have the same ring to it as hot for preacher, does it?”

  I shook my head. “Doesn’t matter—it’s just carnal desire associated with this form. No more real, no more human, than my lungs.”

  “But it still feels good, doesn’t it, Nyxie?”

  I nodded. “It does…”

  “Can we stop for smokes?”

  I cocked my head. “You’ve been getting your own smokes for years now. Not to mention whatever else you need. Why do you need me to buy you cigars?”

  Brucie shrugged. “Old habits. I mean, it’s funny. When we were apart I felt like my own man. Now that we’re together, it’s… comforting to depend on you.”

  I snorted. “That’s oddly touching. But it’s bullshit.”

  “You’re right,” Brucie said. “I’ve just maxed out all my cards.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You have credit cards? How the hell… I’ve never been able to get approved. You know, since the fake ID I got didn’t come with a great credit history.”

  “I’ve got a fake ID, too!” Brucie reached into what looked, sort of grossly, like a pocket in his watery body. He showed it to me.

  “This is a woman named Louise,” I said. “How the hell do you get away with using this?”

  “I don’t show it in person, putz! But Louise had an impeccable credit history. Until now, anyway.”

  I shook my head. “How the heck do you carry that thing on you, or anything for that matter, since you dissipate into thin air and reappear at will?”

  Brucie shrugged. “Water is a magical substance. Whatever is close to me, inside of me, seems to transition along with the rest of me through the three phases.”

  “Ice, water, and steam?”

  Brucie nodded. “See, you haven’t completely forgotten what you are.”

  “I know the properties of water. A lot of humans know that, too.”

  “And humans are more than sixty percent water,” Brucie said. “Being human isn’t as different as you’d think.”

  I scratched my head. “You know, that’s a good point. Hadn’t thought about it like that before. But that other forty percent… it makes a difference.”

  Brucie huffed. “If your glass is half full, get a smaller glass.”

  I cocked my head. “I’m not sure I follow.”

  “You realize that you’re all water, technically. When you shift, you are transub
stantiated into a human appearance. But essentially, you haven’t changed.”

  I shook my head. “I have changed. Alice, the vamp who bit me, she took…”

  “Did she, though?”

  “I’ve seen her use my abilities,” I said. “When I was at the asylum, she took the form of a nurse whom the doctor loved so she could blend in, masquerade as a part of the facility’s staff, so she could get close to Mercy.”

  “She used your ability,” Brucie said. “Maybe she even absorbed it. But that doesn’t mean she took it.”

  I cocked my head. “I’m not following.”

  “You’re still water, Nixie,” Brucie said. “As am I. If I want to look like Louise, the woman on my license, I can. My appearance is fluid not because I have a special magic inside of me… it’s because I am fluid.”

  “Then why can’t I shift anymore?”

  Brucie stared at me, then put his watery hand on mine. “I told you before: you never finished the job. The reason for which you shifted into this shape to begin with.”

  I shook my head. “Either way, it doesn’t change anything. I still have to kill and eat Alice if I ever want to change. Whether it’s a matter of getting my abilities back or just reawakening them in me, or whatever… it’s all the same.”

  “But it isn’t,” Brucie said. “Because you’ve been on this mission thinking she took something from you. She didn’t steal anything from you so much as she scared you shiftless. She bit you in hopes you wouldn’t pursue her. And sure, she borrowed some of your ability by doing that. That’s what vamps do when they feed. Their special abilities come from feeding on human souls, typically. She tasted your soul, too…”

  I sighed. “I’m not sure I have a soul.”

  “Of course you do, Nyxie,” Brucie said. “You’re alive. You’re self-aware. You have feelings…”

  “But weren’t you a part of me before?”

  Brucie shrugged. “Yes and no. We pair together when you’re in the water. I’m more like a parasite. Connected to you, but still distinct.”

  “Parasite?” I asked. “Symbiote is a nicer word. Despite the creepiness of you being able to read my mind.”

  “Symbiote? Is that really a thing? I think you’ve been watching too much science fiction.”