Jessie

by Lori Wick

  "What do you do when Hannah naps?" Jeb asked.

  "Get as much done as I can or help in the store."

  Jeb's eyes swung to Seth, and that man said, "I don't do things quite how she likes."

  "Has business fallen off since Seth has been handling more?" Jeb asked.

  Jessie shook her head no, not looking at either man. Things were great in the store. They had plenty of business and profit to show for it, but it was not just the way she wanted, and that irked her.

  Before anyone else could comment, Patience arrived back, Hannah asleep in her arms. She smiled at the other three adults, and they laughed softly at her pleasure.

  49"Now," she whispered, taking the rocking chair, "the four of us can have a nice visit."

  All four of them had to get hands over their mouths to keep from laughing loudly. The thought of having a whispered conversation was hysterical to each of them, but in truth that was just what they did.

  May 1876

  Seth reached for Jessie once they'd climbed into bed, but her stiff back made him swiftly draw his hand away. They had done little but fight for months now, and even though the last few days had gone smoother-Jessie had even welcomed his embrace a few nights before- his wife was evidently upset with him about something. Hannah had been fussy all evening, something they had actually seen less of, but much as Seth tried to help, nothing he did was right.

  Seth rolled to his back and stared at the dark ceiling, wondering what happened to the woman he married. He had felt a stability with Jessie that he'd never known-love, trust, and caring too-but not anymore. Most days when she looked at him, she was frowning.

  The bright spot was Hannah. If anything she was more work than ever before, now that she was walking and able to take things from the store shelves. But he loved his daughter in a way he didn't think was possible.

  Jessie lay on her side and stared at the dark wall of the bedroom, wondering why the life she dreamed about was so hard. She had a-beautiful 16-month-old daughter, her business was booming, and she'd married the man she loved, but all was not well. They were still tired much of the time and short with each other. Seth seemed quieter and more withdrawn with each passing week, and when they actually did have time alone, neither one said much.

  Jessie fell asleep with no answers to her questions, no balm for the hurt inside of her.

  50Seth, in just as much pain and confusion, listened as her breathing evened out, asking himself what he was going to do about his life and marriage.

  "What is this?" Jessie snapped at Seth for the fourth time since they'd opened two hours earlier.

  "What does it look like?" Seth gritted out, not sure he Could stand much more.

  "It looks like a huge mess!"

  "In case you haven't noticed," Seth shot right back, "I've been with three customers at the same time here. I don't know when I would have had time to clean up the counter."

  "It's never your fault, is it, Seth?" Jessie said, straightening and shifting things with almost violent movements.

  "Now that all depends on who you ask, doesn't it, Jessie?" Seth asked in silky sarcasm. "According to you, everything that's ever gone wrong in your life ismyfault."

  Before Jessie could shoot back another angry retort, a cry from Hannah could be heard coming from the storeroom.

  "Now, look what you've done!" Jessie snarled at him before shooting around the counter and running that way.

  Seth stared after her, not sure when anything had made him so angry. He could feel the blood pounding in his temples and thought that if he couldn't get out of this store for a while, he was going to lose his mind.

  He ran a distracted hand through his hair while his eyes caught sight of a letter. It had come yesterday and was for him. He didn't receive mail very often. Something-he still didn't know what-had compelled him to put it out of the way on a high shelf and not read it or mention it to Jessie.

  The postmark was from Texas.

  51

  Nearly Eight Years Later

  Sheriff Nate Kaderly made his way slowly toward Pastor Rylan and Bri Jarvik's home, the wind calm for the moment. He was bundled up warmly, coat collar to his ears and hat pulled low, but was quite chilled by the time he knocked on the front door. Thankfully Bri took little time to answer, welcoming him into the warmth of the living room.

  "Are you frozen?" she asked, seeing that he removed only his hat, not yet willing to give up the coat.

  "Just about. The sun is deceiving. It looks warmer out there than it really is."

  "Sit close to the fire, Nate. I'll get Rylan."

  "Thank you. Where's that little guy?" Nate asked, referring to Rylan and Bri's son, Danny.

  "He's napping, but he'll probably be up before you go."

  Rylan was not long in joining his friend. Not many weeks ago, he would have been getting his own coat and readying to leave with Nate for some emergency in town, but things had changed when Nate had been shot in the line of duty. Nate's visit today was not an emergency.

  "Hello, Nate," Rylan greeted as he entered.

  "Hello, Rylan," Nate spoke in return as the men shook hands. "Are you sure you should be out?" Rylan asked. "I would have come to your house."

  "I needed the walk," Nate said quietly, now setting his coat aside.

  For a moment he looked older to Rylan than his 41 years, and the pastor was swept back, back toaday just two months earlier that had been life changing for Token Creek's sheriff.

  "How is he?" Rylan asked of Doctor Ertz, wanting to head directly to the bedroom but making himself wait.

  "Not good. He's lost so much blood, I don't know if he'll make it."

  52Rylan moved then, heading to the sheriff's bedroom and finding his friend very still. He stood looking down at the white face, pale even amidst the white pillowcases and the two windows that allowed a bit of cloudy light into the room.

  Rylan said Nate's name, but that man didn't move or respond in any way. Rylan felt his heart clench and wasted no time going to his knees. With his arms on Nate's mattress and his forehead on his arms, Rylan began to pray.

  He's not ready, Lord. He's not ready to meet You. He has never humbled himself before You and seen You for the God that You are, the God who longs to save him and be his Lord. Please Father, give him more time. Please spare him, Lord. Your will is perfect, Father, and if it be Your will, please leave him here to find You and serve You.

  Rylan didn't move for more than an hour but prayed, giving Nate over to God and thanking Him for His will. Rylan asked God to help him remember who was in charge and to want His way above all else so that God might be glorified by this incident.

  "Rylan?" Nate suddenly asked, bringing the pastor swiftly to his feet.

  "I'm right here, Nate," Rylan said, noticing that Nate's eyes were still closed and wondering how he'd known.

  "Thirsty," Nate managed, and Rylan dribbled some drops of water into his mouth. Nate tried to talk after that but couldn't manage it.Hefell back to sleep for another two hours, but when he woke again, Rylan was still there. This time the sheriff's eyes were open, and he stared at the big man next to his bed.

  "Has Ertz been here?"

  "Yes. He says it's bad. You've lost a lot of blood."

  Nate saw the tears in Rylan's eyes and tried to lift his hand. "It's all right, Rylan. If it's my time, it's my time."

  "It's not all right, Nate," Rylan said in quiet humility. "You're not ready to go. You've heard me talk to so many townsfolk about God's Son, but you've never shown the least bit of interest. I know what God's Word says, Nate, and you're not ready to face Him."

  53"How do I even know if there is a God?"

  "I can answer that question for you, Nate, but let me ask one first. Are you willing to take that chance? Are you willing to leave here not knowing?"

  The questions made Nate think for the first time. He couldn't stay awake for very long, but each time he woke, Rylan was there. The men talked off and on for hours. Doctor Ertz came and wen
t again. Nate's deputies checked on him, and still Rylan stayed, determined to do so until Nate threw him out. The sheriff didn't do that. As darkness fell, Nate, feeling as though he was indeed slipping away, listened as Rylan read to him from the book of John. The words were familiar to him as Nate had heard Rylan say these things before. He listened well and after a time believed in the blood of Christ to save him.

  Rylan eventually left, fairly certain his friend would not be there in the morning, but the sheriff lived through the night. He was weak and still not out of the woods, but he was alive. And that was only the beginning. Slowly Nate got back on his feet, and it was evident every time he and Rylan talked that his faith was real. It had been the start of a whole new life for the lawman.

  "I read those verses in Acts 13 and Romans 3 and 7 you recommended," Nate said, suddenly bringing Rylan back to his own living room. "They make sense. I didn't see it before,, but they make sense now."

  "What changed for you?"

  "I'm not sure. It's just so new. I mean, the aspect of Christ dying for sins that have yet to be committed is hard to wrap my mind around."

  "It's easy to put God in our world and limit Him. We can't see past the moment, and so we don't think anyone can."

  "I do have one question," Nate said, and Rylan reached for his Bible. "Where are those verses you used to explain it to me?"

  "Hebrews 7," Rylan said, and Nate opened his Bible as well.

  Rylan explained again about the difference between living under the law in the Old Testament, which required one animal sacrifice after another to atone for sin, and living under grace since Christ's death on the cross, which covered all sin for all time.

  54The men worked on the verses for close to an hour before the topic changed to Nate's job. The town council had not even hesitated about keeping him on as sheriff, but Nate had not expected his recovery to take so long. He'd been told how much blood he'd lost but not really taken it in until he'd experienced his own weakness firsthand. He was not worried about losing his job, but for the moment things had to be handled differently.

  "Are you still happy with Thom's work?" Rylan asked, referring to Thorn Koeller, who was Nate's most reliable deputy.

  "Yes, and he tells me that Bryce Stanton is doing well."

  "That's good news. Will you be putting another man on soon?"

  "Yes, as soon as I'm up to holding the interviews. Token Creek is growing fast, and even though it took awhile for the council to decide, the vote was unanimous."

  "Am I interrupting?" Bri asked from the edge of the room, Danny in her arms.

  "No," Rylan said. "Hey, Danny. Did you have a good nap?"

  The still sleepy 14-month-old reached for his father the moment he was close, and Rylan cuddled him closer still.

  "Look who's here," Rylan said, turning Danny so he could see Nate, who was smiling at the baby, doing nothing to hide his fondness. "Hey, Danny."

  The little boy smiled at Nate but was clearly happy where he was, his small head pillowed on his father's chest. Bri sat down with the men, her own smile tender. For her, all else could wait when Rylan held Danny. It was a sight she never wearied of.

  "It doesn't look like he's coming over here today," Nate said, still smiling at the baby.

  "Do you want to go see Sheriff Nate?" Rylan asked the little guy, who gave no protest when his father shifted him over to Nate's lap.

  "How are you, Danny?" Nate asked, barely keeping his eyes from filling. Since being shot, whenever he held Danny Jarvik, he wanted to tear up.

  Danny smiled up into his face, and Nate hugged him a little closer.

  55He talked softly into one small, soft ear, saying something that made the baby giggle.

  Looking on, Rylan and Bri could only smile and laugh with their son. This man had been a friend of Rylan's for many years, but never had their relationship neared the depth they knew today. God had brought yet another miracle to Token Creek, and at the moment he was sitting right in front of them.

  "Shall I admit something to you?" Rylan asked the congregation in the morning. He smiled widely before admitting, "I love looking into my wife's eyes."

  Bri smiled from her place in the front pew, as did almost everyone else in the room.

  "Now before you think I'm going to bore you with my romantic thoughts, I'll just tell you that even though I find this romantic, I'm also learning things about who I am."

  Rylan let the congregation take this in for a moment and then continued.

  "I guess I'm becoming a pupil of the pupil. By that I mean I'm learning more about how the eye works because of Sabrina's eyes, and even Danny's. You probably know what I'm talking about. What does the pupil in the eye do when it encounters light? It shrinks. That's right. It diminishes. Unless damaged or impaired by poor health, the pupil gets as small as possible as fast as it can.

  "I lived alone for a long time, but with Sabrina and Danny in the house, I've begun to take a new interest in eyes. And I've asked myself what I can learn. How do I respond to light, and by light this time I mean God's light? Do I see my own smallness? Do I grasp.how tiny I am in God's light? My mind has run in many directions as I've contemplated this, but it stopped when I compared the shrinking of my pupil to humility and an understanding of its place in my life. When the light shines, I must diminish. I must grow tiny and know my place.

  56"If I can learn this and remember it always, I will become a true pupil to the pupil. I will see the wonder in the creation of my own eyes and in those of my wife and son, and I will see what I must do. I must shrink when I see how huge and amazing the Creator is who made eyes. Eyes that don't have to be trained to get small when the light comes in. Eyes made exactly as we need them because God is a perfect, Creator God.

  "The verses we've been talking about concerning humility in Philippians, Colossians, and First Peter, as well as the verse from James 1 about being hearers of the word who are also doers, have taken on new meaning for me when I think about my shrinking pupil. It might not be a help to you, but I'm reminded of this perfect Creator who saved me, and that helps me to see how important it is that I take His Word so seriously.

  "Don't misunderstand me," Rylan added, bringing his sermon to an end. "I'm never to shy away from the light. And by light you know I'm talking about the truth of God's Word. But my heart and attitude need to be small, shrunken, and knowing their places. Only then is God able to help me be the believer I'm meant to be. Only then will I be able to see God for who He is and myself for who I am.

  "Please think on these things with me this week. I would welcome any questions or comments as we work together on this topic."

  Rylan closed in prayer, and not until that moment did Bri realize that Danny had fallen asleep in her lap, something that suited her very well. Her husband had given her a lot to think about, and she welcomed a few minutes on her own.

  57

  TRACE HOLDEN WATCHED HISvery expectant wife, Cassidy, push food around her plate but didn't say anything just then. She had made it to church that morning, but he could tell she wasn't comfortable. Joey, who was two months past his second birthday, was growing sleepy. As soon as he was down for his nap, all Trace's attention would go to his wife. A small gasp of surprise left Cassidy just then, and Trace made a swift decision.

  "I'm going to run him next door for his nap."

  "That's probably a good idea," Cassidy said.

  "Is it going to be today?" Trace asked, remembering how attuned she'd been to when Joey would be born.

  Cassidy could only nod, and Trace cleaned Joey up enough to get him to Brad and Meg's. He knew his brother and sister-in-law's own two children, Savannah and Cathryn, would also be going down for naps and thought this might be the best opportunity. Not even remembering to have Joey say goodbye to Cassidy, he moved swiftly for the door.

  "You were quiet during dinner," Rylan said to Bri after Danny was

  58down for his nap. Bri was settled in the living room, working to mend a small pair of pan
ts for Danny. Rylan had sat down next to her on the sofa.

  "I'm just thinking."

  "Do you want to tell me?"

  Bri looked at the man she married, still amazed by the way he thought. His God was so big, and sometimes she knew she shrank God to her size.

  "I needed to hear what you said today," she finally admitted. "What exactly?"

  "The part about the way I see God and the light He gives me. I need to shrink. I have too big an opinion of myself."

  Rylan didn't witness this in her very often, but he trusted her to know her own heart.

  "Sometimes life is too easy, Ry," Bri went on. "When I was alone here in Token Creek, knowing hardly anyone and not sure each month if the money would last, I trusted God more. You take such good care of Danny and me that I tend to put my faith in the wrong place."

  "It's a good problem, isn't it?"

  Bri had to smile. It was just the type of thing he would say. "Do you think you're expecting?" Rylan suddenly asked. "What made you ask that?"

  "I just remember with Danny you craved salt, and during dinner you added salt to everything but dessert."

  "Did I?" Bri asked, her brow furrowed as she tried to think. It didn't take long for her to realize he was probably right and she'd been too busy to notice.

  Rylan had to smile. She was concentrating on remembering, and he thought she looked adorable.

  "Am I being laughed at?" Bri asked, having caught the look.

  "Are you pregnant?" he asked, still smiling at her with a good deal of humor in his eyes.

  "I don't know," Bri replied, deciding to tease him. "I might not tell someone who laughs at me."

  59"Would you tell someone who kisses you?"

  "I might," Bri answered slowly, a smile stretching her mouth. Rylan did kiss her but spoke again before she could say anything. "What do you want, another boy or a girl?"

  "I don't care, as long as the baby is healthy."

  "What if the baby isn't healthy? Did God make a mistake?"

  Bri's mouth opened in surprise. It was true. It didn't matter. Whomever God sent they would love and treasure.

  "Oh, Ry," Bri said, setting the sewing aside and cuddling close to him. "I love you."