After so much false hope in the past, I didn’t have the energy to try to have a relationship now. And I knew nothing about this man except what I had read in the short bio on the calendar. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, true enough. For one thing, he’d managed to speak to me like a human being even though I’d been so awkward with him in the library that I was still cringing at the memory. Just over twenty-four hours later and I was still mortified and it didn’t help one bit that I’d never see him again.
I hadn’t originally planned on having dinner with Annalise tonight, but the conversation I’d had with him – Blake, I reminded myself – had left me feeling so unsettled that I needed to talk it out in person with my best friend. A phone conversation wouldn’t cut it. I’d simmered over it on my own last night and now I was about to boil over.
Annalise was chattering on, talking about some part of her day, but I was having trouble paying attention. I pushed my fries around my plate with my fork, trying not to remember the way I had stuttered and stumbled when he spoke to me, when I realized Annalise was asking me a question. She’d realized my mind was elsewhere.
“I'm sorry, what was that?” I looked at her with wide eyes, hoping to glaze over the obvious.
Annalise stopped talking and gave me a look that let me know that she knew something was wrong and it was more than a momentary lapse. “What's going on with you tonight? You've been gloomy all evening,” she said. She reached over and stole one of my fries.
I didn't answer her right away. Truthfully, the best way to explain myself hadn’t come to me yet so I didn’t know how I’d explain it on the spot. I searched for something to say, some way of summing up how I was feeling, but I came up empty. “I don't know, exactly.”
Annalise raised her eyebrows at me. “I don’t think you’re being honest with me, Samantha. You have to know why you’re so morose. What’s going on?”
I couldn’t help but smile. I always knew I couldn't get away with anything with Annalise. She could see right through me and always knew when something was wrong. It was comforting to have a friend that was close enough to be able to tell when you need it the most. “Morose? Who uses such a word? I’m a bigger reader than you and I don’t use smarty-pants words like that.”
“Don’t deflect. Out with it.” She smiled but didn’t let up.
“I'm just—”
“Yes?” Annalise pushed.
“I just couldn't do it.” I wasn’t being clear, but my thoughts were still jumbled.
“You just couldn't do what?” Annalise leaned in to listen.
“I just couldn't say yes to him.” I bit my bottom lip and then blew out a long breath.
“You couldn't say yes to who?” Annalise's eyes widened with intrigue.
“To Blake,” I said.
“Who’s Blake?” Annalise began drumming her fingers on the table. “Come on, Sammie. Don’t make me have to work so hard here.”
“The fireman.”
“Okay, I still don't know what you're talking about but I'm not in the mood to play twenty questions.” Annalise frowned, forcing me to do a better job to get my story out.
“I told you that we had an actual fire alarm incident yesterday at school, right?”
“Yes. So one of the firemen asked you out?” Annalise's eyes squinted trying understand.
“Sort of, but what I didn't tell you was that it was the guy in the calendar.” I held my breath for her response.
Annalise's mouth dropped open. “Are you talking about Dalmatian Dude?”
“Yep, that's him. His name is Blake.”
She bounced up in her seat and covered her mouth with her hand. “You're kidding me! He showed up to your school on a call and actually asked you out?”
“You make it sound like I'm some sort of an alien or something that only a like species would take interest in.” I was slightly offended and my emotions were raw, so it was no surprise I came back with a smart response.
“Sorry, Sammie. That’s not what I meant. I mean it's just a crazy coincidence, don't you think? I mean the whole calendar thing at the fair, and all...” Her voice trailed away and then she leaned toward me. “So what’s he like?”
“He's even better looking in person. Honestly, I didn't think that was possible. But it's very intimidating to stand in front of him. I clammed up, Anna. I barely spoke to him, and when I did, I was all stuttering and awkward. Maybe that's why I said no.”
“So wait. You said no? Why?” Annalise looked at me in shock.
I shook my head and leaned back in the booth. “I have no idea. At first I said yes, then I changed my mind. I just got this feeling, but I don’t know where it came from. I panicked, I guess.”
“But why?” Annalise was confused. “Look, don’t make this about our deal to spend the summer learning new things. If you meet the guy of your dreams, I’ll happily go to cake decorating class by myself.”
“It wasn’t that. I'm not sure. What if he's—”
She cut me off with a mild hand slap on the table. “What if he's what? Too good to be true? What if he breaks your heart? What if he’s the one?” Annalise confronted me. She knew that I had commitment issues when it came to dating. Rather, I rarely made it to the dating stage at all.
“Yes. All of that. What if he really is the next one that’ll break my heart?” I was scared to look at her because the vulnerability in me felt childish.
“But you'll never know that if you don't get to know who he is. What if he's a great guy and you're missing out?” Annalise smiled a sad smile. I’d seen the look on her face before. She was feeling sorry for me.
I shook my head silently. “I just don't know if I can take getting my heart broken again.”
Annalise grabbed my arm. “Look, he showed up at your school for a reason. In a million years, how can that happen? It has to be a God thing. And you can’t spend your life being afraid of getting hurt. You’re a good person and you deserve to find someone who will love you and treat you well. Everyone gets hurt sometimes, that’s part of living. It’s what we decide to do afterwards that counts. Don't you believe you deserve love?”
“Of course I do. But what if he doesn't share the same values as me?” I asked. “What if he’s a total egotistical jerk? You know what he looks like. Guys like that are bound to be full of themselves. And really… would any Christian man pose in a calendar like that? I don’t think so.”
“First of all, you’re judging someone’s heart when you have no right to. And second, there's only one way to find out what he’s all about. You'll never know if you stay home.” She gave me a look like my mother used to. I knew she was right.
“I can't just call him and tell him I change my mind again, though. He already must think I’m so awkward.”
“You have his number?” Annalise asked.
“He entered it in to my phone,” I admitted.
“That's too cute. Sounds to me like he wants you to change your mind. I can’t believe you don’t see that as a green light. Sometimes you kill me.” She was frowning again.
“Is it? A green light, I mean? I can’t decide if it means he’s too sure of himself or if maybe he does like me.”
“One way to find out,” Annalise repeated. “I think you should go for it, Sammie. You don't do many things for yourself but I think you should take a chance on this. What's the worst that can happen?”
“It could go down in a flaming fiery crash and my heart could be shattered into a million pieces?” I gave her a sarcastic look.
“Well, other than that.” Annalise laughed. “If it does, I’ll be right over with the ice cream and lots of it.”
I loved how she had the ability to make any serious situation seem light. She was right. I was overreacting and being too cautious. The fact that he had still given me his phone number even after my cringeworthy lack of meet and greet skills meant that it didn’t bother him that much.
And it was true that I’d never find somebody if I wasn't willing
to give the ones who did show interest a chance. At the very least I should accept a dinner invitation when it plopped into my lap.
I made a snap decision and couldn’t put it off any longer. I picked up my phone, scrolled through my contacts, and found his name. Just looking at it made my heart flutter. Then I felt nauseated. Not giving up, I hesitantly typed out a short text, had Annalise approve it, and pressed send. We sat there together, making nervous small talk, watching my phone while we waited for a reply.
8
Blake
“So what changed your mind about having dinner with me?”
I tried to sound as casual as possible, even though I was dying to know. Sammie seemed tense sitting in the passenger’s seat next to me.
“I’m not sure.”
“Is that code for you know but you don’t want to explain?” I smiled so she would know I was joking.
“In a way, I guess.” Sammie clasped her hands in her lap. She concentrated on staring at the road in front of us.
“Well, I’m glad you did.” I glanced over and couldn’t hold back a lopsided grin.
“Yeah. Me, too. Where are we going?”
“I was sort of planning to keep it a surprise. Is that okay?”
“Okay.” She crossed her arms in what seemed like a protective gesture. Did she even want to be out with me tonight? If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have called me back, I reminded myself. I decided she was just nervous. I was, too, at least a little.
“So how long have you been a librarian?” Maybe talking about her work would relax her. I hoped we could ease into comfortable conversation if she was in territory that was more familiar to her.
“Three years.”
“At the same school?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s cool. What’s your favorite part about the job?”
“I just love books. All of them.” She pushed her short hair back from her forehead, then smoothed it back down again. “I like the challenge of matching the right book up with the right person.”
“I really like that idea. I’ll bet not many other librarians have the same goals for their job. It shows you really care.” I pulled into the parking lot, turned off the engine and got out to open her door on the other side.
“The fair?”
“Yeah, it’s the Pine Ridge fair. Happens every year. Don’t tell me you’ve never been?”
“No, I have,” she said. “I’m just surprised.”
“Why? Hope you’re not too disappointed. We can definitely go somewhere else if you’d prefer it.” I worried this choice might have torpedoed the date before it even got started. Geez, and I’d had such high hopes since she changed her mind.
“Oh, I’m not disappointed at all. I love the food they have at the fair. I’m not so big on things that slingshot you from one end of the Earth to the other at high speeds, though. So long as we’re just eating unhealthy things like funnel cakes, corn dogs, and deep fried pickles, I’ll be good.” She gave a small grin, and I felt a flicker of hope that this date might still have potential.
“You’re funny, did you know that?” I smiled back at her.
“Me?” She shook her head and laughed slightly. “No, I didn’t. Nobody’s ever accused me of that before.”
“Come on, I want to show you something.” I grabbed her hand and led her to the ticket booth.
“Blake, I’m not sure I’m going to enjoy going on any rides other than maybe the teacups. I don’t really like heights.”
“Let’s just give it a try, okay? You can choose what we do after that,” I suggested, hoping that would be a good tradeoff.
Sammie nervously agreed, so I purchased the tickets and led her to one of the rides.
“Oh, gosh. The Ferris wheel makes me really nervous,” she confessed, as we stood in line.
“Just wait till you see the view from the top. It’ll be worth it, I promise.” I encouraged her as she bit her full bottom lip and nodded as we climbed in to the bucket seat of the Ferris wheel.
“Here, let me help you.” I leaned over her to buckle the safety belt. The wheel lurched and she sucked her breath in as we started to move upwards.
“Oh my gosh, this is really high,” Sammie said, looking up above us at the other buckets.
“Yeah, isn’t it great? I used to go to our local fair every year as a kid and this was always my favorite. You can see the edge of downtown Pine Ridge from here.”
The Ferris wheel moved forward, stopped briefly once more to let more people on, and then rotated smoothly until we got to the top and then suddenly stopped.
“Why did they stop it? Are we stuck up here?” Sammie’s eyes were wide and her knuckles were white as she squeezed the bar across our laps tightly.
“Nah, they do that to let your look around. It’ll do this all the way around so every bucket gets to stop at the top.”
“I have to be honest, Blake. I think I’m gonna be sick. This is embarrassing.” She looked miserable at the thought of throwing up. Who wouldn’t be uncomfortable with that? I decided to try to take her mind off of it hoping that would ease it away.
“Does my shirt really smell that bad? I swear I washed it. Or is it the color?” It was the best joke I could come up with in the emergency situation.
“No, but that’s funny. It is a bright color, after all.” Her face relaxed and her eyes brightened. She looked me in the eyes for the first time tonight and it was at that moment I felt a jolt of electricity run through me. She was so beautiful.
“Close your eyes.” I said.
“Uh, I don’t think so.” She gave me a suspicious look.
“Just trust me.” I said.
She closed her eyes.
“Now tip your head back and then you can open your eyes to look at the stars. Just keep your eyes on the stars.”
“Wow, that’s amazing! I don’t feel sick anymore. How did you know to do that?” she asked.
“It’s a little trick I learned from riding these things ten thousand times or so.”
She laughed. “Thanks, Blake. I feel great. I’m officially enjoying it now. I might even want to go again.”
I felt happy and relieved that Sammie had been able to relax and enjoy the Ferris wheel as much as I did. The wheel went around twice more before letting us off.
“That was fun,” Sammie admitted as we left the ride. “What’s next?”
“You get to choose the next thing we do, remember?”
“Ooh, what about that one over there?” She pointed in the direction to what appeared to be a large pirate ship, only it was attached by a swinging pendulum. Sammie grabbed my hand this time and took off toward it.
After the pirate ship, we rode the Scrambler and the giant swings. Sammie seemed to relax a bit, and we were both having a good time. Then just for fun, we rode the teacups. Giggling with the kids on the ride was fun.
“Hey, let’s slow down and get something to eat,” I suggested, as we came off the teacups.
“Oh, okay. What about a couple of hot dogs at that place over there?” She pointed in the direction of one of the vendors.
“Sounds good.” I was enjoying this relaxed side of her more. She really seemed to let her hair down the more time we spent together. I bought two hot dogs and two Cokes, and an order of fries to split, and sat down together at a wooden picnic table.
“So Samantha. Tell me about yourself. Your family. What was your childhood like?” I asked.
She hesitated. “It was okay. I grew up in Pine Ridge. You live here, you probably know how exciting that must have been when you realize that it’s grown a good bit over the last few years. What about you? You mentioned you had a sister. What’s she like?”
I noticed that she had skimmed over my question, but I let it go. Life was complicated, I understood that for sure. “Camille? She’s great. She’s younger than me.”
“Were you the protective big brother? Or did you push her around?” she asked.
“Oh no, Camille wou
ldn’t let anybody push her around, especially me. And she didn’t need my help, either. She was a total tomboy when we were young. She would run with all the boys. Scraped knees, the works.”
“How far apart in age are you two?” she asked.
“I’m two years older.”
“So that must have been nice to grow up with someone so close in age,” she said.
I nodded, but wanted to change the subject. I’d tried my hardest to protect Camille, but she was too independent. She had to learn things the hard way. As much as I liked Sammie, I wasn’t ready to share Camille’s story yet, so instead I blurted out the question that had been in the back of my mind all week. “What really changed your mind about coming out with me tonight?”
Sammie stopped eating her hot dog. Setting it down, she wiped her hands on a napkin and laid them down on the table. She looked in to the distance for a minute, thinking, before turning back to me. “I just... I just didn’t want to give into my fear.”
“Fear? Of what? Of me?” I asked.
“No. Of dating. The possibility of getting—” She stopped.
“Yes?” I waited.
“My heart broken.”
“Have you had your heart broken before?” I asked.
She pulled her hands into her lap and clasped them primly. Then she looked down at them and stared at them. Her lack of an answer told me.
“I see.”
“I just don’t normally date, is all,” she said. “I was planning on taking this summer and focusing on myself. You know, learning new things, going places I’ve never been. Spending time with my friend.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I promise, I have no intention of hurting anyone. It’s probably not even possible. I’m harmless. Boring, in fact.”
She laughed. “Well, I don’t know about going that far!”
I laughed along with her. “So are you glad you came out tonight?”
“Yes,” she admitted. “Are you having a good time, Blake?”
“I am. Which ride would you like to go on next?”
“Actually, it’s getting late. I really think I should be getting home.” She crumpled her paper napkin in a ball and started gathering her garbage together, looking towards the parking lot.
First Impressions (Hero Hearts: Firefighter) Page 4
