by Doyle, Dawn
“What the hell did you do this time?” Cash asked, still laughing when I’d called him, panicking in case Kaia had gone to the library as usual.
I hadn’t found her there, and was worried that Anton had showed up. “I might’ve pissed her off,” I explained. “I was joking around in class, and she didn’t find it funny.”
“Sounds about right,” he replied. “Hang on.” There was silence, followed by the sounds of female voices, then Cash. “She’s just walked in. Wow, man, did you do that?” He let out a long gust of air, his breath loud through the phone. “Jesus Christ, Maddoc, and I fought in your corner when she was a bitch to you.”
“What’s happening?” I asked, my heart beating faster and faster as I broke out into a jog, trying to get through the busy hallways. I had a lot of ground to cover before I got to the parking lot. “What’s she saying?” I angled myself to slide through the small gaps between people, seeing a few steps ahead, the spaces I could make it through, just like in the game.
“She’s in pieces,” he snapped. Cash had never spoken to me like that before, and acid burned up to my throat at his tone. “Damn it, Maddoc, even Anton didn’t make her look like that when she caught him cheating on her.”
I skidded to a stop when I got outside, people grumbling when they had to go around me. “What are you talking about?”
“Like you don’t fucking know,” he spat. “Breaking up with that dick didn’t phase her one bit. Yet, you open your goddamn mouth and she’s sobbing. Man, for someone who’s supposed to like her, you sure have a way of upsetting her.”
I yanked the phone away from my ear and clenched my fists. I screwed my eyes shut and threw my head back. “Fuck!” I bellowed, exhaling my aggression in one word.
Students around me jumped with my outburst, and others stopped to stare. I dragged my hand over my head and down my face before holding my phone up again. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Mad, I don’t think you should,” Cash warned. “Dar’s in Kai’s room with her right now. I can’t make out what she’s saying from over here, but it’s fast, and it’s loud.”
Excellent. Huh? Are you fucking crazy?
“Doesn’t matter,” I replied as I finally reached my truck. I yanked the door open and got inside the cab that still smelled like Kaia. “I can take whatever she throws at me, Cash, and I’ll fix whatever I broke.”
“Make sure you fucking do, ass-wipe. She only has to pick up that phone, Mad—”
“Fuck them,” I cut in. “They can kiss my ass for all I care. I just wanna make sure she’s okay.”
“Uh, okay,” he said. “In that case, I feel like I need to put out a disclaimer. I advised you not to come, I told you how upset Kai is, and I warned you of the consequences of that.”
“Shut up, man,” I complained.
“I haven’t finished. Although no balls were harmed in the making of this shit storm, the effects of your presence could be quite catastrophic. And that’s just coming from Daria. From Kaia, I have no fucking clue.”
Was I prepared to face up to what I’d done? If it meant seeing Kaia away from the public eye, then fuck yeah. But first, I needed backup—a peace offering in case this went sideways. I just had to make sure I made the right choice, for the sake of my jewels.
Kaia
“Babe, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I can’t help unless you calm down,” Daria said as I continued to pace my bedroom floor.
I threw my soggy tissue into my almost full waste basket. “Maddoc,” I replied. “Making jokes to intentionally piss me off, laughing when that happens, then acting as though it’s nothing—like I’m overreacting.” I did another lap, grabbing a fresh tissue on my way past my desk. “And to make it worse, I know I’m acting irrational. Right now, I know I sound whiny, over-emotional, ridiculous, and to top it off, insane.”
Daria stood in front of me, halting my pacing. She gripped my arms and rubbed her hands up and down to soothe me. “Kai, I don’t care how you look or how you sound. I’ve never been in the situation you have, so I have no right to judge your reaction.”
“But you think I’m over the top, right?”
She shrugged. “Babe, when it comes to that guy, I’ve always thought it—you know that, but this…” She waved her hand around, gesturing to my puffy eyes, tear-stained face, and the number of creases where I’d anxiously screwed up the hem of my sweater. “This is so much worse than before. You need to tell me what happened. Stop holding everything inside, babe. It’ll make you sick if you bury your emotions all the time. Once they get too deep, they can do lasting damage.”
“Sometimes I hate that you’re a psych major,” I grumbled. Daria spoke the truth, though. I’d held onto everything since I was a kid, with just slivers coming out at inappropriate times. Some nights, I’d lie awake for hours just thinking about how I didn’t have control over my life—how I couldn’t do what I wanted, when I wanted, in fear of backlash from my family. I couldn’t follow my heart, allow myself to express my feelings for the person I couldn’t stop thinking about, or even have one family moment where I wasn’t made to feel like I was an oddity for not following in their ice skates. “We were starting to get along. Why did he go and mess it all up?” I pulled away from Daria and threw my now damp tissue away. “Why does he take my feelings and twist them for his own amusement?”
“What is it with you two?”
“The usual, Dar. He just kept pushing until I couldn’t take it.”
“Open up,” she urged. “You show up outside my class like this, worse than I’ve ever seen, so you have to tell me what made you crack.”
My throat tightened, and I spewed the first thing that came into my head. “Donuts.”
Daria’s brows knotted together in confusion, her mouth tilted on one side. “Huh?”
I stood and paced my room again, trying to figure out the best way to describe the insanity running rampant in my head. “Imagine being told you can’t have a donut by people who make them—that you’re on a restricted diet.”
“O…kay,” she drew out. “That’s a start, but I’ve honestly got no clue what you’re talking about, and I study weird ways to get the point across.”
“I’m getting to that part,” I replied, shaking my hands as I walked frantically in time to my erratic breathing. “So, you get a taste of a donut”—I held my finger up—“but you didn’t know it was a donut because you couldn’t see it, and hell does it taste fantastic, making you want it more.” My shoulders sagged as though recalling the deliciousness, then I threw my hands up. “But, you can’t, so you stay away from the donut just in case. Then, you’re told that donut belonged to someone else when you tasted it, so now you feel awful.” My hands flattened on my heaving chest as my voice cracked. “Now you definitely can’t have it, even though you shouldn’t anyway, but it was so delectable that you can’t stop thinking about the sugary goodness.”
“Now you’re making me hungry,” Daria said.
“You have no idea, Dar,” I replied. I rubbed my forehead over the building headache. I was barely making sense to myself, and when I checked Daria’s reaction, I saw her watching me with rapt interest. I shook my head and paced again, throwing my hands up in places and pointing for effect in others, then continued. “So, you pretend you don’t like that donut anyway, but you do, and it hurts every day seeing that particular donut, especially when other people are getting more than a taste of said donut, and you can’t understand how it can let other people taste it when it shouldn’t.” I threw my arms wide. “So, you do the safe thing and try a different item on the menu—one that’s not from the bakery. It’s not what you wanted to order, but you have to stick to that because of you’re fucking diet.” I raked my hands through my hair, now wild from where I’d tugged the strands from my hair tie. “Imagine finding out that donut didn’t belong to anyone in the first place, so now, not only do you want said donut even more, but you’re fucking famished!” I panted hard, a
nd gripped my hair, my eyes moving, but seeing nothing but the crazy train about to leave the station. Pain coiled in my stomach, tighter and tighter as I fought to wind my emotions back in. “But, you still can’t have it because the bakery said they’d squash any donut if you tried to take a bite.” I sucked in a breath, the air catching in my throat.
“Babe, are you okay?” Daria asked, cautiously.
“No, Dar, I’m not,” I whispered, my hands shaking along with my voice. “I’m losing it.”
Daria stood and walked over to me, then pulled me into a hug. “I’m right here for you, babe.”
“Thanks.” I pulled back then wiped my eyes. “I think I’ll get some water.” I walked over to my door and turned the handle, ready to leave, when a huge wall stood in my path. A muscular chest blocked my vision, and I slowly lifted my head to see who it was. “Maddoc?”
He held up a small white bag. “I haven’t got donuts, but damn, I wish I had.”
I glanced from him to the bag, then back to him. “What?” My heart raced and adrenaline fired through my veins as he reached inside and took out a chocolate bar.
“A peace offering,” he said, eyeing me, then Daria. “Here.” His gaze focused right on me as he offered it to me. I lifted my hand, ready to accept, but he pulled it back. “Are you sure you want it?” he asked, his expression never faltering.
I lifted my chin in defiance, refusing to back down. “Yes.”
Maddoc circled the candy in the air between us. “Or would you prefer a donut? A specific donut?”
I swallowed hard, and even though my insides were a knotted mess, each one getting tighter and tighter, I stood my ground. “Maybe.”
“I don’t think you should have this,” he said, shaking his head, and moved to put the candy back in the bag. “It’s not what you want.”
I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Oh, my God, Maddoc, just give me the damn chocolate!” I demanded.
He smirked, the curl of his lip creating a cute smile and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Are you one-hundred percent sure you want it?” he asked, his voice lowering to a deep rumble.
“I will murder you if you don’t hand it over,” I growled, fury building, the fire ready to burn everything in its path if he didn’t stop messing with me. He held it out and waited while I reached for it.
Maddoc kept his hold when I gripped it, and leaned forward, dipping low to my height. “Don’t let anybody tell you, you can’t have a donut, cupcake.” He shoved his hands into his jean pockets and seemed unsure of himself. That wasn’t like him at all.
Daria’s head bounced back and forth between us, her mouth hanging open, her eyes comically wide like she’d just figured out symmetric algebra. She held her finger up, pointing upward at Maddoc, but spoke to me. “When the fuck did you taste that donut?”
With Maddoc not moving from the spot, and Daria waiting for my answer, I did the only thing I could. I shoved the chocolate in my mouth and took a bite so big that I couldn’t talk.
“Wow,” Maddoc said with a chuckle.
“Nice, Kai,” Daria said, sarcastically. “But you’ve got to swallow at some point.” Her head dropped back and I stopped chewing when Maddoc raised his brows. “Not like that!”
He thumbed over his shoulder to where Cash was lounging on the couch, watching the scene before him with a huge grin on his face. “I should just wait over there.”
“Ya think?” Daria snapped, then turned back to me as I struggled to finish the damn piece that I was almost choking on. “Don’t think you’re getting out of this one, Kaia Levine.” She yanked me back into my room, almost taking me off my feet and closed the door.
“So, that’s it,” I whispered. I wasn’t chancing Maddoc overhearing this conversation, too. Eavesdropping was not a cool thing to do, and although he was probably aware… Okay, fully aware that he was the donut in my long-winded hysterical rant, it made no difference to my situation. “We kissed, I left, I found out who he was, and avoided him ever since.”
“That’s… I don’t know what to say,” Daria breathed, her hand still over her heart from when I’d gotten to the part where Maddoc kissed me. She bounced around until she was angled on my bed with one foot on the floor, and patted the space in front of her. When I sat, she took my hands. I waited for her to say whatever it was that had given her a shit eating grin on her face. “You made out with a stranger! I didn’t know you had it in you.”
I deadpanned. “That’s all you have to say? Thanks, Dar. Like I don’t feel pathetic enough already.”
Daria rolled her eyes. “God, Kai, you know what I’m talking about! Sean and Daryl said to never go near a player, especially ice hockey, then you go and make out with one of the members of their previous rivals!” She fell back and howled with laughter. “Wow, when you rebel, you fucking rebel!”
“I didn’t know!” I almost yelled, shrugging and holding my palms up. “And it happened a long time ago, so it’s not worth talking about anymore.”
“Oh, it so—”
“Dar,” I cut in, already wanting this conversation to be over. It wasn’t enough that I’d blurted out more than three years worth of pent up feelings, but I still had to face the source of that, who was currently in our apartment. “Please. I know this is a big deal for you to find out now, but I’ve carried this around for years, and I need to come to terms with Maddoc knowing a hell of a lot more than I ever intended on him finding out.”
Daria smiled with understanding, then her head cocked to the side. “But you acted like you didn’t know each other.”
“Because we didn’t.” But the moment his lips had touched mine, that detail disappeared from my mind completely.
Daria grinned again. “I had no idea that night had turned out so wild for you.” She laughed, then patted my leg. “Come on, Kai. There’s a sweet guy I know is waiting to talk to you on the other side of this door.”
My insides flip-flopped, and my pules sped as I stared at the blank white surface. Daria was right—Maddoc deserved an explanation, especially for my wonderfully eloquent donut speech.
God, why didn’t I think before I spoke?
I took a deep breath, blew it out quickly, then walked to my door. I gripped the handle, the cold metal under my hand chilling my skin, and my chest pounded inside. The steady thump thump of my heart grew louder and harder with each second that passed. I closed my eyes for a second as I turned the handle, the creaking seeming to last forever as I slowly pulled the door open. I carefully opened my lids, sucked in another lungful of air to calm my raging nerves, and looked up. And my stomach sank lower than it had ever done before.
I snapped my focus to Cash, his sheepish smile and apologetic eyes turned in our direction.
“Where the fuck did Maddoc go?” Daria demanded. “After all that, he just fucking left?”
Cash stood from the couch and walked over to us. He held out his arms, and although Daria looked pissed, her face twisted in annoyance, she accepted his embrace without question. “Something came up, and he had to take off.” He looked from Daria’s face to mine. “He’ll see you in class.”
My lips pursed, I nodded, and I turned back to my room. Without another word, I went inside and closed the door.
Chapter 14
Maddoc
I waved to Brenda, her lop-sided smile greeting me as I walked into the diner. “Hey, pretty lady,” I said in my usual tone.
She rolled her eyes, used to my antics, but never failed to flush the tiniest bit. “What do you want, young man? Kaia’s not here tonight, so if—”
“Oh, I know where she is already,” I replied, and grinned when her brow raised. “She’s at her place with Daria and Cash. We’re buddies now.” And we were going to be so much more than that soon enough. I just had to make her see that worrying over her brothers was a waste of her energy. Fucking bakery stopping my cupcake having her donut.
Yep. Definitely fucking batshit.
Her jaw dropped. “So, you’ve
finally stopped bothering that poor girl?”
I deadpanned. “Brenda, I never bothered her,” I argued, then leaned my side against the counter, resting my elbow on the top. I crossed my ankles and relaxed. “I was just trying to entertain a person who’s hard to please.” I looked around as though we were in danger of being listened to.
She leaned toward me, her cloth in one hand, the other raised, relaxing out as her elbow rested against her jutted hip. “Maddoc, I’m old, not stupid. I know bullshit when I smell it.”
I grinned. “Nah, that’s just Pete’s cooking.”
“Hey, I heard that!” Pete yelled from the service hatch. He popped his big-ass head through, his chef’s hat perched in the center of his bald head. “You’ll find yourself out on your ear if you talk like that again.” He shook his metal spatula at me, his menacing face slipping into a curbed smile. “The usual, kid?”
I shook my head and surveyed the diner. “Not tonight, young Pete. I’m on a mission.”
Brenda rolled her eyes again, then gestured to the door. “Well, I suggest getting on your way, then, because you’re about to have your hide swamped with screaming fans.”
Oh shit.
Wranglers fans, a shit ton of them walked in, and scoured the place for empty booths. I pulled up my hood and spun around, hunching my shoulders.
My eyes landed on the person I’d come to see, the one sitting in the corner booth with a guest, and that guest was about to find out some truths. I watched his face curl up with a smile, the same kind he gave Kaia whenever they were together. Charming, sophisticated… Innocent. And I wanted to tear it off his face.
“Brenda, could you do me a tiny favor, darlin’?”
“For my favorite pain in the butt, of course.” She followed my line of sight as I leaned against the counter. “I never liked that boy. Something off with him.”
“Yeah, Brenda, you’re absolutely right,” I agreed, then shifted so I could watch him eating with the red-head who was facing me. “Could you make sure my path to him is clear, and that they don’t see me?” I looked pointedly to the group that had taken up a couple of tables between them.
