Galusha the Magnificent

by Joseph Crosby Lincoln

  CHAPTER III

  The fainting fit did not last long. When Galusha again became interestedin the affairs of this world it was to become aware that a glasscontaining something not unpleasantly fragrant was held directly beneathhis nose and that some one was commanding him to drink.

  So he drank, and the fragrant liquid in the tumbler descended to hisstomach and thence, apparently, to his fingers and toes; at all eventsthose chilled members began to tingle agreeably. Mr. Bangs attempted tosit up.

  "No, no, you stay right where you are," said the voice, the same voicewhich had urged him to drink.

  "But really I--I am quite well now. And your sofa--"

  "Never mind the sofa. You aren't the first soakin' wet mortal that hasbeen on it. No, you mind me and stay still.... Primmie!"

  "Yes'm. Here I be."

  "Did you get the doctor on the 'phone?"

  "Yes'm. He said he'd be right down soon's ever he could. He was kind offussy 'long at fust; said he hadn't had no supper and was wet through,and all such talk's that. But I headed HIM off, my savin' soul, yes!Says I, 'There's a man here that's more'n wet through; he ain't had athing but rum since I don't know when.'"

  "Heavens and earth! WHAT did you tell him that for?"

  "Why, it's so, ain't it, Miss Marthy? You said yourself he was starved."

  "But what did you tell him about the rum for? Never mind, never mind.Don't stop to argue about it. You go out and make some tea, hot tea, andtoast some bread. And hurry, Primmie--HURRY!"

  "Yes'm, but--"

  "HURRY!... And Primmie Cash, if you scorch that toast-bread I'll scrapeoff the burned part and make you eat it, I declare I will. Now you lieright still, Mr.--er--Bangs, did you say your name was?"

  "Yes, but really, madam--"

  "My name is Phipps, Martha Phipps."

  "Really. Mrs. Phipps--"

  "Miss, not Mrs."

  "I beg your pardon. Really, Miss Phipps, I cannot permit you to takeso much trouble. I must go on, back to the village--or--or somewhere.I--Dear me?"

  "What is it?"

  "Nothing, nothing, my head is rather confused--dizzy. I shall be allright again, shortly. I am ashamed of myself."

  "You needn't be. Anybody that has walked 'way down here, a night likethis, on an empty stomach--" She paused, laughed, and exclaimed, "Ofcourse, I don't mean you walked on your stomach, exactly, Mr. Bangs."

  Galusha smiled, feebly. "There were times when I began to think I shouldbe forced to," he said.

  "I don't doubt it. There, there! now don't try to talk any more tillyou've had something to eat. Doctor Powers will be here pretty soon; itisn't very far--in an automobile. I'm afraid he's liable to have a queernotion of what's the matter with you. The idea of that Primmie tellin'him you hadn't had anything but rum for she didn't know how long! My,my! Well, 'twas the truth, but it bears out what my father used to say,that a little truth was like a little learnin', an awfully dangerousthing.... There, there! don't talk. I'll talk for both of us. I have afaculty that way--father used to say THAT, too," she added, with a broadsmile.

  When Doctor Powers did arrive, which was about fifteen minutes later,he found the patient he had come to see drinking hot tea and eatingbuttered toast. He was sitting in a big rocker with his steaming shoespropped against the stove. Miss Phipps introduced the pair and explainedmatters to the extent of her knowledge. Galusha added the lackingdetails.

  The doctor felt the Bangs' pulse and took the Bangs temperature. Theowner of the pulse and temperature made feeble protests, declaringhimself to be "perfectly all right, really" and that he must be goingback to the village. He couldn't think of putting every one to so muchtrouble.

  "And where will you go when you get back to the village?" asked DoctorPowers.

  "Why, to the--ah--hotel. I presume there is a hotel."

  "No, there isn't. The Inn across the road here is the only hotel in EastWellmouth, and that is closed for the season."

  "Dear me, doctor! Dear me! Well, perhaps I may be able to hirea--ah--car or wagon or something to take me to Wellmouth. I havefriends in Wellmouth; I intended visiting them. Do you know ProfessorHall--ah--George Hall, of New York?"

  "Yes, I know him well. He and his family are patients of mine. But theHalls are not in Wellmouth now."

  "They are not?"

  "No, they went back to New York two weeks or more ago. Their cottage isclosed."

  "Dear me!... Oh, dear!... Why, but--but there IS a hotel at Wellmouth?"

  "Yes, a kind of hotel, but you mustn't think of going there to-night."Then, with a motion of his hand, he indicated to Miss Phipps that hewished to speak with her alone. She led the way to the kitchen and hefollowed.

  "Martha," he said, when the door closed, "to be absolutely honest withyou, that man in there shouldn't go out again to-night. He has been halfsick for some time, I judge from what he has told me, and he is weak andworn out from his tramp and wetting."

  Miss Phipps shook her head impatiently.

  "The idea of Raish Pulcifer's cartin' him 'way over here and thenleavin' him in the middle of the road," she said. "It's just likeRaish, but that doesn't help it any; nothin' that's like Raish helpsanything--much," she added.

  The doctor laughed.

  "I'm beginning to believe you're right, Martha," he agreed.

  "I'm pretty sure I am. I think I know Raish Pulcifer by this time; Ialmost wish I didn't. Father used to say that if ignorance was bliss thehome for feeble-minded folks ought to be a paradise. But I don'tknow; sometimes I wish I wasn't so wise about some things; I might behappier."

  Her pleasant, comely face had clouded over. Doctor Powers thought heunderstood why.

  "Haven't heard anything hopeful about the Wellmouth Development Company,have you?" he asked.

  "Not a word. I've almost given up expectin' to. How about you?"

  "Oh, I've heard nothing new. Well, I've got only ten shares, so theloss, if it is a loss, won't break me. But Cap'n Jethro went in ratherheavily, so they say."

  "I believe he did."

  "Yes. Well, it may be all right, after all. Raish says all we need istime."

  "Um-hm. And that's all the Lord needed when He made the world. He madeit in six days. Sometimes when I'm out of sorts I wonder if onemore week wouldn't have given us a better job.... But there, that'sirreverent, isn't it, and off the track besides? Now about this littleBangs man. What ought to be done with him?"

  "Well, as I say, he shouldn't go out to-night. Of course he'll have to."

  "Why will he have to?"

  "Because he needs to go to bed and sleep. I thought perhaps I could gethim down to the light and Cap'n Jethro and Lulie could give him a room."

  "There's a room here. Two or three of 'em, as far as that goes. He isn'tvery big; he won't need more than one."

  "But, Martha, I didn't know how you would feel about taking a strangeman into your house, at night, and--"

  Miss Phipps interrupted him.

  "Heavens and earth, doctor!" she exclaimed, "what DO you think I am? I'mforty-one years old next August and I weigh--Well, I won't tell youwhat I weigh, but I blush every time I see the scales. If you think I'mafraid of a little, meek creature like the one in the sittin' room younever made a bigger mistake. And there's Primmie to help me, in case Ineed help, which I shan't. Besides he doesn't look as if he would runoff with the spoons, now does he?"

  Doctor Powers laughed heartily. "Why, no, he doesn't," he admitted. "Ithink you'll find him a quiet little chap."

  "Yes. And he isn't able to half look after himself when he's well, tosay nothin' of when he's sick. Anybody--any woman, anyhow--could tellthat just by lookin' at him. And I've brought up a father, so I've hadexperience. He'll stay right here in the spare bedroom to-night--yes,and to-morrow night, too, if you think he'd better. Now don't talk anymore rubbish, but go in and tell him so."

  Her hand was on the latch of the sitting room door when the doctor askedone more question.

  "Say, Martha," he asked, "this is not my bu
siness, but as a friend ofyours I--Tell me: Cap'n Jim--your father, I mean--didn't put more moneythan he could spare in that Development scheme, did he? I mean you,yourself, aren't--er--likely to be embarrassed in case--in case--"

  Miss Phipps interrupted hastily, almost too hastily, so Doctor Powersthought.

  "No, no, of course not," she said.

  "Truly, Martha? I'm only asking as a friend, you know."

  "Why, of course. There now, doctor, don't you worry about me. You knowwhat father and I were to each other; is it likely he would leave mein trouble of any kind? Now come in and see if Primmie has talked thislittle sick man of ours into another faintin' fit."

  Primmie had not, but the "little sick man" came, apparently, very nearto fainting when told that he was to occupy the Phipps' spare bedroomovernight. Oh, he could not possibly do such a thing, really he couldn'tthink of it! "Dear me, Miss Phipps, I--"

  Miss Phipps paid absolutely no heed to his protests. Neither did thedoctor, who was giving her directions concerning some tablets. "One tobe taken now and another in the morning. Perhaps he had better stay inbed until I come, Martha. I'll be down after breakfast."

  "All right, doctor. Do you think he's had enough to eat?"

  "Enough for to-night, yes. Now, Mr. Bangs," turning to the stillprotesting Galusha, "you and I will go upstairs and see that you get tobed."

  "But, really, doctor, I--"

  "What's troublin' me, doctor," broke in Miss Phipps, "is what on earthto give him to sleep in. There may be a nightshirt of father's aroundin one of the trunks somewhere, but I doubt it, for I gave away almosteverything of that kind when he died. I suppose he might use one ofPrimmie's nightgowns, or mine, but either one would swallow him whole,I'm afraid."

  Doctor Powers, catching a glimpse of the expression on his patient'sface, was obliged to wait an instant before venturing to reply. Galushahimself took advantage of the interval.

  "Why--why--" he cried, "I--Dear me, dear me, I must have forgotten itentirely. My suitcase! I--ah--it must be on the veranda of that hotel. Ileft it there."

  "What hotel? The Restabit Inn?"

  "Yes. I--"

  He got no further. His hostess began issuing orders. A few minuteslater, Primmie, adequately if not beautifully attired in a man's oilskin"slicker," sou'wester, and rubber boots, clumped forth in search of thesuitcase. She returned dripping but grinning with the missing property.Its owner regarded it with profound thankfulness. He could at leastretire for the night robed as a man and a brother.

  "Everything in there you need, Mr. Bangs?" asked Doctor Powers, briskly.

  "Oh, yes, quite, quite--ah--thank you. But really--"

  "Then you and I will go aloft, as old Cap'n Jim would have said. Cap'nJim Phipps was Miss Martha's father, Mr. Bangs, and there may have beenfiner men, but I never met any of 'em. All ready? Good! Here, here,don't hurry! Take it easy. Those stairs are steep."

  They were steep, and narrow as well. Galusha went first but before hereached the top he was extremely thankful that the sturdy physicianwas behind to steady him. Miss Martha called to say that she had left alighted lamp in the bedroom. Beyond the fact that the room itself was ofgood size Galusha noticed little concerning it, little except the bed,which was large and patchwork-quilted and tremendously inviting.

  Doctor Powers briskly helped him to undress. The soaked shoes andstockings made the physician shake his head.

  "Your feet are as cold as ice, I suppose, eh?" he inquired.

  "Why, a trifle chilled, but nothing--really nothing."

  Miss Martha called up the stairs.

  "Doctor," she called, "here's a hot-water bag. I thought probably'twould feel comfortable."

  Doctor Powers accepted the bag and returned to the room, shaking hishead.

  "That woman's got more sense than a--than a barn full of owls,"he declared, solemnly. "There, Mr. Bangs, that'll warm up yourunderpinning. Anything more you want? All right, are you?"

  "Oh, yes, quite, quite. But really, doctor, I shouldn't permit this. Ifeel like a trespasser, like--a--a--"

  "You feel like going to sleep, that's what I want you to feel like.Lucky the rain has driven off the fog or the foghorn would keep youawake. It sounds like the crack of doom down here. Perhaps you noticedit?"

  "Yes, I did--ah--at least that."

  "I shouldn't wonder. Anybody but a graven image would notice the Gould'sBluffs foghorn. Matches right there by the lamp, in case you want 'em.If you feel mean in the night sing out; Martha'll hear you and come in.I'll be on hand in the morning. Good-night, Mr. Bangs."

  He blew out the lamp and departed, closing the door behind him. The rainpoured upon the roof overhead and splashed against the panes of the twolittle windows beneath the eaves. Galusha Bangs, warm and dry for thefirst time in hours, sank comfortably to sleep.

  He woke early, at least he felt sure it was early until he looked athis watch. Then he discovered it was almost nine o'clock. He had had awonderful night's rest and he felt quite himself, quite well again, he--

  Whew! That shoulder WAS a trifle stiff. Yes, and there was a little morelameness in his ankles and knees than he could have wished. Perhaps,after all, he would not get up immediately. He would lie there alittle longer and perhaps have the hotel people send up his breakfast,and--Then he remembered that he was not at the hotel; he was occupyinga room in the house of a total stranger. No doubt they were waitingbreakfast for him. Dear me, dear me!

  He climbed stiffly out of bed and began to dress. This statement is notquite correct; he prepared to begin to dress. Just as he reachedthe important point where it was time to put something on he made astartling discovery: His clothes were gone!

  It was true, they were gone, every last item of them with theunimportant exceptions of crumpled collar and tie. Galusha lookedhelplessly about the room and shivered.

  "Oh, dear me!" he cried, aloud. "Oh, dear!"

  A voice outside his chamber door made answer.

  "Be you awake, Mr. Bangs?" asked Primmie. "Here's your things. DoctorPowers he come up and got 'em last night after you'd fell asleep and meand Miss Martha we hung 'em alongside the kitchen stove. They're driedout fine. Miss Martha says you ain't to get up, though, till the doctorcomes. I'll leave your things right here on the floor.... Or shall I put'em inside?"

  "Oh, no, no! Don't, don't! I mean put them on the floor--ah--outside.Thank you, thank you."

  "Miss Martha said if you was awake to ask you if you felt better."

  "Oh, yes--yes, much better, thank you. Thank you--yes."

  He waited in some trepidation, until he heard Primmie clump downstairs.Then he opened the door a crack and retrieved his "things." They werenot only dry, but clean, and the majority of the wrinkles had beenpressed from his trousers and coat. The mud had even been brushed fromhis shoes. Not that Galusha noticed all this just then. He was busydressing, having a nervous dread that the unconventional Primmie mightfind she had forgotten something and come back to bring it.

  When he came downstairs there was no one in the sitting room and he hadan opportunity to look about. It was a pleasant apartment, that sittingroom, especially on a morning like this, with the sunshine streaming inthrough the eastern windows, windows full of potted plants set upon wireframes, with hanging baskets of trailing vines and a canary in a cageabout them. There were more plants in the western windows also, for thesitting room occupied the whole width of the house at that point.The pictures upon the wall were almost all of the sea, paintings ofschooners, and one of the "Barkentine Hawkeye, of Boston. Captain JamesPhipps, leaving Surinam, August 12, 1872." The only variations from thesea pictures were a "crayon-enlarged" portrait of a sturdy man with anabundance of unruly gray hair and a chin beard, and a chromo labeled"Sunset at Niagara Falls." The portrait bore sufficient resemblance toMiss Martha Phipps to warrant Galusha's guess that it was intended toportray her father, the "Cap'n Jim" of whom the doctor had spoken. Thechromo of "Sunset at Niagara Falls" was remarkable chiefly for its lackof resemblance either to
Niagara or a sunset.

  He was inspecting this work of art when Miss Phipps entered the room.She was surprised to see him.

  "Mercy on us!" she exclaimed. "WHAT in the world are you doin'downstairs here?"

  Galusha blushed guiltily and hastened to explain that he was feelingquite himself, really, and so had, of course, risen and--ah--dressed.

  "But I do hope, Miss Phipps," he added, "that I haven't kept you waitingbreakfast. I'm afraid I have."

  She laughed at the idea. "Indeed you haven't," she declared. "If youdon't mind my sayin' so, Mr. Bangs, the angel Gabriel couldn't keep mewaitin' breakfast till half past nine on a Saturday mornin'. Primmie andI were up at half-past six sharp. That is, I got up then and Primmie washelped up about five minutes afterward. But what I want to know," shewent on, "is why you got up at all. Didn't the doctor say you were tostay abed until he came?"

  "Why--why, yes, I believe he did, but you see--you see--"

  "Never mind. The main thing is that you ARE up and must be pretty nearlystarved. Sit right down, Mr. Bangs. Your breakfast will be ready in twoshakes."

  "But Miss Phipps, I wish you wouldn't trouble about my breakfast. Ifeel--"

  "I know how you feel; that is, I know how _I_ should feel if I hadn'teaten a thing but toast-bread since yesterday mornin'. Sit down, Mr.Bangs."

  She hastened from the room. Galusha, the guilty feeling even morepronounced, sat down as requested. Five minutes afterward she returnedto tell him that breakfast was ready. He followed her to the diningroom, another comfortable, sunshiny apartment, where Primmie, grinningbroadly, served him with oatmeal and boiled eggs and hot biscuits andcoffee. He was eating when Doctor Powers' runabout drove up.

  The doctor, after scolding his patient for disobeying orders, gave thesaid patient a pretty thorough examination.

  "You are in better shape than you deserve to be," he said, "but you arenot out of the woods yet. What you need is to gain strength, and thatmeans a few days' rest and quiet and good food. If your friends, theHalls, were at their cottage at the Centre I'd take you there, Mr.Bangs, but they're not. I would take you over to my house, but my wife'ssister and her children are with us and I haven't any place to put you."

  Galusha, who had been fidgeting in his chair, interrupted. "Now, DoctorPowers," he begged, "please don't think of such a thing. I am quite wellenough to travel."

  "Excuse me, but you are not."

  "But you said yourself you would take me to Wellmouth if the Halls werethere."

  "I did, but they're not there."

  "I know, but there is a hotel there, Mr.--ah--Pulcifer said so."

  The doctor and Miss Phipps looked at each other.

  "He said there was a hotel there," went on Galusha. "Now if you would beso kind as to--ah--take me to that hotel--"

  Dr. Powers rubbed his chin.

  "I should like to have you under my eye for a day or two," he said.

  "Yes--yes, of course. Well, couldn't you motor over and see meoccasionally? It is not so very far, is it?... As to the additionalexpense, of course I should expect to reimburse you for that."

  Still the physician looked doubtful.

  "It isn't the expense, exactly, Mr. Bangs," he said.

  "I promise you I will not attempt to travel until you give yourpermission. I realize that I am still--ah--a trifle weak--weak in theknees," he added, with his slight smile. "I know you must consider meto have been weak in the head to begin with, otherwise I shouldn't havegotten into this scrape."

  The doctor laughed, but he still looked doubtful.

  "The fact is, Mr. Bangs," he began--and stopped. "The fact is--thefact--"

  Martha Phipps finished the sentence for him.

  "The fact is," she said, briskly, "that Doctor Powers knows, just asI or any other sane person in Ostable County knows, that Elmer Rogers'hotel at the Centre isn't fit to furnish board and lodgin' for a healthypig, to say nothin' of a half sick man. You think he hadn't ought to gothere, don't you, doctor?"

  "Well, Martha, to be honest with you--yes. Although I shouldn't wantElmer to know I said it."

  "Well, you needn't worry; he shan't know as far as I am concerned. Nowof course there's just one sensible thing for Mr. Bangs here to do, andyou know what that is, doctor, as well as I do. Now don't you?"

  Powers smiled. "Perhaps," he admitted, "but I'd rather you said it,Martha."

  "All right, I'm goin' to say it. Mr. Bangs," turning to the nervousGalusha, "the thing for you to do is to stay right here in this house,stay right here till you're well enough to go somewhere else."

  Galusha rose from his chair. "Oh, really," he cried, in great agitation,"I can't do that. I can't, really, Miss Phipps."

  "Of course I realize you won't be as comfortable here as you would be ina hotel, in a GOOD hotel--you'd be more comfortable in a pigsty than youwould at Elmer's. But--"

  "Miss Phipps--Miss Phipps, please! I AM comfortable. You have made mevery comfortable. I think I never slept better in my life than I didlast night. Or ate a better breakfast than this one. But I cannot permityou to go to this trouble."

  "It isn't any trouble."

  "Excuse me, I feel that it is. No, doctor, I must go--if not to theWellmouth hotel, then somewhere else."

  Doctor Powers whistled. Miss Martha looked at Galusha. Galusha, whoseknees were trembling, sat down in the chair again. Suddenly the ladyspoke.

  "If this was a hotel you would be willin' to stay here, wouldn't you,Mr. Bangs?" she asked.

  "Why, yes, certainly. But, you see, it--ah--isn't one."

  "No, but we might make it one for three or four days. Doctor, what doesElmer Rogers charge his inmates--his boarders, I mean--a day?"

  "Why, from three to five dollars, I believe."

  "Tut, tut, tut! The robber! Well, I presume likely he'd rob Mr. Bangshere as hard as he'd rob anybody. Mr. Bangs, I take it that whattroubles you mostly is that you don't want to visit a person you'venever met until last night. You've never met Elmer Rogers at all, butyou would be perfectly willin' to visit him if you could pay for theprivilege."

  "Why--why, yes, of course, Miss Phipps. You have been very kind, so kindthat I don't know how to express my gratitude, but I can't accept anymore of your hospitality. To board at a hotel is quite a differentthing."

  "Certainly it is. I appreciate how you feel. I should probably feel justthe same way. This house of mine isn't a hotel and doesn't pretend tobe, but if you think you can be comfortable here for the next few daysand it will make you feel happier to pay--say, three dollars a day forthe privilege, why--well, I'm satisfied if you are."

  Galusha gazed at her in amazement. The doctor slapped his knee.

  "Splendid!" he exclaimed. "Martha, as usual you've said and done justthe right thing. Now, Mr. Bangs, I'll see you again to-morrow morning.Take the tablets as directed. You may go out for an hour or so by and byif the weather is good, but DON'T walk much or get in the least tired.Good-morning."

  He was at the door before his patient realized what he was about.

  "But, doctor," cried Galusha, "I--I--really I--Oh, dear!"

  The door closed. He turned to Miss Phipps in bewildered consternation.She smiled at him reassuringly.

  "So THAT'S all settled," she said. "Now sit right down again, Mr. Bangs,and finish your breakfast.... Primmie, bring Mr. Bangs some hot coffee.HOT coffee I said, remember."

  Later, perhaps ten minutes later, Galusha ventured another statement.

  "Miss Phipps," he said, "I--I--Well, since you insist upon doing thisfor me, for a person whom you never met until yesterday, I think thevery least I can do is to tell you who--or--ah--what I am. Of courseif the Halls were here they would vouch for me, but as they are not,I--Well, in a case of this kind it is--ah--customary, isn't it, to givereferences?"

  "References? As to your bein' able to pay the three dollars a day, doyou mean?"

  "Why, no, perhaps that sort of reference may not be necessary. I shallbe glad to pay each day's board in advance."

&nb
sp; "Then what sort of references did you mean, references about yourcharacter?"

  "Why--why, yes, something of the sort."

  Her eyes twinkled.

  "Mr. Bangs," she asked, "do you really think I ought to have 'em?"

  Galusha smiled. "For all you know to the contrary," he said, "I may be adesperate ruffian."

  "You don't look desperate. Do you feel that way?"

  "Not now, but I did last--ah--evening."

  "When you were camped out on that Inn piazza in a pourin' rain, youmean? I don't blame you for feelin' desperate then.... Well, Mr. Bangs,suppose we don't worry about the references on either side of thisbargain of ours. I'll take you on trust for the next two or threedays, if you'll take me. And no questions asked, as they say in theadvertisements for stolen property. Will that suit you?"

  "Perfectly, except that I think you are taking all the risk. I,certainly, am not taking any."

  "Hum, don't be too sure. You haven't tried much of Primmie's cookin'yet.... Oh, by the way, what IS your business, Mr. Bangs?"

  "I am an archaeologist."

  "Yes--oh--yes.... A--a what, did you say?"

  "An archaeologist. I specialize principally in Egyptology."

  "Oh.... Oh, yes."

  "Yes."

  "Yes.... Well, I must run out to the kitchen now. Make yourself right athome, Mr. Bangs."