Scared Shiftless: An Ex-Shifter turned Vampire Hunter Urban Fantasy (The Legend of Nyx Book 1)

by Theophilus Monroe

  “I didn’t understand. I resented the fact that what seemed completely normal to me, the way I felt, the way I dressed, was supposed to be some kind of marginalized, strange thing to a large part of human society.”

  “And after you became human, more or less, how long did it take before you started thinking of yourself as someone who belongs? As a person no greater or lesser than anyone else?”

  I sighed. “That took some time. To get past the fact that eating humans probably wasn’t something I should do if I wanted to belong among them.”

  “Devin needs time.”

  “He’s been questioning his sexual orientation for a while,” I said. “How much time does it take?”

  “When what you are conflicts with everything you’ve ever known, when it’s something that you used to consider less-than—sort of like how you used to think about humans when they were little more to you than food—to begin to think of yourself as one of them…”

  “Well, the church Devin grew up in doesn’t eat gay people,” I said. “So your metaphor falls flat.”

  “Metaphors don’t have to be exactly the same, numbnuts,” Brucie said. “The point is, when you’ve grown accustomed to thinking of something other than what you are as an inferior being, well… it’s not going to be easy to accept that you have more in common with the other.”

  I sighed. “I think I get it. He grew up thinking that the desires he had were going to send him to hell. And then to just embrace that when he still has ties to his church, to the Order, and he’s still trying to impress his father…”

  “You can’t force someone out of the closet, Nyxie. You can coax them a little, encourage them. But you can’t push them out of it. And what you did…”

  “I suppose it was a bit bold,” I admitted. “But I didn’t want him to go to Alice. And I knew I couldn’t go with him. I’d blow his cover. And if Devin got bitten because of me…”

  “Looks like that backfired,” Brucie said. “Because he’s still going there, you know. He’s going to attempt the mission without you.”

  I sighed. “What can I do to stop him?”

  “We aren’t that far from the church yet,” Brucie said. “And I don’t suspect you want Donnie getting involved. So it’s not like you can ask her to give you a ride to Alice’s funeral home.”

  I sighed. “My bike… I guess I do need to pick that up, don’t I?”

  “And then you have to make a choice,” Brucie said. “Either hope Devin succeeds with his interrogation, and that you can get back there with Wolfgang in time, or go there straightaway and take Alice out yourself.”

  I sighed. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “What matters more to you?” Brucie asked. “Technically your chances of defeating Alice are better if you go there with the other vampire at your side.”

  “But that also means Alice might do something to Devin before I can kill her.”

  Brucie nodded. “It’s all a matter of priorities. I mean, you’ve found Alice twice now. If she gets away…”

  “There’s no guarantee I’ll ever find her again.”

  “But there’s no guarantee you won’t, either,” Brucie said. “But if Devin gets bitten, if she kills him or turns him… there’s no going back, no second or third chance.”

  I shook my head. “If I bust in there to save him, he’ll be pissed. He made it clear he doesn’t want me to see him again.”

  “He was angry,” Brucie said. “And maybe he’ll resent you even more for it. But would you rather he die today without any additional resentments against you, or that he live a full life, even if it’s one you’re no longer a part of?”

  I shook my head. “The answer is obvious. I mean, it isn’t really a question. It’s better that he lives, even if that means he hates me for the rest of his life.”

  I saw Donnie’s blue Prius out of the corner of my eye. She was here—thank whatever god or goddess I wasn’t sure I believed in.

  “Good luck!” Brucie said. “That’s my cue to make like a pot and steam.”

  I cocked my head. I was about to say something back, but Brucie was gone the second he said it. Strange one, that sprite.

  Donnie pulled up next to me and popped her trunk.

  I threw my duffel bag in, slammed the trunk shut, and hopped in. “We need to go to that church. My bike is there, and I’m going to need it.”

  “Stuff go south with this Devin guy?” Donnie asked as I buckled up.

  “You could say that,” I said. “But now he’s walking into what I’m pretty sure is a death trap. Alice will see right through him.”

  “Alice?” Donnie asked. “That’s the vampire who…”

  “Yes,” I said. “But now my cover is blown with Devin. I don’t think he wants to see me anymore.”

  Donnie sighed. “He’s just a boy, Nicky. There are a lot of fish in the sea.”

  I snorted. “Not for me. And when it comes to the sea, I know a thing or two.”

  “Not really,” Devin said. “You know a few muddy rivers, streams, and ponds. But when it comes to the sea of men, honey… you’ve barely put your worm on the hook.”

  “This isn’t about me, anyway,” I said. “I mean, if I went with him, Alice would know us right away. There’s no way that would end well. But if he gets hurt because I’m not there to help… I have no idea what the right thing to do is.”

  “What’s your gut telling you?” Donnie asked. “Don’t listen to your heart right now. When you’re swooning over a boy, trust me, your heart can be foolish. But your gut, your instincts, that’s what’s made Nyx a great hunter. It’s why Nicky rocks the stage.”

  “My gut is… uncomfortable at the moment.”

  “But what’s it telling you?” Donnie asked. “I mean, when I told my parents I was trans, that I’d rather wear a dress to school than pants, my heart said I should shut up. I was nervous. But deep down in my gut, I knew I had to do it. It was the only way to be true to myself. I couldn’t hide my truth anymore.”

  “That’s what I was trying to tell Devin,” I said. “Well, what I was trying to show him.”

  Donnie shrugged. “He’s conflicted, honey. But if it’s his truth, his gut knows it. Even if he told you to stay away. I mean, if he really doesn’t want to see you again, what’s the harm? You just piss him off more? He’ll get over it. But if he really, truly does want to see you, he’ll be glad—eventually—that you didn’t listen to him.”

  I nodded. I pulled down the visor in Devin’s car and looked at myself in the vanity mirror. “If I’m going to do this,” I said as I ran my fingers through my hair, tucking it behind my ears, “I’m not going as Nick.”

  “Then you best take advantage of the time you have in the car,” Donnie said. “My makeup bag is behind my seat.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  It was the first time I’d applied makeup in a moving car. I mean, I’d just never had occasion to do it. Not that I didn’t think it couldn’t be done. I’ve seen women applying lipstick, blush, even mascara in their vanity mirrors while driving down the highway in rush hour. And people were worried about the dangers of texting and driving… Hell, that’s dangerous enough.

  But farding—a term that the Urban Dictionary says means putting on makeup—while driving… that has the potential to be doubly hazardous. Not just when it comes to the safety of oncoming motorists. But makeup disasters are real, people. And potentially just as traumatic.

  But when I’m going on the hunt, it isn’t just makeup. It’s warpaint.

  I was like a Viking. Just as deadly—way more fabulous. And with my cover blown, I didn’t have to worry about holding back. I could give it everything I had.

  Donnie pulled up to the church.

  My motorcycle had been knocked on its side, and something was spray-painted on the side. The f-word. No, not fuck. The other one.

  Ignorant.

  I looked around, and the three little old ladies, the quilters, were standing on the church steps. S
usan was holding a can of spray paint while the other two flipped me off in concert.

  I rolled my eyes as I tapped on the back of Donnie’s trunk. She popped it, and I retrieved my duffel, took off my boots, tossed them back into Donnie’s trunk, and retrieved my knee-high Jimmy Choos.

  I tossed my duffel bag over my back as I bent over, shaking my tush at the ladies as I picked up my bike. “Lots of love, girls!” I shouted at them as I revved up my engine and followed Donnie out of the parking lot.

  I had thought to stop and give them a piece of my mind. I mean, I was almost certain at this point that Mina had sent us on this mission as some kind of judgment. That’s what they did… If they suspected any of their members were caught in sin, they’d give them the most dangerous assignment possible.

  If they survived and staked the vamp they were sent after, they were redeemed from their sin. The vampire-blood of sacrifice sprinkled on the altar. Like the sacrifices of lambs or goats in the Old Testament. But if the sinner died, if they got bitten—or worse, turned—the Order considered it a form of divine judgment, a sentence to perdition earned by one’s sin.

  Of course, there was a chance that Devin had told the ladies about me.

  Maybe that’s how they knew.

  I doubted it. Exposing me was risky. I knew things about him that others didn’t. At least, so far as he knew they didn’t know. He’d said the dean of his college had kept it secret.

  I had my doubts.

  And if the Order had sent Devin and me to Alice as a judgment, well, I was determined to see this through as proof of our redemption. And I was going to do it as the true me. As Nyx.

  Taking out Alice without Wolfgang would surely piss him off. He wanted to present her body as a sort of down payment on his indefinite immunity from the Order.

  But it would also redeem Devin in his family’s eyes. I mean, I’d need Alice’s heart. I had to eat it to regain my abilities. But perhaps that could be explained. Hell, he could even blame me for it if he wanted. He’d still have the merit, in his father’s eyes and the Order’s, earned by ending Alice.

  And I’d have my life back. My abilities.

  One thing at a time.

  I had to stake Alice first. And that wasn’t going to be easy.

  One high-heeled step at a time. I needed to focus on ending Alice—I’d worry about sorting out how I was going to take her heart, and what I’d tell Devin, later. Presuming he was still alive.

  If both of us were still alive…

  There’s nothing worse than helmet hair. And after a ride I tended to have an odd combination of helmet hair and a wind-blown mane. Not the best look. But my hair wasn’t like human hair; it was magical. It was the only part of me that retained any of my natural shapeshifting ability.

  A quick brushing was usually sufficient. But now I wouldn’t have time for even that.

  I’d never pushed my bike so hard, so fast, as I weaved between the cars on Interstate 70. I could only hope I’d avoid the highway patrol. I didn’t have time for their bullshit. Lives were on the line.

  The funeral home was in Lee’s Summit—a suburb to the East of Kansas City, and generally a home to what I’d call upper-middle class. Not the wealthiest community around K.C., but certainly more affluent than most. I imagine it was something of a sweet spot for Alice as a place where she might set up shop. Particularly if the notes Devin had on her were accurate.

  If she really was trying to offer dying people a chance to become vampires, she needed to work with a community that was well off enough that people would plan their funerals if they were dying. But not one so wealthy that people had their funerals and plots purchased years before they were ever in poor health at all. Suburban folks tended to be too busy with the hubbub of life, manicuring their lawns and keeping up with the Joneses, to think about funeral planning until one’s death was staring them in the face.

  Of course, the church where the Order met was an hour west of the city, and Lee’s Summit was a good thirty minutes to the east, depending on traffic. And I was already at least an hour and a half behind Devin, since I’d had to wait for Donnie to pick me up and go back for my bike.

  There was a good chance I would be too late. Unless Devin hesitated before going in… before confronting her. And if he kept up the ruse long enough, perhaps he’d gotten Alice talking, gradually working to convince him to accept her “offer.”

  Or perhaps he’d had an innocent enough interview and left. Not likely. I mean, if the whole point was to get actionable intelligence, to get insights into Alice’s process and maybe an invitation to join her growing youngling coven, I couldn’t imagine it would go quickly.

  And I don’t know how long it took before Devin actually got in to speak with her. Vamps who engage humans during the daytime have routines. They usually make appointments. They meet in windowless rooms on the interiors of buildings.

  I pulled into the parking lot of the funeral home. Devin’s car was there, and two others. Identical black Dodge Chargers with incredibly dark-tinted windows. My first thought: maybe to block sunlight. They probably belonged to Alice.

  “Those cars belong to the Order,” a familiar voice said.

  I turned, and Brucie was floating about six inches above my right shoulder. “Brucie,” I said, “what are you doing here?”

  “Do you think I’d let you have all the fun without me?”

  I snorted. “This isn’t going to be fun, Brucie. I don’t know what, if anything, Alice could do to you. But you’d better stay back. This could get nasty.”

  “You forget,” Brucie said. “What she did to you, she did to me, too. This isn’t just your fight, Nyxie.”

  I bit my lip. “Brucie, since you can turn to steam—dissipate—could you get in there and run a little intel before I come barging in? It would be helpful to know what I’m facing.”

  “Two steps ahead of you, Nyxie. Already done.”

  I raised my eyebrows and cocked my head. “And?”

  “Alice is here. But she isn’t the only vampire. About a dozen more are hiding in the mortuary.”

  I nodded. “And Devin?”

  “In a room talking to Alice,” Brucie said. “I can’t get in, though. I mean, that room is water-tight. Not even a gap under the door. But there are two other members of the Order, I think. Lurking outside. Shrouded in black cloaks.”

  I shook my head. “They’re going to ambush her. This isn’t an intelligence-gathering mission—they’re using Devin as bait. They’re going to try and stake Alice…”

  Brucie shook his head. “Devin is bait. But it isn’t the Order that has cast the hook.”

  “It’s Alice,” I said. “She knows what’s happening. She’s using Devin to lure the others in, and if there are a dozen more vamps waiting…”

  “It’s going to be an ambush,” Brucie said. “A slaughter.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Brucie dissipated, and in the form of steam, went back in for more intelligence. I needed as much information as he could give. If I was going to intervene and stop twelve vamps and Alice from slaughtering Devin and the other members of the Order, I needed every advantage I could get.

  I loaded my crossbow, strapped on my utility belt, and fastened it with a half-dozen stakes and plenty of bolts. It was all my belt could hold.

  And it was all the stakes I had on me. At least I had two stiletto heels, if push came to shove. But once I staked a vamp, I couldn’t use the same stake twice. Not if I didn’t want to revive the vamp I’d downed.

  I’d have to take out as many from a distance as possible. Crossbow bolts would have to do the trick.

  Thankfully, apart from Alice, I was reasonably sure the rest were younglings. Hell, I’d probably offed a few of her progeny already without realizing it. And to think, I hadn’t even bothered questioning most of them when they could have led me to Alice all the while.

  But I never would have imagined that Alice, of all the vampires out there, would be siring a whole
army for herself. She’d spent most of her existence trying to eliminate vamps for the Order. But I suppose being spurned by the Order had given her a different perspective on everything.

  It certainly explained why I’d encountered so many younglings recently.

  I had to be careful—if she had that many new vamps on the prowl, and more than a few had met my stake, or heel, she probably knew what I was up to.

  It was all starting to make sense.

  Wolfgang didn’t want me to eliminate Alice. He’d set this up because they anticipated that I’d be the one getting caught in this ambush.

  Wolfgang and Alice had worked together. Both nightwalkers. Both spurned by the Order.

  Of course they were teaming up. And since I’d put a wrench in her plans by eliminating so many of her progeny…

  I couldn’t believe I didn’t see this coming. Sending me to the Order, and on a series of missions that would eventually lead me into Alice’s and Wolfgang’s trap. Apparently Wolfgang figured I was formidable enough that he couldn’t take me out himself. What they didn’t anticipate was that Devin would show up without me.

  Brucie reappeared at my side. “Devin is still in there talking to her. The other two members of the Order are waiting just outside her door.”

  I shook my head. “Idiots. The room might be soundproof, but Alice can probably hear their heartbeats regardless.”

  “If she can,” Brucie said, “she hasn’t made a move on them yet.”

  “Because Devin isn’t their target,” I said. “Killing him is small game for Alice. She’s still hoping I’ll show up to save him.”

  “Which is exactly what you’re doing.”

  I nodded. “I’m walking right into her trap. But what choice do I have? If I don’t move in, the other hunters from the Order will. They’ll force her hand. Trust me, she has no intention of letting anyone leave this place alive.”

  “And she has a crematory in the mortuary,” Brucie said. “Easy way to dispose of their bodies.”

  “And mine,” I said. “I can heal myself from a bite or a wound, but if I’m burned completely… If I’m boiled…”