Conquest

by Felix von Falkenlust

  The giant closed his lips as the arrow struck, and for a sliver of a second I saw his cheeks puff out and his eyes bulge before his head exploded in a burst of glowing red magic and deep red blood.

  Bits of the giant’s brains landed thirty feet in every direction before he fell back and crashed into the street. The tremor of the impact nearly knocked us off our feet. We all stood there staring, exhausted, and covered in dirt and blood. I turned to the wizard who saved me.

  “You saved my ass, dude.” But he looked so grand and serious I amended that to “I owe you my life, wizard. I am forever in your debt, oh master of magic.”

  The wizard stared at me, lips pursed and brow slightly furrowed. Despite the long white beard and white eyebrows, his face was not actually that of an old man. It was quite handsome—and familiar.

  “K—” He cut himself off, looking unsure of himself. He stared at me a second longer.

  “Karl?”

  That voice. I studied the face more carefully, and realized where I had seen it, though it had been much changed.

  “Bob!”

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  I embraced Bob with such enthusiasm that his wizard cap fell off. When I finally released him and he picked his hat up and put it back over his long white hair, I stared at him in bewilderment.

  “How the hell did you get to Level Ten? I was a Five when you died, and you would’ve had to start all over. I’m only a Nine.”

  Bob gave me a wry smile. “Did you play all the time since then?”

  “Well, I took a month or so off after you died—”

  “A month? Dude, I restarted the game the minute I died. I didn’t even take the time to make a new character. I sure didn’t quit the game and mope around; that same day I was banging ugly chicks in Noob Town.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “I told you, I’m not leaving this game.”

  “But . . . you went from doing Fives and Sixes to sleeping with Ones again.”

  “Yep! Loved every minute of it, too.”

  I shook my head in amazement. “Same old Bob. Damn am I glad to see you.”

  Bob lifted the front of his brim and tapped his forehead. “Put ’er there, man!”

  I shook my head again and held up a hand. “Nah, fuck that new shit. Let’s kick it old school.”

  Bob smiled over his beard and we bumped toes with feeling. Maybe too much feeling, because my warrior’s boots were a lot more solid than his pointy wizard shoes. As soon as my eyes shifted away he rubbed his toe with a grimace.

  We went to the giant’s giant body blocking the street. The pouch on his belt was so big I could’ve fit it over my head, and it was loaded with gold, bandages, and an extra life. I already had an extra life, as did Elise, and so did Bob.

  “I’m not making that mistake again,” he explained.

  To our surprise, Anna didn’t have any extra lives—and wouldn’t take this one.

  “There is but one life on this mortal plane. There can be no other.”

  “Okay, seriously,” I said, “you’re taking your character a little too far.”

  But try as we might to convince her, she refused. I insisted Bob take the extra life, since he had saved us, and we divvied up the gold. I checked my stats.

  Experience: 45400

  Attraction: 22800

  Stamina: 143

  Health: 125

  Gold: 5322

  Magic: 145

  “Good thing we got those bandages,” I said to nobody in particular, and nobody in particular answered me. I looked up to see they were all staring into the giant’s pouch.

  Anna shook her head and she stepped back. “I can move it not.”

  “Lemme try,” said Bob, and he stuck his hands into the pouch. I peered over his shoulder to see a big coin, about the size of a fist, but the way Bob strained it appeared to weigh more like a car. “I can’t budge it.”

  “Even a Ten can’t lift it? Was it meant for me then?” Elise reached in and shook her head. “Apparently an Eleven can’t, either. Want to give it a shot?”

  I lifted the opening of the pouch and frowned as I reached out to the big coin. “If a Level Ten or Eleven can’t lift it, what are the chances of me—”

  The coin, in my hands, weighed exactly what it should have weighed. It was not gold, but bronze. I looked at the others with wide eyes, then gave an embarrassed grin. “Heads or tails,” I said, flipping it up and catching it in my palm.

  The side that landed up was covered with a complex, interlacing design that reminded me of a Celtic knot. I turned the coin to reveal an image of a broadsword running down the middle of the coin. I stared at it for a while in wonder.

  “I wonder what it is. . . .”

  Elise said, “I don’t know, but I’d be willing to bet it’s important.”

  I smiled at her as I pocketed the coin. “I’ve played enough games to know that.”

  * * *

  The four of us left the little prop town, setting out on the open road with Bob in place of Shawn. I had bandaged up my Health to 325 and leveled up Attack to 10—which to my surprise had taken 36900 EP. I didn’t have enough left to bring anything else up, and even after all the action at the castle I didn’t have enough AP to level up any of my top three attributes.

  Very soon I had the opportunity to use my newly increased Attack level and gain some more Experience points: a pack of short creatures with hedgehog-like hair and claws like meat hooks set on us out of nowhere.

  Anna backed away to carefully pick a few off while Elise and Bob shot bolts of magic at them and I knocked them off the road with my mace like I was playing croquet. We cleared them away in just minutes, but I still didn’t have anywhere near enough EP to work with.

  We carried on our way, and before long I squinted into the hazy distance. “Is that a town?”

  “Sure looks like it,” said Bob.

  “To be certain, it is a settlement.” I don’t need to tell you who said that, do I?

  When we got closer, Elise’s face changed. “Hey, I recognize this place. I’ve been here!”

  “Really? Without this map?”

  “I didn’t come this way, but I definitely was here; it’s where I leveled up to Ten.”

  I looked at the map, at the crude drawing of buildings encircled by a wall, then looked back up to see the actual wall, a massive blockade of stone.

  “What’s the name of this town?”

  “It’s not a town, it’s a city.”

  “Oh. What’s the name of this city?” Her eyes lifted, and I stopped and turned to the gate to follow her gaze up to the big carved sign above.

  Welcome to Sexbury.

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  “OH hell yes,” said Bob, his head darting around like a bird at the women who walked along the street, all Nines or Tens. “I am going to like this place.”

  “Good to know being a Level Ten hasn’t changed you too much.”

  “Actually, now my libido is even higher.” He stroked his beard with a hungry smile and ogled a busty peasant girl.

  “How about your appetite for food? Still the same?”

  “I could go for a burger or five.”

  He wasn’t kidding: we hit the nearest eatery and he put away more food than the rest of us combined. I told him about my adventures since we last met, and then he told me about his game since restarting.

  “After I left Noob Town I hit that town we went to before Knarlsbro. I must’ve stayed there at least a week. Once I leveled up to a Four, getting Ones and Twos and Threes was so easy. Like shooting fish in a barrel.”

  “Yeah, and about as awful to think about. . . .”

  “So when I left, this time I went right instead of left. Wasn’t about to tangle with that hairy mofo again. Thanks for avenging me, by the way. I ended up fighting these snake people in some desert, and then I made it to Port Town, by the Green Sea. I stayed there until I leveled up to a Nine.”

  Elise looked up abruptly from
her ale, which she almost choked on. “Wait, you got to Nine in Port Town? The whole time I was there I didn’t see anyone higher than a Six.”

  “Me neither, except for me.”

  “That must have taken forever.”

  “Nope, maybe just a few days. I was a Six when I got there.”

  Elise stared at him like he had just eaten a worm. “Let me get this straight: you leveled up from a Six to a Nine, with only girls Level Six and under, in a few days? You must’ve been going at it nonstop!”

  Bob winked at her.

  I explained, “You have to understand, Elise, that Bob, in addition to not being picky, is also not known to linger during the act of love.”

  Bob looked at me. “Elise? Wasn’t that your guide?”

  “Yeah, this is her. Eleventh-level Elise.”

  “Damn, she is an eleven, isn’t she? No wonder you want to bang her so bad.”

  “Bob!” I kicked him under the table.

  “What?”

  Elise smiled at me. “Well, you didn’t exactly keep that a secret from me, did you?”

  “Well, I guess not, but . . .” But Bob, that’s what.

  Anna polished off her tankard and then frowned as if we were all talking nonsense. “What say the map, Karl?”

  I unrolled the parchment and, after brushing aside some of the crumbs Bob had spilled, spread the map on the table.

  “Okay, so we’re here, and the black castle is here, and all this other shit is in between.”

  “I see. . . .”

  Elise said, “Obviously we have to stay here tonight, but I think we should stay in the city until you two level some things up.”

  “That’s an excellent plan,” said Bob.

  “You don’t have to worry about leveling up,” I pointed out.

  “Oh no, I don’t need that AP. But I’m going to earn it like I need it.”

  “I need some new armor, I think. And this mace is a Level Eight. I’m a Nine now, so maybe I should get something more powerful.”

  “You know what you should get,” said Bob.

  “What?”

  “Laid.”

  “Well, I can’t disagree with you. I really want to be a Ten by the time we get to the castle. Who knows what we’ll have to face there. If it’s worse than that giant . . .”

  I rolled up the map and we went out to see the sun inching down toward the horizon. Elise said, “We’d better get to an inn.”

  Before we could reach it, however, a pair of women, an archer and a warrior of perhaps the ninth level, eyed Bob and me.

  “Hey guys. Want to earn some AP?”

  “Hell yeah I want to earn some AP.” Bob gave a lewd wiggle of his white eyebrows.

  I looked up at the falling sun. “We’ll have to be quick, though.”

  Bob said, “That’s my specialty.”

  The girls didn’t seem to mind. They both exposed the necessary parts and bent over the railing in front of a shop. I said to Anna and Elise, “If you’ll excuse us just a moment . . .”

  Bob and I went to town on the women side by side like we were racing horses. If it was a race, Bob won, of course. His pants were up and he was heading to the inn before I was even finished.

  I hurried over to the others, fastening up my breeches, and we went into the inn and got a room.

  The room had only one bed, just big enough for the four of us. I was between Anna and Elise—a wonderful place to be, I might add—and Bob was on the end next to Anna. After Elise blew out the candle, I heard a rustle of fabric, and then Anna’s accent cut sharply through the darkness.

  “Keep your hands off of me, magic man.”

  “Damn,” whispered Bob.

  * * *

  The first thing I did in the morning was level up my Face. I could hardly imagine it getting any better than it already was, but as I looked in the mirror I saw my features shift. I stared in amazement.

  “Hello, handsome,” I said to my reflection.

  Every time I had leveled up, the changes were so gradual I still looked like the same guy from the previous level. Yet now I was unrecognizable compared to the level-one Karl.

  I had started out a butt-ugly, out-of-shape guy with a mullet, and now the man in the mirror was totally jacked, with long black hair that fell perfectly in unruly locks over my shoulders, and I was handsome as fuck.

  “Are you going to stare at yourself all day?” asked Elise.

  “I could.” I tore myself away from the mirror. “I can’t believe I don’t have enough to level up anything else. It’s going to be hard getting to a Ten with everything taking 36900 points.”

  “Oh no,” said Bob with mock horror, “now you’ll have to sleep with more hot women. How terrible.”

  “I’ll bet Elise could level me up pretty fast.”

  “Oh, I could. But I told you, you have to be at least a Ten. And it takes more than just that to get under this robe.”

  “More than that? You know, if you really cared about this quest . . .”

  “Nice try there.”

  “Let us be to work. I, too, desire to become a Ten.”

  * * *

  I hit the armorer first. The merchant gave me a stoic bow. “How may I please thee, oh heroic warrior.”

  “I need some armor. A breastplate, and maybe a helmet—”

  “Nay!” he insisted, making me jump a little. “To cover those fine muscles, or that handsome face . . . Unthinkable. Thou must makest thy studliness clear to the slutty wenches.”

  “Well, for sure, but I don’t want to lose this handsome face to a monster, either.”

  “Indeed, indeed. But thou need not weighest thyself down with armor. A Nine, art thou not?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then, what thou needest be the Amulet of Armor.” He pulled out a leather necklace with a strange, swirling design in bronze at the end. “This shall protect thy head better than any helmet. Preloaded with a hundred MP.”

  “How much?”

  “A mere fifteen hundred pieces of gold.”

  “I’ll take it. But what about my body?”

  “No breastplate needeth cover thine honorable pecs and abs. . . .” He took a pair of wrist guards from the display on the wall, deep brown leather lined with iron studs. “These Full Body Vambraces shieldeth thy, uh, full body like a giant, um . . . shield.”

  “They look badass.”

  “For real.” He coughed and said, “Tradeth me thy gauntlets, and I shall offer thee these for but twelve hundred in gold.”

  “Done.”

  I went across the street and got a pair of level-nine boots that the seller promised would keep my feet and legs from tiring, and from there I went next door to a clothing store, leaving my breeches behind and emerging in a brown leather loincloth with an iron-studded belt. Now my bulging thighs were displayed proudly, and despite the wonderfully uncivilized appearance of the loincloth it offered excellent support for my package.

  I looked around, but none of my companions were in sight. I set off down the street with the intention of exploring the town. I hadn’t been walking for three minutes when a female voice called out.

  “You! Warrior!”

  I turned to see a warrior woman in a side street, mounted on a merchant, who in turn was sitting on a barrel. The woman’s healthy rear stuck out toward me and her head was turned around her shoulder to meet my eyes with a roughly seductive gaze.

  “I’ve one more hole that needs to be filled!” To emphasize her point, she slapped her ass.

  I thought back to my old life, my real life, where my girlfriend had never let me do that, and I strode boldly forward with a wolfish grin.

  The sight of her round backside had already worked its charm on my Niner, which filled at the thought of filling that gorgeous behind.

  As I stepped up, the merchant scolded the warrior woman. “You slut!”

  “Quiet,” she replied as she bounced on him. She stopped moving long enough for me to take her hips in my hands and pl
unge into her exquisite tightness.

  She gasped as my high-level flesh filled her, and I ran my eyes down her strong back down to her meaty buttocks as she set into motion again, working me and the merchant with skillful swivels of her hips. She bounced and ground her way toward her goal, and I stood there and enjoyed her bouncing and grinding. In this fantasy world, I discovered, there was no need for any artificial assistance, for she slid easily over me, sending wonderful sensations through my body with each tight tug. Her moans filled the air and she rocked wildly on the pair of obstructions that plugged her until I knew she reached the heights of pleasure and then so did I, and I burst like a balloon inside her.

  I slid out of her, and to my amazement my Niner was as clean as a whistle.

  I walked back out onto the main street and checked my palm.

  Experience: 8500

  Attraction: 24300

  Stamina: 238

  Health: 450 (Max)

  Gold: 2577

  Magic: 284

  “I must’ve split the AP with that guy; I still don’t have enough to level anything up.” But then I smiled and remembered what Bob had said. “Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to sleep with more hot women.”

  Chapter Forty

  I strolled down the middle of the main street, marveling at the level-ten babes, looking for action. I soon got it, but it wasn’t exactly the kind I had in mind.

  I heard a chorus of screams, and turned to see a few peasants scatter to reveal a hulking dark figure loom over a warrior man and an archer woman. The thing had tusks like a wild boar jutting up over a broad flat snout, but its body was human in shape, though it was a head taller than the tallest warrior. I didn’t know there were monsters in this city, but I knew now, and I knew exactly what I was looking at.

  It was an orc.

  Thus far the game had been devoid of much of the usual fantasy-race trappings. There had been no dwarves or halflings, and the only elves had been the ones at the white castle. But I didn’t dwell on that, because I was too busy watching the orc’s axe slice clean through the warrior’s shield and then deep into the warrior’s body.