by J. L. Wilder
“Ryan, I have to ask the question,” Jack snaps.
“Don’t yell,” I whisper, closing my eyes. Someone’s arms are supporting me. “The steak was fine. It wasn’t even pink in the middle. It was actually kind of overdone.”
“Oh, that’s nice,” Ryan kisses my forehead. “I thought you liked my cooking.”
“I like Luka’s cooking. You’re a terrible cook, and you know it.”
“How do you feel now, Cami?” Jack asks, all business as always. “Still sick, or did that help?”
“No, I think I’m better now.” I sit up slowly, careful not to jostle myself. Luka hands me the water skin and I take a long drink. “Something I ate probably just didn’t settle that well, but I don’t think I’m actually sick.”
“Any other symptoms?” Jack asks.
“I’m just tired.”
“You’ll stay inside today,” he decides.
“I don’t need to stay in. The fresh air—”
“We have an open ceiling. Stay in and rest. It’s an order.”
Although I want to put up a show of disagreeing with him—I don’t want the others to see me as weak—I have to admit that a day spent indoors, resting and recuperating, sounds nice. I’m sure a day of uninterrupted sleep would allow me to shake off the exhaustion I’m still feeling, and on the off chance I get sick again, at least no one will be here to see it.
“Someone should stay with her,” Ryan says.
“No,” I argue. “Absolutely not.”
“It’s not a bad idea, Cami,” Jack says. He hasn’t given an order, but he looks like he’s seriously considering it. “If you need help, you don’t have a way of reaching us.”
“Oh my God.” I need to head this off before Jack makes it an order and causes someone to stand guard over me all day. “I’m feeling much better now, Jack, I promise. I wouldn’t lie. I just want to sleep. And I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep if I feel like someone’s watching me. That’s just going to make me nervous and keep me up. Honestly, I’ll do much better if you guys give me some space for a few hours.”
“Are you sure?” Jack asks. He glances at Ryan, then at Luka. Neither of them look particularly happy with what I’m saying, and I know they’re itching to argue.
But I’ve found my voice in this clan. I’m an equal here. I just got my tattoo, and I have a bike of my own. I have a seat at the table and a voice in clan decisions. And I’m going to make my voice heard here. I wouldn’t have been brave or confident enough to do this before, but here, I am.
“This is what I want,” I tell Jack, making eye contact. “Please.”
Jack hesitates, and then nods. “All right. We’ll all go out and let you sleep, but we’ll come back a little earlier than usual to make sure things are going well.” He looks to the others. “Agreed?”
“Agreed,” Luka says, somewhat reluctantly.
“Fine,” Ryan says. He doesn’t sound happy at all, but he must realize he’s been outvoted.
And so, the men disappear down the tunnel, taking the cookpot with them to clean it out at the river. I’m not wild about that—it’s embarrassing, and I’d prefer to handle that particular cleanup job myself—but the fire is warm, and our big, empty nest is comfortable. I crawl back over to it and curl up, closing my eyes, ready for sleep to overtake me.
And then, my eyes fly open as a realization smacks into me like a boulder.
It takes me a moment to do the necessary math, but I already know my suspicion has to be correct. I’ve known it from the instant it occurred to me. And I’m shocked at my own negligence. How could I have let myself forget this eventuality? How have I failed to track the signs of my body? I should have been on the alert for this from the moment Jack and I first had sex in the woods. It’s astounding that it’s only just occurring to me now.
I’m pregnant.
I’m pregnant, and I’m almost certain that I’m carrying a litter. After all, I’m an omega. That’s what my body is made to do. I knew this day would come, of course—it’s why they took me in in the first place—but somehow, I expected it to take longer. It seemed like something my future held, not something imminent. Not something that could happen at any moment. It’s nerve wracking. This means my whole life is about to change. I’m going to carry a litter, changing my whole body. I’m going to have to go through the pain of giving birth. And after it’s all over, I’ll be a mother for the rest of my life—
I rest a hand on my stomach. It’s too soon to feel any kind of difference, any swelling or growth there...and yet, my imagination is sweeping me away. How many of them might there be? And who might they be? What will it be like to welcome these new little people into our clan, to raise them as my own and teach them everything I know? I feel a surge of sudden love that makes me gasp. These will be my babies. I’ll see my features reflected in their little faces, my mannerisms reflected in their behavior. I can’t wait to know them.
And what else will I see? Who is their father? Will they have Luka’s kind eyes and gentle demeanor? Jack’s strong jaw and authoritative sense of calm? Or will they be well muscled and temperamental, like Ryan? I don’t know which to hope for. Each of my lovers has wonderful traits that I’d love to pass along to my children.
Is it possible that there’s more than one father?
I’ve never mated before. I don’t understand how this works, exactly. I’ll need Jack to explain it. But I do know it’s possible for an omega to become pregnant by more than one man. It’s uncommon—it’s much more typical for omegas to stick with the single man who’s imprinted upon them—but my case is anything but regular. I’ve been mating semi daily with three different men. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to learn that this litter belonged to all of them.
Suddenly, to my surprise, I wish they hadn’t left for the day. I’m not feeling sick at all anymore. Instead, I’m overwhelmed with excitement. I can’t wait to share my news. Ryan will be over the moon, I’m sure, and Luka is going to be so great with babies. And Jack will be gratified to learn that the clan is expanding as planned. I know he’ll be proud of all of us.
How is it that the days keep getting better and better? Just yesterday, I was reunited with Berto’s motorcycle, able to drive it back to the den myself. I received my tattoo and felt fully welcomed into the clan. I thought it couldn’t get any better than that. But today, I’ve discovered I’m about to become a mother. Our clan is about to become a family, in every way possible. I’ve never felt this wonderful in my life.
My exhaustion, temporarily driven from me by the excitement of my discovery, is creeping back in, but before I go to sleep, I want to make sure I get something to eat. I’m responsible for other lives than mine now. I make myself a fruit plate and eat methodically, staring into the flames of our fire and contemplating the future. What will it be like to raise children? How will we travel on our bikes when we have a litter to carry? What will childbirth be like, here in the den, with only the rest of the clan to assist me? How badly will it hurt?
There’s plenty to be afraid of. But somehow, even as I ponder my fears, the only thing I can feel is perfect contentment. This is what I was made to do. This is my purpose in life and my purpose in my clan. And now, I’m going to be able to fulfill that purpose. I’m going to help the Hell’s Bears grow and thrive, and I’m going to give my mates children and raise them to be strong and wise. The future has never looked brighter.
I stretch out by the fire, humming happily, waiting for Luka, Ryan, and Jack to return home so I can give them the good news.
Chapter Nineteen
When I wake up, I’m suffused with a feeling of happiness and well-being, but it takes a few minutes to remember why. The fact is that I’ve just been so happy in general lately that, for a moment, my current bliss almost doesn’t stand out. It’s not unusual for me to wake up feeling content.
But then, the memories flood back in. The realization I came to this morning. I’m going to be a mother. Our clan is going to ha
ve a litter. My heart soars and I sit up slowly, carefully, afraid I’m going to dislodge something, even though I know, with certainty, that that isn’t how this works. My body is so much more precious today. I can’t believe that, just yesterday, I rode a motorcycle on the highway. All I want to do now, until these babies are born, is lie still and keep them safe. It’s the only thing that matters.
“How are you feeling?” a soft voice asks.
I turn. Luka is sitting behind me, stoking the fire, watching me with his usual concerned gaze. I look around the room for the others, but Luka is the only one here. He must have come back alone to check on me. For a moment, I’m actually glad I was sick this morning—usually, finding ourselves alone in the den would be an opportunity for me and Luka to have sex, but I know he won’t pursue that while he’s not sure if I’m feeling well, and I feel as if I should abstain until I’ve told everyone that I’m pregnant. I’m not sure why, exactly, except that I don’t want to get into another situation where we don’t all have the information we need. It was so uncomfortable when the men weren’t aware that they’d all imprinted. Better to begin this new journey with all the cards on the table.
And for the same reason, I decide I’m not going to tell Luka anything until the others get back. I want to tell them all at once. It should be something we share together as a family. If I tell Luka first, the others will always remember that he was the first one to know. I don’t know if that will bother them or not—learning that they’d all imprinted didn’t bother them, I was surprised on that one—but I know that if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be hurt if someone else received this information before I did. I would wonder why. And I don’t want Jack and Ryan to have to live with that question.
So, I keep things deliberately vague with Luka for now. “I’m feeling a lot better,” I tell him. “I think it was a temporary thing. Honestly, I’d be outside right now if Jack hadn’t given an order. We all worried too much.”
Relief breaks over his face. “I’m so glad to hear it,” he says. “I have to admit, I was concerned about you.”
I laugh. “I could tell.”
“Well, you don’t have to laugh!” But he’s laughing too, so I know he isn’t angry. “It was alarming, Cami! We didn’t know what was wrong. You’d have been worried too, if it had been one of us.”
“I suppose you’re right,” I concede.
“Are you hungry?” he asks. “I was thinking about making some stew.”
“Stew sounds amazing.” And impressive, given our usual non-diverse store of ingredients. He isn’t going to make fruit stew. The meat will work well, I know, and so will the mushrooms, but what else is he going to put in the cookpot? I scoot closer to the fire. Luka is the most impressive chef among our clan, but even he’s going to be hard pressed to make stew out of what’s available.
But he takes me by surprise. Reaching into his backpack, he begins removing ingredients. Fresh vegetables with tags that indicate that they came from a grocery store. A can of beef stock. Bundled herbs. Even a brand new knife, the blade shiny silver, clean and never before used. He arranges everything before him, then pulls out a can opener and removes the lid from the beef stock.
I stare. “Luka, where did all this stuff come from?” It’s almost a rhetorical question. I can see where it came from. Luka went shopping. But I’m stunned all the same. I have never seen the Hell’s Bears go shopping. I’ve never even seen them in a store....
My thoughts skid to a halt. I have seen them in a store. Once. When they were robbing it. My mind flashes back to the convenience store, to the frightened face of the clerk and the easy way Jack threatened him with violence. I look back up at Luka, who’s still wearing his gentle smile. Was he just out threatening someone, stealing from someone, so that we could have herbs to make stew?
“Luka,” I say again, my voice shaking, “where did this come from?”
The smile fades from his face. “Cami, what is it?”
“You stole these things,” I whisper, certain I’m right.
“I paid,” he contradicts me, reaching into his backpack and pulling out a receipt. He passes it over. I scan it, only half seeing. There’s the list of every item laid out in front of me, and sure enough, a total at the bottom. He did pay. I breathe easier.
But only for a moment. Then the obvious dots connect in my mind. “Where did you get the money?”
He sighs. “Cami....”
“Give me your bag.” I feel like I’m going to faint, or maybe vomit again.
He looks wary. “I didn’t buy anything else.”
“The bag, Luka.”
There must be some kind of unexpected force in my voice, because he hands it over. I feel around inside for more items of questionable origin. He just told me himself that he didn’t buy anything else, so if there’s anything here that shouldn’t be, I’ll know it wasn’t paid for.
But when I pull my hand out, the only thing I’ve found is a bundle of bills, secured by a rubber band.
I ignore Luka’s expression as I remove the rubber band and fan the bills in my hands. It’s a huge bundle. I can tell, just by looking, that it’s considerably more than they took from the convenience store. And that means stealing money is a regular thing for the Hell’s Bears. Luka may have paid for the ingredients he’s planning to put in our stew, but he paid for them with stolen money. They might as well be stolen, as far as I’m concerned.
Luka’s watching me, looking upset. “Cami, it’s just how we do things....”
I shove the money back into the bag. I don’t want to touch it. I don’t want to look at it. And I’m definitely not going to eat Luka’s stew now that I know this. All I can see is the expression on that poor kid’s face at the convenience store. Who knows whether he’s gotten over that ordeal, whether he’ll ever get over it. Even though I know Jack never would have hurt him, he has no way of knowing that. He thought his life was on the line. That’s horrible. I want nothing to do with it.
I don’t want my children to have anything to do with it.
I get to my feet and walk away from the fire, away from Luka, away from the stolen meal he’s creating, over to my private alcove. This hasn’t felt like a place intended for me to be alone in some time now, but today, I want to be by myself. I can’t believe how much my mood has crashed just by finding out Luka’s secret.
Another secret. I was so happy to think that all the members of our clan were finally on the same page with one another. I was so happy that they considered me an equal, worthy of helping them make decisions about our common well-being, worthy of being included in important discussions. Now, I can see that I was fooling myself. I was never equal. I’ve always been sheltered, protected from the worst of the Hell’s Bears’ lifestyle.
Maybe it’s my fault. It’s not as if they covered up the fact that they robbed that convenience store. Maybe I just wanted to believe the best of them. How else can I account for letting myself think it had been a one-time thing? Of course, it wasn’t a one-time thing—they were too practiced, too good at it. I’m willing to bet that some of these days they told me they were out hunting, they were actually out stealing.
Is it even true that they don’t own guns? What if that’s a lie? What if they do? Can I stay with them if they’re actually violent criminals?
But how can I leave? How can I hope to go off on my own? I’ve never lived without a clan before. And now, with a litter on the way...how could I protect them? I’d have to take care of the whole litter by myself, give birth all alone....
I can’t leave. The knowledge sinks into me like a stone. For now, at least, I’m going to have to stay. Maybe I can figure something out, come up with a plan that would allow me to get away safely. I can’t stay here if they have a gun. But I can’t just run for it either.
The first thing I’ll have to do will be to figure out whether or not there’s a deadly weapon around. If there isn’t, maybe I can stay. I don’t want to leave, after all. I love all of
these men. They’re my clan. They’re the fathers of my children. I’m a Hell’s Bear, and this is where I belong.
Until my decision is made, one way or the other, I’m going to have to keep my pregnancy to myself. It’ll be hard to leave the clan, but if they know I’m pregnant, it will probably be impossible. They aren’t going to allow me to leave with their cubs. It has to be a secret, at least until I know what I’m going to do. So, we’re back to lies, deception, and covering up the truth. I should have known it was too good to last.
I’m jerked out of my thoughts by the sound of voices, louder and more frantic than usual, coming up the tunnel. I peek out of my alcove just as Jack emerges. His face is pale. He calls out to Luka, who jumps to his feet and runs over, and they both reach in to help Ryan to his feet.
He’s badly injured, I can see that immediately. He’s been slashed across the chest and is bleeding freely. Luka and Jack help him to the nest and lie him down carefully. Forgetting my worries, I hurry out of my alcove and over to his side, dropping to my knees. His eyes are closed, his breath shallow. I look up at Jack, terrified.
“What happened?” Luka asks. He’s already cleaning the wound, one hand applying pressure carefully.
“Wolves,” Jack says. His voice is a growl. “Shifters.”
My heart stops.
Jack’s eyes cut to me, and I know he sees something in my face, but he doesn’t say anything. He rummages in his bag, pulls out a clean, dry shirt, and begins tearing it into strips so Luka can bind Ryan’s wound. The two of them work in silence for a few moments. I remain on my knees, holding Ryan’s hand, my mind racing. Wolf shifters. I know immediately who it must be. I don’t know whether they’ve just caught up with me, or if they’ve always known where I was and have just taken this long to put together a plan of attack. But one thing’s for sure. The wolves have found us.
All the secrets are about to be revealed.
Chapter Twenty
