The Longest Night

by Z. Allora

  “Get there by seven and you can use the onsite showers,” Foster offered.

  Benjamin added, “Looks like those boots will do, and I’ve got some extra work clothes you can change into.”

  The man sniffed and wiped at his eyes. “Why you two doing this? You don’t know me.”

  “You bravely sacrificed for our country. We can’t fix the entire problem, but this is something we can do.” Foster added a little steel in his voice. “This isn’t a handout. There’s work to be done. I expect you there on time and to do your best.”

  The man nodded. “Yes, sir. I’ll be there.”

  “You’ve got somewhere to stay tonight?” Benjamin asked.

  “Yeah, yeah. The church on Grover opened their basement.” The man pointed toward the corner, and then after he studied the card, he slipped it inside his glove.

  “Okay. We’ll see you on Monday morning.” Benjamin hoped they would.

  “Thank you. I’ll be there.” The man waved and headed toward the church.

  Foster put his hand on the small of Benjamin’s back and ushered him toward the truck.

  Benjamin opened Foster’s door and smiled when he went around to his side to see the driver’s door opened. It was all the little and big things that made Benjamin wish for so much.

  After jumping into the truck, he started the engine and blasted the heater. “You think he’ll come?”

  “I hope so.” Foster stared at him. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

  The gaze became intense, forcing Benjamin to ask, “What?”

  “Well, you might think this is too soon, but I think we need to speak with human resources.”

  “About?”

  “Even though you don’t report to me, I want you to be covered… that is, if we want to see where this relationship goes, we should notify them.”

  Relationship? We have a relationship! Do not do a happy dance, and you are too old to do a victory fist pump. So instead he nodded.

  “Don’t you want to say anything?” His Master seemed a bit put out, like he had been left hanging.

  Benjamin did the only thing he could think of that he could do in public. “Um, would you like to come over to celebrate December 21 with me?”

  “I’d love to spend the longest night with you.”

  What Benjamin hoped for was soon they’d be spending all their nights together, but he didn’t say that.

  Chapter 6

  BENJAMIN HAD never had so much fun dating before. He loved spending time with Foster. Long conversations ranging from politics to their families to how they celebrated the Pagan tradition allowed Benjamin to discover how much they had in common and that he wasn’t the only Upstate New Yorker who loved the Boston Red Sox.

  Now for the first time in what seemed like years, Benjamin hung an evergreen wreath on his front door. He’d made the circlet from the boughs of trees in his backyard. A quick time check said Foster would be over soon to celebrate Yule.

  A message from Sophia read: Happy Yule! Enjoy your first of many with Foster.

  She’d been gushing for days about their budding romance and pointedly ignored his attempts to tamp down her excitement.

  He texted back, He’s just coming for dinner.

  She responded, I’m sure you’ll both come! Ha-ha! It’s the longest night.

  He sent her a devil emoji.

  Secretly he couldn’t stop feeling they had started something special. He’d been leery about talking to human resources about their relationship, but it was policy, and everything went well. Each contact made their bond and connection bind Benjamin tighter to Foster.

  Once back in the warmth of his house, the scent of the roast and lemon squares assailed him, making his belly grumble. The table had been set with his grandmother’s china. Boughs of evergreen ran along the stairwell and draped over the railing. The tree was ready for the lights, and a Yule log sat in the fireplace. His downstairs was transformed into a true celebration. He cued the music.

  His mom had purchased the CD years ago at a New Age shop on Lark Street. The violin and piano sang winter solstice melodies. God, he missed her.

  He picked up one of the pictures of his mom that he had scattered around the room among pictures of his friends. The snapshot caught her with her ever-present smile, her knitting in her lap, and the unconditional love and utter joy that she always wore whenever she was with him. Even at the very end, she’d begged him to find happiness. Benjamin couldn’t help but feel that since she’d gone, he’d disappointed her… until now.

  “You’d like Foster, Mom. He’s good….” Swallowing the regret that she’d never meet Foster in this life, he muttered, “And I think I’m finally figuring out how to be happy.”

  The doorbell rang. Benjamin rushed to open the door.

  “Yuletide blessings,” Foster cried out as he drew Benjamin into a big hug.

  “Merry Yule,” Benjamin muttered over the top of Foster’s head. “Come in.”

  “I’m reluctant to let go of you, but I see mistletoe in the hallway, so….” Foster stepped in and shut out the cold. He dropped a sack by the door.

  Benjamin took Foster’s navy peacoat and snickered at Foster’s silly red shirt with mistletoe right above his belt and white letters proclaiming “Nothing Says Yule Like Kissing Under the Mistletoe.”

  Chuckling, Benjamin said, “Nice shirt. I’ll hang this in the coat closet.”

  There was a familiar pleasure at seeing Foster’s coat right next to his.

  Foster dragged a chair under the mistletoe and pointed. “Sit.”

  “Yes, Master.” Excitement propelled Benjamin into the chair. He adored Foster for being in control and giving directions that benefited both of them. They seemed to morph in and out of their Dom/sub roles, and that suited Benjamin perfectly.

  “So sweet.” Foster cupped Benjamin’s head and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. The tenderness made him feel safe and treasured. He could get used to this, but fuck if terror didn’t rage through him.

  A tear escaped and rolled down Benjamin’s cheek. He turned to wipe the wetness away.

  Foster caught his hand and rotated him back around. “Never hide from me. Ever. Tell me what’s going on.”

  Benjamin shook his head but found he couldn’t hold back his sob.

  “It’s okay, honey.” Foster enveloped him in an embrace that unlocked all of Benjamin’s loss, loneliness, and fears.

  He tried to catch his breath and explain about his mom’s death, how lonely he’d been, and how Foster was the first person to ever really see him… other than her, but on even more levels than she knew existed in him. But he didn’t know how much Foster understood through Benjamin’s tears and sniffles.

  Foster straddled his lap and gently rocked him. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”

  Benjamin didn’t know why, but he believed Foster. He desperately needed that to be true. “It’s so hard. This time of year, without her… I… don’t know.”

  “I wish I could fight all the monsters for you. But there are some I can’t. Some only you can. I’ll hold you and give you strength until you can fight them off. I’m here.”

  And Benjamin clung.

  Foster murmured soft words, promising variations of “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Nodding, Benjamin sniffed and used his sleeve to wipe his eyes.

  Foster pulled out a packet of tissue. He wiped Benjamin’s face, and then handed him one to use. “There you are.”

  Benjamin wasn’t sure how long Foster straddled his lap and held him, but he felt calm and able to deal. “This time of year is hard for me. Most of my family disowned me, and last year when I lost my mom….” Benjamin swallowed and shrugged. “It’s been hard.”

  “And lonely.”

  Benjamin nodded.

  “I can’t bring her back, but I can keep you company until it’s your turn to move to the next plane of existence.” Foster stood and took Benjamin’s hand. “Take me to where I can get you a cold w
ashcloth.”

  Benjamin led him to the downstairs bathroom. He sat on the tub’s edge and let Foster trace a cool, wet cloth over his tearstained face and neck.

  Foster tended to him as if they’d done a hard scene. A sense of deep relief penetrated him. Benjamin’s soul had been purged of a heaviness he didn’t even know he carried. “Thank you.”

  His words didn’t come close to the profound gratefulness he had for Foster.

  “I’ll be here as long as you need me in whatever capacity that might be.” Foster considered him for a moment and then demanded, “Say what’s on your mind.”

  Benjamin swallowed down the anxiety of it’s too soon and the horror of rejection. He took a deep breath, then stared into Foster’s eyes. He’d found his center. “I know we haven’t known each other long, but I need you in so many ways it scares me.”

  There, the truth was no longer hanging between them, hinted at but unspoken.

  Foster tugged him into an embrace so his head rested on Foster’s shoulder, and then his cheek was kissed. “Good. In case the trip to human resources didn’t cue you in and so there is no misinterpretation, I’m falling in love with you, and I intend on keeping you. Forever.”

  “Um….” Benjamin’s face hurt from smiling. “Yes, Master.”

  “Good boy.” Foster’s voice dropped an octave. “Now, shall we decorate our first Yule tree together?”

  “Yes, Master.” Happiness and calm sang through him, reinforcing everything about the two of them was right.

  Foster led him to the Yule tree. “Wow, it’s huge. You dragged this in here all by yourself?”

  Benjamin shrugged. “Of course. My Master would be celebrating with me.”

  The title had become wrapped in love and everything good in the world.

  “Wow.” Foster dragged the stepstool over to the tree. “Some of us aren’t big and tall like you.”

  Sneaking over behind Foster, Benjamin wrapped his arms around him and murmured, “You’re plenty big enough for me, Master.”

  Foster spun around and positioned Benjamin in front of him. He then pulled Benjamin into a demanding, take-no-prisoners kiss. Eventually, Foster pulled back.

  Benjamin felt conquered and an overwhelming need to give. “Oh, Master.”

  After clearing his throat, Foster said, “Work before playtime.”

  “Are you sure?” Benjamin pointed at Foster’s shirt. “I’d be happy to kiss under the mistletoe.”

  Foster folded his arms over his chest and chuckled. “Very sure, my impatient one.”

  “I could lick and suck too.” Benjamin laughed.

  “I think I might need a safeword to stop your teasing ways.” Foster grinned and pointed to the tree. “Okay, let’s start at the top, and we’ll work our way down.”

  “That’s usually the way I do it.” Benjamin did his best to do a pout that would make Sophia proud.

  Foster snorted and shook his head. “You work on your brat-mode, and I’ll check each strand of lights.”

  Benjamin grinned while he waited until the last lead was deemed good before he clapped. “It’s a Yuletide miracle. They never all work.”

  Foster grabbed Benjamin’s hand and chanted, “We imbue these actions with wishes of healing, renewal, and joy.”

  They unwound the strand and entwined the twinkling lights onto the branches of the tree.

  When they finished the tree, Benjamin said, “I open myself up to the universe to allow goodness and light in so I may send it out.”

  Foster repeated the phrase.

  To share this with Foster warmed all of him. Benjamin squeezed his hand. “Shall we burn the Yule log?”

  Foster dashed to the entryway and came back with a bag. “I know it’s tradition to start the log with a piece from last year, but I’d like us to add this bag as well. I usually collect pieces of wood from different trees during a hike the weekend before Samhain.”

  “That’s a great tradition.” Dare Benjamin ask to be part of the pre-Halloween hike? “Maybe next year—”

  “I’d love that. We’ll make a long weekend of it.” Foster scrutinized him, tilted his head, and then gave him a big grin. “That whole dominance thing isn’t just an act. I even know the inn we’ll stay at.”

  Stability and a sense of peace cloaked Benjamin, making him feel protected. “I look forward to it.”

  Foster grinned and opened the bag of chips. “There’s ash for protection, health, and prosperity. Aspen to allow us a peek at the grand design. When I put birch in, I hope for new beginnings and for wishes to manifest.”

  He pulled Benjamin into a kiss that turned fiery, making Benjamin wonder how bad an overdone roast might taste. He could hide the dry with gravy, right?

  Tapping Benjamin’s nose with his index finger, Foster sighed and cleared his throat. “Let’s continue. I added holly to inspire us to see beyond and pine for growth. Oak will bring strength, healing, and wisdom in everything we do. And finally, willow to aid in achieving our dreams.”

  “Thank you for bringing this tonight.” Benjamin’s heart might burst with the love that enlarged it.

  “You’re most welcome. The Yule log is decorated beautifully. Well done.”

  Benjamin felt glad Foster noticed the hard work that went into twining evergreen, holly, and mistletoe around the log. Benjamin had imbued the Yule log with many hopes, most of which involved Foster.

  “I’ll get the lights.” Benjamin flicked off the lights and repeated the words his mother had always said. “As we are plunged into the darkness of the longest night, let us contemplate the past year. Allow us to celebrate the times of joy, and when we were able to overcome the challenges life has given, allow us to find tranquility.”

  Foster accepted the long matches. “Honey, please hold the bag so we can bring light to illuminate the darkness.”

  Benjamin held out the cloth bag of wood chips for Foster to light. Then they set the burning bag on the log. Multicolored flames incinerated the bag, and the scent of evergreen wafted around them, wrapping Benjamin into believing in the possibilities of the holidays. They stared at the dancing flames that enveloped the burning log. The sounds of the crackling wood gave Benjamin a deep contentment.

  “We bring light to illuminate the longest night.” Benjamin plugged in the twinkle lights on the tree.

  Pulling Benjamin to his side, Foster drew him back to the Yule log. “What would you like to banish from your life?”

  “Loss and loneliness.”

  Foster reached out and held his hand. “Me too.”

  “What are you thankful for this year?” Benjamin asked.

  “You.”

  Handing Foster an acorn, Benjamin made sure their fingers brushed. “What’s your resolution?”

  “To convince you that we’re going to have a fabulous life together.” Foster tossed the nut into the fire.

  “I think you already have….” Benjamin tossed his acorn in and proclaimed, “I’m going to stop avoiding chances and life.”

  Foster pulled him into his arms. “I think you already have.”

  As the Yule log burned, Foster lit the candles on the dining room table.

  Benjamin brought the dishes of food from the kitchen.

  Gesturing to the food as he slipped into his place at the head of the table, Foster praised, “This is a feast fit for a king.”

  Benjamin glowed with the praise and sat on Foster’s right. “I just want it to be fit for my Master.”

  Foster grabbed Benjamin’s hand and kissed the knuckles. “It’s perfect.”

  “There’s pork roast with rosemary and garlic, twice-baked potatoes, squash, and glazed carrots. I made lemon bars and Celtic Yule cakes for dessert.” Benjamin had struggled to make the pentangles straight on them. “Would you prefer ale, spiced cider with oranges, or water to drink?”

  “I’d love to try everything you prepared. May I have a bit of each? Thank you, Benjamin.”

  Benjamin filled two goblets for Foster and on
e of spiced cider for himself.

  “I’d like to share a Yule blessing before we eat.” Foster took Benjamin’s hand and kissed the palm. He interlocked their fingers, then said, “May this Solstice bring you… us, peace and good fortune in the coming year. Let’s welcome the returning sun with hope and joy.”

  “From your lips to the God and Goddess’s ears.” Benjamin kissed Foster’s hand and released it. He filled Foster’s plate with a bit of everything.

  “Thank you, Benjamin.”

  Once dinner was eaten and all the cleanup complete, Foster said, “I also brought supplies to make wishing pinecones.”

  They sat side by side at the table, under the flickering light of the candles, and wrote their wishes for the new year.

  After the various wishes for world peace and good health for everyone they knew and didn’t know, Benjamin decided to get real. “I wish to be collared.”

  Foster snatched one of the wishes he’d already written and read it. “I wish to collar my sub.”

  My was underlined three times. Joy, infused with everything good, collided inside Benjamin’s heart, filling it with the holiday spirit and happiness.

  Benjamin handed Foster a strip of paper with a simple and silly wish, reading, “I wish my Master would let me test the statement on his shirt.”

  Foster chuckled and unbuckled his pants. “Never let it be said I denied my sub the joy of kissing under my mistletoe.”

  Benjamin slipped to his knees and experienced the satisfaction of giving on the longest night.

  Epilogue

  The following December…

  Two Hearts Becoming One

  Benjamin Morgan surrendered his heart into the keeping of Foster Ridgeway

  Together they invite you to witness their hand fasting

  To be held at Entwined on the longest night of the year

  At the stroke of midnight

  They will bind their souls together

  And bid you to bear witness to their love and commitment to each other.

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