The Endgame Is You

by L A Cotton

  “Congratulations, QB One.” Fixing my mouth over his, I kissed him. Jason groaned against my lips, tangling his tongue with mine and sliding his hands into my hair.

  “Fuck, babe, no win will ever taste as good as this.”

  His words made my heart swell, even if I knew he was just caught up in the moment.

  Because for as much as I wanted to believe I came before football... part of me wasn’t so sure.

  Felicity

  I woke up alone, again. It was the third morning in a row. Jason seemed to spend every spare second he had in the gym, or with his coaches, or cramming in extra study hours so he didn’t fall behind in his classes.

  The Quakers were on a winning streak and no one wanted to lose momentum.

  Grabbing my cell off the nightstand, I smiled at the text message from Jason, but it didn’t quite reach my eyes.

  It never did these days.

  * * *

  QB#1: Sorry... I know I promised to be there this morning, but the guys texted wanting to get an hour at the gym before classes. Everyone is feeling tense about the game Friday.

  * * *

  Me: Go do your thing. I can’t wait until tonight xo

  * * *

  Wednesday night was always date night. We didn’t always go out, but we always cleared our schedules for each other. Sometimes we went across the river to hang out with Asher and Mya, sometimes we caught a movie downtown, or sometimes we stayed in and just enjoyed a slice of quiet in our crazy lives.

  * * *

  QB#1: Tonight? Shit, I told the guys we’d get together to watch the tapes from the game last week.

  * * *

  My stomach sank. He’d forgotten about date night.

  * * *

  Me: Oh, okay. Well, I could always use some extra hours studying. We can take a raincheck.

  * * *

  QB#1: I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

  * * *

  Me: I know xo

  * * *

  I did. Jason would strive to lavish me with a romantic meal at our favorite restaurant or a seductive night in, worshipping every inch of my body until I’d forgotten all about his indiscretion.

  Except, the further into football season we got, the less time we spent together, and the more my heart ached.

  “Whoa, who died?” Darcy chuckled as he greeted me at the coffee shop.

  “Huh?” I frowned.

  “The glum face? Is everything okay?” He ushered me to a table.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “You know, I’m a good listener as well as an excellent tutor.”

  “Modest too, apparently.” I managed a weak smile.

  “Let me guess, guy troubles.”

  “How did you—” I stopped myself. The last thing I wanted was to discuss Jason with my tutor.

  “Nine times out of ten, it is.” He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, but something told me it was. “Want to talk about it?”

  “Not really, no.” I pulled out my notebook.

  “You know, I wouldn’t have put you with Mr. Hotshot Football Player.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” My defenses went up.

  “I just meant... football players usually attract a certain type of girl.”

  “You don’t know anything about me or Jason, Darcy.” I really didn’t appreciate his tone or the insinuation in his words.

  “Sorry, this is coming out all wrong.” He ran a hand through his hair. “All I mean is, I’ve been on campus long enough to witness my fair share of heartache.” There was something in his tone... something personal.

  “You don’t like the football team very much, do you?”

  “I guess you could say that.” His expression hardened.

  “They don’t all fall into the typical jock stereotype, you know?”

  “I’m sure there are exceptions to the norm.”

  There were. Jason, Asher, Cameron, even Gio, and Griffin—for all his goofy ways—were good guys. They played hard and they loved hard.

  “But...”

  “But I guess I don’t understand how intelligent, independent, ambitious girls are so willing to be second string to a sport.”

  I didn’t know what I’d expected... but it hadn’t been for him to pick up on my insecurity.

  “When you love someone, Darcy, you support their passions, their hopes and dreams.” It came out harsher than I intended.

  “I can see I hit a nerve. I didn’t mean—”

  “Jason and I love each other very much. He supports my dreams and I support his.”

  Why was I justifying myself to him? I didn’t owe him or anyone else an explanation about why I was with Jason. You didn’t choose love, it chose you, and Jason Ford had stolen my heart a long time ago.

  “I’m sure he’s a good guy.” Darcy finally opened his notebook.

  “He is.”

  I’d wanted to come to our tutor session and focus on something else besides the gnawing pit in my stomach. But now there was an awkward tension in the air as Darcy talked me through the life cycles of protozoan parasites.

  We worked like that for an hour, in stilted conversation potted with thick silences.

  I’d never been more relieved when he announced we were done. I hurried to pack up my things and abruptly stood.

  “Felicity, wait,” he said. “I owe you an apology. My prejudices about the football team, are just that, mine. I watched a couple of my good friends get hurt pretty badly by jocks... it left a sour taste in my mouth. I’m sorry.”

  “I appreciate your words. But I meant what I said, Darcy. You don’t know anything about mine and Jason’s relationship.” And I intended on keeping it that way.

  “You’re right, I don’t. As long as you’re happy, right?” He gave me a goofy smile, but it was like a punch to the stomach.

  Because I wasn’t happy lately.

  “Same time Thursday?”

  I hesitated. I could request a different tutor and hope they had even half as much as knowledge and Darcy’s ability to break down the science and explain it in a way that I understood.

  But that felt like the coward’s way out.

  He was entitled to his opinions, even if they had hit a sore point.

  I gave him a small nod and said, “I’ll see you then.”

  Jason

  “You think we’re ready?” Griffin asked me as we filed out of the room adjoining the locker room. We’d been watching game tapes from Dartmouth’s game against Yale last week. They were the team to beat. The team we needed to beat to stay at the top of the league.

  “We’re ready,” I said with complete confidence. Since our opening game, we’d gone from strength to strength. Being quarterback always gave you a natural leadership role in a team, but now that I was captain, something had clicked. We all felt it. But it was more than that. I had something to prove. To myself, Coach, the team, the fans... Linc.

  I needed to take them all the way.

  Anything else was not an option.

  “We’re heading over to the house if you want to come for a beer?” Gio said.

  He and Griffin lived with a few of the other guys in a big house just off campus.

  “Not tonight.” I wanted to make it home in time to see Felicity.

  Between classes, the team, and her work at the shelter, we’d barely seen each other. I wanted nothing more than to take my sweet time exploring her body before I sank deep inside her.

  “Hot date?” Griffin smirked and I flipped him off.

  “Actually, I missed date night.” Guilt snaked through me. But I could make it up to her. I couldn’t, however, make it up to the game Friday night if we weren’t ready.

  “Oh shit, you’re gonna be in the doghouse, man.”

  “Nah, Felicity understands.” But as I said the words, my stomach knotted. I was asking a lot of her. We both knew the level of dedication and discipline playing college ball would require, but even I’d underestimated just how intensive it would
be. Playing for the team didn’t only mean practice and games. It meant bonding with the guys, being a brotherhood... a family. You couldn’t just shirk your way out of that. Especially not when you were the captain.

  “I’ll catch you later,” I said to the guys as we filed out of the building. It was already dark.

  I jogged to my car and climbed inside. Then I checked my cell. There was a text from Cameron, but nothing from Felicity.

  With a heavy sigh, I fired up the engine, backed out of the parking lot and took off toward our building to make it up to the girl I loved more than I ever thought possible.

  Our apartment in Powelton Village was less than a ten-minute ride. The closer I got to our building, the more I couldn’t help but feel like I’d messed up. Wednesday was always date night. It was something we'd started back in freshman year, to make sure we put aside some time each week for the two of us to just be Jason and Felicity.

  I pulled into my allotted parking spot and cut the engine. It was almost nine thirty. Late, but not too late to salvage the night.

  Grabbing my cell, I found Cameron’s number and hit dial.

  “What did you do?” he asked.

  “How do you know I did anything?”

  “Because it’s nine thirty on a Wednesday night...” He let the words hang.

  “I think I messed up tonight.” I dragged a hand over my face.

  “It can’t be that bad.”

  “It’s date night and it slipped my mind.”

  “That doesn’t sound so scandalous.” He chuckled.

  “I’d arranged to watch game tapes with the guys, so when I realized, I—”

  “You chose the guys over Felicity.”

  Fuck. The fact he answered for me only cemented my guilt.

  “When you say it like that it does sound like a dick move.”

  “Fee knows the deal. She knows what it means to be on the team.”

  “Yeah, I guess...”

  Silence fell over the line until Cam said, “Things are okay between the two of you, right?”

  “Yeah, I think so. I mean, we’re not spending much time together lately. She’s at the shelter or with tutor boy. And I’m either trying to study or with the team... Why? Has she said something to Hailee?”

  “What? No! Even if she had I’m not sure she’d tell me.”

  I scoffed at that. “Bullshit. My sister would tell you everything.”

  “Did you just refer to Hailee as your sister?”

  “No,” I grumbled at my slip of the tongue.

  “You did. I heard it as plain as day. You said—”

  “Okay, Chase, don’t get too excited. It doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Oh, but it does.” I heard his smile. “Wait until I tell her you’ve progressed to sis—”

  “I’m hanging up now.”

  “I’m sorry.” His laughter subsided. “Your secret stays with me, I swear.”

  “Hmm. I should never have called you.” That’s what I got for seeking out some advice.

  “Yeah, you should. You needed someone to tell you to pull your head out of your ass, go find your girl and grovel.”

  “You’re right.” That’s exactly what I intended on doing.

  “Are the girls still planning to take Mya away for her birthday?”

  “I think so,” I said. “Asher suggested we could go stay with him.”

  “I’m easy. It’ll be good to see you.”

  “Yeah, you too. Thanks for the chat.”

  Cameron’s laughter filled the line again. I was fucking ecstatic that he found this funny. “Anytime. Now go grovel.”

  We hung up and I climbed out of my car, grabbing my bag from the trunk. Our apartment was on the top floor with views of the Schuylkill River.

  When I got inside, it was quiet. “Babe?” I called.

  Throwing my keys onto the sideboard, I moved deeper into the apartment. The lonely plate on the draining board made my chest tighten. She’d eaten alone.

  It shouldn’t have mattered as much as it did.

  Felicity

  I heard Jason before I felt him. Measured footsteps in the hall, the creak of the bedroom door, the rustle of him stripping out of his clothes. Part of me ached to glance over my shoulder and greet him. But the part that had stewed all night on Darcy’s words kept me rooted in place, eyes closed and heart heavy.

  The covers moved behind me and a rush of cool air hit my back, and then Jason’s hard, warm body brushed mine. “Babe, you awake?” He slipped his arm around my waist and tucked me into the lines of his chest. Usually this was my happy place, but tonight, the distance between us felt bigger than ever.

  What was happening?

  We’d survived freshman year. That was supposed to be a couples big test, wasn’t it? Survive freshman year—the lure of new experiences and endless parties—and you could survive anything.

  Jason’s lips ghosted over my neck, trailing a path to my ear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and those two words damn near broke my heart. They were so full of regret and sincerity, but they didn’t promise the one thing I really needed to hear.

  That it wouldn’t happen again.

  Jason

  We were leading the Ivy League four to none, with three games left to play. The pressure was on after what could only be described as a flawless season. Probably my best football season to date. My passing yards total was already a season best and I was currently tied second with a kid out of Cornell on the Division I FCS season passing yards leaderboard.

  I was heading for the single most perfect season of my life... and yet, my personal life was a fucking mess.

  Letting out a frustrated breath, I pushed open the door to the hotel bar and found Asher and Cameron sitting in wait.

  “Hey, it’s good to see you.” Cam got up first, pulling me into a guy hug. Seeing my friends was like coming home. I loved my team at Penn: the guys, the coaches, the fans; but it wasn’t Rixon.

  “Sorry I’m late.”

  “Don’t sweat it, we know the drill.” They did. They’d seen me captain the Rixon Raiders, witnessed how deep I became when handed such a responsibility. I didn’t just carry my own thirst for the win, I carried every single player’s.

  “Everyone is on edge. This could be a perfect season—Penn’s first in almost a decade. It means a lot to the team, to Coach.”

  “And it should,” Asher said, taking a long pull on his beer. “Just don’t let it go to your head.”

  “Fat chance of that.” Cam shot me a smirk, and I flipped him off.

  “Between classes and the team there isn’t time to let it go to my head, trust me.” The bartender pushed a beer toward me, and I nearly drained the thing in one.

  Fuck, I needed this. A night shooting the shit with my friends; friends who didn’t want to talk plays or game tapes or team stats.

  The girls had gone to a fancy spa in Michigan to celebrate Mya’s birthday in style, while we’d decided to join Asher at his place. Thanks to his sizeable trust fund, their apartment building was like a five-star hotel, complete with a fully equipped gym, bar and restaurant, and roof top terrace.

  “So, I was looking at your stats,” he piped up. “You know Heisman could come knocking this year.”

  I snorted. “There hasn’t been a Heisman Trophy winner come out of the Ivy League since the fifties.”

  “It could happen. You’re dominating ESPN chatter.”

  Yeah, when hell froze over.

  “I’ll just be happy to see us maintain our perfect record and win the league.”

  We fell into easy conversation. Time and distance didn’t sever our bond. If anything, our friendship was stronger than ever.

  “So my mom is having a Thanksgiving thing,” Asher announced. “She’s keeping it low key. She wants to invite Kent and Denise; your mom, dad, and Xander,” he said to Cameron.

  “Yeah, sounds good. What about Mya’s aunt?”

  He let out a weary sigh. “It’s a work in progress. She
and Mya got into it the other week, don’t ask me what about. Probably me or the fact that Mya is getting too involved in her studies.”

  “Isn’t that supposed to happen?” I asked.

  “Yeah, but she’s volunteering at a community project and she comes home with all these stories about the kids...”

  “She wants to save them all,” Cameron said, and Asher nodded.

  “And she can’t, ya know? I’m just worried she’ll get too attached.”

  “Nah, she’s strong,” I said, “and she wants to help. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  Mya had grown up in a rough neighborhood. She’d witnessed firsthand what deprivation, crime, and drugs could do to a person. So the fact she wanted to be a social worker and try to make a positive impact was commendable.

  “Says the guy who’s been spending more time with his team than his girl.” Asher’s brow quirked up.

  “She’s always with tutor boy.” I bristled. Darcy’s name was becoming a regular mention in our conversation. I fucking hated it, but it wasn’t like I could complain, not when Asher was right. I was spending more time with the team than Felicity. But it was only for another few weeks. Once the season was over, things would settle. We could be us again.

  “Dude, you’re not seriously jealous about a guy who enjoys talking about animal science all day?”

  “You’re forgetting that Felicity also likes talking about that stuff.”

  “He’s her tutor. You’re her... person.”

  Cameron chuckled. “He’s right, you know. You and Felicity are going the distance. All couples have highs and lows.”