by Holt, Leah
Letting out a weighted breath, I turned on the sink and splashed some cool water on my cheeks. Drying my face with a few paper towels, I stiffened my back, drawing out all the strength I had to forget that guy was even out there.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I opened the door, walking back into the dressing room.
“All set? You take care of everything you needed to?” Vinchezo asked, glaring at me under hooded lids.
“All set,” I said, holding out my arms. Recognizing the song on the speakers, I knew he had sent another girl up on stage and relief washed over me. “Am I good for a bit?”
Shaking his head, he glanced at the private room. “No, you got a customer.”
“Already?” I asked, arching a brow.
Vin cocked his head back, a stark frown falling over his lips. “Enough questions, just go.”
Dragging my feet, I walked over to the door, readying myself for whatever waited inside. It was always a mystery. I never knew what type of jackass to expect.
Some of the guys were shy, quiet, a little on edge. While others were ready to jump you the second you opened the door. They were sitting there like a dog, skittish with their tongues hanging out, their muscles anxiously trembling to pounce the second the door was closed.
The knob felt cold against my palm, sending a shiver up my arm as I turned it. The room was always dark, sometimes too dark.
What if it's him?
Pushing the thought away, I stepped inside. Blinking wildly, the figure of a man was outlined against the back wall, his silhouette an ominous statement in the room.
Putting on my fake smile, I started forward slowly, waiting for my eyes to settle. “Hi there, my name's Ash, I bet you're—” Drawing in a thick swig of air, my voice caught in the back of my throat. “You.” The word shot out, harsh and jagged.
I fucking knew it!
“Don't sound so happy to see me.” The man leaned forward, the white of his eyes popping under the black light as he smirked with a devilish grin.
It was him. The man I wanted to run away from, the man I never wanted to see again; the man who had gotten my ass tossed into the ditch for three days.
“What are you doing here?”
“Isn't it obvious?” he asked, his smile spreading wider.
Wrapping my arms around my ribs, I veered my stare. “I'm not doing this again, you need to go.” Jerking my head towards the back door, I snarled. “Go, get out of here.”
“Well, that's no way to treat a paying customer.” Relaxing back, he pushed his big palms into the tops of his knees. “Because I do believe I'm paying you.”
“I don't want your fucking money, I want you gone.” Throwing my arm out, I shot a finger towards the door. “So get the fuck out.”
I knew I was breaking the rules, I knew what would happen if Virgo found out I had turned down a customer, but I didn't care.
“You said your name's Ash?” he asked, tilting his head. His dark hair swept across the top of his brows, covering his right eye. “Is that your real name?”
“First off, it's none of your business and you were just leaving anyway.” Crossing one leg over the other, I squared my shoulders and tipped my chin higher. “The door's right there, don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out.”
Chuckling, the man smiled, brushing the hair away from his face. “You're different tonight, you seem angry and pissed off. . .” Pausing, he let his eyes ride up and down my body. “What happened to making my desires come true?”
Scoffing, I rolled my eyes. “You can shove your desires up your ass.”
“What did I do to make you so angry? I paid you well last time—very well, if I remember right. And you didn't have to do a damn thing. I think you should be thanking me for not making you shame yourself anymore than you already do working at a place like this.”
“Thanking you—thanking you?” My jaw hung wide open as I glared at the man. “You got me in trouble!” Holding onto the rest of my yell, I lowered my voice so Vin didn't hear me. “You left me way more than you should have for what I did, and that pissed off my boss.”
“I've never heard of someone getting angry for willingly being paid too much. Your boss must be an asshole.”
“My boss isn't the issue here—you are.” Pointing in his direction, I clenched my jaw.
Thinning his lips, the man furrowed his brows. “Then why does he care what you made, so long as you made it? Seems to me like he might be an issue.”
Dragging my fingers over the top of my head, I dropped them to my hips. “Look, I don't want any more trouble. Can you just go before this gets out of hand and you end up fucking me again?”
“I haven't fucked you yet, if I did, you wouldn't be asking me to leave.” His smile returned, causing a flutter in my gut.
The feeling was foreign. My stomach never clenched because of a man, it never tumbled or knotted up. But this man, this man had magic in his voice and spells in his eyes.
His jaw was sharp, his chest thick and muscular. Almond shaped eyes were framed by long lashes, longer lashes than I had ever seen on a man before. His hands were bear sized, arms as dense and wide as tree stumps.
I could feel myself falling, my body growing heavy, causing me to teeter on my heels as my muscles tingled with sensations that had no place there to begin with.
Taking in a deep breath, I kept my eyes sternly on his. “Why are you doing this?” I asked, shaking my head in confusion. “Are you always an asshole? Last time it looked like you wanted out the second I walked in, but today I can't get you to leave.”
“Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for games last time. Today I am.”
“God, you remind me of someone I met once.” Folding my arms across my chest, I rolled my eyes.
“Oh yeah,” Arching a brow, he eyed me. “Was he an asshole too?”
“Actually, no.” Plucking at my bottom lip, I flirted my eyes up to his. “Maybe a little,” I said half smirking. “But it's not that, it's the confidence. You have too much of it in a place that's not yours to show it.”
“Confidence—is that what you think you see?” Our eyes bounced over each other as his lips curled to one side. “It's not confidence you're seeing, it's power.” Taking out his wallet, he threw some bills at my feet as he stood up. “Tell your boss you did whatever that would normally get me. I'm paying you enough to lie to him, so make it believable.”
You don't know my boss. . .
As he walked to the door, I called out,” Hey, wait—”
The man stopped short, his hand curled around the door knob, his eyes peeking at me over his shoulder. He didn't say a word, he just waited for me to speak.
“You got a name?” I asked.
“That depends on who you ask, but you can call me Salt.”
“Salt? Seriously?”
Yanking the door open, he stepped back into the club, not giving me anymore answers.
Salt? What the hell kind of name is that?
Chapter Five
Berlin
I did something horrible.
I did something that could get me killed.
I kept some of the money Salt had given me.
My reason wasn't about being selfish, it wasn't because I wanted to hoard it for myself, I knew better than to screw with Virgo's money for my own benefit. I had seen it happen over the years on occasion, a girl here or there who thought they could out smart him. It never worked. Those girls never came back, they would vanish as if they never existed.
Except I knew, I knew exactly what happened to them.
There were very few secrets between Virgo and myself, mostly because I had been around long enough to witness it all. And if I didn't see it, I heard about it one way or another.
When I was little, about ten or so, Virgo had this woman. I thought she was his wife, I was naive back then, and too immature to see the whole picture.
In reality, she was never more than property to him.
This woman would br
ing me things. She'd bring me food, she'd bring me extra blankets and medicine if I was ill.
I remember her brushing my hair one night, her hands tender and soft. Her name was Samantha, but Virgo called her Tabby Cat. She would whisper in my ear stories about her childhood, her voice so delicate I had to listen really hard to even hear her.
We would talk about going to the beach and riding the waves, she would talk about going to Disney World and how one day we would travel to the Grand Canyon.
And I would sit there as she brushed my hair, my mind swirling with images of all the wonderful things we were going to do together.
Samantha had the bluest eyes I had ever seen, and her hair was the color of gold. I remember thinking that she was too beautiful to look so sad. Her face over time had started to sink in, showing the bones of her cheeks. A dull gloss coated her eyes, making her appear so tired.
But when she was with me, I couldn't help but feel safe, like a normal little girl, sitting with her older sister. One night, I was laying on the small cot Virgo had set up for me in the basement and I could hear him yelling at her.
I had heard him upset and angry before, but that night, it was different. Everything about his voice was different. His tone was deeper, colder, and every word he used was meant to hurt her. He was calling her all kinds of names, telling her she was worthless and her life meant nothing.
Samantha begged him to forgive her, she begged him to give her another chance.
'No one gets second chances.' His words cut through the floor, reaching me downstairs, snagging my heart and crushing it in my chest. A loud thud echoed off the floorboards, causing me to jump in surprise.
Then there was nothing.
The house had thin walls, walls that didn't hide shit. I found out from eaves dropping that Samantha had been hoarding money. Money that was meant for Virgo. Money that she was going to use to try and help me get away.
He killed her because of me.
For years after that I refused to talk to any of his other girls. I didn't let myself get close to them, I denied them any attention or responses if they tried to interact with me.
I wasn't going to let Virgo kill anyone else because of me, and that meant this man too, even if he was a pain in the ass.
There was no doubt in my mind that if Virgo knew that the same man had come back and given me so much money for nothing a second time, he'd slit his throat without pause, thinking that I was being paid for information that wasn't mine to give or his to have.
Salt obviously didn't understand who I worked for. If he had any clue about who owned the Canary, he would have known better than to screw with him.
Fucking tourists.
Tucking the money into the most discrete spot I could, I hid it in my panties, doing my best to fold it up small enough so it wasn't visible. Walking out the door, I started towards my table.
“Berlin, are you forgetting something?” Vin asked, holding out his hand.
“No, I'm not forgetting something, I just didn't see you there.” Taking a few hundred out of my top, I stuffed it into his hand.
“What did you do for him?” he asked, counting out the bills.
“The usual.” Wrapping my arms around my waist, I crossed my legs.
His eyes flicked up, mouth hanging open. “Don't fuck with me, Berlin, I really don't want to have to take you to Virgo again.”
Hanging my head, I lifted my fingers to my mouth and fumbled with my lips. “A dance and a blow-job—the usual.” Shrugging my shoulder, I let my eyes dance between his.
Arching a brow, he stood quiet for a long second. My heart started racing inside my chest, nervous that he could see right through my lie.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I lied. If he knows—
“Why are you still standing here? You can go.” His voice was hard, but there was no threat in his tone.
He believes me.
A wave of relief washed over me, allowing my body to relax. Sitting at my table, I looked around to see if anyone was watching me.
Vin was getting money from Aubrey, a girl who had come into Virgo's hands recently. I felt bad for her. Her room was right next to mine and I could hear her crying herself to sleep every night.
From what I knew, he had received her as payment for a past due loan from a man named Napal. It was either pay or die. Napal chose death for her instead of for himself. It was the cowards way out, because there was no way she would survive this place.
I could see it on her face, in the way her body slumped, and how the deep rings under her eyes showed just how damaged she was from all this.
This world divided the weak from the strong. You either grew skin as thick as bark or you crumbled like the delicate shell of an egg.
Aubrey was cracked all over.
Slipping the cash out from between my legs, I quickly stuffed it into the pocket that held the padding on the sports bra I had on when I came in. Taking another look around, no one seemed to notice me at all.
It's all clear.
The rest of the night went as it typically did. I did a few more dances on stage, I trolled the floor, doing lap dances and snuggling up to guys, chatting away until their wallets were empty.
Salt had left, but I found myself periodically searching out the room for him, checking the dark corners to see if he was still there.
He wasn't, and each time I felt a little more empty, a little more deflated that he was really gone.
What the fuck am I doing?
As the night came to an end, and the men slowly trickled out, I was left wondering what the hell was happening to me. I couldn't get Salt out of my head, I couldn't stop my thoughts from drifting to the man who had eyes that were cold as ice but warmed me inside like a hot fire in the same breath. A man who had muscles that looked like they could drown you in fear and keep you safe at the same time.
Just stop, Berlin. He's just another asshole with money to burn.
One of the guards closed the door to my room after I stepped inside. Listening for the lock, I stood silent until I heard the click and the loud thump of his feet carrying him away.
The silence in the room was deafening. I hated it. There was no television, no radio, no phone or computer. All I had were my thoughts, and those were slowly killing me inside.
This is your life. You just have to accept it.
Taking a long hot shower, I scrubbed the feel of gross hands off my body until my skin was red and raw. The soap never felt like enough, I needed more. I needed to see the top layer of my skin disappear, ensuring that any and all remnants of the men from the club were gone.
Climbing onto the paper-thin mattress, I snuggled under the scratchy wool blanket and covered myself up to my shoulders.
Salt popped into my head, his black eyes mesmerizing me even in my thoughts. They looked like shaded pools, so deep they could be bottomless, tempting me to jump inside.
I'm not going to think about him.
There's no point.
Burying my head under the pillow, I curled it around my ears, trying to stop my mind from running wild.
The muffled sound of crying crept through the wall, growing louder and softer, then loud again.
Picking up my head, Aubrey was crying uncontrollably in her room. The same as she had been every night. Climbing out of bed, I tip-toed over to the wall beside my couch, pressing my ear to the wall.
Her sobbing was a mixture of labored breathing and moans of sadness. Through the painful moans I could make out the single word she kept repeating—'why?'
I've asked that same question. . . And never got an answer.
Laying my hand on the wall, I lifted my index finger, ready to tap the wall and reach out to her, just so she knew she wasn't alone. I wanted to do what Samantha had done for me and give her a friend in this hell.
You know what happened to Samantha because of you. Do you want the same thing to happen to Aubrey?
The sharp edge of my nail hovered over the torn wallpaper, ready to tap
. But I stopped myself. Aubrey had grown quiet, her audible tears now a few heavy breaths as I assumed she had cried herself to sleep.
Stepping away, I climbed back into bed, laying flat on my back with my eyes on the ceiling. I remembered being like Aubrey. That feeling of despair and sadness that was so overwhelming there was no where for it to go but out.
Then one day you change. You stop feeling sad. You stop feeling lost and blaming the world for this shitty hand you've been dealt. You learn to deal with it. You learn to work with it and not against it.
It didn't fix a fucking thing, but it made living a little more tolerable. I hated thinking that I had accepted this life. I felt like I had let myself down after all the countless promises I made to never give up.
You haven't given up, Berlin, you've just smartened up. This isn't how your story ends.
Deep down I knew I was just waiting.
Waiting for that perfect moment to tip my world on its axis and give Virgo the middle finger.
Closing my eyes, I drifted off to sleep. A sleep where my nightmares consisted of the life I should have and not the one I was living in.
Who else could say that their nightmares were actually dreams about good stories and happier times?
Only people who had nothing to live for.
People like me.
Chapter Six
Berlin
I watched Aubrey wiping her eyes as she sat at her table. Sniffling, her hand was shaking as she tried to apply her eyeliner. Stopping for a moment, she let out a breath and looked up at the ceiling.
Her cheeks were streaked in fresh and old tears. The water would drop off her lashes, tracing dried up streams as they plopped onto her lap. I wasn't sure if she noticed the small circle stains being left on her thigh from the mixture of mascara and water.
She's going to need to change.
Virgo would frown on such an appearance if he saw her like that. He expected perfection. I didn't even want to think about what he'd do to her if he walked in on her right then.
Leaning back over, she tried to put on her makeup again, but she just couldn't do it. The tip of the liner kept creeping up towards her eyeball, threatening to stab her in the pupil. Dropping it onto the table, she drove her fingers against her temples and hung her head.
