Until Then (Cape Harbor)

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Rennie came back to where Graham was perched and placed a can of pop in the cup holder, then went back to where she had been sitting, practically on top of him . . . not that he was complaining. She rested her feet on the edge of the console and pulled the tab on her can of pop. She took a sip and then another, all while Graham studied her. She was acting as if last night hadn’t happened, as if she hadn’t texted him to drive to Canada to pick her up.

  “You can ask me, ya know.”

  “Ask you what?”

  “About yesterday.”

  “I figured if you wanted to tell me, you would. You know I don’t like to pry.”

  She nodded and took another sip from the can. “I need something stronger.”

  “We can go out tonight,” he suggested. “There’s a nice bar in town. They have decent food.”

  “I want to get drunk enough to forget everything.”

  “Everything?” he asked. Graham kept his hand on the steering wheel, even though he could’ve sat back and enjoyed the ride out to Friday Harbor. There wasn’t another boat in sight, and likely the only ones they’d come across were the ferries.

  “The last year, especially yesterday.”

  “Okay, I’ll bite.” He sighed. Aside from the fact she had a boyfriend, he would never want to erase the past year, especially the past six months, or even the last few months. Brooklyn’s return was in that block of time, which meant it was Rennie’s return as well. As of late, he and Rennie were finally close again and growing closer each day. “What happened yesterday?”

  Rennie cleared her throat. “The car ride started off awkward, and I think most of that was on me. Since Thanksgiving, things with Theo have been off. I’ve been off. I’ve been angry with him about his job, and then out of the blue, he suggests we move to Spokane because his company is there, and it would be easier for him. Never mind the fact that my family is on this side of the mountains.”

  “Do you want to move there?” Her leaving the area was the last thing he wanted. When he found out she had been living in Seattle the whole time, he wanted to kick his ass for not staying in contact with her all these years. Deep down, he had a feeling Rennie would’ve pushed him away, though, because of Brooklyn and the secret she kept. Although, to be fair, Brooklyn had no idea Carly Woods hid Brystol (who everyone assumed was Austin’s daughter) from his friends.

  “No, not at all. I’ve been there once and didn’t like it, and I couldn’t imagine not seeing Brooklyn and Brystol whenever I wanted. Now that they’re back in Cape Harbor, I’m where I want to be. These past six months have been some of the best I’ve had in a long time.”

  “I know what you mean,” he muttered. He didn’t bother to look at her, even though he could feel her gaze upon him. He adjusted the wheel slightly, making sure the boat stayed the course toward the island.

  “Anyway, as I said, I’ve been off, and my relationship suffered, and I told myself I needed to be better, if not for me, then for Theo. He works hard. We both do. And we’d been looking forward to the trip to Whistler for months. Except when we get there, the reservation for the hotel is under my name, and I didn’t make it. I found it odd and believed Theo when he said it must’ve changed when I made all my spa appointments.”

  “Believable, I guess.” Graham hadn’t the foggiest idea about spa appointments or hotel reservations.

  “Not really, but I’m there on vacation, and I’ve sworn to myself I’m not going to let the small stuff bother me. After we checked in, one of us—I don’t even remember who—said something about the disconnect between us. We were supposed to go to the room, to reconnect, but instead, he wanted to go to the bar, where he proceeded to drink four glasses of wine.” Rennie looked at Graham. “Four glasses, Graham. Four! He was fucking drunk within an hour of us arriving. I was so pissed and finally had enough. I signed the charge slip and took his sorry ass to our room.”

  “And he passed out?”

  Rennie adjusted in her seat. “Nope. As I was opening the door to our honeymoon suite, a couple—who, by the way, had given me a dirty look when we stepped out of the elevator—called his name. He introduced me as hotel staff.” She looked at Graham and waited.

  “Okay . . . ,” he said as he met her gaze. She glared. He waited. He didn’t know what to say, because he saw Theo’s face being pummeled by his hand. He wanted to strangle the son of a bitch, revive him, and do it all over again. “I’m sorry, Ren.”

  “We’ve been together for over a year, Graham. A fucking year, and that bastard is married. Fucking married! Do you want to know the worst part?”

  “I think it’s obvious.”

  “It’s not.” She held his gaze. “I don’t even care.”

  “Does that mean you’re going back to him?” Graham was confused. If she hadn’t cared he was married, why was he taking her to the middle of nowhere?

  “What? No, never. I thought I would be heartbroken . . . devastated. I thought I was in love with him, but I think I was in love with the idea of being in love. I don’t even miss him.”

  “You’re angry,” Graham pointed out. “The hurt will come. The stages of grief, remember?”

  She shook her head and remained calm. “I don’t think so, Graham. I could’ve texted Brooklyn to come and get me, but I texted you because deep down, I know I’d rather spend time with you over anyone else. Do you want to know what I was thinking about on the way back from Canada?”

  Graham sighed. “How many ways can I ignore Graham?”

  Rennie laughed. “I was thinking about the drive up and how I didn’t want to be there, and how this past month, the only time I’ve been truly happy was when I was in Cape Harbor. He wanted to take that away from me, and I almost let him. And I was thinking about his poor wife, Angela; her friend must’ve called her and told her. What must she think of me? I can’t even imagine, nor do I really want to. I don’t want her to think I set out to ruin her marriage. Theo did that. From the day I met him, he’s been lying to both of us.”

  “You should probably talk to him, Ren.”

  “Why the hell should I?”

  “Closure?” Graham suggested. “If I’ve learned anything over the past few months, it’s that talking brings closure.”

  Rennie scoffed. “The only thing I want from him is an answer to why he did this—nothing else. I’m going to be fine, Graham. I really am. I’m relieved, really. He wasn’t the guy for me. He was the type of guy everyone expected me to be with, and that’s not what I want out of life.”

  “What do you want?” Not that he’d be able to give her anything on her list, but knowing what she looked for was important to him.

  “I want someone who is going to put me first, who cares about me, my thoughts and ideas. I want someone who makes me laugh, even when I’m tired or upset, who can be there with some funny joke or story to cheer me up. The guy for me will accept my independence and encourage my personal growth. He won’t order for me or tell me what I’m eating isn’t good for me or remind me about the gym membership I pay for but never use. He’ll love my family and friends and want a beach house so I can be close to Brooklyn.”

  He listened as she listed off what she was looking for in a partner. He could give her everything. “What about financial independence?”

  “Well, that’s a given, right? You gotta be able to support yourself, pay your way. I don’t care about lavish vacations, because honestly, I’d rather travel alone. And, I don’t want kids.”

  There it was—the kicker. Graham had enough money to live; that was it. He had cashed out his investments after he left California, bought his houseboat, and put the rest in the bar. He wasn’t raking in the cash being a part-time bar owner, even though he was the only one to run the place, and he didn’t have the funds to expand or invest in anything that would make him more money. “Sounds like you need a man who is already retired.”

  Rennie quieted for a moment. “Yeah, you’re probably right. At least if he had kids, they should be grown up,
and he wouldn’t want any more.”

  Her words hurt only because he’d given himself a sliver of hope she would say, “I want what we never had” or something similar. He was foolish to think they’d ever cross the line from friends to lovers again. They were past that stage in their lives, and honestly, Graham was ready to settle down. He wanted kids and the laid-back life Cape Harbor provided.

  Graham leaned back and put his arm around Rennie to give her a one-armed hug. She snuggled into him, gripping his shirt with her fist. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve a friend like you, Graham Cracker.”

  “I feel the same way, Ren. You’re my best girl. Always have been.”

  And she would always be.

  TWENTY-ONE

  Graham held true to his word. After they docked, he took a shower while Rennie got ready for dinner. Most of the clothes she had packed were for lounging around the lodge, but they would suffice for now. Thankfully, the fleece-lined pants she had bought online would still come in handy, because it was a bit chilly on the island. Rennie waited for Graham in the upper salon, and when he came up the stairs, he was dressed in a white button-down and a pair of medium-wash jeans. It wasn’t what he was wearing that caught her attention. It was the way he smelled. Earlier, when she had showered at his house, she used his soap, hoping to smell like him, but the scent she craved was his cologne. He was old fashioned and wore Old Spice, just like her grandfather had. It comforted her, especially when she wore his sweatshirt.

  He led her off the boat and through the marina. They walked side by side up a small hill until they reached the main street. She had never been to Friday Harbor or any of the other San Juan Islands and was already starting to fall in love with the quaint little town. When they rounded a corner, Graham reached for her hand, and she gave it willingly. They walked a block or two until he stopped and held open a wooden door for her.

  “Hi, welcome to the Lavender. How many?”

  “Two,” Rennie said to the hostess, who grabbed two menus and asked them to follow her. The restaurant was dimly lit, and she could hear people cheering from the bar. Rennie almost asked Graham if he wanted to sit in there and watch whatever game was on but also thought Graham might want a break from the bar scene. The hostess showed them to their seats and told them their waiter would be by shortly. The tablecloth was purple with a sprig of lavender in a small jar sitting in the middle of it.

  “What is with all the lavender?” she asked him.

  “Odd as it may sound, lavender grows here. The soil is perfect for it. There are fields everywhere once you leave this area.”

  “How did I not know this? I’ve lived in this state my entire life.”

  “How much of it have you explored?”

  She thought for a minute. “Honestly, not much. I think I need to get out more. Maybe that’ll be my New Year’s resolution: travel Washington more.”

  “Sounds like a good one.” Graham opened his menu, and Rennie did the same. She scanned the items available, each one making her mouth water, until she came to the seafood. Internally, she gave herself a fist bump. There would be no more complaining about Theo’s sushi-eating habits or arguing about where they’d go to dinner. She found herself smiling and chanced a look at Graham, only to see him staring at his phone.

  “What is it?” she asked. She saw his thumb move on his phone.

  “Brooklyn is worried because you’re not answering your phone. She says Theo has been by the house looking for you.”

  “Oh” was all she could manage to say at first. “I don’t want him coming here, and I don’t want to see him.”

  “I know.” Graham typed out a message and showed her his phone. She’s with me. She’s safe and will call you later. Send Theo packing.

  “That’s a lot. Maybe just say she hates Theo and to shoot him?”

  Graham shook his head and took his phone back. “If you don’t care about him, why do you care whether he finds you or not?”

  Rennie appraised Graham for a moment. He was right. If she didn’t care, why keep her location a secret? Truth was, she needed time before she faced Theo, which she hoped would be the first of never. Graham didn’t wait for a response.

  “Theo has no idea where you are, and Bowie and especially Brooklyn won’t tell him. You have nothing to worry about.”

  “But when we get back . . .”

  “When we get back, we’ll deal with it. I’m sure he’ll be sitting on your steps when you get back to your apartment.”

  “So, what you’re saying is, I should move?”

  “I’m not saying anything.” He went back to the menu, effectively ending their conversation. Since she’d unloaded everything earlier, he’d been a bit standoffish, and she didn’t like it. He wasn’t acting like himself.

  “What’s good?”

  “Well, I imagine everything is. This place has a five-star rating, but I’ve only ever had their steak. It’s slow cooked, aged, and all those other fancy buzzwords restaurants like to throw around to make you think you’re getting the absolute best cut of meat possible. Plus, it’s good. Like really, really good. So, when I come out here, it’s always what I order.”

  “How often do you come out here?”

  “A couple times a year. I normally walk on the ferry.”

  “When was the last time?”

  He took his eyes off the menu for a brief second, looked at her and then back at the listing. If he only ever ordered the steak, why was he looking? “This past summer. I came out here for a few days.”

  She knew precisely when too. Theo was staying with her at the Driftwood Inn, and Graham was conveniently absent that weekend. Rennie looked for him, wanted to touch base, but he was gone, and his bartender wouldn’t tell her where he was. Bowie didn’t know either. She wanted to know why he’d escaped to this island when she and Theo came to town, assuming it was because of them. What did this place do for him, or was there some memory here she wasn’t aware of? The latter she wanted to doubt, but there was a long period of time when they hadn’t spoken. What had happened in those fifteen years?

  The waiter came to the table, set two glasses of water down, and introduced himself as Mike. He told them the specials, all of which made Rennie’s mouth water. Afterward, he took their drink orders—vodka and tonic for her, and a local IPA for Graham.

  “What’s her name?” Rennie asked as soon as Mike left.

  “Who?” Graham picked up the glass in front of him and took a sip.

  “The woman who introduced you to this place. There has to be a story behind it.”

  Graham fiddled with the glass, and his eyes wandered everywhere but to Rennie. His lips went into a thin line, and it looked as if he was biting the inside of his cheek.

  “She must’ve been some woman.”

  He smiled or smirked; she couldn’t be sure. Graham sat up straight and leaned slightly toward Rennie. “It’s tough to date in Cape Harbor. I either grew up with them, they’re about ten years younger than me, or they know so much about Grady that they think I’m the same way.”

  “So, you came here to look for women?”

  “No,” he said. “I came here because I got sick of people telling me how sorry they were about Austin and Grady. Sure, I may have met a few women, but none of them ever became more than a one-night or weekend thing.”

  “Graham, are you seriously telling me you haven’t had a real relationship since you moved back?”

  “That’s what I’m telling you.”

  Rennie sat there, stunned, and before she could ask him to elaborate, the waiter returned with their drinks and asked if they were ready to order. Rennie motioned for Graham to order first. As he said he would, he ordered the steak, which came with mashed potatoes, a vegetable medley, and a house salad. Rennie ordered the same and handed her menu to the waiter.

  “What happened to being able to order for yourself?” Graham asked. He had called her out on her earlier rant on how she wanted someone to accept her independenc
e.

  “Your order sounded good.”

  “Liar,” he said as he picked up his pint of beer. “You never read the menu because you were too busy grilling me about my lackluster love life.”

  “Which I don’t get, Graham. I remember the first time I saw you. B brought me to some party. It was my first time in Cape Harbor, and Bowie suggested I sit down and play spin the bottle with him. I think he had a little crush or thought we’d hook up or something. You and Grady were there but not sitting next to each other. Brooklyn had told me all about the Chamberlain twins beforehand, so I knew who you were. The game leader called out seven minutes in heaven, spun the bottle, and it landed on you. I watched the old Pepsi bottle spin and spin on the board, and when it landed on me . . .” She sat back and smiled. “Girls were pissed, but I didn’t care, because I was heading into the closet with this really hot guy.” Graham blushed as Rennie recounted the way they met.

  “I remember that night clearly.”

  “You were my first kiss. Hell, you were my first everything, and there was a time when my mother thought we were going to get married.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah . . .” Rennie paused when the waiter came to the table with their salads. She and Graham both took their napkins and placed them on their laps and picked up their forks. He dug in immediately, but she waited. She wanted to finish telling him about her mom. “When we went off to college, she told me to be careful, that she always heard the women were a bit wild down there because so much sun made them do crazy things. I remember laughing her off and thinking she had no idea about her daughter. I couldn’t wait to party. But as she was helping me pack, she put her hand on mine and said, ‘Graham is a good guy and is going to be a great man.’ At first, I had no idea what she was talking about until I told her about Theo. Her first question was, ‘Whatever happened to Graham? I always liked him.’ So, what did happen?”