Married With Me: A With Me In Seattle Universe Novel

by Bailie Hantam

  Denver lets out a long breath. “Right. Dude, I have no words of wisdom, but girls are weird. When you find a good one, inevitably she’s surrounded by a tribe of more good ones. And they rely on each other and support each other. It’s actually a beautiful thing to watch once you get rid of the chip on your shoulder and pull your head out of your ass.”

  I look at him, unable to control my frustration. “Andi didn’t get her pregnant. Okay, neither did I. But I should’ve been the one she called.”

  “I agree. And I don’t know why she didn’t.” Denver drinks his Coke in two long gulps. “But you can’t walk out every time your feelings get hurt.”

  “My feelings weren’t hurt. I was angry.”

  “You were angry because you were hurt.” He looks at me, his gaze unrelenting. “But she won’t know that, because you don’t stick around to talk to her.”

  “I tried that last time. I told her that I feel left out when she calls someone else.”

  “And the next time it happened what did you do?” Denver was raising his voice. “Instead of waiting for her to explain her choices, you walked out. Do you have any idea what’s going through her mind?”

  “No. Because she won’t talk to me.” Actually, that’s not true. The five ignored texts from her probably implies that she wants to talk.

  “Then I’ll tell you.” He makes himself comfortable and starts listing things on his fingers. “She thinks she may be pregnant. She’s a temp, so no stable employment. She’s just trying to find her own place in the world. She barely knows the father. She’s married and on the brink of divorce from said father. She doesn’t want to be a single parent, but if the father doesn’t want to be in the picture, what are her options? And does she have the emotional strength to consider those options. And all of that’s before she considers the physical implications.”

  “Fuck, that’s a lot.” I look at him, frowning. “How do you know this?”

  “I got schooled a few years back. And yes, it’s a lot. For us guys, it’s a shock to find out that we might be a parent. And we don’t have half as much to deal with as they do. So, they turn to each other because only another woman will get it.”

  “I get all of that, but I still want to be pissed.”

  “Oh, for sure. It sucks. And just because it’s normal and understandable doesn’t make it the right way to go. She should’ve still called you first.

  “So, now what?”

  “Now, you’re going to crash on my couch.” He picks up his keys and gestures to the door. “Once you’ve slept off your hangover you can talk to her.”

  “That’s if she still wants to hear from me.”

  Chapter 14

  Angela

  Well, this makes a change. Instead of being bent over the toilet at work, I’m holding on to the one at the doctor’s office.

  Andi got me an appointment at her doctor first thing this morning. A normal GP not an OBGYN since we’ve already established that I’m not pregnant. I cannot fathom the disappointment that went through me when I saw the words not pregnant appear. It’s totally the wrong time to be pregnant. Justin and I both have other things happening that aren't conducive to starting a family.

  Still, for a few moments yesterday, I entertained the idea of being a family. Clearly, Justin didn’t. His blank expression when I told him the test was negative spoke volumes. And then he walked out, leaving me alone with the rollercoaster of emotions. I needed him, dammit. But whatever was going through his head, clearly didn’t involve being with me.

  Maybe he wasn’t ready to start a family. Neither was I. It’s possible he was relieved that it was negative. It’s the most reasonable reaction. But then why walk out. And considering my mess of emotions, how could he walk out on me?

  He was angry about something, but I’m not sure what. We’ve had a few fights over the last few weeks. Most notably every time I’ve relied on someone else. I pause. Oh my god. He wasn’t angry all those times. Okay, yeah maybe he was angry too. But mostly, he was hurt. Could that be it? Every argument we had was because I'd excluded him. The man has a pathological need to help the people he cares about. And I know he cares about me. I’m not sure if it goes beyond that but every time I’ve needed help or support, he wasn’t my go-to person.

  Yeah, my brother was more convenient, so it made sense to ask him. And Andi’s a woman and more likely to understand what I was going through. I’m willing to bet that she’s been through a pregnancy scare or two. The people I called all made logical sense. But that’s not enough. And it isn’t the full truth.

  If I’m honest with myself, and let's face it, I need to be, it has nothing to do with convenience or solidarity. The idea of relying on Justin is scary. It’s not something I want to get used to just to have him pull the rug out under me and leave. Like he did yesterday.

  Sure, he had his own set of emotions to deal with, but I needed him, and he walked away.

  My stomach finally feels settled and I walk back into the doctor’s office. Dr. Dodds is in her fifties, with white blonde hair and a happy face. I think she’s seen a little too much sun, but she doesn’t look like a prune.

  She gestures for me to sit down. “How long have you been getting sick?”

  “Every morning for the last week and half.” I take a breath. “My period is also late. My body’s a little sore.”

  “Maybe we should eliminate the obvious.” She pulls a box from a shelf. “Do you know how to use one of these?”

  I shake my head. “I used one of them yesterday. It was negative. I’m not pregnant.”

  She patted the box and smiled. “Good, so you know how to use it. Let’s just humor me. Over the counter pregnancy tests are pretty accurate, but false negatives do happen. It’s rare but it happens. Take the test. Bring it back here, we can wait on the result together.”

  I take the box from her. “May I have a glass of water please?”

  She nods and I pour from the jug on her table. As I stand, I can’t deny the feeling of dèjá vu. Less than twenty-four hours ago I was making this same trip after having thrown up. I really needed to get more original drama.

  I went through the same process and walked back to the doctor’s office. She placed it on the table between us. “Are you on birth control? Condoms?”

  “Both actually.” Not that I have much faith in either right now. “I was thinking about getting the shot now that I’m not cheerleading anymore.”

  She chatted to me about the change in routine since I’ve been back. She reminded me that I would need to find a way to work-out regularly. The lack of exercise after it being part of my daily life could affect my moods. I didn’t even realize how much time had passed when she picked the stick up. “Yep. Positive.”

  I froze. Was I happy? I’d settled on not being pregnant. I couldn’t understand why I was disappointed when I saw the negative test. And I certainly cannot explain the cocktail of emotions flowing through me now. I took a few calming breaths. “Oh my. Are you sure? I mean, if it is, how do you know that yesterday’s one was wrong and this one is right.”

  “False negatives are rare, false positives even more so. We can do another one if you want. But with your symptoms I’m sure yesterday’s one was wrong.”

  “Oh wow.” This is a lot to process. I’m pregnant. I’m going to be a parent. Justin’s going to be a father. Oh my god, will we be a family? I don’t even know where he is right now. I tried calling and texting last night but he never answered. In fact, as far as I can tell he never even read my messages.

  Dr. Dodds takes my hand. “I take it this wasn’t planned.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “We haven’t been together that long.”

  “You have options. I will recommend a good doctor, no matter what you decide to do.”

  I nod. I understand what she’s saying. I don’t know what will happen between Justin and me. I mean he walked out on me yesterday and I need to get to the bottom of that. If we’re over, I can understand that,
but I cannot imagine not having his baby. It may be the one good thing to come out of our relationship. Well, that and some mind-blowing sex and great memories. There will be nothing about my time with Justin that I will regret. If that was what he wanted.

  “I need an OBGYN,” I say. I don’t need to think about anything. I’m not sure about anything else I’m feeling, but I am sure I am meant to have this baby.

  The one thing I don’t feel is disappointment. Not in myself, not in the situation. I’m worried about the future. I’m angry… so angry that Justin’s not here with me. But that’s my fault. He doesn’t even know that I’m here. I’m excited and terrified. What if he doesn’t want a baby?

  I know he’ll do right by me and pull his weight. He won’t abandon his kid and will want to be part of the child’s life. But I know he didn’t plan for this. And it could upset all his plans. Goodness knows, it will put a wrench in some of mine. But I needed to tell him.

  Dr. Dodds writes a prescription. “Have this filled immediately. Go off your birth control.” She gives me another form. “Here’s a referral to an OBGYN. She’s pretty busy but she does keep early mornings free for new patients.”

  Twenty minutes later I’m in an Uber on my way to the office. I tried calling Justin again, but his phone went through to the voicemail. His car wasn’t in the building when I left for the doctor. I’m starting to get worried. I decide to call my brother.

  He picks up on the first ring. “Hey my not-pregnant sister.”

  I choke and cough before I answer him. “What?”

  “Justin told me you had a pregnancy scare, but it was negative.”

  I need to play it cool. I don’t want my brother suspecting anything before I have a chance to speak to Justin. “When did you speak to him?”

  “Last night. I had to go and fetch him at a bar.”

  That’s fucking rich. “Oh, so it’s cool when he calls you.”

  “Sis, you have no right to be pissed at him.” Denver takes an audible breath. “You’re my sister and I’ll always have your back. But I have his back too. And I will tell you both when you’re acting like jerks. You can’t keep excluding him.”

  “I wasn’t trying to. It just made more sense to call Andi.” I don’t know why I didn’t call Justin actually. That’s not true. I didn’t want to freak him out until I knew for sure.

  “And to him it made more sense to call the guy with a car instead of you.” I hate it when Denver was right. “Look, he’s a little hungover and still a bit angry. Just give him a little time.”

  I say goodbye to my brother. Shit. I need to talk to Justin. And not just about the pregnancy. I need to talk to him about everything. About the fact that I am so scared of what I feel for him. Because he, more than anyone else I know, has the potential to devastate me.

  Justin

  Denver tosses his phone on the coffee table in front of me. I don’t have a major hangover like he just told Angela, but yeah, I had a bit too much last night. My head hurts a bit and my mouth is a little dry.

  “Look, I’m not going to play go-between with you and her.” He plonks next to me on the couch. “Talk to her. Pull yourself together and man the fuck up. She doesn’t expect you to be perfect.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” I’m not perfect. I know that. What does he want? For me to list all my flaws. Actually, that may not be a bad idea.

  “You have a chip on your shoulder about being excluded, always have.” Denver is not even mocking me. Just stating a fact. “She doesn’t know that, though. As far as she’s concerned nothing bothers you. Because that’s what you let people think. Michael and I know differently, because we’ve had years of experience.”

  “I don’t want to force myself into her life.” I don’t want to be anywhere I’m not wanted. “That’s not how it’s supposed to work.”

  “Why the fuck not?” Despite his words, he’s rather calm. “You are in her life. And if she wants to keep you there, she needs to let you in. But she won’t know any of that if you don’t tell her. You love her, Justin. You can’t love her in half measures. I will kick your ass if you do that.”

  “Maybe.”

  He pushes off the couch. “Look, I need to go and see a contact.” He grabs his keys. “Lock up and set the alarm when you leave. I’ll get my keys from you later. And for fuck’s sake don’t mope around here all day. Go talk to my sister.”

  Once he leaves, I hunt around his kitchen. I find bread and butter. There’s a block of cheese in the fridge that looks like it’s still good. I pour myself the last bit left in the coffee pot. A quick shower after I’ve eaten, and I feel a little more human.

  The things Denver said are playing around in my mind. She needs to let me in. But I haven’t exactly made it easy for her. She mentioned once that she doesn’t know anything about what I like to do. My default was that I don’t know what I like. Maybe that’s true, but I haven’t actually made it a priority. I’ve been so focused on making sure I have so much money that we don’t have to know poverty again, that I forgot to focus on what I like and what I don’t. I know that I enjoy my job. I love the fact that I’m making a difference. I love spending time with Angela, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But that’s it.

  I check my watch. It’s still a few hours before I need to fetch Angela from the office. I pick up my keys and lock up as I leave Denver's house.

  My first stop is Mr. York’s bakery.

  “Justin, my boy.” Mr. York shakes my hand. “What can I do for you?”

  “I’d like a baking lesson please.” He looks at me skeptically. “Something simple. Maybe a batch of chocolate fudge brownies?”

  Her father chuckles. “What did you do?”

  “I’m not entirely sure.” I don’t want to go into the specifics with him. “But I figure it’s worth putting something in the bank.”

  “Good thinking.” He gestures for me to follow into the back. “It’s not the easiest recipe but we can make it together.”

  For the next hour we’re mixing and measuring. Getting my hands dirty is oddly satisfying. I put the brownie mixture in the oven and turn to Mr. York. “Now what?”

  “I’ll have it ready and packed up in a fancy basket for you in about two hours.” He nods. “If you’re looking for more apology props, may I suggest flowers and jewelry.”

  “Thanks, sir. I’ll see you in a little bit.” I do need more props. But flowers and jewelry won’t cut it. Angela doesn’t want those things. She wants more of me. In the abstract sense of course, because she has my heart and mind. And she definitely has my body.

  My next stop is to one of those big box toy stores. I haven’t been in one of those since my parents were alive. I head straight to the Lego section. I used to love playing with these. I pick up a pink princess castle and some more pink and purple blocks. While I’m there I also get the Millennium Falcon set. The more time I spend thinking about what to do, the clearer my plan becomes.

  I call a friend to secure a cabin outside the city for the night and head out there to set things up. I also call Wyatt to ask if Angela can have the day off tomorrow.

  On my way to the cabin, I stop off at a department store. After that little excursion, I can definitely say that buying women's clothing is not among my favorite things to do. How the fuck do they decide between all those colors? I had to phone Andi to get Angela’s clothing sizes, including her bra size. And I was looking for workout clothes, not anything fancy. It didn’t stop me from picking up some lingerie while I was there, though. Hey, I’m a guy. I might still be a little angry, but that doesn’t mean I can’t live in hope.

  It’s late afternoon when I head back into the city. I call Andi to pack a bag for Angela. She decides to go shopping using the Amex card I gave her for emergencies instead. I pick up the brownies from Mr. York. “Good luck,” he says as I leave.

  I place the brownies in the trunk, which is thankfully clean. I don’t want Angela to get a whiff of them before I’m ready. Af
ter I make a turn at my apartment to pack some clothes, I head to Andi’s to pick up her purchases. She’s packed it into a backpack like I asked.

  “Tell her some of those things need to be unpacked immediately” She hands the bag to me. “She’ll want to keep it wrinkle free.”

  I kiss her on the cheek. “Thanks, cuz.”

  It’s just before five when I pull up outside Wyatt’s house. I text Angela to let her know that I’m waiting. I’m not sure if she’ll even get in the car. I look at the store bag filled with workout clothes on the back seat and decide she’ll need to change before we get to where we’re going. I grab the bag and head inside.

  Lia lets me in, and I jog up the stairs to where Angela shares an office with Wyatt.

  “Justin.” She sounds a little breathless. “I was just on my way down.”

  I hand her the bag with the bike shorts and tank top. I also got her a sports bra, which I had to guess since it didn’t have conventional sizing. “You’re going to need to change before we leave.”

  “What, why?”

  “You wanted to know more about what I like. It’s hard when I haven’t thought about it in years. But I have some ideas.”

  She peeks inside the bag and raises a brow at me. “And one of things you enjoy is bike riding?”

  “Mountain biking, actually.” I shoo her towards the bathroom. “Don’t worry we won’t be on any mountains, it’s just a little gravel path to our end destination.”