RUMORS

by Bellus, HJ

  “Are you trying coffee again today with June?” Her eyes twinkle with hope as she nibbles on her bottom lip.

  I knew this was going to happen. I finally ventured down to the new coffee shop in town with my best friend, June. I can count on two hands how many times I’ve left the house over the last few years since I quit going to church. June is another person who has never given up on me. You can say I live through her adventures. She visits me at least two to three times a week. We became best friends, more like sisters, many moons ago and that hasn’t changed. I’m not a fool and know she’s grown closer with other classmates.

  Once June and Grandma got me out of the house I knew it was a foregone conclusion they’d make me do it again and again. I nod, darting my gaze toward the chipped polish on my toenails. Last time, it was just fine going out for coffee. At first, I found myself glancing over my shoulder and even following June into the bathroom. It wasn’t the typical girly thing to do, but more of a matter of survival. He has so much power in this town that he could get away with ushering me out of a public place.

  “Your birthday is only a few months away, Frankie May.” Grandma ties off my braid. “You should think about something special to celebrate. It’s not every day a girl turns eighteen, you know.” Birthdays have always been and forever will be a sacred holiday under this roof.

  I shrug, doing my best to muster up some form of excitement. I can’t find a sprinkle of the emotion anymore. I’m a prisoner in my own body and it’s the worst form of hell. Moments of silence pass by as Grandma tidies up our mess.

  I feel a low rumble start, sending shudders through my spine. Then a bone-chilling crack of thunder rattles our home the same time the heavens open up and pour down their tears on us.

  “Good lord.” Grandma clutches her chest. “That scared the crap out of me.”

  The power flickers once, twice, three times before all the lights die. I shudder and gulp in oxygen. I do my best to calm myself. But darkness has long since been my worst enemy. I used to love to build forts, making them as dark as could be then lighting up the black with a flashlight, enjoying the friendship of the shadows. Now they are my greatest fear.

  “Breathe, baby girl.” Grandma wraps her arms around me from the back, clasping the tarnished heart locket on my chest. “I’m here. I always will be.”

  “I’m-I’m-I’m fine,” I stutter out. “I-I-can’t breathe, Gran…”

  “I got you, baby girl.” She moves one hand, smoothing it over my hair, keeping the other one clutched on my locket. “I have you.”

  She begins humming a familiar church hymn, gently rocking me back and forth. Soon her soothing humming turns into words as her calming, beautiful voice soothes me.

  I focus on the piece of metal clutched in her hand. My locket. The one she gave me for my seventh birthday. It holds a faded photo of her and me at a church social. Me with a toothy grin and her with perfect sculpted salt and pepper curls. It’s one of my favorite memories. I always loved the ice cream social until I wasn’t able to attend anymore. I can almost taste the frozen sweet vanilla cream until another crack of thunder startles me. It happens the same time the front door flies wide open and the power buzzes back to life.

  “Holy shit.” June bursts in. “I mean, holy shiz nuts.”

  She corrects herself when she sees Grandma holding me. I can’t help but smile. Grandma knows all too well June cusses like a sailor, but that doesn’t stop her from growing embarrassed when her colorful vocabulary is bestowed on Grandma. I’m fairly certain my grandma is the only person who makes June nervous. Nervous in a damn good way, like Jesus is watching.

  June clears her throat making her way to us. “The weather is way too damn crappy for us to go out for a good ol’ cup of joe.” She brushes her chunky blonde bangs off her forehead. “You’re just lucky I happen to have a butt load of candy in my purse and Footloose, so it's a girls’ night.”

  And that’s how our evening goes. All three of us cuddled up on the couch, eating way too much candy mixed in with Grandma’s famous buttery popcorn. We all swoon over the love story and June even pulls me up and off the couch to dance around the living room. It’s moments like these that my best friend and Grandma make me feel normal. My hardened edges sliver, slicing me wide open and smoothed down for a moment of time, and I’m free.

  Well, that’s until reality seeps back in. You know, the dark of night where the nasty shadows come out to play, forcing me to endure every ounce of pain inflicted. The blood, cries, and final surrender are the only friends in my dreams. Then the sunlight graces me and I’m able to survive one more day.

  Chapter Three

  Frankie

  “A little over a month and counting, baby girl.” Grandma ties off my braid. “Have you decided what you want to do for your eighteenth birthday yet?”

  I shrug. It’s a rote movement by now. “Maybe a movie night with June, you, and me.”

  The disappointment skittering in her eyes vanishes in a few seconds before Grandma covers it up with the best foundation on the market. “That would be fabulous. The first movie pick is ‘The Outsiders’ though.”

  “You got it.” I grip the top of her hand. I take a large gulp of air before turning to her. I do my best job of faking it. I suck at it and know. But I do my absolute best for her. “Now go get dressed, Miss Person of the Year. You’ve deserved this for years and it’s your time to shine. Birch Creek owes you one hell of a day.”

  This brings a smile to her face after she flinches out a glare for my curse. Her eyes light up with pride as she waltzes off to her bedroom. My heart thunders in my chest. I feel my sternum cracking with each beat of life. It will be the first time I venture out of the house for something other than a simple coffee date with June. Everyone will be there. Everyone will be there, I keep repeating to myself. The citizens of Birch Creek will be in attendance. There’s a free barbecue after the awards ceremony. June will be by my side. I won’t let her leave me while Grandma is recognized. I have to do this. I have to do this.

  I can’t be a coward any longer. There will be no chance of him getting to me. His admirers will be watching every move. I can do this. I can do this. I repeat the new mantra in my head as I dress in the baggiest clothes I have. I don’t miss the dismay Grandma cringes my way once she sees me, but like the master she is she beams brightly, clutching my hand as we walk outside into the light. I look like a homeless person next to Grandma in a sleek black dress, pearls, and every curl styled to perfection.

  The glow of the sun warms my skin below my oversized hoodie that covers to my knees and jeans. My long hair drapes over my shoulders and shields my face from the world. I took out my braids just for this fact. It doesn’t deserve to see the ugliness it holds inside and out. Grandma brushes back one side as we make it to her Lincoln; I do my best to swoosh it right back in place without being obvious.

  My spine stiffens iron straight when a slamming of a door echoes from next door. Grandma greets the town’s favorite man. I do my best to focus on walking, blocking out the exchange. The interior of the car is hotter than hell but I continue to keep my eyes squeezed shut.

  “Oh, we have errands to run afterward or you could ride with us. Wouldn’t want to waste your day away.” I hear her say before the driver’s door opens.

  She knows. She has to know something, even if it’s the tiniest twinge of an inkling. I want to believe that with everything I have, but know I’m wrong. In moments like these, I want to scream and shout to the world what a monster he is and the many times he’s made me bleed. The way he reached into my soul and ripped out every single living part of it. My lips part, voice cracks, and then nothing but silence. I have no idea how to tell the world what he has done to me.

  Her gentle, wrinkled hand lands on the top of my thigh before she starts the engine. “This day will be perfect for us. I’m so proud of you.”

  It’s what she doesn’t say that means the most. She’ll never know the whole truth, but it’s
the way she doesn’t pry for it that offers me comfort and soothes away worry. It’s not healthy by any means, but a poisonous coping mechanism. It helps me to not focus on the fact that I'm going to see familiar faces today that I haven’t seen in months, hell, some even years. He forced me into my own prison where I’ve lived and thrived in my own way.

  The familiar neighborhoods and stores hurt to glance at as we make our way downtown, so I keep my head focused down. Grandma rattles on about everything and everyone. I indulge her by nodding and even agreeing at certain points. I know she’s giddy out of her skin to have me attend with her today. It may kill me, but I’d do it for her.

  I don’t have a second to myself to process anything as Grandma parks her car in front of the local pharmacy. It’s the closest place to the center of town where the old water fountain rests. Every year Birch Creek nominates and votes on a person of the year. The day finally came where Grandma received the honor. She’ll be awarded a plaque, a round of applause, and the title for a whole year on a stage near the fountain. It’s the epitome of honor in this area.

  June is at my side with her phone blaring some rap song. Her genuine smile lets me know she’s trying to pump me up. It’s her go-to thing to cheer me, but in this situation all she’s doing is drawing attention to us.

  “Stop.” I grab her phone, silencing it. “I don’t need that right now.”

  My tone comes off harsher than intended. I go into panic mode and instantly feel bad at seeing my best friend’s face fall.

  “I’m sorry, June. I just need you today. Just you.”

  She nods her head. “I know you do. I’m fabulous.”

  She loops her arm in mine as we follow Grandma through the mass of people. It’s all a blur to me as June rattles on about her new crush and plans for the future. It seems her new crush has quickly turned into her boyfriend. I concentrate on the here and now, and struggle to not grow jealous of all her wild tales of being a teen.

  “June,” a deep voice cuts into our one-sided conversation.

  “Mike!” she squeals, waving her arm, and then turns to me. “Come on. You have to meet him.”

  I shake my head. “I’m good, I'm going to stay by Grandma today.”

  “Frankie, you have to. Please,” she pleads.

  The raw hope dancing in her beautiful eyes hits me hard, knocking the air out of me but not enough to take a courageous step forward.

  I duck my head. “I can’t.”

  The tears welling up behind my lids begin to burn with an iron hot force. It takes all of me to hold them in. I will not allow them to spill over. Not here and not ever. I don’t deserve to cry, no matter how much I crave a normal life. Period.

  I shuffle to Grandma’s side. June goes off with her boyfriend. I should be right by her side with my palm cradled in another. It was always the plan, but never happened because of me. I attracted him and it led my life down another path. The shady, overgrown one I never dared to endeavor. I hate it. Those who say the path less traveled will reap rewards are full of shit. All it does is leave behind scars and hatred.

  Things in this small town haven’t changed a bit. Everyone swarms around my grandma as we enter deeper into the crowd. My spine stiffens and palms grow clammy as more and more people gather around. Before I know it, Grandma is swept into the sea of people. I’m left looking over both shoulders and doing my best to shrink into my baggy clothing.

  It doesn’t work; voices invade all of my senses. I whirl and twirl in a tornado I can’t escape, no matter how hard I try. Somehow I stumbled right into a conversation where I don’t belong. A group of women of varying ages are circled up, deep in conversation.

  “There’s no better guy to give Louise this award.”

  “Whatever. You’re blind and dumb.”

  This captures all of my attention. I crank around, glancing at the woman who is not impressed at all.

  “Excuse me?” an older woman asks.

  “This is complete bullshit and you all know it.” The angry twenty-something points her finger at the group. Her cheeks are reddened and eyes narrowed with hatred. She’s gorgeous. I have no clue who she is but am awed by her authority. “He’s nothing but a smokescreen. Horrible inside and out. He’s hurt so many, but yet you all sit here and praise him just because he brings you God every Sunday in church. You sons of bitches know enough but turn a blind eye and chalk it up to being rumors. I’m back in town to expose it all. Better grab your Bibles, sisters, and hold the hell on!”

  “You need to shut your mouth.” Veronica, the town gossip, adds as she brushes back her perfect sculpted bangs. “He is a good guy.”

  I lose Grandma in the crowd as I drown in this conversation. This woman knows. She knows. I look over my shoulder and glance back to see her stomping away. I do my best to follow her, but I’m not as swift.

  “Hey!” My feet pound the ground, zigging and zagging between people. I cup my hands around my mouth and try again. “Hey!”

  The golden blonde beacon disappears into the chaos surrounding me.

  “Dammit.” I bend over, resting my palms on top of my knees, catching my breath. “I have to find her. I have to.”

  My whisper falls onto deaf ears. I begin to wonder if she was just a figment of my imagination conjuring up an escape plan.

  “Little girl.” His scent and firm grip yank me back. His deceiving smile appears for the crowd around us.

  The women who were just talking about him send him graceful smiles. Fear and anger swirl around in me. I want to scream so loud it rips out my vocal cords. Yet, once again he’s proven he stole my voice and has held it captive since that day he invited me into his house.

  “Your grandma wanted you to join her behind the stage. I told her I’d come find you,” his rich, calming voice croons.

  She doesn’t know. There’s no way she knows because my grandma would never send danger my way.

  He’s the best imposter. He’s fooled so many…or has he? That girl knew something and was trying to tell someone, yet the good ol’ pastor has everyone under his spell. Cowards, that’s what they are. They know and keep quiet, only piecing together shreds of rumors about the person being abused. Cowards, just like me, who can’t speak up.

  “This is a beautiful ceremony, Pastor.” Veronica steps up with a fake ass smile plastered on her face. “You’ve sure made this extra special for Louise.”

  “Thank you, Veronica. She deserves it.” He grips the back of my arm to the point pain sears down to my fingertips. I don’t dare squeak. “We better get going. Don’t want to make the lady of the day wait on us.”

  I know the moment Veronica sees it. She damn well knows this monster has me by the arm and there’s no way she can miss the sense of panic in my eyes. She and her friends send a quick finger wave our way.

  And just like that, we are swallowed into the crowd. Faces become blurs as my knees struggle to stay up underneath me. Panic sets in. I’ve managed to stay safe for months on end, but now he has me and knows it.

  “Make a word and I’ll hurt you far worse than I ever have,” he hisses in my ear.

  I don’t react as he continues to drag me to the side of the crowd. He glances over his shoulder before darting into an old shed. He checks two or three times before feeling settled that no one saw us enter.

  “I’ve missed you, baby girl.” He throws me further into the dusty, dim-lit shed as he reaches behind himself and locks the door. The metal cranking is my ending. I will my brain, thoughts, and emotions to go numb. I’m nothing but a vessel trapped in a shell.

  My throat constricts as he closes the distance between us. I don’t flinch when he brings a hand up to my face. I’ve learned it only fuels his sick and twisted desires.

  “You’ve been holed up for so long.” He leans down, brushing his nose along my forehead. “Your grandma was so distraught wondering what could’ve happened, but don’t you worry. I let her know that you confided in me that Justin, who you used to go to school with, did some
thing very bad to you. It worked. Justin’s family moved the next month and I really thought you’d come back out, but you never did. Not until today and it’s been way too long.”

  “No.” My own voice shocks the hell out of me, even scaring a part of me. “No. Don’t touch me, and let me go.”

  It’s a foreign sound and feels damn thrilling to stand up for myself. I may be broken and forever battered, but I still have a voice and I’m going to use it. He doesn’t get this.

  It all happens before I can do a damn thing. Before I can go on, his fist connects with my stomach, knocking all the air out of me. The sharp pain weakens my knees and I find myself gasping for air. I squeeze my eyes shut and go numb as my front is pressed on a harsh surface.

  The first chance I get I run, unlatching the lock, and swinging open the door. The bright sun blinds me for a second, then the happy noise from the town gathering assaults me, piercing my eardrums. I don’t stop sprinting toward the crowd where safety lies, or at least I hope it does. It’s my only option.

  “Oomph.” I collide into a wide chest, bouncing back. My arms go wild up in the air, but I never hit the pavement of the sidewalk. Arms reach out, grabbing me.

  “You okay there?”

  I glance up to a man I’ve never met before. Dark, rich honey, caring eyes stare down at me. There’s scruff on his prominent jawline while his hair is shaggy but styled in a professional manner. He looks like he could’ve walked off the set of a movie.

  “Are you okay?” he asks again.

  My heart threatens to thud right out of my chest, fueled by adrenaline and fear.

  “She’s just fine.” His voice causes me to go ramrod straight and step away from the man who saved me from potentially busting my tailbone.

  I catch the gleam of his sheriff's badge then read his name tag. Dalton Cray. I’ve heard both June and Grandma talk about him. He’s the new sheriff in town who took June’s dad’s place. Everyone seems to think he’s too young for the job, inexperienced and all that jazz. It’s always hard finding your place in a judgemental small town such as this one.