Jessie

by Lori Wick

  Rylan had left nearly all medical advice to Doctor Ertz, but when

  271it came to Danny, he had set down one rule. He did not want Bri lifting their son. She had grown accustomed to lifting him as he grew, but that didn't change the fact that he was a heavy bundle. And because Bri was tall, bending that low over her extended stomach seemed not a good idea to him.

  At the moment, however, none of that was an issue. Becky had come and cleaned the entire house, and Danny was taking a nap. Bri was on the front porch with her feet up. The day wasn't quite as warm as it had been, and there was a breeze that made sitting outside irresistible.

  A fly came past her ear just then, and Bri watched it struggle in the wind. She thought about creatures that were born with wings and the different times Scripture mentioned flight. If memory served, it usually involved angels.

  For a few minutes she wondered if she would fly in heaven. Would there be a purpose? Was there a verse that could tell her? And if she could, would her ability to fly glorify God?

  Lately the topic of glorifying God was often on her mind. How did being bedridden and unable to take care of her husband and son glorify God? She had had many hours to think about this question, and her conclusion was the reason Rylan noticed. She never complained. Not at any point did she allow her troubled pregnancy to give her permission to sin. She could have so easily, but fretting and anxious thoughts were taken captive and dealt with. She called them what they were, hated them, and stopped, putting into practice one of the most practical exercises Rylan had ever shared with her.

  Bri's thoughts were interrupted when she heard the pounding of hammers in the distance. When the air or wind was just right, she could hear Chas building Seth and Jessie's house. Until she heard Danny stirring from his place on the living room floor, she prayed for Jessie. She knew exactly what her friend needed. She only hoped the blindness concerning God would leave her friend very, very soon.

  272Jessie spent most of her time in the storeroom now. It was peaceful there, and she didn't have to see much of Seth or her customers. It gave her time to think. Jessie knew it Was only a matter of time. She could hear the interest and belief in the girls' voices. They loved going to church with their father and listened intently to every Bible story and prayer he prayed. The baby would be the same way. It was only a matter of time before their young, impressionable hearts would believe just as their father did. After all, didn't she believe just as her father had?

  Seth said he wasn't leaving, and Jessie knew he meant well. But she could see the future. He wouldn't plan to leave, but how long can a man of faith live with an atheist? And with the baby coming, there would soon be four of them. She would be the only one who did not embrace belief in God.

  Oh, they would be like Rylan and Bri, wonderful and caring, but Jessie knew she was different. Jessie knew there was something she didn't have. Ry and Bri didn't say those things, not so much as a hint, but she knew what they believed. They believed that all people needed a relationship with God. She knew they prayed for her, but she couldn't believe.

  At one time she had actually tried. After Seth had left for Texas, she had tried to pray She had told God that if He was truly there and He would bring her husband back, she would believe in Him. But He didn't do it. And she'd been alone for eight years.

  And now you're no longer alone, Jessie, and look at where it's gotten you.

  Jessie eventually sat down with the account books, deciding that there was such a thing as too much time to think.

  "Did you pick one?" Nate asked Heather. They were discussing a date for their wedding; the couple was in Jeanette's small parlor. "I thought we would do that together," Heather said.

  "That sounds fine. Have you got a calendar handy?"

  273Heather did have a calendar in her room, and the two began to study the dates.

  "What day of the week do we want to be married on?" Heather asked.

  "I don't think I have a preference. Do you?"

  "I've never been particularly fond of Thursdays, so not that day."

  Nate began to smile.

  "Don't you laugh at me," Heather said, knowing she was about to be teased.

  "Me? I would never."

  Heather only shook her head and tried not to even smile at his sparkling eyes, knowing it would only bring more teasing. "All right," she said, getting down to business. "Today is the ninth of October. We could get married four weeks from Friday, which would be the seventh of November."

  "A Friday?"

  "Yes, I think an evening wedding would be fun. What do you think?"

  "Does four weeks give you time to make a dress?" Nate asked. "It's made," Heather said, staring at the man she loved. Sure enough, his brows rose and his mouth opened.

  "How did that work?" he asked when he could find words.

  "Jeanette started it the day after I agreed to our first walk."

  Just as Heather knew he would, Nate laughed. This was the last thing he expected. It was Heather's turn to sit and be amused by his response. She had been waiting for this to come up, and his laughter had been worth not mentioning it before.

  "I think living with the three ofyou is going to make my premarried life look completely dull."

  "You might also think it looks more sane," Heather suggested dryly.

  "I'm willing to take the risk."

  The two smiled before they shared a kiss and then continued to

  274talk. Before Nate left, they checked the date with Jeanette and Becky. Both women thought the date sounded perfect; it meant Natewould. bewith them for Christmas. Meg's baby was due soon after that, but Meg was usually late. Only Rylan and Bri were left, and checking with them was Nate's job.

  Becky made the assumption that the Jarviks would be most agreeable about the date and served dessert to celebrate. The four of them talked nonstop until it grew too late, getting a taste of life in the near future. The prospect made each of them smile.

  275

  "BE CAREFUL NOW,"SETHsaid to the girls after supper as they stepped carefully into their "house." Seth had sensed a need to give Jessie the apartment on her own. "Mr. Vick might have tools or nails lying around."

  The girls moved carefully and with almost reverential silence. The house was partially framed and Seth was able to show the girls where things in the downstairs would be and where the stairway would go upstairs. The new boards smelled wonderful, and for Seth things were shaping up just as he'd pictured.

  For the moment, it was nice to get his mind off of his marriage. Things were still strained, and he'd still had no chance to see Rylan.

  "Is Mama coming down?" Clancy asked.

  "No, she's resting," Seth said. They had not told the girls about the baby. Jessie was not happy about the prospect, and it would be yet one more thing she would have to pretend about.

  "Has she seen the house?" Hannah asked.

  "Sure," Seth said honestly. He didn't know if she'd come outside, but she'd certainly seen plenty from the storeroom.

  "I want to see my bedroom," Clancy said.

  276

  "I feel I need to do something desperate," Seth finally had a chance to tell Rylan. "I'm planning something, and I might need your help."

  "Anything we can do."

  "Thank you," Seth said, and then slowly shook his head. "She thinks I'm leaving. Outside of staying for the next 30 years, I can't prove to her that I'm not, so I guess that's just what I'll do."

  "I wish she would come and see Sabrina," Rylan said, knowing that his wife could not get out much right now. "Maybe if they talked, it would help."

  "I don't know. She's not even the same with the girls anymore."

  Seth stayed as long as he dared, and Rylan encouraged him with God's unfailing goodness. Seth explained to Rylan what he wanted to do, but only if Jessie did not soften toward him. Seth left with great hope that God might choose to change his wife, but he also knew he was not afraid to act if need be.

  Seth slipped into the store in tim
e to start the day, but as soon as Jessie saw he was back, she headed for the storeroom.

  Nate and Heather's wedding night was crisp and beautiful. The ceremony was simple and just what the bride had imagined. Nate's face as he vowed his life to Heather was sober, but his eyes were filled with love.

  JESSIE283

  "It won't be long now," her father said. "Come here to the bottom of the stairs and I'll show you how it will look."

  Seth kept them busy as long as the light would allow, but the days were growing shorter, and it wasn't long before they headed back inside. Jessie was buried in the newspaper, and the girls left her alone. Seth did the same, wondering how long the situation could last.

  277The reception was at Jeanette's. With Nate being so well known in town, it was a full house, but there was still plenty of room. Everyone welcomed an opportunity to visit and enjoy the cakes Becky had spent all week making.

  All the Holdens were in attendance, babies and all, as were Nate's deputies. The church family was there and many of the townsfolk. Jeanette moved around from group to group, as did Nate and Heather. Some folks had cleared out at a reasonable time, but some were clearly going to stay half the night. Heather had gone to the kitchen to check on Becky and was headed back to the guests when Nate caught her at the stairway.

  "Why don't you head upstairs?"

  "Can we do that?"

  Nate only smiled and told her to go.

  Heather did not argue. She slipped up the stairs to their bedroom, shut the door, and waited. She didn't have long. Nate told Jeanette they were slipping away and joined his bride.

  "How are you?" Nate asked when he gained the room. Heather was in front of the fire, and if her clasped hands were any indication, she was tense.

  "Fine," she said, but her voice was small.

  Nate was not feeling overly confident himself, but he still went and took her in his arms. For a long time they just held each other. Some noise drifted up from the crowd downstairs, but for the most part they felt they were in a world all their own.

  "Better?" Nate asked when he felt Heather relax against him. "Much."

  "Are you sorry we left the party?" Nate asked.

  "No," Heather said, a smile in her voice. She tipped her head back to see him, and he kissed her.

  "Nate," Heather suddenly asked. "Do you mind if I take my hair down?"

  "Mind?" he asked with a smile in his voice. "I've been looking forward to seeing you with your hair down."

  278Heather sighed with contentment and put her hands up, but Nate beat her to it.

  "Allow me, Mrs. Kaderly," he offered, and Heather, with a soft laugh did just that.

  "Well this is nice timing," Rylan teased Bri between contractions. She had waited until the next morning to have her first pains.

  "You'll even be able to preach," Bri teased right back, hoping that Danny, who had been taken to Jeanette's, would not think he was going to be separated for weeks this time.

  When do I go for the doctor?" Rylan asked, remembering how long labor with Danny had taken.

  Not yet, I don't think."

  Rylan hoped she would know and continued to sit with her as the time passed. He thought she was doing well, but things seemed to grow intense without warning. Bri's water broke, and she felt a desperate need to push almost at the same time.

  "I've got to find him, Bri," Rylan said at one point, both of them dripping with sweat.

  "But I feel like I have to push," Bri just managed, contractions coming one on top of the other.

  Rylan knew he couldn't leave. He would ask himself for a long time if he should have done something differently, but for right now, the die was cast. Working for all they were worth, Rylan and Bri delivered their next baby together. James Rylan Jarvik came into the world, howling almost from the first moment. He was big like his brother and looked none the worse for wear once he'd calmed down. Staring at him, Rylan and Bri felt amazed. They counted fingers and toes and then laughed when he ate with great appetite.

  "Oh, Rylan," was all Bri could say when the two took a moment to look at each other.

  279"He's here," Rylan said, kissing her forehead. "And I still have you."

  Seth had brought the horse and carriage close to the storeroom door. The girls had just left for school, bundled against the cold, and he was sure Jessie would be missing him soon. He was going to have to move fast. Jeb and Patience would be along any minute.

  Nothing had worked. With the cold weather coming, Chas had hired extra help, and the house was finished in excellent time. It was beautiful-warm and snug and everything Seth had dreamed of. They were all moved in, but the girls slept in one bedroom, Jessie in another, and Seth had his own. Jessie's waist was starting to expand, and time was moving on, but she was as unbelieving and as upset with him as she had been when she got the news.

  For a long time he had thought it was only about his leaving, but there was something more going on and he was going to find out what it was. He knew what he was doing could be disastrous, but part of him didn't feel he had anything to lose. His wife was already becoming a stranger, and the girls were noticing more every day. For a time she was normal for them, but she could no longer keep it up. The uncertain glances that came her way from them were breaking his heart. For the first time he feared that Jessie would be the one to leave them.

  "Hey, Jessie," Seth called from the storeroom door.

  "Just a minute," she called back. "Jeb and Patience just got here."

  "Can you come anyway?" Seth asked.

  Jessie did not look pleased with him when she got there, but he ignored this.

  "Come here," he said and took her arm.

  Jessie looked surprised by this but did not protest. Not until they were outside at the back of the store and Seth was lifting her into the carriage did she find her voice.

  280"Seth, what in the world!"

  "Your coat is right there," Seth cut her off, climbing in over the top of her. He put the rig into motion before she could climb out. "I'll cover you with the blanket as soon as you get it on."

  Seth had the horse moving at a good pace, cutting along the back of the Main Street businesses until he got to the side street. The freezing wind gave Jessie no choice. She was struggling into her coat when she began to speak.

  "Where are we going?"

  "Away" was all Seth said.

  "Out of town?" Jessie asked, her voice incredulous.

  "Yes."

  "You can't be serious. The girls?" Jessie said with sudden panic. "Will be with Rylan and Bri."

  "The store?"

  "That's why Jeb and Patience were there."

  Jessie's mouth swung open in shock that swiftly gave way to anger. She didn't speak, but Seth could feel her frustration. They rode in silence until Jessie saw that Seth was indeed taking them out of town. She pulled the blanket a little closer around her and asked where they were going.

  "To the Carlisle ,ranch, the original cabin to be exact." "What are we doing there?"

  "Getting away for a few days."

  "To do what?"

  "Mostly to give us time."

  "To do what?" Jessie would not let it drop.

  "For me to find out what's wrong."

  It did not bode well in Seth's mind when Jessie said not a word to him the rest of the drive, which was more than ten miles. He drove onto the Carlisle ranch and saw right away that there was smoke coming from the chimney at the cabin. Lying some distance beyond the main house, the cabin was the house Bart and Marty had started in when they began to ranch.

  281Seth pulled alongside the old front porch and jumped down. He reached for Jessie and kept her in his arms until he was on the porch, and then he set her down. Jessie was not happy about any of this, but it was cold enough to propel her inside.

  Seth followed her inside with one satchel of clothing and a few baskets holding food. He didn't have plans to stay for more than one night, but he wanted to make sure they had plenty to eat. Something told h
im food would not be the predominant thought in anyone's mind, but those were the Plans he'd made.

  Seth told Jessie he was going to see to the horse, but she didn't answer him. When he got back to the cabin, he found her sitting before the fire, staring into the flames. He didn't think he would be very welcome at the moment but still took the seat across from her.

  And he was right. For the next three hours, Seth tried to start conversation, only to be met with cold silence. Had there not been a fire burning hot in the fireplace, Seth thought he might freeze.

  "I had to bring you here, Jessie. I had to find a way to reach

  you.

  Jessie could not believe this was happening. She had decided to ignore Seth until he gave up and took her home.

  "I've actually feared that you would leave me," Seth admitted finally, bringing Jessie's face to his for the first time.

  "/ would leave?" Jessie asked, sure she was hearing wrong. Seth only nodded.

  "Why would you think such a thing?"

  "Because of how much you've changed with this pregnancy. You're clearly sorry you ever set eyes on me, but I didn't think you would ever reject the girls."

  "What are you talking about?"

  "You can't even see it, Jessie," Seth said, realizing just how true it was. "You act like you don't care anymore about anyone or anything. You go through the motions, but your heart is not in it-not in the store and not at the house."

  Jessie had never been so angry. She knew she didn't lose her

  282temper like she used to, but this was too much. She came to her feet, the fire lighting only half of her face in the dim cabin, ready to have her say.

  "Do you think I don't know? Do you think I can't see? Hannah told me about her decision for Jesus. My own little daughter believes in God, but I don't! Clancy will be next, and then this baby. What am Ito do then?"

  The silence that fell between them was painful. This was not what Seth imagined. He had known that the root of Jessie's problem was spiritual, but not that she had worked this out for herself. However, he was not going to ignore her questions.