Crush

by Tracy Wolff

  “Every dragon really gets called back here when they die?” Mekhi asks. “Every dragon in the whole world?”

  “Every dragon,” Flint tells him. “My grandparents, my great-grandparents, my brother… They’re all here.”

  And suddenly, I’m deeply ashamed. When we decided to travel to the Dragon Boneyard for a bone to get Hudson out of my head, not once did I consider that we’d be robbing a grave. That that bone is someone’s sister. Someone’s father. Someone’s child.

  “My mom’s here, too,” Eden says reverently. “She died a couple of years ago, when I was away at school. I never thought I’d get the chance to come here. I never thought I’d get the chance to say goodbye.” The last couple of words come out thick and painful, and I feel them all the way down deep inside me.

  It devastated me when my parents died—there’s a part of me that’s still devastated now and will be for a long time to come. But at least I got to say goodbye to them with a formal funeral. At least I have a place where I can go to feel close to them. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if they just disappeared one day, and I never even knew where they ended up.

  “I’m sorry, Grace,” Hudson says beside me, and for once there’s no artifice to the words. No sarcasm or layers of protection or hidden agenda. Nothing but raw, honest truth when he continues. “I’m so sorry Lia did what she did to bring me back. And I’m so sorry that what she did hurt you so badly. I’d take it all back if I could.”

  And shit, now I’m crying, too. Because what am I supposed to say to that? How am I supposed to feel?

  “You’re supposed to hate me,” he answers. “God knows, I hate myself.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I whisper, and though it hurts to say it, for the first time, I actually believe it.

  Whatever he did, whatever his reasons, I know that Hudson didn’t mean for anything to end this way. He wouldn’t ever have wanted my parents to die to save him. I don’t know how I know this, but I do. Sometimes, you just have to offer someone your blind trust. Take the leap.

  And so it’s not his fault.

  It just is.

  Our gazes connect, and it’s like the wall that separates our minds and souls has been lifted. Suddenly, I’m feeling everything he’s feeling. The anguish. The guilt. The self-hatred. All of it.

  I’m drowning in despair so overwhelming, I can’t catch my breath. And then it’s gone. The wall is back in place, and I take a deep breath. And then another. But the ball of anger I didn’t even know I’d been carrying around with me at the unfairness of what Lia did to my parents is also gone.

  Thank you.

  He doesn’t reply. There’s nothing more to say. He already said it all in that one vulnerable act.

  “Can we go in?” Xavier asks quietly, and this is the first time I’ve seen him without his snapback on. At first, I think he’s lost it, and then I recognize the outline of it shoved in his back pocket.

  For respect, I realize as he runs a nervous hand over his shaggy black hair. He’s taken the hat off as a sign of respect before we enter the Boneyard.

  “Yeah,” Flint says, dashing a quick hand across his cheek. “Let’s do this and get the hell out of here. It’s time to go home.”

  84

  Two Vampires, a Witch,

  and a Werewolf

  Walk into a

  Boneyard…

  “Where do we start?” Mekhi asks as we gingerly pick our way down the entrance path. Unlike human cemeteries, here there doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason. Fragments of bones are strewn across every surface—including the path we’re walking on. And none of them seems to belong to the same skeleton.

  “We need to find a complete bone,” Jaxon tells us. “Which doesn’t look like it’s going to be as easy as we thought it would be.”

  He, too, looks around at the shards of bones lying everywhere.

  Mekhi sighs. “Not to sound like an ass here, but not only do we have to find a complete bone, we have to find one that we can actually get back to Katmere. I mean, these things are huge. And while I know we can carry it together, or Jaxon can use his telekinesis to move one, what exactly are we going to do with it when we get back to school? Most of these fragments won’t even fit in our dorm rooms.”

  He’s right, I realize as we get farther into the Boneyard. Most of the dragon skulls alone are at least five feet tall. And the rib and leg and neck bones are way bigger than that.

  “Well,” Macy adds, “I for one do not want to do that dragon flight again with a giant leg bone in tow. Why don’t I work on a spell to open a portal to get us back to school, while you guys search for a bone? I set things up before I left—just have to see if I can get it to work.”

  I raise my brows. “You can create a portal? Why not one to get us here?”

  Macy shakes her head. “I can only create a portal to a place where I have an anchor. I’ve never been here before, so… But I’ve got your backs now. So go find a bone before something terrible tries to kick us out of here.”

  “Nah.” Xavier grins. “I think that’s the worst of it. In fact, this looks like it’s going to be a lot easier than we thought. What’s a bunch of bones going to do to us anyway?”

  Even Flint’s signature grin slides from his face as we all stare at Xavier in shock.

  “Dude, did you just jinx us?” Flint asks.

  Xavier shakes his head. “You guys worry too much. Trust me. My wolf is super chill, so this place must not have any booby traps or anything. We’re good to go. Now, how do we find a bone we can carry that’s still solid?”

  “Well, some of the tailbones are pretty small,” Flint suggests. “At least if you get one from the end of the tail.”

  “Oh, that’s a good idea,” Macy tells him. “So we just have to find a tail.”

  Again, we look around. And again, I’m overwhelmed at the magnitude of the task in front of us. Because, unlike human remains, these dragons aren’t grouped by individual skeleton. Bones lay wherever and belong to whomever. Very few of the fragments I’m looking at seem to belong to the same bone, let alone the same dragon.

  “I think we need to split up if we have any hope of actually finding something,” Jaxon says, and I have to agree with him. This place is massive, nearly two hundred yards wide, with some of the bone piles two stories high.

  “Macy and I will take this section over here,” Xavier says, pointing to the front right half of the cavern that will also allow Macy to finish creating the portal back to campus.

  “Flint and I will take the front left,” Eden tells us before heading that way.

  “I guess that leaves the back right to Jaxon and Grace,” Mekhi suggests to Jaxon. “While I take the back left.”

  “Actually, why don’t Hudson and I take the back right, while you and Jaxon head to the back left,” I suggest, and everyone turns to look at me. “Look, he’s here whether we want him to be or not, and he has just as much at stake in helping us find a bone. I say we use him.”

  Jaxon’s jaw clenches and unclenches for a few seconds, and I can tell he wants to protest. But some of what I’ve talked to him about these last few days must have finally gotten through, because he just nods. “You’re right,” he says before turning to Mekhi. “Let’s go.” Then they both fade away.

  Everyone else gets busy searching, but Hudson is just standing there staring at me. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “What’s going on? You know I can see only what you see, right? I’m not really here, Grace.”

  Actually, I think I’d forgotten that. The moment we’d shared earlier had seemed so real, so tangible, that I’d genuinely forgotten he wasn’t. I glance at Jaxon in the distance, wondering what he was thinking when I even suggested this. I’m about to tell him I’ve made a mistake when Hudson pipes up. “Hey, I think I found one!”

  I quickly t
urn and realize he’s pointing at the rib we’re currently standing under. It’s the size of a house and not something I could even move, let alone lift.

  “Great choice.” I roll my eyes at him but don’t try to fight the half smile turning up one corner of my mouth. “Now, let’s see you carry it.”

  He grins. “You know I’m more like management, right?”

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Come on, let’s go find a bone Flint or Jaxon can actually carry.”

  As we start searching, I think about going over to Jaxon and telling him what happened between Hudson and me. But he and Mekhi are in the middle of digging through a giant pile of bones, and this doesn’t seem like the time. Besides, it’s not a big deal. It can wait until we’re back at school. Jaxon will just be glad to hear I’ve made my peace with what happened to my parents.

  I turn back to Hudson, feeling lighter than I have in a very long time. “All right, smart-ass,” I tell him, “let’s see who can find a bone first. And hurry, okay? I want to get out of here before a swarm of locusts decides to suddenly attack us.”

  Because whether Xavier’s wolf senses are chill or not, I know Eden’s grand-mère was right. My inner voice is begging me to leave this place as quickly as possible.

  85

  Dust and Dragon Bones

  Now that I’m focused, I start searching through the piles of bones like a woman on a mission. I’m determined to get this done—while we managed to sneak off campus pretty easily, I’m not so sure we’ll be able to get back on with the same ease. Not with the way the Circle is sniffing around.

  “What does a dragon tailbone look like anyway?” I ask Hudson as we finally get to the back right quadrant of the room.

  “I have no idea,” he answers. “My plan is to find any intact bone that we can, period, and get it to the front of the room. If it’s small, great, we’re out of here. If it’s not, then we have a backup in case things go to shit.”

  “Yeah, good point.”

  There are a bunch more bones scattered around where we’re standing, so I bend down to check them out. Hudson does the same, and it isn’t long before we develop a system for searching.

  We pick a small ten-foot-by-ten-foot area, and I walk all the way around it as quickly as possible; then we start combing it from different sides until we meet in the middle. If we don’t find anything, we move on to the next area. As Hudson explains, he’s more looking through my memories than looking at the actual bone piles, but, well, it works.

  “You mentioned something in the tunnels, when I was thinking about the original dragons. I said that was a lot of death just for someone to gain more power, and you said it’s rarely all about power.” I frown. “But I’ve met your dad, your real dad, in your memories. And it was clear that man is driven by power.”

  Hudson sighs. “I can’t believe I’m going to defend that asshole—but his almighty quest for power has a purpose more than just feeding his ego. People don’t follow him solely because he’s got boatloads of charisma, Grace. His agenda has a thread of truth to it.”

  I have no idea what he’s trying to tell me. I know what it sounds like his point is, but no way am I willing to accept that the Hudson I’ve gotten to know would ever agree with Cyrus there, no matter what Jaxon thought sixteen months ago. “That born vampires are a superior race and deserve to rule? You agree with that?”

  “Hell no,” Hudson barks out, shuffling around to get another view of a pile of bones. “But it is true that it’s not fair paranormal creatures have to live in the shadows, always fearful of humans discovering us and trying to destroy us.”

  I blink back at him, my eyebrows shooting up into my hairline. “But your kind feeds on humans, Hudson. Shouldn’t we have the right to protect ourselves?”

  “Did you enjoy your dinner last night, Grace?” he asks out of the blue. “The pepperoni on your pizza?”

  Understanding dawns. “No way. I know where you’re going with this, and just no. Even though I can’t entirely agree with our right to kill animals for food, there’s no way that’s the same as vampires hunting down humans as food.”

  He raises an obnoxious eyebrow. “And yet your kind has no issue with the hunting of deer to thin a population, for the good of the whole herd, yes?”

  “That’s different!”

  A smug smile tugs up one corner of his mouth at my outburst. “Of course. ’Cause humans definitely don’t have issues with overcrowding or limited resources.”

  “But— But—” I sputter because okay, maybe he has a tiny point there.

  “It’s about balance, Grace.” He shoves his hands deep into his pockets. “Did you ever consider maybe the Creator had a plan for us, too? That we were created for a reason? That we weren’t just some horrible cosmic joke?”

  His endless blue gaze holds mine, so many emotions swirling just beneath their depths that I feel like they might pull me under. Because while we’ve been talking about Cyrus, I know that last bit was really about him. Is that what he truly thinks? That he’s a horrible mistake? It’s a devastating emotion to witness. But then he blinks and it’s gone so fast, I have to wonder if I imagined it.

  “Agree or disagree, Grace, that’s how Cyrus is able to get so many people to follow him. Leaning in to thousands of years of perceived persecution and fear and anger, telling them humans are to blame for their lot in life, that gargoyles are standing in their way, that even their neighbors could be the enemy.

  “Yes, I hate my father. But can you really blame someone for following the devil himself if he promises a better world for their children? Even if it requires walking through a river of someone else’s blood?” He laughs, but there’s no humor in the deep timbre. “Just because Dad doesn’t care about a better world for his kids doesn’t mean he doesn’t believe in the cause. And it definitely doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy being the savior. Because the only thing he likes more than power is adoration.”

  “Is that why you did what you did?” I ask him. “Because your father twisted you up with his words until you couldn’t tell right from wrong? Until you believed what he had to say?”“Is that what you really think of me?” he shoots back. “That I’m so weak?”

  “You can’t just rewrite history, Hudson,” I tell him. “It’s not like Jaxon woke up one morning and just decided to kill you. You were planning on exterminating made vampires simply because you don’t like them. That’s genocide, in case you don’t recognize the definition.”

  Hudson glares at me. “I told you before, I have done a lot of shitty things in my life, and I take responsibility for every single one of them. But I do not take responsibility for that. I stamped out made vampires and others because they were my father’s allies, he was building an army, not simply because they were made vampires. They had pledged their allegiance to him and were plotting to wipe out everyone in their way to finally bring paranormals out of the shadows. You have no idea how close we were to a Third Great War. I couldn’t let that happen.

  “So if you want to come at me for murder, go ahead. I made a horrible decision to stop an even more horrible outcome. But genocide is somebody else’s sin, and I am not going to take responsibility for it. Don’t be like my brother. Don’t judge me until you know both sides of the story.”

  His words resonate inside of me—not just the ring of truthfulness I could hear when he was talking, but also the vehemence and the indignation and the rage that he can’t even begin to hide.

  Which leaves me…I don’t know where. I mean, I don’t believe for one second that Jaxon would kill his brother without being sure that it was the only option. At the same time, though, Hudson has lived in my head for days, and I’m beginning to recognize when he’s full of shit and when he’s telling the truth.

  This latest diatribe of his smacks of the truth.

  What I’m supposed to do with this version of the truth, I don’t
know. And I don’t have a clue how I’m supposed to reconcile it with Jaxon’s version. Either way, I’m not sure this changes my feelings on if Hudson can be trusted to come back with his powers.

  He pauses, then shakes his head with a pissed-off laugh. “Why am I not surprised?” He stands up to his full height, hands on hips, gaze holding mine in its punishing depth. “I know how much you love to lump everyone and everything into just two groups, Grace. Good versus evil. But don’t you think it’s about time you grew up?”

  He shakes his head and leans over another pile I’d looked at earlier. I’m about to argue that I am grown up, thank you very much, and also that I was starting to think maybe Hudson was trying to protect humans with his killing spree—which no one has once considered—when he lets out a celebratory whoop. “I found one!” he shouts, pointing to a bone the size of his arm.

  “That’s fantastic!” I rush around to look at the bone myself and confirm it’s whole and small enough that we can carry it out. “Let’s go round up the others.”

  I pick up the bone and take only a couple of steps toward Jaxon and Mekhi before a pile of bones directly behind us starts to rustle.

  “What’s that?” I ask, whirling around as my imagination runs wild. Honestly, at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if an army of angry pixies flew out of the center of a pile of bones and tried to set us on fire.

  “I don’t know,” Hudson answers. “Stay near me.”

  I don’t bother to point out how ridiculous that statement is. One glance at his face spells out just how clearly he gets it and how frustrated he is by it.

  As we head to the front, a second bone pile starts to shudder, bones clacking together in an almost songlike rhythm. An eerie-as-fuck song, mind you, but a song nonetheless.

  Hudson and I look at each other, eyebrows raised, then start moving faster as we head to the front of the cavern. And when a third pile of bones starts to rumble, he urges, “We need to move!”