Nuptials in Nevada: An At the Altar Story

by Barton, Keira K.

  “You’re going to have to sign at least a few autographs, man. Come on. Don’t be such a bear.”

  “Fine. But only kids,” Beau whispered.

  “And hot girls.” Josh winked.

  Beau rolled his eyes at his friend. Seriously, why do I bring this guy along?

  The next twenty minutes were pure torture for Beau. He would rather get back on a bull than do this crap. At least the bull only needed eight seconds of his time. People were nice—it wasn’t that—Beau just felt like he didn’t deserve this praise, and even if he did, he didn’t want it. He was over the attention.

  There was a time early in his professional career when this attention drove him and caused him to do a lot of stupid things. He’d never forgive himself for the people he’d hurt during those selfish years. He’d mended as many bridges as he could, but he still felt like he had a label on his back that said BEWARE. For years, he’d burned girls left and right—broken hearts, wrecked relationships, and chased the high of winning and the applause that came with it.

  That life had left him in a pile of ashes, alone, and he wasn’t going to risk going down that road again. It was better for everyone if he just kept to himself.

  Of all the people in the small crowd who had gathered, only one had been a little boy, but that twenty minutes had almost been worth it to see the stars in his eyes.

  “You gonna be a bull rider someday?” Beau knew what that question could do to a young man’s heart. It had been that very same question, asked of him so many years ago by a professional cowboy, that had planted the dream of bull riding in his own heart.

  The boy’s enthusiastic nodding testified of the aching within him for that dream to come true someday. It was written all over his innocent little face, and seeing someone so passionate about something made Beau feel truly happy. Not much did anymore, so he was grateful for that.

  Beau’s chest tightened when a slender woman with sleek black hair made her way to the front of the line. Being around any woman still made Beau severely uncomfortable. He didn’t trust himself, even after all this time of being alone, to say the right things. The last thing he wanted to do was lead someone to believe he was interested in them.

  Her bright blue eyes were hard to ignore. The contrast against her dark hair was different, in a good way, and a flicker of interest sparked inside of him. Don’t go there, he told himself, squashing anything that could breach the wall he’d built around his heart—even if it was just a slight interest, it could prove to be dangerous.

  “How are you tonight?” he asked the woman as she handed him something to sign.

  She smiled, and that spark of interest he thought he’d squashed came back with a vengeance.

  “I’m great. Probably not as good as you, though. You had a real nice ride tonight.” Her Southern drawl surprised him. He didn’t hear many of those out west, and his curiosity rose once more.

  Stop that. “Well, thank you, miss. I appreciate your support,” he said, handing the autographed event program back to her.

  “Can I take a picture with you?” Her voice was sweet, and Beau was afraid the spark would start flaming if he didn’t get away fast.

  “Uh—sure. Josh.” His buddy was standing just a few feet away, talking to some other cowboys. “Can you take a picture for us?”

  Beau tried to ignore Josh’s raised eyebrows and devilish grin, but it did get under his skin a little. He wanted to say, “It was her idea,” but he held his tongue. This would be the last person he’d talk to, though. That was for sure.

  “One, two, three…smile!” Josh was enjoying this way too much, and it took everything Beau had to keep a neutral face for the photo. He couldn’t wait to get back to his trailer, change, and get on the road out of here. His thoughts of escape were halted by the woman’s lingering touch on his back. Just a moment too long. Beau stiffened, and stepped forward to break the contact.

  “Thank you,” she said suddenly. She sounded uncertain, and must have sensed him wanting to get away.

  “Anytime,” Beau said. Then he turned to Josh and mouthed let’s go.

  “Thanks for coming out and supporting Beau, everyone! We have to hit the road, but we hope to see you at some of the other rodeos this summer! Have a good night!”

  And this is why I bring him along, Beau thought as he gave one last wave to the group of people. He tried not to look back at the woman, but he caught a glimpse of her as he and Josh walked away, and he could tell he’d hurt her a little bit. The sparkle in her eyes had dimmed. Dang. Even if I try to stay away, I hurt people. He hoped Josh would be smart enough not to talk to him right now. He needed some time to process what had just happened.

  He wasn’t vain enough to think every pretty woman at a rodeo wanted something more from him than an autograph, but he was smart enough to read the signs, and that girl wanted more from him than he could ever give her. She seemed sweet, and she wasn’t falling all over him or anything, but like most girls, she probably wanted to fall in love with someone and have that fairytale ending. Beau just wasn’t the guy to make that happen—not for her, or any other girl, for that matter.

  It wasn’t that he was worried about controlling himself around a woman physically—that had never been a problem for him. He was worried about starting something he couldn’t finish. He’d never been able to give any woman what she wanted—a commitment, a lasting relationship that ended in marriage. He’d started too many flings that turned into more than he had ever anticipated, and the girl always got the raw end of the deal. He wouldn’t do that to anyone ever again. Any woman would be better off without Beau Lawrence in their lives—of that he was sure.

  * * *

  The two-lane highway from Jackson Hole to Grace Lake, Idaho, probably wasn’t the safest road to be driving in the middle of the night. Beau and Josh would have to go through several mountain passes to reach their destination, and that stretch of country was covered with wild game. Regardless of the dangers, Beau wanted to be home for as long as possible, and spending another night in his trailer in a rest stop parking lot sounded a heck of a lot less appealing than sleeping in his old room at his parents’ house.

  Beau was grateful to have Josh with him to be a second set of eyes on the road, and he didn’t mind his company either—most of the time. They were complete opposites, but Beau didn’t know where he would be without Josh.

  “I can’t get over your ride, man!” Josh was clearly still amped about Beau winning the whole rodeo, and Beau couldn’t wait to see how excited he’d be when he gave him his cut of the pot. He was grateful for all Josh did for him, but Beau knew he didn’t tell him or show him enough. The money would speak for itself, though.

  “Yeah, it was a pretty great one, huh? I got lucky with that bull. He really pushed up my score.”

  “Aw, man. You always deflect to the bull, but there wasn’t another rider at that rodeo tonight who could have ridden him like you did.”

  Beau didn’t want to talk about his ride. It was over now, and it was time to focus on the next one. They had to be in Oregon by Friday night, and even though he’d seen success in Jackson, there was nothing guaranteeing him the same result this weekend.

  “You enjoy the rodeo?” Beau broke the comfortable silence of the last several minutes.

  “Of course, dude! Jackson is always a party. Wish you would have wanted to stay and celebrate a little more, though. There were a lot of pretty girls there.” Josh’s elbow jostled his side lightly, but all it did was stir up the annoyance that always seemed to be lurking under the surface.

  He knows exactly why we had to leave. He took a deep breath. “Sorry about that. You know I have to get back to Grace Lake tonight. I want to spend the Fourth with my parents. The least I can do is stop and spend some time with them on our way through to Oregon.”

  “That’s not really why you didn’t want to stay. I know I pretend like I don’t notice a lot, but the last couple of years, you’ve really changed. I respect that, but
I just want you to know you don’t have to isolate yourself from everyone because of Shayla.” Josh meant well. His tone was sympathetic, but Beau’s annoyance quickly turned into anger.

  “Listen, Josh, I really don’t want to talk about this tonight. I’m exhausted.” The truth was, he never wanted to talk about Shayla, but especially not tonight, not after what had happened signing autographs.

  “I can respect that you don’t want to repeat the past, but you can’t just hole yourself up for the rest of your life. Trust me, those good looks aren’t gonna last much longer. You better use ’em while you got ’em.” It was like Josh hadn’t heard a single word he’d just said.

  Beau would be turning thirty that fall, but he didn’t exactly consider that old. “I don’t want to use anything I may or may not have to pick up girls. I’m not the person who’s going to make them happy, despite what they might think.”

  “Hey, you never know. You might surprise yourself. Anything could happen with the right girl.” Josh just wouldn’t give it up, and judging by his permanent smile, Beau would say he was actually enjoying this.

  Beau had to admit that he wasn’t going to talk Josh out of this conversation. “I’ve let way too many ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ kind of women slide right out of my arms. I don’t think it’s about finding the right person. I’m just not cut out for a relationship.”

  “You can tell yourself that all you want, but the truth is, you have to forgive yourself for the past. You’ll never have any hope for a future if you don’t.” Josh’s tone was as somber as Beau had ever heard, and he saw real worry on his face. He hadn’t realized his friend cared so much about what he did with his life.

  “Well, I appreciate your concern, but I’m still not sure I’m cut out for it. I’ve left one too many hurting women in my wake to risk it.”

  “Compared to some other guys I know, you’re a saint. You think you’ve wrecked all those lives, but the fact is, you’ve treated every woman you’ve dated like a queen until it came time to make a serious commitment. It was only then that you backed out. You’re not a cheater, you’re not abusive, and you’re not the love ’em and leave ’em type. You may try to convince yourself that you’re too bad for any woman, but the truth is, you’re the only thing standing in the way of a relationship.” Beau had never seen Josh so impassioned. His standard casual, lighthearted demeanor had been replaced by boldness and impatience.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can’t make those assumptions. I may treat girls right while they last, but it always comes down to them or the rodeo. Most of them were easy to let go when I was faced with that choice, and while I hate to admit that, it’s the dang truth. Do you still think I’m so noble?”

  Josh let out a gruff laugh. “That’s why I said you just haven’t found the right girl yet. If you found the right one, you’d do anything to make it work.”

  “And what about Shayla? Huh? Was she not the right girl? If I ever loved a woman, it was her, and I confess, she was a little harder to let go than the others, but I still chose the blasted rodeo, didn’t I?” Beau’s heart clenched at the thought. It had almost killed him to walk away from his last girlfriend, but he knew he hadn’t suffered even half of what she had. She’d given up everything for him, traveled all over the country to watch him ride. But in the end, she’d realized she wanted more than the life on the road he could offer her. She’d given him an ultimatum, and he’d crushed her just like he had the rest. It was then that he’d decided he had to be done with women for good. And everyone else, for that matter. He was too selfish. He didn’t deserve to be loved.

  Beau looked over at Josh, who was sitting in the stony silence as still as a placid lake. A few minutes later, when Beau thought he couldn’t take the quiet for one more minute, his friend finally spoke. “Beau, it’s been two years. You’ve punished yourself enough, and you’ve changed. I’ve seen a light extinguish in you. The fire you had for riding has dimmed. You’re different now—maybe you’d be able to give a girl what she needs. You’ll never know if you don’t allow yourself to try again.”

  Beau couldn’t meet Josh’s pleading eyes. He hated this—people begging him to move on and be happy. It’s not that easy! It wasn’t just Shayla. Ending that relationship had wrecked so many others in his life. He’d become unrecognizable for the first few months—even to himself. He’d started drinking more, he’d kissed a lot of women, and he’d lashed out on his dad—which was why he was mostly absent at his rodeos now. The phase hadn’t lasted long, only a couple of months, but it had left a trail of debris a mile long, and a gaping hole in his chest.

  “Sometimes I wish I could, Josh.” Beau’s eyes burned. He had been completely worn out physically, and after that emotional conversation, he could feel his energy waning even more. They passed a mileage sign—thirty-two more miles to Grace Lake. It was only a few hours from Jackson, but this drive had felt days long. Josh was usually comedic relief for Beau from his dark thoughts, but tonight, he’d forced Beau to think about things he’d been burying.

  An image of Shayla, her blonde hair floating in the wind, an arm hanging out the passenger window, floated through his memory. He could almost see the golden light on her face, highlighting her perfect features. He’d studied her often on their long drives, and the best picture he’d mentally saved of her was with her eyes closed, concealing her bright blue eyes, while she sang his favorite song on the radio. They’d always turned up the music and rolled down the windows when it came on, both of them belting out the lyrics.

  He felt like someone was cinching up his heart, but he couldn’t get the memory out of his head now. This was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to bring her up. She was impossible to forget, and that’s what Josh didn’t understand. He couldn’t forgive himself because every time he closed his eyes, he saw her. He was haunted. He’d heard all the songs about “the one who got away,” but he’d never thought it would happen to him.

  Three

  “Scarlett. Scar-lett.”

  “Hmm?” Scarlett looked at her friend Adriana and smiled.

  “Oh, there you are. I said your name about a dozen times. Where’d you go?” Adriana looked more amused than annoyed, and Scarlett was grateful. Adriana was one of the only friends she could stand to be around anymore, and she didn’t want to offend her. Ever since she’d met Dr. Lachele on the Timmy Callen Show, all the good things about her life in LA had seemed to dim. It was like once she realized she was getting out of there, the friends she did have seemed more vapid and out of touch than ever before.

  “Just thinking.” Scarlett tried to hide her embarrassment with a shy smile. She hoped her friend bought it.

  “Well, that much was obvious. About what?” Adriana asked playfully.

  Should I tell her? Scarlett bit her lip and weighed her options. Dr. Lachele had decided to conduct her interview the same day they met because she was already in town, and New York to Los Angeles wasn’t exactly a short commute. Then, that morning Scarlett had received word from Dr. Lachele that she’d processed all the information she’d gathered and was just waiting on a match. Scarlett could be married in a matter of weeks—as Dr. Lachele had mentioned in her dressing room—so she had to start telling people sooner than later. She didn’t want everyone to be concerned for her mental health when she left. If she waited until the last minute, everyone would think this was some crazy impulse decision.

  “Is it that big of a deal? Geez.” Adriana laughed. Scarlett must have been weighing her options longer than she thought. She hoped Adriana didn’t notice the pink hue that had surely entered her cheeks from the rush of embarrassment she’d just felt.

  “Actually, it is.” Scarlett wanted to hide her face. She wasn’t exactly an expert at expressing her feelings or divulging her plans. She didn’t want to be swayed by others, and she was already worried about how insane this might seem to her loved ones.

  “Seriously?” Adriana chuckled, and Scarlett had to admit, it wasn’t like her to be so cryptic. “What�
�s going on, Scarlett? Now I’m a little worried.” Adriana reached over and patted her back.

  She must sense that I’m nervous. Well, here it goes. We’ll see how Important Person Number One acts about my news. “I’m…” She swallowed hard and had to convince herself to say it out loud. “I’m, uh—I’m getting married.”

  Scarlett thought Adriana’s eyes were going to fall out of her head, and her mouth gaped open. “Wait. What?”

  “I’m serious.” Scarlett looked straight into her friend’s honey-colored eyes. Adriana was beautiful, and her Mexican heritage was easy to see in her features—her long brown hair and tan skin were a stark contrast to Scarlett’s pearly skin and bright red hair. “I’m getting married.” She wanted Adriana to know that she was serious, and that she was set on this path—no matter what anyone said.

  “When? I’m confused. I didn’t think you were dating anyone. How did I not hear about this guy before he proposed?” Adriana almost looked a little hurt, like Scarlett had been keeping something from her.

  “I’ve never mentioned him because…I’ve never met him.” Scarlett sucked in a breath. She hadn’t planned to say that out loud, but she couldn’t let her only friend think that she had been concealing a major decision like this.

  “Are you saying that you’re getting married, like, someday, or are you telling me that you’re literally going to marry a stranger?”

  “I’m literally going to marry a stranger,” Scarlett answered bluntly. There was no easy way to put that.

  “Wow.” Adriana’s face still held so much surprise, Scarlett couldn’t help but laugh a little.

  “It may sound crazy, but I know this is what I’m supposed to do, Adriana. It feels more right than anything else in my life currently. You know how I’ve been feeling about everything lately. This is going to be the fresh start that I want, but with a built-in partner. I told the woman who’s setting us up that my only requirement is that he doesn’t know who I am. I’ve wanted a new beginning and a husband for years. This way, I’ll get both.”