Always Fraser

by A. K. Steel

  “Nice, that's pretty impressive. Bet you miss him?”

  “Every day. We were super close before I moved to Sydney. We still message most days when he’s not too busy with his exciting life.”

  “Must be nice having a family that's so close. My family is kind of fucked up, we’re not close. My dad calls on occasion but it’s normally for a favour I'd rather not do. Or to try get me to move back to Sydney and help with the family business, and there's no chance of that happening."

  "Really? That sounds sweet your dad wants you to be involved in his business. Is he a builder like you?"

  "Ah no. It's not the kind of family business you would want to be involved in, and definitely not sweet. You're lucky to have the family you do,” he says, with sad eyes.

  “Yeah, I know, even if they drive me nuts sometimes.” We stop when we get to the café on the corner of the street and take a seat out the front. “I never even noticed this place before and it's right up the street." The smell of fresh coffee and bacon waft through the air. "It smells so good. I’m starving.”

  “It smells amazing! Now I know it's here I’ll be here all the time. We're living just around the corner. Until we get ourselves better set up here, so it’s close. I’ll go order the coffee. Do you want anything to eat as well?”

  I quickly glance over the menu. “I’ll just have the sourdough with avo, thanks.” Hopefully, that will make me feel better. He heads inside to order our food. He’s so nice buying me breakfast. I wish I could remember more from last night. I wonder what else I told him in that game.

  Blake returns with our coffees. “They’ll bring our food out in a bit. They’re super busy.”

  “Thank you.” I scoop the mug up and inhale the smell. “How good is the smell of coffee. I hope this makes me feel better. What on earth did we drink last night other than wine and shots of tequila. I can't even remember when I felt this badly.”

  He laughs at me.

  “It's not funny. How are you okay?”

  “I’m twice your size, and you were determined to drink everything in sight.”

  The waitress arrives with our food, and I'm surprised to see it's a familiar face, one I haven’t seen for a long time.

  “Hey, Elly, I didn’t know you were home. This must be your fiancé.” Ah, I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. It's why I’ve been avoiding leaving the house.

  “Hey, Indie.” I jump up and hug her. “It’s so nice to see you. This is Blake, a friend of mine, not my fiancé. He’s the builder working on Mum and Dad’s renos.”

  “Oh, that’s lucky. Nice to meet you, Blake,” she says, blushing.

  “Ahh, yeah, hi. Indie, is it? Nice to meet you too,” he replies.

  “What are you doing home, Elly? Having a holiday from your perfect life in Sydney?”

  “Ah, not quite, I’ve moved back in with Mum and Dad for a bit. Things didn’t work out with Jessie and I needed a break from Sydney. Just looking for some work so I can stay here a bit until I figure out what’s next. How are things with you?”

  “Yeah, same old stuff, commissioning some art, but I need this gig just to tide me over. If you need work, we’ve got a waitress job going if you're interested? It could be like the good old days.”

  “Really? Yeah, that would be great, thanks.”

  “Drop by tomorrow afternoon. I can show you the ropes and we can catch up properly when it's not so busy.”

  “Thanks, Indie. It's so good to see you.”

  “See you later, Blake,” she says shyly.

  "I'm sure I will, Indie." He looks up from his food and offers a little wave and smile.

  I sit back down, legs folded, and grab my coffee. “Friend from high school.”

  “Oh, okay. Looks like you scored yourself some work.”

  “Yeah. Might get me through till I get my business started anyway. Indie’s a talented artist. I’ll have to show you her work sometime.” I bring the toast up to my mouth and bite into it, smashing the first piece as soon as I can. “This is yum.” Blake has an egg-and-bacon roll that he is devouring just as quickly. “Yours looks good too.”

  “It's so good, maybe I should’ve got two,” he mutters into his roll.

  The food is making me feel so much better. Something comes back to me from last night. “So... I’m curious, since I can't remember much from last night, what secrets did you tell me?” I say, raising an eyebrow at him.

  He leans back in his chair, hands behind his head looking way too relaxed. He thinks he’s off the hook. “Luckily for me, you can't remember, and I think it's best we keep it that way.”

  “I’m remembering something about you in a threesome. Is that correct?” I smirk.

  He crosses his arms across his chest. “Nope, your memory must be tricking you.” A message pings on Blake’s phone. He grabs it out of his pocket and checks the message. “That's just my business partner. I’ve got to get going, we have a project we have to get finished this arvo.”

  “Saved by the bell, hey?” I stand up and hug him. “Thanks for breakfast and a fun night, I think?”

  “It was fun. We can do it again if you want. See you tomorrow when you drop off your portfolio.”

  “Sounds good, see you then.” He walks off around the corner and I make my way home.

  This is so frustrating. I’ve been sitting on my laptop trying to work out a business plan for hours, but seriously, this is not my thing. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I’m going to have to ask for help.

  I'm dreading dinner tonight. I still don’t feel that crash hot after last night. I have managed to avoid my parents all day by locking myself in my room. But it's 4pm now, and soon my brother Theo and his fiancée Fiona will be here for Sunday family dinner, so I’m going to have to crawl out of my bedroom cave eventually.

  I love my big brother but he’s such a mummy’s boy. Ever since he moved out, he’s been coming every Sunday for dinner. I won't admit it to the rest of them, but it is kind of nice to have family around. I didn’t realise how much I missed them all.

  There's a knock at my bedroom door and Mum pops her head around the door. “Hey, Elly, you okay? You’ve been in here all day.” She comes in and sits on the bed next to me.

  “Yeah, all good, just been trying to work out my business plan.” I sit up and show her my laptop screen. “I’m not getting anywhere.”

  “Thought you might’ve been too hungover and trying to avoid us since you didn’t get in till two?”

  “Did you wait up?”

  “You weren’t exactly quiet when you came in. You were singing and crashing into the walls.” She laughs at me.

  I smack my head. “Sorry, Mum, that's so embarrassing.”

  “Sounds like you had a good time. I’d say that's a good thing, honey. You know, if you want to bring boys home it's okay with us. We like Blake, he’s a nice boy. You don’t have to worry about all that. Your father and I don’t mind, we know you're a grown-up now.”

  Oh my, I’m way too tired and old to be having this conversation. I need to find a place to live as soon as I can. I need to change the subject. “Did I tell you I got a job today? You remember Indie from school? I ran into her when I went for a coffee and she offered me a job. So I might be out of your hair sooner rather than later.”

  “That’s great, honey, but don’t feel like you need to rush. You can stay as long as you need to. It's been nice having you home.” She puts her arm around me and pulls me into her.

  “Thanks, Mum, but you know me, I need my ‘independence’,” we both say together.

  “Yes, I know, but the offer stands as long as you need it. Now come downstairs and help me get sorted for dinner. Your brother will be here soon and apparently they have news.” She pats her belly and raises her brow.

  “You think? But they're not married yet.”

  “That's my guess.”

  Interesting. They’re not mucking around, they only just got engaged. “I'll just have a quick shower then I�
��ll be down to help.”

  I walk into the kitchen to see Theo and Fiona are already here.

  “You're finally gracing us with your presence, sis.”

  “Hey, guys, what’s going on with you?”

  “Well, we were waiting for you to get here so we could tell you all some exciting news,” Theo announces, standing behind Fiona with his arms wrapped around her. They look so in love.

  “We're having a baby!” Fiona yells excitedly. “Sorry, Theo, you were taking too long.”

  We all hug and congratulate them. Mum takes Fiona under her arm and they go off excitedly into the study to look at the ultrasound images. Mum's been dying for a grandchild, and that gets me off the hook for a little while longer.

  I grab two beers from the fridge and hook arms with Theo. “Let's sneak outside before Mum makes me help.”

  He takes the second beer, giving me his signature cheeky wink.

  “Wow, Theo, that's exciting news, you're going to be a dad.”

  “Yeah, it was a bit of a surprise. We were going to wait till after the wedding, but that can wait now. We're both so excited.”

  We sneak out to the back deck and sit in the swinging egg chairs. “Can you believe our yard’s about to be turned into holiday accommodation?” I whine, with a pout.

  “Yeah, I know, there's so many good memories out here, but I think it’ll be good for Dad. He needs a change, he's not himself lately.”

  “Yeah, I noticed that too! Do you think he’s all right?”

  “I think he's just ready for a change, something more positive. Working on the force can be mentally draining, I would know, and he’s been there for nearly forty years. It's a long time to be on the force.”

  I can't stop picking at the label on my beer. It's annoying me. “Yeah, that's probably it.”

  “Everything all right with you, sis? Mum tells me you went out with some guy last night. I think she's marrying you off to him already.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “Of course she is! He’s not some guy, he’s just our builder, Blake, and it wasn’t a date, we just hung out.”

  “Likely story. But do you mean the builder from The Green Door?”

  “Yeah, I think that's what the business is called. Why?”

  “Do you think that's such a good idea? You know his business partner, the architect, is Fraser, right?”

  “Fraser who?” I sit up as my heart starts to beat a little faster at the mention of that name. The name that is etched in my heart and always has been, even though I know nothing can ever happen with him.

  “Fraser Davis, Drew’s best mate from high school. That's why Dad chose them for the job.”

  “I didn’t even realise he was back home.” I can feel my face heat at the mention of his name. We're both back in the same town again. How do I navigate this?

  “Yeah, he’s been back a little while. I caught up with him last week. He was always so protective of you in high school. I'm pretty sure he’s not going to be happy about you dating his business partner.”

  “Theo, that was years ago. He doesn't even know I’m home. I’m sure he’s not going to care. Besides, Blake and I are just friends, not dating or anything,” I say, trying to brush it off as nothing, but it's not nothing. It has never been nothing when it comes to Fraser.

  Oh my God, realisation dawns on me at what Blake told me last night. Fraser Davis is Blake’s roommate and business partner. That means Fraser was the one Blake’s girlfriend fell in love with. This could be a whole lot of fucked-up awkward. Luckily, we didn’t do anything last night. I think.

  I can't believe he’s back home as well. I was so obsessed with Fraser in high school, he was the star of my diary. And entered my thoughts quite a few times over the years. Hearing his name takes me back to that night after graduation. But that was just one night. Long ago. So much has changed since then and I'm sure when I see him, whatever it was we had back then, will all feel like some silly high school crush. Intensified by the fact he was Drew's best friend and totally out of bounds. One thing's for sure, it's going to be weird seeing him again, and there’s going to be no avoiding it with him working on this job for Dad.

  Theo is smugly smiling at me. “What?” I say, agitated.

  “Nothing. You went awfully quiet, that's all. He’s single, if you were wondering.”

  “I wasn’t even thinking about him.”

  “Yeah, right. You know Drew and I read your diary in high school, right? You were in love with him,” he teases.

  “You read my diary? You dick!” I throw the cushion from my chair at him.

  He laughs his head off, “Yeah, we did. It was all, Fraser Davis is so hot, I can't wait for him to realise we're soul mates and we will get married and be together forever and always.”

  “I didn’t say that.” I jump up and storm off.

  “It was something like that,” he calls after me.

  “I can't hear you,” I call back, covering my ears.

  I head inside to grab my phone. I can't believe they read my diary. They never said anything to me about it back then. I’m surprised at Drew, we told each other everything, or so I thought. I’m going to text him now. I have no idea what time zone he is in today, and I don’t care if I wake him.

  Elena: Thanks for not having my back when we were kids! You're not my favourite brother anymore!

  A message pings back straight away.

  Drew: Hey, what did I do now?

  Elena: You and Theo reading my diary.

  Drew: Did he tell you that? I never read your diary! But Theo would have for sure, thinking it was his right as the oldest to know all the facts of our lives.

  Elena: Lucky for you. All right, you’re back to being my favourite brother. How are you anyway? I miss you.

  Drew: Well, I’ve got good news then, I’m coming home this week for our birthday!!

  Elena: Really? That will be amazing. We haven't had a birthday together for years.

  Drew: I’ve got a bit of a break in events, so I’ll be home for a month. It’ll be good to catch up with you. Did you hear Fraser is home too?

  Elena: Yeah. Just found out.

  Drew: It’ll be like old times. Anyway, got to go, sis, see you on Wednesday.

  Elena: See you then, bro.

  Mum and Fiona are back in the kitchen preparing dinner.

  “So nice of you to come and help us, Elly.”

  “Sorry, Mum, I’ll help now.” I grab a chopping board and sit next to Fiona at the breakfast bar. “Your fiancé is a dick!”

  “What did he do now?”

  “He’s just informed me he used to read my diary when I was a kid and he’s using it against me!”

  “Totally a dick move! But not that surprising for Theo. He can’t help himself when it comes to sticking his nose in other people’s business.” She rolls her eyes. I don’t know how she puts up with him.

  “Mum, did Drew tell you he’s coming home for a month?”

  She stops washing the lettuce and looks up at me. “No, when’s he coming?”

  “On Wednesday this week, I just talked to him.”

  “Nice of him to let me know. Typical of Drew.” She goes back to preparing the salad, mumbling to herself. “You know what, Elly? We should have a party for your birthdays. When was the last time we were all here at the same time? We could have it in the backyard before they dig it up for the holiday villas.”

  “I can help you organise it if you want,” Fiona offers, looking up from her cutting duties.

  “Yeah, sounds good, Mum. I’ll see who’s around and let you know.”

  Two hours later and we're just finishing up with our dessert, Mum's famous chocolate cheesecake. It's seriously the best thing you can put in your mouth. I'm hoping Theo doesn’t eat it all so there's some left over for tomorrow.

  The rest of the dinner was pretty uneventful, and I’m exhausted after last night. I wonder if it’s too early to escape back to my cave. “Thanks for dinner, Mum. I’m going to hea
d up to my room and keep on working on my portfolio for tomorrow. See you guys later in the week.” Don’t know why I’m even bothering to do my portfolio now I know the architect is the one and only Fraser Davis. I’m pretty sure working with him is going to be a bad idea. A really bad idea.

  “She’s probably just rushing off to write in her diary,” Theo teases, laughing at his own joke.

  “Real mature, Theo,” I snap, slapping him on the back of the head as I walk past. That will stop his laughing. I say my goodbyes then make my way up the hall to my room. So tomorrow I’ll see Fraser again. As I lie on my bed, the last conversation we had plays over in my head:

  “I can’t believe that just happened. I thought the chemistry we had was all in my head. Now I know it wasn’t, you feel it too.”

  “It's been there all along, gorgeous, I just knew we couldn’t go there. So I’ve been trying to fight it.”

  “Why tonight then?”

  “You walked into the party looking stunning on his arm and something took over me. I couldn’t ignore the way I feel about you anymore.”

  “So you were just jealous because I was with someone else?”

  “No, that's not it. I just realised how I felt, I knew I had to have you.”

  “And now what? We can tell Drew and actually be together?”

  “Elly, you know you mean the world to me, but we can't tell Drew. Your brother’s my best friend and he will kill us, and if he doesn’t, he will probably never talk to me again.” I can still feel his strong arms around me, hugging me as he whispers the torturous words, breaking my heart forever.

  “Then why did you just let this happen... it was you who started it, you kissed me, why would you let it go this far if it wasn’t going anywhere?” Tears fall from my eyes. I can't stop them. This hurts too much.

  “You know I want something more too, gorgeous, but we can’t. Just stay with me tonight, let us have this.” His lips are on mine again, desperate, wanting. I pull back from him and I can see the hurt in his eyes.

  “Are you serious? You knew what tonight meant to me, I’m not just one of the sluts you normally bring home! I was waiting for the right person, you knew that!” I sit up, now madly pulling on my clothes. I can't believe this is happening after I trusted him.