The Forgotten Child

by D. E. White

  ‘No. My boyfriend’s all broody because his cousin’s just had twins, but I want to wait a bit.’ Her voice was very quiet and she was hunched over the keyboard, one thin, pale hand clutching her headset as she watched her name climbing to the top of the board. Her red curls were held back with a pink plastic clip, and she looked about ten.

  ‘You’ll be fine. Everyone starts off like this, but you’ll be writing your Christmas cards between calls by the end of the year,’ Holly told her, smiling encouragingly.

  ‘I can’t imagine it,’ Sara said softly, twisting the headset wire between her fingers. ‘Can I stay with you for the mentoring shifts?’

  ‘Sure, if I’m on. You got your roster yet?’

  ‘Here.’

  Cath chucked a handful of jelly sweets across the desk, and Holly took two and passed them along the row. ‘You’ll probably put on a stone in this job, because we eat to keep awake.’

  Sara looked at Cath, who was a size six, and Holly grinned. ‘Except her – she just burns it all off talking too much.’

  Cath, stuck on a call, poked her tongue out at her friend, but continued speaking soothingly into her headset. ‘Can you see the baby’s head yet?’

  ***

  At half past midnight Holly passed out of the warmth and lights, into the ice and the darkness. As Friday nights went it hadn’t been too bad, and hopefully that fifty-seven-year-old male with the cardiac arrest would survive. She would check tomorrow. Although she tried to leave work at work, sometimes the calls invaded her nightmares and it was hard not to become personally involved. Two HGVs passed her on her way to the bus stop, but apart from that it was almost peaceful in what she liked to think of as ‘dead hour’. The streets were devoid of people, and her breath was white in the clear night air. Above the grime of the city the sky was painted with stars. Normally she quite liked being up when everyone else was asleep, but tonight there was just too much going on in her tired brain.

  Thank Christ it wasn’t pissing down with rain. She slipped into the bus shelter, finding a space on the end of the wooden seat. The homeless, the alkies and the druggies made space for her. The stench of piss and sweat filled the little structure. After five minutes Holly needed some air and she staggered to her feet again. A man in a ragged jumper and two threadbare coats scowled at her as she disturbed his nest.

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘No worries, love, mind how you go.’ He grinned at her before resettling carefully into his layers of blankets and cardboard.

  The bus was on time, and the lower deck was empty apart from a couple in the back seat. The boy and girl were glued together, her sitting on his lap, legs apart. Holly wondered if they were actually having sex.

  She checked her phone. A voicemail from Tom saying that he knew she had left Milo alone in the house last night and she would be hearing from his solicitor regarding his son. What the hell was that all about? And where did he get ideas like that anyway? He knew Lydia always stayed over if Holly was working nights. It didn’t make sense. And if Beth was pregnant, why did Tom still want Milo? Milo was hers.

  Just as she erased the voicemail with a shaky finger, her screen flashed with another text:

  Bitch. I know what you are really like, and soon everyone else will too.

  Chapter 13

  This was getting ridiculous, not just hurtful and insulting. But if she reported her ex-husband for sending threatening texts, it would surely just make things even harder for her. Milo was upset enough – unable to see why his parents couldn’t live together, didn’t love each other anymore.

  She studied the times and dates. With the exception of the ones before the car crash, the texts all came in late at night, between eleven and one. So did Beth wait until he was asleep and then use his phone to send the texts?

  She frowned. But what about the times when Tom was away? He was hardly going to leave his phone at home, and he’d been away at the time of the car crash. The business with the boy and Jayden had distracted her from pursuing this, but she needed to get it sorted. Perhaps she could ask Beth about the texts? Holly supposed now that his girlfriend was pregnant he would be extra careful not to upset her, but the memory of his icy anger made her reluctant to mess with his new girlfriend.

  A man got on at the next stop, his hood pulled down over his face. He wore black jeans and a red Converse top, and walked with an athletic swing. Holly noticed him, waited for him to go past, and then gasped as he slid in beside her.

  The man slid the hood off his face, rubbing his hand over damp black hair. She caught a glimpse of artwork on his right hand, and bit her lip, heart pounding.

  ‘Hallo, Holly. It’s been a long time.’

  His light grey eyes, bright and unexpected against his dark skin, glittered with amusement but his expression held genuine affection. She shivered, instinctively pressing back against the cold sticky windowpane. ‘What do you want, Devril?’

  He stretched out a hand and unzipped her hoodie, quick and agile as a cat. She slapped his hand away, and he laughed. ‘Just wanted to see the uniform, darling. You know I’ve always fancied women in uniform. Imagine you ending up working for the ambulance.’

  ‘Whatever.’ She tried to ignore the history that pulsed between them, the dark threads that tied them together. Would he bring it up or was he waiting for her to ask the question?

  ‘I heard you were in trouble. Lydia has told most of the Seaview that your bloke is a cheating twat, so I wanted to check up on you. You know Niko’s out and now Roman and Alexi are dead. There’s some shit happening on Seaview at the moment.’

  ‘There’s always shit happening on Seaview. I’m fine, Devril. Cut the crap, I know you’re a journalist now, so why are you really back?’

  He shrugged. ‘Just thought I’d come down for a few weeks and see what was going on. I’m not going to lie to you and say I’m not looking for a story.’

  ‘A story on what? You can’t tell me after all these years you’ve come back to Westbourne just “looking” for a story. What’s really going on? Did Niko call you?’

  He said nothing for a while, just watched her, those pale eyes narrowed and feral. ‘Niko? Hell no. I’m the last person he’d call.’

  ‘Fine. You asked if I was okay, well, I’ll be even better when you get off at the next stop and piss off back under whichever rock you crawled out from. Don’t you dare go thinking you can rake up the past,’ Holly told him, scowling. Unreasonable anger was building in her chest, and she didn’t stop to think how stupid she was being to argue with him. ‘I’m finished with all that, and I don’t need any reminders.’

  ‘I know about the car crash.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘And the kid.’

  Holly took a deep breath, letting it out gently, counting to ten in her head, ordering herself to calm down. He knew the truth about her, and he had never told anyone. That would be a great story, but he hadn’t used it. ‘Okay I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t screw me over. It’s just … it’s just a shock seeing you after so long.’

  ‘You’re right, I wouldn’t screw you over. Ever. Listen, we need to talk properly and you need to be careful walking around late at night. Did you not get a rental car until yours is fixed?’

  Holly blinked at him. The conversation was surreal. She hadn’t seen him for eleven years and now he was concerned for her safety? She glanced round, almost expecting to see her brother, and hell, maybe even Niko too, but the seats were empty. The couple in the back seat were oblivious to everything but each other.

  Devril looked back and grinned. ‘Turn you on, does it?’

  ‘Whatever. Why were you following me? The police want to talk to you.’ She tried to see if he was bothered.

  He was frowning now, the shadows from the streetlights flitting across his face. ‘When I came back to Westbourne I kept my distance a bit, but then I figured I might as well check you out.’

  ‘Did you follow me to the BP garage the night of the car crash? Did you see anyth
ing?’

  But he was shaking his head. ‘I suppose the police caught me on CCTV. I promise it was a coincidence and I wondered whether to come over and say hi, but you had your kid, so I decided it wasn’t the right time. I was over at an old mate’s house in Panfield about half an hour later. The police can check it all out.’

  ‘Devril, tell me why you’ve come back!’ Exasperation made her voice sharp.

  He met her eyes. ‘I got a tip-off. Someone I used to know, who knew Jay, said they saw him. That’s one of the reasons we need to talk properly. This is my number.’ He slipped a business card into her pocket. ‘I can help you more than the police. Holly, you need to give me a call.’

  She couldn’t process any of this. ‘You’re saying Jayden is alive?’

  ‘Well, I haven’t seen him but my source knew him pretty well and he’s convinced. I trust him.’

  She was shaking her head, twisting her bag handle around and around in her hands until her palms were scored with red. The sickness was rising in her stomach and the urge to get up and scream was almost more than she could bear.

  ‘Holly?’ He was leaning closer, clearly concerned. ‘I’m sorry, but it’s good news, isn’t it?’

  ‘For fuck’s sake, Dev. You’ve obviously had time to get used to the idea, I’m just trying to make the jump between dead brother and reincarnated brother.’ Her head was heavy with questions, none of which had any answers. Instead she saw again the candlelit vigil they had arranged as a memorial to Jayden. She saw Cath’s white face, eyes red from crying, the bewildered twins solemn and scared, and Lydia dressed all in black. ‘Did Jayden get Alexi and Roman killed? Is that why he came back – for revenge?’

  He shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘What about his kid?’

  That got him, but Devril had always been way ahead of anyone else. ‘Fucking hell, the boy from the crash is Jay’s boy? How has that not been leaked yet?’

  She said nothing, slightly freaked now that she had blurted it out. The police hadn’t told her it was confidential, but she had just told a journalist. Turning away to stare out of the dirt-streaked window, she mentally berated herself for her stupidity, but seeing Dev had knocked her off balance.

  The streetlights glowed orange and yellow, striping the dark pavements with colour. The colours of the night. But her night was always striped with blue. She didn’t want to talk, despite the fact she was sure he could provide some answers. She just needed to process speaking to Devril for the first time in so many years. Talking to him, with his face so close she could have touched his cheek, his body pressed lightly against hers on the seat. It seemed a lifetime ago.

  ‘There’s more going on here. I need to think. Call me tomorrow.’ Devril stood up and slid away, pressing the button as he made his way to the front of the bus.

  She finally turned from the window, and called softly, ‘You know where Jayden is now, don’t you?’ It was no more than a guess, and although she couldn’t see his face from this angle, his hand was clenched hard on the seat back.

  The bus slowed to a grinding halt, and he raised a hand. ‘Call me, Holly. You need me.’

  Although part of her wanted to scream at him, to ask more, Holly watched him jump lightly off the step, and lope away into the shadows of the estate. The same walk, the same voice, and a face that had only slightly aged. This bus always took the long route around the south end of the city, past the market and back down past the station. Annoyed with herself for allowing the past to seep back in, she zipped her hoodie back up, and stared mindlessly at the dark shapes of tower blocks, which gave way to lower, squat, ugly houses.

  Even hiding in the shadows of night, Seaview Estate looked nothing but hideous. The concrete, the ragged little patches of rank grass and the litter that carpeted the roads like snowfall whenever the wind blew. The estate stretched right across to the sea, and the lonely road that ran along past the breakwater. The darkness and shadows hid the junkies and the muggers at night, and in daylight mums struggled with pushchairs, spreading blankets on the pebbles and letting their kids paddle in the icy grey waves.

  The bus stopped twice more and the fornicating couple straightened their clothes and jumped off at a twenty-four-hour McDonald’s in Gateshill Road. It was her childhood, her teenage years and beyond. Up until Tom had swept her away from the darkness and set her up as something entirely different.

  One mistake. Devril hadn’t even mentioned it, but then she hadn’t either. Her real mistake had been to tell Tom about her past, but who could have known? He was always so charming and charismatic, and so attentive when she had Milo. His family, initially sceptical, had also been charming, and she had allowed herself to be cut off from her past, telling herself it was what she wanted, what she needed. Telling Tom had been her letting go of her past – she just hadn’t realised then that the past hadn’t let go of her.

  Holly climbed awkwardly to her feet, clambering off at her stop. Her injured leg had stiffened up after a long shift of sitting on her backside, and she found herself hobbling the last couple of yards to her own front door. She slipped the key into the lock, and squared her shoulders, glancing into the shadows, the dark hedges and the blackness of the alley next to the house. Nothing and nobody. She knew she would cope, because she had to, for Milo’s sake. She’d done it once before, she could get through this again.

  And Jayden? He could get back into his grave. Momentarily shocked that she felt this way, she shivered. But it was true. Even trying to process the fact he was alive was painful. She still felt a rush of protective maternal emotion when she thought about the child in hospital. But for her brother, that familiar numbness was spreading across her heart, insulating against the pain. Jayden must have been following her. Her brother had dumped his injured kid in her car, presumably to avoid being recognised, and left him.

  So he had been following her? Had flashed his lights to try and make her pull over. For what? A chat about old times? But it made sense. Jayden couldn’t afford to come back from the dead, so for whatever reason, he had come back by stealth, bringing his son.

  Holly wondered, not for the first time, what Jayden and Larissa had called their son. And when – if – he woke up, surely he would tell her where his dad had been, but would he know where he was now?

  Despite herself, her mind flashed back eleven years to when Devril had given evidence at the trial for Larissa’s murder. He’d told the jury how he had been at his dad’s house with Niko Balinta, and that Niko had left around half two. No, Devril didn’t know anything about where his cousin went next, because he had then gone straight down the gym for training.

  It was exactly what he had told Holly he would say, in their one phone call after Larissa had died. She shut her eyes, screwing them up at the pain of remembering the break-up. After avoiding Dev since Larissa’s murder, she’d finally spoken to him during the trial. It had been a time to cut ties, move on and harden her heart to any stupid teenage dreams. It had been one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do.

  ‘Holly? I’ve been trying to call you.’

  ‘Devril, I won’t contact you again, or anyone, okay? I just need to know what you’re going to say?’

  ‘It’s okay, Holly, I’ve been trying to tell you …’

  ‘What are you going to say?’

  ‘All right. Jesus, girl! Niko and I were at my dad’s and he got a call. It was obviously important news, because he wouldn’t tell me anything, but ran straight out the door.’

  ‘That’s it?’

  ‘Yeah. Holly, I never—’

  ‘Devril, thank you. I won’t bother you again. You can go travelling or whatever. Don’t contact me again.’

  ‘Fine, but—’

  She had put the phone down, breathing quickly, giving him no time to say anything else. That was the last time they had spoken, although she had seen him in court, had listened to his testimony, holding her breath, deliberately avoiding his gaze as he picked her out across the courtr
oom.

  According to the official police report Niko said he had received a call telling him where Jayden was. Still furious that Jayden had never paid his debts and ready to call them in, Niko had rung his brothers. Alexi and Roman were the family heavies. They got high and beat people up, and they enjoyed their work.

  The reason Niko had not been given a longer sentence was that his lawyer had argued he couldn’t possibly have known what would happen at the flat. He said he had just sent his brothers around to collect a debt, and nobody could prove otherwise. The caller who tipped Niko off as to Jayden’s whereabouts had never been traced, and although there were withheld numbers on his call history, he insisted he didn’t recognise the caller’s voice, but it was ‘probably’ one of his dealing contacts.

  Alexi and Roman admitted murdering Larissa but said they had taken drugs before they got Niko’s call. They had no idea there was a girl at the flat, before she answered the door. They claimed they had tried to find Jayden, and when there was no money and no Jayden they had turned on the girl. Both denied even seeing a baby in the flat, despite DNA proving otherwise. Holly wasn’t sure if she could ever get past the fact that one of them had murdered a baby.

  Jayden had initially been a murder suspect, because his footprints were found in the blood at the flat, but eventually, it was supposed he had been out, then come back, probably between Alexi and Roman fleeing the scene, and Holly arriving, found his dead girlfriend and baby, and run.

  She had always been contemptuous of this, despising him for running away again, but what if he ran away to protect his other child?

  Holly turned over Devril’s business card in her pocket, smoothing the edges. Not yet, she wasn’t ready yet.

  ***

  The hall light was on, dim and reassuring, as it cast a gentle warmth across the wooden floor. Milo’s school bag was hanging on the banister, and in the kitchen her aunt had scribbled a note about making sure she got herself something to eat. To emphasise this there was a ready meal propped against the microwave, and a bowl of salad in Clingfilm.