Smoothen Silky vs The WereCougar

by Derek Slaton

  “Is he doing that a lot?” Rose asked.

  “Look around,” the demon said, “we call came up in a single night.”

  She nodded and then slid her knife from its sheath, planting it like butter into his heart. He melted away into the floor as Silky strode back over to his partner.

  “He got anything useful?” he drawled.

  “Just that our boy Ezra is summoning demons at an alarming rate,” Rose replied as she wiped her knife and sheathed it again.

  “Silky gonna be puttin’ a stop to him,” the pimp stood up straight, and then the duo whipped around as the door flung open. They took defensive positions until they realized it was Kerr, gun in hand, ready for battle, and screaming shrilly.

  “Goddamn it, shut the fuck up you dumbass honky.” Silky rolled his eyes. “Rose and Silky done finished the job.”

  The Agent dropped his hands in disappointment, pursing his lips. “Damn, Silky, I’m sorry,” he said. “I ran into some strange action.”

  “So you tellin’ Silky you late because you be havin’ some action with a piece o’ strange?” The pimp crossed his arms.

  “What? No.” Kerr waved his hands in front of his face. “I had some action and it was strange.”

  “Well, first times can be like that,” Silky retorted with a grin, and his comrade scowled.

  “I’m late because I got attacked by something I’ve never seen before,” Kerr began again. “I was tracking the target as he hit on a woman at the bar. They went outside and when I stepped in to take him out, she had ripped his heart out.”

  “Goddamn, that’s why Silky never be messin’ with Texas women,” the pimp put in.

  “It gets weirder.” Kerr raised his hand as Rose’s phone bleated. She pulled it out and her brow furrowed at the familiar name on the screen.

  “I gotta take this,” the redhead said, hitting the talk button. “Thorn? Everything okay?”

  “Rose,” a rough edged female voice greeted her. “How quickly can you get to Austin?”

  “We’re actually in town now,” Rose replied. “We caught a case.”

  “Can you come by?” Thorn asked. “If you’re working a case here, then it confirms my suspicions. Something really bad is going on.”

  “Yeah, absolutely,” the redhead confirmed. “Can you give me a couple of hours?”

  “Take your time, I have to drop off the rest of the band,” Thorn confirmed. “We had a late practice for the gig on Saturday. Why don’t y’all come by about six?”

  “Okay, I’ll see you then.”

  “Thanks, Rose.”

  The redhead ended the call and turned back to Silky and Kerr, noticing the long scratch on the back of the younger Agent’s neck.

  “Yeah man, she just climbed up the walls like a methed up monkey,” Kerr finished, as Rose re-entered their pow-wow circle.

  “Goddamn, Silky’s needin’ to be hittin that bar,” the pimp said with a chuckle. “Those drinks must be magic.”

  “Kerr, that looks like a pretty deep scratch there,” Rose teased. “Good to see you’re toughing it out in the field.”

  “Don’t make fun, you would have had trouble with her too.” Kerr pouted.

  “Trust me Kerr, I’m a lot better with women than you are,” the redhead promised.

  “Important call?” Silky asked.

  “You remember Thorn, don’t you?” Rose replied.

  “You’s meanin’ your old partner Thorn?” the pimp asked.

  “Wait,” Kerr cut in. “Rose and Thorn? Really?”

  Silky smacked the back of the young Agent’s head. “Shut yo mouth before Silky be shuttin’ it for you.”

  “Ow, sorry,” Kerr muttered.

  “Yes, my old partner Thorn,” Rose confirmed, getting back on track. “She’s here in Austin and needs us to come by.”

  “Rose, we’s workin’, we ain’t got time for you to be havin’ a booty call,” Silky chastised, and Kerr turned and blinked at the insinuation.

  “Shut the fuck up,” Rose pointed at Kerr, and then turned to Silky. “It’s about our case. She noticed something out of the ordinary and since we’re here, she’s convinced.”

  “Alright, Silky be likin’ the idea,” the pimp agreed. “Be good to work with that badass chick again.” He collected his jacket from the organic hook on the wall and shrugged into it as Rose led the way out of the building of dead demon carnage.

  “So, was he just joking about the booty call?” Kerr trotted in front of her, and the only response was another swift smack in the back of the head, this time from his redheaded companion. “Nope. He was not.” He gulped, eyes wide at the revelation.

  CHAPTER THREE

  The three Agents piled out of Silky’s white Cadillac, and Kerr stretched his arms over his head, taking in the older house in front of him. It looked like it hadn’t been updated since the fifties structurally, but the decor was newer with the punk band flags hanging in the windows. The faint sound of crunchy metal guitar permeated the early morning air, and he bobbed his head to the beat.

  “Sounds like Dead Under Three Strippers,” he commented.

  “That’s yo dream death, ain’t it, cracka?” Silky sneered.

  “Isn’t it every man’s?” Kerr shot back.

  “With your income, you might want to reconsider given the quality of stripper you can afford,” Rose teased, and the younger Agent begrudgingly nodded with her assessment.

  The front door creaked open, revealing a tall statuesque dark skinned woman. Tattoos snaked all over her body, topped with a perfectly tight mid-sized afro.

  “Agency still underpaying ya’ll, huh?” she drawled, and Rose’s eyes lit up.

  “Thorn!” She darted forward and the women embraced tightly. A lopsided grin erupted on Kerr’s face, and Silky smacked him on the back of his head.

  “Sorry,” the younger Agent muttered, but didn’t avert his gaze as the two women pulled back just enough to look at each other.

  “Damn, Rose, it’s good to see you girl,” Thorn said. “You still kicking ass?”

  “Just as much as you remember,” Rose replied with a smirk. “You?”

  “I’ve been out of the game for a while now, focusing mostly on my metal band, Queen of the Demon Blade,” the dark woman replied. “Although I do have to throw down in the pit from time to time.”

  “Queen of the Demon Blade?” Rose raised an eyebrow. “I thought you ceded that title to me when you left the Agency?”

  “Girl, you wish,” Thorn teased.

  “Ladies, Silky be hatin’ to break this up, but we’s got work to do,” the pimp interjected, stepping forward.

  Thorn reeled back and punched Silky with a vicious right hook, and his head snapped to the side. Neither he nor Rose looked surprised by the violence, but Kerr’s face lit up like he’d just seen the Pope paying for a private dance in the Champagne Room.

  “Silky’s gonna assume you’s still holdin’ a grudge for the rigorous training program Silky insisted upon?” the pimp asked, flexing his jaw as he straightened back up.

  “Bitch, you sat on your ass while I took on a dozen demon motherfuckers,” Thorn snapped.

  “You’s kicked they asses, didn’t you?” Silky crossed his arms.

  “No thank to your dumb ass,” she shot back.

  “Come on now, Silky be shoutin’ encouragement.” He rolled his eyes.

  “Yeah, like a fluffer cheering on a Nebraska farm girl who thought L.A. sounded like fun but ended up in the middle of a demon gangbang.” Thorn shifted her weight, left hip jutting up to accentuate her point.

  “That’s a vivid visual,” Kerr piped up, eyes going a bit glassy.

  “Bitch, ain’t nooooobody talkin’ to your cracker ass,” Thorn snapped, pointing a finger at him. Kerr recoiled and took a step back as if slapped, realizing that maybe he should have been seen and not heard.

  “Aight girl.” Silky put his hands up. “In the spirit of collaboration and shit, Silky would like to offer his formal a
pology.”

  Thorn clenched her jaw, but Rose reached over and took her hand in an effort to calm her down.

  “Not ready to forgive your ass yet,” the ex-Agent said in a low threatening tone, “but there are things we need to address. Why don’t y’all come inside?” She stepped aside and Silky strutted past her as if he owned the place. Kerr trotted forward and she jumped at him as if she were going to throw a punch. He flinched violently back, and Thorn threw her head back and barked a laugh.

  “Rose, when the hell did the agency start investing in jumpy white boys?” she asked, wiping fake tears from her eyes.

  “Eh, Kerr’s not so bad.” Rose shrugged. “Most of the time.”

  He smiled sheepishly and Thorn reached out again, tussling his hair a bit before shoving him after Silky.

  “Alright, go on in,” she said, and he scurried through the door. She grasped Rose’s hand again as the redhead slunk by. “It really is good to see you,” she said sincerely.

  “You have no idea.” Rose smiled.

  The living room was exactly what one would expect of an indie metal band. Cinder blocks and plywood acted as a makeshift coffee table covered in beer cans, eighties band posters hanging where family portraits would normally reside. On the worn and faded couch lay an unconscious older bearded white man in a jean jacket with no sleeves.

  “Silky’s always amazed at how you honkies just pass the fuck out anywhere y’all like,” the pimp said, he and Kerr standing over the couch to inspect the sleeping bear.

  “That’s Abe, don’t mind him,” Thorn instructed as she and Rose strolled in. “Just give him a good poke and he’ll move.”

  “You’s been whinin’ how lonely you is, now’s yo chance to get a poke.” Silky winked at Kerr and the younger Agent scowled.

  “I said a good poke,” Thorn teased.

  Silky smirked. “Sista’s gotta point.” He kicked the couch and Abe sat up, eyes bloodshot as he peeled them open.

  “Abe, go crash in the back,” Thorn instructed. “My friends and I have some shit to take care of.”

  The bear grunted and grabbed a beer can from the table, giving it a shake. It was empty, so he tried another and shot her a partially toothless grin at the sound of liquid swishing inside. He stood with a groan and then ambled out of the room.

  “He seems classy,” Rose commented.

  “Yeah, ole Abe is a bit rough around the edges,” Thorn agreed. “But he’s a hell of a roadie and works for cheap beer.”

  The Agents took up residence on the stuffy couch, and the lady of the house pulled up a chair across from them.

  “So girl, whatcha got fo us?” Silky asked, back on topic. “We’s on a case and Rose said you could help.”

  “Well, my band has a regular Saturday gig at Concussion,” Thorn began.

  “Concussion?” Kerr piped up.

  She sighed. “You got two left.”

  “Two what?” He furrowed his brow.

  “Interruptions,” she replied firmly, and he pursed his lips. “Now, Concussion is one of the local metal bars. We have about fifty regulars that come out for every show. Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed some of my most dedicated fans have gone missing.”

  “Bitch don’t be modest, you missin’ yo groupies, ain’t ya?” Silky’s lips curled into a smile.

  “These guys wanted some badass brown sugar,” Thorn seethed through clenched teeth, trying to ignore him. “Like any good front woman, I provided them with the illusion they had a chance with me, and it kept them front and center every show. Then poof, they vanished.”

  “You drug us all the way over here because you lost some cock you didn’t even want?” Silky scoffed, and stood up. “We’s dealin’ with some serious shit, we ain’t got time fo this.”

  Thorn jumped to her feet and effectively blocked the pimp’s path, raising a finger. “I will lay you the fuck out and have Abe cuddle your black ass until you wake up,” she threatened, and he sat back down.

  “Perhaps Silky acted rashly,” he conceded. “Why don’t you be finishin’ your story?”

  “As I was saying,” she huffed as she sat back down. “I lost my three, ahem, groupies. Over the course of the next couple of shows, our crowd thinned out as well. Last week we only had twenty-two people at our show, which is unheard of for us. Abe noticed we did gain a new hardcore fan though, that showed up right as the disappearances began. Here, I got a picture.” She pulled up a photo on her phone and handed it over to Rose.

  The redhead’s face paled. “Mother fucker.” It was Ezra. She showed it to the others.

  “You know this asshole?” Thorn asked.

  “His name is Ezra, some shitheel demon that leveled up to being a summoner,” Rose explained.

  “Christ, that’s all we need,” the lady of the house replied, taking her phone as the redhead handed it back. “How powerful is he?”

  “We got word a couple weeks ago that a newbie demon summoning was happening at a higher than normal rate, which is when we were dispatched.”

  “So nothing more powerful?” Thorn pursed her lips. “No Gateway Demons? Zombie Ogres?”

  “If so, the Agency techs haven’t detected it.” Rose shrugged.

  “Well, let’s keep it that way,” the ex-Agent replied with a roll of her eyes. “Sixth street is chaotic enough on a weekend.”

  “So, do you have any idea of where to find him?” Kerr piped up.

  “Abe’s asked around to some of the other bands and club owners and he thinks…” Thorn trailed off and squinted at him. “What the fuck is up with your ears?”

  “What are you talking about?” His brow furrowed.

  “Gold looks good on you, Wonder Bread,” Silky said with a smirk.

  The younger Agent touched his ears and shrieked. “What the fuck?!” His hands closed around the hoop earrings that were suddenly in his ears and tore them from his earlobes, throwing them on the table.

  “Now that Vanilla Bean is done showin’ off the fall collection, can we be gettin’ back to the task at hand?” Silky asked. “How we’s gonna find this demon summoning groupie hoarder?”

  “Abe thinks he’s found where Ezra is set up,” Thorn replied. “An old buddy of his runs this little dive bar just outside of town, and it’s been closed the last few weeks. A couple of bands told him that they saw the owner on the street and he was acting strangely. Put two and two together, and yeah, it’s pretty fucking flimsy.”

  “Flimsy or not, it’s better than anything we have,” Rose added. “Kerr’s spent the last week freelancing for leads, and Silky and I cleared out a hive last night and he wasn’t there.”

  “Well unless Bo Derek here has any mo accessories to model for us, Silky thinks we should be gettin’ this demon cock sucker.”

  “Austin traffic is a motherfucker at rush hour,” Thorn glanced at the cracked clock up on the wall. “Why don’t y’all catch some sleep here and head out in a few hours.”

  “If you’s and Rose wanna put on some Barry White and get freaky deaky, all you’s gotta be doin’ is sayin’ so,” Silky teased with a grin. “Don’t need to be throwin’ out excuses.”

  Thorn clenched a fist. “Motherfu-”

  “Thanks Thorn, we’ll get some rest,” Rose cut her off, and the lady of the house calmed down.

  “You boys can have the living room.” Thorn motioned to the couch. “Unless you wanna share a bed with Abe in the back.”

  “The couch will be just fine…” Kerr began, and Silky raised an eyebrow at him in incredulity. “...for Silky,” the young Agent finished quickly. “That floor looks mighty comfortable for me, and too good to pass up.”

  “I’ll toss you a pillow and a blanket so your bony ass don’t break on the hardwood,” Thorn said with amusement.

  “Night guys,” Rose said with a little wave, and headed into the master bedroom.

  Kerr leaned over, trying to peek through the door, but was met with a flying pillow to the face.

  “I have knives a
nd deadly aim,” Thorn called from the bedroom, “in case you feelin’ pervy.”

  Kerr gulped. “Ya’ll sleep tight!”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “Good lord, what time is it?” Kerr moaned from the backseat of the Cadillac.

  “You’s ask that one mo time and Silky is gonna be plantin’ yo ass in the ground so you can sundial that shit,” Silky warned.

  “It’s damn near seven,” Rose replied, eyes glued to the multiple video feeds on her phone. “And still nothing.” She sighed.

  Kerr leaned forward, putting his hand on the front seat to Rose’s right, leaning over the left to peer down at her phone.

  “You think this is a wild goose chase?” he asked.

  “Um, Kerr,” Rose said, shrinking away from the six inch long ruby red nails poking her shoulder from the young Agent’s hand. “I know you’re bored but what’s with the fingernails?”

  “What the fuck?!” He gasped, holding up his hand in front of his face. “Where did these come from?!”

  “First earrings and now those lucious nails?” Silky teased. “You tryin’ to tell Silky you wanna be shakin’ it on the corner for him?”

  “I swear, I have no idea what the hell is going on,” Kerr replied, voice shaking as he continued to stare at his hands, face pale. “I’m not doing anything, this stuff is just appearing.”

  “You ain’t gotta be self conscious, Silky don’t judge,” the pimp promised.

  Kerr slumped back in his seat and tried to pull the nails off, but to no avail.

  “Sit up and turn around,” Rose instructed.

  “Why?” Kerr asked petulantly.

  “Just fucking do it,” she snapped, and he did, shifting around so she could inspect the scratch on the back of his neck. “Ew,” she muttered.

  “What?” he asked, voice laced with fear.

  “What did you get in a fight with last night?” Rose mused.

  “I told y’all, I don’t know,” Kerr replied, throwing his hands up. “It was some older lady who must have been possessed or something with the way she moved.”