Conquest

by Felix von Falkenlust

  “Poison!”

  Chapter Thirty

  ANNA checked her palm. “A curse upon those foul creatures! My Health weakens.”

  “Don’t forget you have a bandage.”

  She applied the bandage, but still frowned. “It is but a temporary measure. Without an antivenom potion, my Health will sink by the hour.”

  “Where do you get that?”

  “The apothecary is but fifty paces from us, but alas, it remains shuttered until dawn.”

  I looked out at the eastern horizon. No hint of morning light could be seen. I guessed it would be hours until daybreak.

  Anna said, “Let us continue to hunt. But I must take care to avoid injury.”

  We spent the next couple hours killing monsters. Anna successfully avoided taking any damage, but she had to stop and apply another bandage.

  “I now have forty-four units of Health.” She looked to the horizon as if willing the dawn to come.

  We slew some more monsters, but we didn’t stray far from the apothecary. She wanted to be there the second it opened.

  Anna looked at her hand anxiously as the first hint of morning began to creep slowly up in the eastern sky. She shook her head.

  “It is no good. Of my Health, only nine units remain.” She turned to me sharply. “Warrior. Grant me but thirty of your Health, in exchange for the joys of my mouth!”

  I looked at my palm to confirm I had enough to spare, and read “Health: 247.” I gave her a big grin.

  “That’ll be my pleasure.”

  I looked around, realizing that if a monster appeared I did not want to be caught with my pants down. I spied a barrel in front of the tavern across the street. I waved Anna to follow me, then climbed on the barrel and from there up onto the roof. I pulled Anna up with an arm about five times stronger than Ace Singleton’s, and I pulled my breeches down and sat on the shingles.

  Anna crouched down carefully between my legs and looked at my ready Eighter. She didn’t look long; she had no time to spare. She dropped her beautiful face down and took me between her warm, wet lips.

  It felt just like heaven. The warmth of her tongue sent exquisite delights up and down my sensitive skin, and I watched her pale blond curls shimmer in the moonlight, falling over her back and onto the shingles, onto my bare legs. The sight of her exotic face moving frantically, eagerly over my waist, the sight of a shaft much bigger than that of the living me filling her sensuous lips, was more than I could take, and within minutes I burst like a dam into her moving mouth.

  I lay there panting and trembling as Anna checked her hand with a sigh of relief.

  “A great load has been taken from me.”

  “Me too,” I said. I saw the laughter lurk just below the surface of her face, threatening a break of character, but she subdued herself. We sat there on the roof as the sky turned light, and then the sun came up over the rows of buildings at last.

  It was the most beautiful sunrise I’ve ever seen, though to be fair what Anna had just done would’ve made anything seem wonderful.

  “I love this game.”

  * * *

  Anna got her potion as soon as the apothecary opened. When the owner saw the green streaming from her leg, he tried to charge her triple for the potion, but a display of my blade’s sharpness changed his mind.

  I checked my palm and saw that I had amassed a lot of Experience during the night, but I waited to decide whether to apply it to Weapon or Strength. We hit the clothing store and I loaded up with heavy wool breeches, shirts, and a great fleece-lined leather coat with fur trim. It reminded me of a pimp’s coat from a hundred years before.

  Unfortunately, Anna, too, bought a bunch of warm, skin-concealing clothes. I suddenly wished we were headed somewhere warmer. But what the hell, I thought, I’ve already seen her naked, and she gave me a blowjob of mythological proportions, so I can’t complain.

  Next we visited the armorer’s shop. Archers were limited in the amount of armor they could use, but Anna was able to get an iron bracer for her bow arm, pre-loaded with magic to protect more than just her wrist. Since my now-awesome body was soon going to be covered up anyway, I bought a breastplate, some “Gore-Protects” gauntlets, and I traded in The Helmet That Protects All for The Helmet That Warms the Head and Body Whilst Shielding The Person From Harm. It took longer to say the helmet’s name than it did to put it on my head.

  Now, what to do about a weapon? I had gold practically coming out of my ass, and I could afford the level-eight weapons in the shop, but I didn’t have enough EP to become an Eight. So I decided on a level-seven weapon and chose a big double-bladed bastard of a battle axe. They wouldn’t take my lance as a trade-in because of the broken handle, but I figured I could just strap it to the donkey.

  Which brought us to the last thing we needed. We left the armorer’s and searched the town for a beast to burden with our gear. A couple days ago I had roamed the town in search of ass, and now we roamed in search of an ass.

  We finally found the hilariously titled “Assmonger.” Anna did not appear to find the name of the place at all amusing, but I laughed my ass off. We picked a suitable animal and saddlebags, split the cost, and then loaded the beast up with our equipment.

  Anna stopped at the arrowsmith’s and bought a ton of arrows, which we strapped onto our ass, and we bought some provisions for the journey.

  I leveled up my Strength, watching as my arms expanded. My Body was already at Eight, so I didn’t lose any definition. I just got bigger. I turned to a shop window to look at my reflection, and what a reflection it was: I wasn’t an Eight yet, but I now had nearly the body of an Eight, my chest and arms seriously big, my stomach defined. I realized suddenly that I had gotten taller than when I’d started the game. I must have grown so gradually that I hadn’t noticed until now, but at Level One I had been about five-six, and now I must’ve been at least six-two. My face was almost unrecognizable from the ugly mug at the start of the game. I now possessed a savage handsomeness, my black hair falling well past my shoulders in wild strands. I couldn’t stop staring at my muscles, which I flexed as I admired myself in the window. I had dreamed of a body like this in real life, and it was only going to get better.

  I finally tore myself away from my reflection and we left Poirsville.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  THE road stretched out in an interminably long winding path to the mountain. The land nearest Poirsville was given over to farming plots, the tiny homes of the peasants dotting the rows of wheat and oats and beans, the occasional worker bent over the crops. We passed a herd of giant cattle—aurochs, I recalled instantly from reading about them soon before uploading the map of my mind onto Digital Afterworld.

  The houses became less and less frequent, the farmland giving way to meadow. Sheep grazed, and the pretty shepherdess who tended them smiled at me. I went over to talk to her, but she spoke only German. Yet within minutes we were speaking the international language, and I don’t mean Esperanto. I laid her down in the soft green grass, lifted the skirt from her soft white thighs, and slid into her soft pink warmth with something that was anything but soft.

  I walked back out on the road to Anna with a warm, fuzzy feeling all over my body, and I waved to the shepherdess and said “Danke!”

  We carried on and soon, after a few easy monsters gave me the opportunity to test my new axe, the grassy meadows gave way to woodland, where two peasant men collected firewood. Anna had the foresight to suggest I use my axe to cut some branches for a fire, and once I did this we added it to our donkey’s load. The trees began to thin and the lush green of the moss and ferns gave way to bare rocks and dry dirt, and I noticed we now moved at a mild incline.

  Our steps grew more difficult as the road narrowed to a mere path, and the path grew narrower still, and soon it became clear we were working our way up the mountainside.

  Before long we had to stop every twenty minutes or so and catch our breath, though it pained Anna to admit she was tired and s
he acted like it was me who slowed down the progress. But I could see her strained breathing in the glorious rising and falling of her chest under the well-worn linen.

  Soon that linen was not enough, and I too could no longer show off my awesome body barechested. Every step up the mountain saw the temperature fall. A few hours ago it had been summer, but now we stopped to dress for autumnal weather. I got a nice display of Anna’s naked body as she traded the scraps of linen for wool breeches, a full linen shift, and a wool coat. I threw on a shirt and coat myself, putting on my breastplate between the two, and I donned my new helmet and gauntlets before we carried on.

  The higher up the mountain we went, the colder it got. When the sun fell, we were forced to stop and build a fire at the side of the road before it became too dark to see. When we got the fire going, we set up a small, crude tent we had bought, had a small dinner, and then went to bed hoping no monsters would kill us in our sleep.

  * * *

  We awoke to the light of dawn, our bodies nestled close together for warmth. A dusting of snowflakes drifted down on us as we emerged from the tent. I donned my pimp coat, and Anna slipped into a long coat of some sort of auburn fur. Before any of you animal lovers get all up in arms, I should point out that although her coat looked and felt as real as can be, no cute furry creatures had to die to make it—in this world, not only was the fur fake, but so was everything else.

  Anna covered her head with the coat’s hood, and my helmet kept my head toasty as promised. I gave the ass a pat on the rear and we got moving.

  The faint trickle of delicate snowflakes evolved into a flurry, which after a couple hours of climbing up the mountain path became a straight-up blizzard. The going got more difficult every minute, so I was relieved when the path leveled out to a nearly flat plateau.

  Relieved, that is, until we got further along, rounding around the mountain to reveal what we couldn’t see a minute ago.

  Our way was blocked. Blocked by something wide, and hairy, and white.

  It was just like the hairy black thing I had slain, except pure white, almost blending into the snow-covered path. This time there were two of us, and one of us was an archer. The bad news was we had to fight the thing on this little path where to the right was a drop down a mountain. There were no guardrails.

  I stared at the thing, unstrapping my old lance from the donkey. White hair, white skin, white eyes. Its teeth were not blue, like the other one. They were red. I knew this because the thing opened its hideous mouth to smile at us with a chilling growl.

  We were two against one, but the creature’s mass was more like four of us, and one swipe of that hairy white fist could send us flying off the path into the sky. I did not relish the idea of that trip, or the idea of respawning weaponless and naked at the bottom of the mountain.

  I opened my mouth to suggest a plan of action to Anna, but the hairy beast vetoed the idea with a sudden charge.

  One of Anna’s arrows flew past the thing, missing by almost a foot. I chucked my lance, but I’m right-handed, so my launch sucked. The blade managed to stick in the monster’s leg, causing an angry roar from the tooth-filled mouth, but it kept coming, and the thing was almost on me, its white eyes filling me with dread and its huge white hand raised, reminding me of what the black one’s hand felt like crashing down on me, and I knew I couldn’t swing my axe in time and I braced myself for the crushing blow.

  Instead an arrow smacked into the thing’s eye, fouling the creature’s aim, and I lifted the big axe over my head and brought it down on the thing’s white head. Bone cleaved and red blood sprayed and my axe buried itself down into the thing’s neckbone; I had split its fat head in two.

  I had to jump back to avoid being crushed by the falling body, which landed with a thud into the deepening snow. Blood splattered and poured everywhere, coloring the snow like a cherry slush. I noted the devs didn’t go with white blood, like how the creature I’d killed before had black blood; instead they’d opted for the brightly contrasting red against the pure white snow.

  The monster yielded some gold and bandages for us to split. There was something else, too. Behind the fallen monster, a subtle glow came from beneath the snow. I walked over the thing’s body and with my gauntlet-covered hands dug through the snow to find a mace.

  It was exactly like the one I had buried near the creature’s black brother. I’d regretted having to leave that one behind, but now here was another.

  But like its twin, it was too heavy.

  I didn’t have to remove my gauntlet to check my palm—my stats burned onto the surface of my glove.

  Experience: 19250

  Attraction: 6800

  Stamina: 132

  Health: 287

  Gold: 2361

  Magic: 254

  I easily had enough EP. I touched my left hand to my right palm, and then raised my axe high in the air. The second part was totally unnecessary but it looked cool.

  LEVEL 8!

  I pulled the big mace from the snow with ease. I leaned my axe against the mountain and swung the mace, feeling its heft in my strong hands. I was interrupted by Anna’s voice.

  “We must be on our way, proud warrior.”

  “Okay, okay. Let’s go.” I strapped the axe to the donkey. Anna frowned at the beast.

  “I pray this ass can handle such a great load.”

  I pressed my hand over my mouth, but the laughter burst out like a river through a broken dam. Anna scowled at me.

  “What? Why such mirth? We have no time for foolishness!”

  “Okay, okay, I—Bwahahaha!” I wiped the tears from my eyes under Anna’s stern gaze. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’m done.” I patted the donkey’s rump. “I’m sure this sweet ass can handle whatever we can give it.”

  I know this tale has a fair amount of mature situations, but I never claimed my sense of humor was mature. I was still chuckling when we set off down the snowy path.

  * * *

  The grade of the path began to rise again. Each step through the deep snow was a chore. We had to stop even more frequently than before to catch our breath, to give our pounding hearts time to settle. My legs burned and weakened with every step.

  If I had been Ace Singleton, there’s no way I could’ve made it. I would have collapsed face down in the snow. But though my brain belonged to Ace Singleton, my body belonged to Karl, warrior of the eighth level, and his body was in much better shape than the one I occupied in Verterria.

  “How be your Stamina, Karl?” Anna didn’t want to admit her Stamina was getting low, but I knew even before I checked that I needed food.

  We took yet another break and consumed the last of our rations.

  “How much farther do we have to climb this damn mountain?”

  “I know not.” I detected a hint of worry in her voice.

  “I hope this castle is real. If it’s just decoration I’m gonna be pissed.”

  “I am confident that it be no conjurer’s illusion. The old man spoke of it, thus it must be so.” This made sense. If an NPC mentioned it like that, it had to serve a purpose, right?

  We resumed our climb. We couldn’t see how much distance we needed to cover, we could only see the ground at the base of the mountain getting farther and farther below. As we came around the ever-curving, ever-rising path, I could see Poirsville, dry and warm. With my layers of wool and The Helmet That—well, you know—I was warm enough, but the snow almost reached the tops of my boots in some spots, and parts of the path narrowed enough that I feared slipping off the side of the mountain. No matter that I’d already died, it would still be a terrifying trip. But what mostly got to me was the breath-straining steepness of the climb. Even with my warrior’s body, I began to doubt that I could reach our goal. I felt like I couldn’t take another step, my heart threatened to explode, and I sank to my knees and slumped over into the deep snow.

  I lay there a minute with my right shoulder and half my head buried in the snow, my eyes closed, vaguely hearing A
nna’s voice. If I could just go to sleep right here, I mused, that would be nice. I’m warm enough, and I’ve got this nice soft pillow of snow to rest my head on, and if the snow keeps falling and buries me here, that’s fine too.

  And then, saved from drifting off to sleep by a shake from Anna, I opened my eyes.

  The mountainside in front of me had been cut away and a set of steps carved right into the stone. Someone had been thoughtful enough to sweep away the snow from the steps. I followed them up lazily with my eyes, as if my point of focus climbed up the stone stairway, and then I saw the white door set in the white wall of the castle, which rose endlessly into the sky.

  “The castle. . . .”

  Chapter Thirty-two

  THE steps, laced with slippery patches of ice, ascended even steeper than the path before it, but with the castle in sight we climbed with a renewed energy. Fortunately the tops of the steps were deep, each one about three square feet, so there was plenty of room for the donkey and if we slipped we weren’t likely to tumble all the way to the bottom.

  When we at last made it to our goal of the white door, the sun was low and pink in the western sky. A big white knocker was set in the middle of the door. I used it.

  We stood there, Anna and I, waiting as snowflakes landed softly on our heads and shoulders. I studied the massive stones of the castle wall and realized that they weren’t painted white—they were marble. Well, why not, I thought. It’s not like it costs more to render marble than it does any other stone. I heard the door being unbarred on the other side, and then it opened.

  My hands gripped my axe, for the thing that answered the door could not have been human.

  “Calm you,” the thing said in a deep voice filled with enough gravel to make a driveway. It held up a huge hand, and I relaxed my grip and stared up at it. He, for the voice and visage certainly appeared male, stood about seven foot five, with long tangled gray hair; and I mean gray, not white—the strands were the color of pencil leads. The bare-chested body was solid muscle, the skin the dull gray of sun-bleached driftwood. Opaque yellow eyes stared down at me, set in an ugly face with a bulbous long nose, and thin scraggly hair coated its chin. His other hand rested on a huge club.