by Lori Wick
“No, I don’t.” Clayton had come up behind their pew and leaned over, his face near hers. Jackie started, but he only smiled. He waited, but she said nothing.
“Well?” He was closer than she realized. “Are you going to ask me?”
Jackie’s hand fluttered nervously around her bare neck, and she wished that Eddie had not offered to put her hair up. She was silent for many seconds, her eyes searching the air. “I’m sure you have plans for today, don’t you, Clay?”
“I’m not doing a thing.”
Again her hand fluttered, this time around the ear he had spoken into. “Would you like to come for Sunday dinner?”
“I’d love to,” he said, so low that Jackie melted.
Eddie and Robert watched with unabashed curiosity as Jackie’s face went a bright pink. Eddie could only assume that Clayton was joining them for Sunday dinner as she couldn’t hear a word he was saying. If Jackie’s face was any indication, the news was good, but Eddie forced herself not to ask.
The church was swiftly clearing, and Jackie left with the Langleys. However, Clayton was near to help her into the buggy and to remind her that he would see her shortly. Eddie noticed that she blushed all the way home.
39
Clayton looked out over the sea of faces in his classroom and felt an unbelievable sensation in his chest. They were here, and he loved them. He didn’t know their names yet, but he had prayed for them every day, and in so doing, his love had grown. Not only that, he was the teacher. Mr. Taggart. The name was already written on the board in white chalk.
“As you can see, I’ve written my name on the board at the front of the room. I’m Mr. Taggart,” he told them kindly. “Now I would like to know your names. We’ll begin here at the front and work our way back. Please stand when you give your first and last name, and don’t sit down until I’ve had a chance to check my list.”
He took a seat at the desk up front, and they were off. There were half a dozen kids who obviously didn’t want to be there at all, but for the most part the 32 students were eager to learn and participate. Clayton had more boys than girls and thought that might be unusual, but with the shy smiles he was receiving from a few of the girls who already looked smitten with him, he thought it might be best.
The day literally flew by. As tired as he knew he was going to be that night, he couldn’t wait to tell Jackie all about it.
“How many of the girls fell in love with you?” she asked when she could get a word in. Eddie, who was with them, laughed uproariously.
“What’s happening?” Jackie demanded.
“Oh, Jackie.” Eddie was still overcome. “Clayton’s face is lit up like a house afire. I think they all must have been enamored.”
Jackie laughed as well, but then thought of herself. She had put absolutely no stock in Clayton’s remark in the study, and so now her thoughts tormented her. At one time she had been one of the older girls in school. What if Clayton fell for one of his female students? Stop it, Jackie, she chastised herself. You know he’s going to be your friend, and you can’t expect more than that. The day he meets someone and wants to marry, you’ll just have to accept that. You could probably go back to Georgetown, and that would make things easier, but you’re done with being selfish. Just because you can’t have a normal life doesn’t mean Clayton can’t either. Help me, Father. Please help me to accept and believe this.
Both Clayton and Eddie saw the odd look on Jackie’s face, but no one questioned her. Clayton went on to share a little more about the day, and then he asked Jackie if she wanted her lesson now. He wasn’t supposed to give it until evening, but as long as he was there, he thought she might want it then.
“Oh, sure,” she said immediately, and then thought about how he might feel. “I mean, if you’re not too tired.”
“No, I’m fine. Why don’t you get your books, and I’ll meet you in the study.”
“All right.”
Clayton waited until she was gone before talking to Eddie.
“Has she been all right?”
“I think so. She didn’t have much to do today, but all that’s going to change tomorrow.”
“How’s that?”
Eddie shook her head. “I think I’ll let her tell you if she wants to, but she won’t know about it until morning.”
Clayton thought that was more than fair and let the matter drop, but he was curious, especially because Jackie was a little quiet for their lesson. He left a few hours later and prayed all the way home.
When will I be in a position to ask her, Lord? When will I have the right to be what I want to be to that woman? I thought it was hard to wait for school, but this is torture. I want to hold her and calm her every fear. Clayton was halfway home when he finally heard himself.
I can’t be those things I prayed about, Lord. Only You can do that. Please help me to remember.
“I can’t remember how to do this,” Jackie admitted, and Eddie looked at her in compassion.
“That’s all right,” Lena spoke up. “I will refresh your mind. You break the eggs, one at a time, over this bowl, the smaller bowl, and then you will have a chance to search for any shells that might have dropped before pouring the eggs into the larger bowl. Right here,” Lena instructed, moving Jackie’s hand, “is the wet towel to wipe the mess from your hands.”
“All right.” Jackie’s voice was small, her face strained, and Eddie wanted to bawl. The younger girl was covered with flour and eggwhite, but she didn’t complain. Eddie knew it would be a challenge for Jackie, but she never dreamed it would break her own heart to watch. She had waited until after breakfast that morning and begun by apologizing to Jackie.
“I need to confess something to you, Jackie,” Eddie began. “I haven’t treated you as I should.”
“Eddie, what in the world could you be talking about?”
“I’m talking about getting you a schoolteacher but not helping you learn things you need to know around the house. You already serve your own food and drink. Why couldn’t you learn to cook if Lena left all the ingredients in the same place all the time?”
Jackie’s mouth felt like paper. She would burn the house down, she was certain of it, and said as much when she could find her voice.
“No, you won’t.” Eddie sounded so confident. “We’re going to work up to this gradually. Beginning this morning and every weekday morning, you’re going to work with Lena or me in the kitchen. What do you think?”
What do I think? What do I think? Jackie’s mind nearly cried. I think I’ll fail at this like I thought I would fail at everything without my sight. I think this will get my hopes up, but I still won’t be normal. Oh, Eddie, I love you so much and I’ll do this to please you, but I think we’re asking for disaster.
“Jackie?”
“Sounds great,” she replied, trying to convince Eddie as well as herself. “I’m just surprised and a little uncertain.”
Eddie hugged her. “You won’t be left on your own until you think you can do it.”
Jackie nodded and prayed for strength, and then realized suddenly that she had much for which to be thankful. How many sisters would have sat her in a corner and told her to stay out of the way? But not Eddie, and not Robert either. She might be scared out of her wits, but they believed in her.
And it was a good thing they did, because Jackie was ready to throw in the towel by Friday. She worked every morning with Eddie and Lena, sewed, read, or wrote in the afternoons, and then worked with Clayton in the evening. She fell into bed every night, and Eddie had to call her each morning or she’d have slept until noon. Saturday never looked so good.
Eddie woke her at the regular time. Jackie didn’t question her, but got dressed and made ready to leave her room. Not until that moment did she realize Clayton was downstairs. She heard his voice and then remembered that since they were getting time for school only in the evening, he said he would be coming on Saturday as well. Jackie knew she couldn’t do it today. She stood in the upst
airs hallway and fought the tears that threatened. She stood for quite some time until Robert came through on his way to the bank and spotted her.
“Jackie?”
Her back was to him, and she didn’t answer. He circled to the front of her and saw the tears. With a gentle hand he led her back to her room and waited until she sat in the chair by the window.
“What is it, Jackie?”
She shook her head, and Robert read a certain hopelessness in her eyes.
“Jackie, Tag is here,” Eddie called from the bottom of the stairs. Jackie rose wearily.
“She’ll be a few minutes,” Robert called down from the door. He then strode back into the room. “Sit down, Jackie.”
She did as she was told, trying to remember the verse about doing all things in Christ because He gives the strength, not once realizing that she might be doing more than God was asking of her.
“Jackie, tell me what’s upset you.”
“I’m not really upset, Robert, just tired.” A tear trickled down her face. “But I need to stay busy, and I think I’m being a baby.” Robert felt ashamed. She lived under his roof, but because things were busy at the bank, and Eddie was a concern with her pregnancy, not to mention Jackie’s doing exceptionally well, he’d almost forgotten her personal needs.
“I need to go down now,” she told him.
“Why don’t you and Clayton just go for a walk today? I’m sure he would welcome the change.”
“You don’t pay Clayton to come here and walk with me, Robert,” Jackie pointed out reasonably. Robert didn’t tell her that Clayton had stopped accepting pay from him a long time ago.
Jackie went on. “If he’s not going to teach me, I think he must have better things to do with his time. After all, he works all week long now and spends every evening here.”
“And you work all morning, afternoon, and evening too,” Robert added, but Jackie didn’t comment.
“Stay here, Jackie. I’ll be back.”
She heard him leave and lay her head back. She felt ashamed for being tired and unwilling to work, but right now she didn’t think she even had the strength to rise. She told herself not to go to sleep—she’d just awakened—but it was no use. Sleep was crowding in, and she didn’t seem to have the will to fight it.
“Is Jackie coming down?” Eddie asked when her husband joined them in the living room.
“Not just yet.” He looked at Clay. “I think she’s pretty tired. I suggested that she go for a walk today instead of doing her lesson, but she said that’s not what I pay you for.”
Clayton’s brows rose. “Well, that might have been true at one point, but surely she knows I come for more than her schooling.”
“I think she does, but she’s so tired right now that she’s not thinking straight.”
Clayton nodded. “She told me she’s learning to cook all over again. I’ve noticed that anytime she learns something new, it exhausts her. She’s doing great. I probably don’t tell her often enough how well she’s doing. Maybe Saturdays are not such a good idea.”
Eddie looked shame-faced. “And I woke her as early as I always do.”
“I think maybe we should back off a bit,” Robert stated. “I’ve got to get into town now, but I think if you ask Jackie, she’ll say she wants to rest today.”
Eddie nodded, kissed her husband, and started for the stairs. Clayton said he would stay and talk to Jackie awhile, but when Eddie returned, it was to report that Jackie had fallen sound asleep in her chair.
“I can feel the approach of winter,” Jackie commented, fingering the leaf in her hand.
“Yes,” Clayton agreed, but he didn’t feel like talking more. Jackie looked utterly captivating in a dress of cream and navy blue, and all Clayton could do was stare. The beautiful Rocky Mountains rose majestically in the distance, but Clayton had eyes for Jackie alone.
Several weeks had passed since Jackie had been too tired to study, and from that point Clayton had spent every weekend with Jackie, but not to study or work. They had been some of the most wonderful weeks of his life. She grew more accustomed to his voice and inflections, and most of the time she was the wild, fun Jackie that he’d fallen in love with the summer before in Georgetown. Tonight they were supposed to be studying, but it was so nice that Clayton called for a nature walk and took her outside.
“Here’s one for you.” Clayton held a flower beneath her nose and watched her smile.
“Wild rose,” Jackie breathed. “My favorite.” She caressed the delicate blossom and smelled it again. She then realized how quiet Clayton had been that day.
“You haven’t been very talkative today, Clayton Taggart.”
“No,” he smiled, “but I’m doing plenty of thinking.”
“About?”
“About how lovely you look in that dress and how beautiful your hair is when the sun bounces off it.”
Jackie’s hand automatically went to a fat curl that lay on her shoulder. “I can’t really remember what it looks like anymore.”
“Shall I tell you?” Clayton asked and began before she could answer. “The color is richer than anything I’ve ever seen. Even without the red highlights, the sable brown is so full, dark, and soft to the eyes that you automatically want to touch it.” Clayton’s voice grew softer and deeper as he continued, and Jackie’s heart began to pound. “It falls in ripples down your back and shoulders, and curls slightly at the ends. Even with the wind teasing it, it’s smoothlooking and tempts my hand unbearably.”
Clayton now looked at Jackie’s eyes and saw understanding for the first time. “What did you just hear, Jackie? What does your heart tell you?”
“No, Clayton,” she whispered. “It can’t be. How can you love me after this? How can you possibly feel—”
She cut off when his arms came around her. He held her gently, but her hands clung to his shoulders.
“You don’t understand, Jackie.” Clayton had to bend his head only slightly to speak softly into her ear. “The blind Jackie who is indwelt by God is a thousand times more lovely than the sighted Jackie who didn’t understand the things of the Spirit.”
“But Clayton, how could I ever be anything to you; how could I ever really be—”
Her words were cut off again, this time with his mouth. He wasn’t going to kiss her so ardently but every time he raised his head she had another objection. He ended up kissing her until his own heart was thundering and she was limp in his arms.
“I’ve never stopped loving you,” he said when he could talk. “I begged God to save you, Jackie; not for myself, but for you. When it happened, I knew someday I’d make you mine.”
Jackie’s heart overflowed. She threw her arms around Clayton and held him with all her strength.
“I told myself that we would always be friends, and I would have to be happy with only that.”
Clayton kissed her again, but then she pushed herself to arm’s length and spoke with her hands on his chest.
“Clayton, we have to be serious now.”
“All right.”
“I almost set a towel on fire last week.”
“Yes, you told me about it.” He sounded calm.
“Clayton, you don’t understand.”
“Yes, I do. You’re picturing yourself in Eddie’s house and kitchen. We won’t live there. We’ll live at my house, and I work just steps out the front door. Not to mention, I’m always done in the schoolhouse by 3:30. Plenty of time to come home and help you start dinner.”
“What about children? How could I ever take care of a baby?”
“When the time comes, we’ll handle that.”
He’s thought this all out. He has an answer for everything because he’s worked it all out.
Her heart was going to burst, and she had to be close. She moved her hands from his chest to his face, framing it carefully and tipping it down so he could see her.
“Clayton, do you know that I love you?”
“Oh, yes, Jackie,” he replied
tenderly.
“Can you see it, Clayton? Can you see it in my eyes?” She was only just holding her tears.
“Yes, Jackie, I can see it.”
Jackie’s hand smoothed his face for just an instant.
“Clayton.” Her voice became very serious, her eyes searching the air. “Will you marry me?”
Clayton gathered her close, his lips brushing her forehead before bending to her ear.
“Absolutely.”
“Right away, Clayton,” she added. “No big wedding and no waiting for families to come. Right away, with just the family and close friends who are here.”
Clayton looked down at her. “If that’s what you want.”
“Isn’t that what you want?” She sounded uncertain all of a sudden.
“Yes, it is.” Clayton realized how true it was. He could have his family come later, but he and Jackie had been apart for so long; waiting seemed unnecessary. This way they could have a quiet beginning, and by the time family visited and they celebrated with them, his wife would feel confident as the lady of her own home.
“When?” he suddenly asked. “When will you marry me?”
“Right away,” Jackie told him. “I don’t need a fancy dress I can’t see. I just want us to be together, Clayton. I think God’s been preparing me for that for a very long time.”
Clayton knew God had done some preparing in his own heart as well. He looked up just then to see Robert and Eddie coming their way.
“We’re going to have company. Shall I tell them?”
“Yes, please,” Jackie said with a smile that stretched off her face.
If the young couple had known any doubts about their decision, they dissolved in the face of Eddie’s and Robert’s joy. The four of them stood until the sun was sinking low in the sky and talked and planned. Robert himself suggested they marry right away, and Jackie couldn’t even feel the ground beneath her as she walked back to the house.
She had never even dared to ask God for this, but He had given it to her. She had been content in Him, slipping only occasionally into dissatisfaction, and He had been faithful. So many plans swarmed into Jackie’s head that she knew she would never sleep. She went out for the night, however, as soon as her head touched the pillow.
