Waited So Long

by J. M. Dabney

  "And?"

  I almost grinned at the dangerous edge to his voice because I hadn't mentioned if the friend was male or female.

  "My possessive Daddy. I told her I had to talk to you. She wants to have dinner so she can see my man in person."

  "I'd love to have dinner with your friends." He stroked the sides of my thighs as he seemed to study me as if he were looking for something. "Unless you want to maybe keep me hidden."

  "Of course not, Bern, the age difference only bothered me for a bit because of my need for a Daddy and I thought I was too old for that. I wouldn't hide you for anything. She may be a little jealous about my hot ginger boyfriend."

  "Was she?"

  I hummed an affirmative as I tipped my head so he could nip at the side of my throat. I combed my fingers through his hair and held him in place as I felt the sting as he sucked at my pulse.

  "Some of the guys are getting together Friday night, them and their significant others. I want to take my boy with me."

  "You want me to go out with you and your friends?"

  "I want to show you off. I told them I'd have the hottest person on my arm."

  "Who are you taking? Someone young and cute?" I yelled as he smacked my thigh.

  "You want to ask me that again? You haven't been put over my knee yet."

  "You wouldn't," I said and realized that was the wrong reply.

  He backed up and pulled out one of the kitchen chairs. He sat down and patted his thighs.

  "Lie right here…now."

  I wanted to protest, but the look in his eyes made me roll my lips between my teeth. I lowered my feet to the floor and approached slowly, my stomach twisted with knots. I laid myself across his lap, and his right arm became a brace across my lower back.

  "You may have been joking, but I need you to understand that I only do this to correct your thinking. You're more to me than some meaningless fuck, you're mine, and I adore every inch of you."

  His voice was hard, and the first strike had me wiggling to get away. It wasn't a sensual spanking—this was punishment. I may have been joking when I asked if he was taking someone else, but my distorted thinking made me second guess if I wanted to meet his friends and have them look at me—wonder what Daddy saw in me.

  "You're beautiful and perfect to me."

  Another landed, and fire spread across my ass cheeks. It hurt, but even as Daddy corrected me, his voice softened.

  "I have loved you for years. I don't want anyone else."

  The third, fourth, and fifth ones had my hips arching as the pain intensified. Tears filled my eyes as he spanked me and listed all the things that he loved about me. Told me that I was his boy and he was a lucky Daddy for having me. Something inside me broke, and I buried my face in my hands. I was lifted to curl up on his lap. He stroked my back, kissed my brow, and I felt very much outside myself. He pulled my hands away from my face, and with gentle fingertips, he lifted my gaze to his.

  "Lawrence treated you as if you were a burden and undesirable, you are neither of those things to me. I don't want to hurt you, but I need you to get out of the mindset that exists from his actions. I need you to understand that Daddy loves you, always has, and one day I hope you love me too. Until then, I will love and care for you, correct you when needed. You won't put yourself down in my presence. Do you understand?"

  "Yes, Daddy. Can you just hold me?"

  "For however long you need me too. Did you want to lie down with Daddy for a short nap?"

  I couldn't speak as the lump in my throat seemed to get bigger so I nodded and he easily stood with me cradled in his arms. I hugged him and pressed my face to his throat as he carried me through the house and up to the bedroom. My ass was sore, and the burn was almost too much. He stretched out on the bed, pulling a throw blanket over me. I was suddenly tired, and my mind kept going back to all the things I'd learned in my marriage. How much of it left a mental scar? Had I started to see myself as Lawrence had and take the blame for the divorce?

  "Just close your eyes, boy, Daddy will hold you. And when you wake up, I'll give you a nice long bath and feed you."

  I felt more than heard his chuckle as I crawled on top of him, pushing his shirt up until I could nuzzle hairy skin and he readjusted the blanket. He soothingly stroked his rough hands up and down my back as I felt my lids grow heavy. I'd never grow tired of how he made me feel safe and loved. At almost fifty, I just realized how lonely my life was up until him. Even when he was just my best friend's kid, looking back, he did special things that I'd taken for granted. A book I mentioned I wanted to read that I didn't think anyone was paying attention to me when I’d said it. Small pieces here and there that I'd stared at for a second longer than normal in the store. Each one found its way to me for birthdays or holidays—sometimes he'd just drop something off and leave. I needed to do better. I wasn't the man I was a year ago, and I needed to learn to move forward.

  10

  Bern

  I hated punishing him, but I'd only done it because he needed it. Three days later, I was still agonizing over the fact I hurt him, but I couldn't let him make jokes about himself. He might think it was the thing to say, brush off his insecurities as a non-issue. That wasn't what it was at all. He'd only accepted my claim a few weeks earlier, and we had a long way to go for me to get Lawrence's poison out of his mind.

  "That is not the look of a man in love."

  I turned my head to find my dad studying me from where he stood in the kitchen doorway. Devon was having drinks with his friend Tiffany from work, and I didn't want to stay in that house without him.

  "I had to punish him."

  "Your mother always hated when she had to correct me. She always wanted to be the loving and caring Domme. I understood why she did it, and I'm sure he knows too."

  "Doesn't make it right. I told him I wanted him to go with me to hang out with the guys I work with. He made a joke about taking someone younger and cute."

  "Bern, he's insecure, and you know why, but you can't let him get away with denigrating himself. He needs to learn his worth, and sometimes, you need to take him in hand."

  "I know, but it was his first punishment."

  "Did you gently bring him down?"

  "Yes, we took a nap, then I gave him a bath."

  "Your mom would be so proud of you."

  I grinned as he walked behind me and only paused long enough to drop a kiss on the top of my head. I remember when I was little and something was bothering me, he'd do the same. My life had always been filled with love. Dad had always made sure I was safe and happy. I wondered what life would've been like if my mother had survived. He always assured me she would've felt pride in the boy I was and the man I became. I didn't remember her. The only memories I had were the stories he told me and the videos that she'd left behind.

  "Dad, do you have the videos Mom left for me?"

  "Yes, I had them converted to disks a few years ago." He disappeared, and I almost yelled at him that he didn't have to get them now, but he was back within minutes with a stack of disks.

  She'd left three sets, one for Dad, one for us and the last set just for me. Dad had never watched mine, and his were private.

  "Do you still watch yours?"

  "Yes."

  I didn't ask him to explain. They were words special to him, and I wondered if she’d left him with videos to help him find his center long after she was gone.

  "Maybe you should go check those out. There's a few new ones in there."

  "New?"

  "Yes, I thought about sending them to you while you were away, but when you were deployed and all that, I didn't think whatever advice she gave you you'd want to share with others. They were in her safety deposit box, and there's some she left for after you found your person."

  "You didn't tell me."

  "You've been distracted with claiming your boy. Why don't you go next door and watch them alone?"

  I held them tightly until the edges of the cases cut into
my hands, and I stood. I dropped my left hand from the bundle and wrapped my arm around him.

  "Thank you."

  "Your mom loved you from the moment she knew she was pregnant. Said you were the greatest gift next to my trust that she'd ever received. Go spend some time with your mom."

  I reluctantly released him and quickly headed back to Devon's. As I was standing in front of the TV, I flipped through until I found the new ones, and chose the one that was labeled, When you find your one. I put the disk into the DVD player and backed up until I fell onto the couch. I fumbled the remote as I took deep breaths and tried to find my calm before pressing play.

  A beautiful face with a fall of bright red curls stared at me. Every video was the same, she looked so serene, even knowing that her time was limited.

  "Hi, Bern. Well, this is a special video. I had Murray save it until just this moment. If you're like me"—she took a deep breath—"you saw your one, and nothing would stop you from having them. I don't know if you grew up to be gay or straight, whether you just love the person, but if you've met them, I'm so happy for you."

  I saw the tears fill her eyes as if she was mourning the fact that she wouldn't be here to meet the person I was going to make mine.

  "I wish I could be there when you made your vows. I know your dad. I know I left you in the best hands. You'll know what true love is. I know you're probably well past the sex talk stage and I won't embarrass you by giving you advice on how to please your person. I'm here to tell you how to care for your person. To make sure you instill peace in your person.

  "Let me start by saying, when I met Murray, I could see the shadows in his eyes. He didn't understand how deeply I would come to love him. I watched as he tore himself down and tried to drive me away. Sometimes just telling someone how much you love them doesn't get the point across. It's in how you show them, son. It's the memories you leave behind for them. I won't go into details, but years of videos I've been trying to talk your dad into finding love, but our love was perfect in his eyes. I so wish—" Her voice broke.

  Tears filled my eyes as I watched her unashamedly cry as she imagined what leaving her husband behind would do. I just stared at the screen, and I could see all the pain and regret, the anger for her body failing her.

  "I so wish that I had a lifetime with him. But in the short time we had together, I know I showed him the love he deserved and that he shouldn't settle for less. And I know I left him in your capable hands. Even as a baby, I could see the calm you had—the empathy. I know your person is incredibly lucky to have you. I'm sure your dad explained what our relationship was like and I don't know if you grew up to be a Dom or not, but it doesn't change the fact that there's things that they're going to need."

  I jumped as I felt arms wrap around me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Devon sitting on the back of the couch. I leaned back between his legs and hit pause. I rested my head on his stomach as he draped his arms over my shoulders.

  "She was so beautiful and the harder she fought, the more I was in awe of her."

  "I miss her. They say you don't miss what you never had, but I always had her. She made hundreds of videos, some personal for me and Dad, then ones for us to watch together."

  "Do you want to be left alone with her?"

  "No, you might like this one."

  "Your person? I came in a few minutes ago, but if this is something for the two of you, I don't want to intrude."

  "Please stay." I tipped my head to get a kiss then wrapped my hand around his arms where he was hugging me. I hit play. I stroked his skin through the linen of his dress shirt.

  "Being in love isn't something we can take lightly. We can't love pieces of a person. You have to accept all their parts, the pretty and the ugly. Your person may come with previous heartaches. Abuse. Traumas that you won't understand, but we love them in such a way that we foster peace and self-worth. Your love isn't enough to repair the damage. Love is merely a band-aid. We have to listen to them. Hear what they say even when they don't want to share everything. Build them up so that they stand beside you knowing that you'll always be there no matter how they stumble.

  "You correct the damage made. They are a secondhand gift, one that in some cases needs some TLC. But they shine no less bright because they come with a few scars. You love them past that which tried to destroy them."

  His arms tightened a fraction around me, and I brushed a kiss to his wrist. I savored his warmth and weight. "I always wanted to be for you what Mom was for Dad. I'm scared that I won't do it right."

  I let him take the remote, and he paused it. I stared right into my mom's beautiful eyes. Eyes that were exactly like mine. I could see her delicate features in the more masculine and harsher angles of mine. The shape of her mouth. The curl of her hair. That lopsided smile that Dad always said reminded him of her.

  "There's no right or wrong here. You've become the man I dreamed of that would've claimed me. We're new. We still have some obstacles to work through. She would've been so proud of you, Bern."

  "I hope so. I see Dad, and decades later, the love in his eyes when he talks about Mom is no less bright."

  "Let's finish spending time with your mom. I think you need it."

  I tugged on his hand until he moved around to curl up on my lap, and he wiggled to get comfortable. I held him close as he pushed play, and we watched the video in silence, sharing kisses and touches. Us just being together with no need to fill the silence beyond the sound of my mom's voice instructing me on how to take care of Devon. And I knew in my heart she would've been ecstatic he was my one.

  11

  Devon

  I leaned into Bern as Tiff told an embarrassing story about her husband and I laughed louder at the big, scary man's bright red blush. My legs were draped over Daddy's as he held them in place. I couldn't get any closer unless I sat on his lap. He'd been extra cuddly the last few weeks since we'd watched his mom's video. We'd gone for drinks and dinner with his friends from work, and finally, we'd gotten a date finalized to have dinner with Tiff and Ted. The pretty petite woman with her demure clothes hadn't led me to see her married to a huge, tattooed biker with a shaved head, but Ted gave his wife the sweetest looks.

  I was having wine with Tiff, as Ted and Bern stuck to non-alcoholic options. We'd arrived two hours ago and still hadn't ordered food, except for appetizers. I couldn't remember the last time I went out on a double date. Hell, I couldn't remember my last date before Bern.

  "So, since I embarrassed my husband"—she raised her hand and affectionately tugged his long goatee—"how did you two meet? All Devon told me was that you'd been away for a while."

  I held my breath and let him answer.

  "It all started when I was fifteen, and I developed a hatred for his husband having what I wanted. And since I couldn't have him"—Bern turned to stare at me with an adoring expression as he stroked the side of my thigh—"I went as far away for college as I could and then enlisted in the Marines. Dad sent me an email a year ago and told me he was free, and I came home when my enlistment was up."

  "You waited all those years?"

  "Yes, I was probably an annoying teenager with my unrequited love. I got home as soon as I could so no one else would snatch him up before me, but I didn't have to worry too much. I had my dad keeping an eye on my boy. I don't think I gave him much choice."

  "I was a little confused, but I quickly smartened up."

  "I wasn't going to give up. I've been dreaming and preparing for six years since the last time I saw you."

  "So your dad was in on it? Tiff's old man pulled a gun on me when I knocked on the door our first date. Her ex was an asshole. I didn't blame him for being skeptical about me."

  Tiff rubbed his chest and leaned into him, his arm automatically going around her. I wondered if I looked as content as she did with her husband?

  "His original plan was to hook me up with his dad, who's my best friend."

  "The idea didn't last long."

&n
bsp; The server approached the table and waited for all of us to look at her. "Are y'all ready to order or another round of drinks?"

  "Order, baby," Bern said.

  I scanned the menu one more time to see if I still wanted the same thing. I just ordered a salad, next was Tiff and then Bern and Ted. Another round of drinks was ordered, and it would be my last. While I enjoyed the occasional beer, I wasn't much of a drinker, and I didn't want to be asleep before we even got home.

  After the server left, we went back to talking and only pausing when drinks arrived.

  "Devon, isn't this a surprise."

  I tensed at the sound of Lawrence's voice for the first time in almost a year. He hadn't made contact since the divorce was finalized. I tried to remove my legs from Bern's lap, and he gave my thigh a punishing squeeze. He brought his left arm across and pinched my chin, bringing my eyes to his. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my ear.

  "Boy, you don't hide you're mine. Do you understand me?"

  I whispered yes, Daddy low enough for only him to hear.

  "Good boy." He turned my head enough to give me a kiss, and I felt his smile.

  Just like that, I was calm. Bern didn't hide his displays of affection or that I was his, and he wanted to make sure I showed everyone he was mine too. Wherever we went, he laced our fingers and kept me close. He was always within arm's length of me so he could touch me whenever he wanted. I was doing better with my insecurity but still lost myself on occasion. He told me he accepted that it would take me a while to start shifting my thinking, but that he would always be there to help.

  When he leaned back, I saw the harshness of his features as he turned his attention to Lawrence.

  "Lawrence, how are you?"

  "I see you're back in town."

  "Have been for almost two months. Tiffany, Ted, this is Lawrence."

  "We've met briefly at a couple of our work events." I was surprised by Tiff's frosty voice.

  Per Lawrence's usual rudeness when he wasn't getting his way, he ignored the other couple. He didn't seem in a hurry to take his narrowed gaze away from Bern and I, and I didn't miss the way he snarled his nose when he saw the way I was sitting.