by Tam King-fai
in youth, complete with an ungainly energy, thick brows, big eyes, and
straight backs. They are just like those bitter green young peaches, down
to the fuzzy hair on their faces. But when they get to middle age, they
glow radiantly and their step grows so sprightly that one might think
3
;MM ¹9Q][P]Qº )]]UV .TWWL QV Zhuangzi, where a frog living at the bottom of a well is described as being so limited by his environment that he cannot
possibly know anything about the vastness of the sea.
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Liang Shiqiu
181
they have installed springs under their heels. You can tell at a glance that
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for years, unadulterated and fragrant. To them, there is no sadness in
middle age.
It is not too late to begin living at forty. The question is how to
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would be forcing it a bit, like celebrating spring in the fall. It is also
depressing for a matronly woman to let down her bangs and practice
walking in high heels in the privacy of the bathroom, as if walking
on stilts. The wonderful thing about middle age is the knowledge one
has found in life and in oneself, from which one then proceeds to do
what one can do, and enjoy what one can enjoy. Junior actors fresh
from acting school can handle the acrobatic roles in a standard full
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4
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182
A Garden of One’s Own
The Send-off (1949)
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To my mind, the ancients must have gone about this business of
sending people off with elegance and profound feelings. In the past,
when getting about was by no means an easy thing, it was never known
how long a person, once departed, would be gone, and whether one
would ever come to meet him again. This is why people of those times
went to such great lengths with parting rituals, such as singing songs
of farewell at Nanpu,6 and breaking off willow branches as souvenirs
on Ba Qiao.7 A cup of wine drunk as far out as the Yang Gate8 under
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still almost see what it must have been like for Wang Lun to walk on the
shore with big strides, singing all the while, when Li Bo’s boat was about
to pull away.9 What is so wonderful about such a parting scene is the
purity and genuineness of Wang Lun’s emotions, and the spontaneity
and lack of inhibition of his actions. To see someone off who has always
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the way you look, and you have always taken exception to the way I
talk, then there is nothing better than to see the other person go. One’s
only fear is that the world might be too small a place and we might run
into each other again. In that case, what would be the point of taking all
that trouble to see each other off ?
In our lives as modern people, send-offs have become a social ritual,
like attending birthday parties and funerals. You get up so early in the
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still half-asleep, you hurry to the train station or the pier, squeezing your
way through the chaotic crowd to look for your target. Finding it, you
cast around for some inept thing to say until the time when the whistle
finally blows. Everyone gathered there then disperses like birds and
beasts. Letting out a sigh of relief, they go home, their mouths pursed.
That is considered to be thoughtful. For his part, the person being sent
5
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6
Nanpu, south of Pucheng County in Fujian.
7
Ba Qiao is to the east of Chang’an in Shaanxi, a traditional place for sending people off.
8
Yang Gate is located to the south of Dunhuang in Gansu. See Wang Wei
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9
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Liang Shiqiu
183
off appreciates the bustle around him, which goes to prove that he is
well liked and has not muddled through his days in vain. It is also very
gratifying to have so many people come to show their unwillingness to
see him go. Comparing himself with other passengers who may not have
a single person to see them off, his sense of superiority grows and his
spirit soars. He only wishes that he could shake every hand eight times,
and thank everybody ten times. If we attach so much importance to the
number of friends and relatives who come to take part in the funeral
procession to express their lingering remembrances for the dead, how
much more should we try to do for the living? It simply won’t do unless
there is an impressive send-off !
It seems disconcerting to leave quietly without having someone
there to see you off. If other passengers around you are making a display
of their send-off party, it will make your trip even lonelier. Things are
no different outside of China. In his essay on seeing people off, Max
Beerbohm relates an incident at a train station where he runs into an old
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to hold back their tears. His friend then waves to the woman again and
again, and gazes at her for a long time as the train pulls away. It turns
out, however, that the actor is just playing a role—he does not actually
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who has to go on a trip and wishes to have someone come to the train
station to see them off can avail himself or herself of this service. With
his acting background, his friend is of course a virtuoso of the trade. He
can project his feelings and put up a convincing performance, and for
a modest fee, the customer is entitled to a handsome spiritual reward.
American tourists in particular have money to buy everything they want
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business, there will never be a shortage of sender-offers.
Send-offs being an unavoidable fact of life, one can ill afford to
ignore the proper techniques. If sending off were limited to merely
showing up at the station or the pier and shaking hands to say goodbye,
&
nbsp; then the whole thing would be simple. However, food is an important
item in any ritual in China, and when a friend is about to take a long
trip, we make sure he doesn’t leave with an empty stomach. There is
no avoiding a farewell banquet, where our only wish is to stockpile in
his stomach over the course of one meal the nutrients he will need for
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184
A Garden of One’s Own
several days. I believe that all of us have had similar experiences. If the
news—often advertised by the traveler himself—is abroad that a trip is
impending, the traveler has every reason to expect that invitations to
farewell banquets will pour in and that for a short time, there will be no
need for his family to cook. Other more considerate souls even bring
food to the train or boat, as if hunger on the road were a real danger.
I shall never forget a most miserable send-off I once witnessed. It
was a bitter cold winter night, and there was not much sign of life at
the train station. Most of the passengers, as well as the people who had
come to see them off, were trying to keep themselves warm in the train
cars, but on the long platform, which seemed to extend interminably,
there was a dark pack of sender-offers. Some had capes around their
shoulders, some had felt hats on their heads, and some were tapping
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crowd and found that they were all friends of mine gathered there
to send off a lady friend. The train was about to depart, but she was
nowhere in sight. It turned out that she was still obliged to go to several
farewell banquets that night.
At the last minute, she showed up and all of us who had gathered
there felt that we were there to receive rather than to send her off.
When we saw her arrive at the train station, we were simply too happy,
and didn’t have time to express our sorrow at her departure. In one
arm, she was holding a small child, who was startled by the crowd and
started to cry. With her other hand, she was dragging another child
along. Half walking, half running, her hair all disheveled, she was
breathing steam from her mouth like a donkey carrying a heavy load in
winter. She could not afford to socialize with us, and with a few steps,
hopped onto the train, which had already begun to move. Most of the
people gathered around had things in their hands and did not have a
chance to present them to her. I happened to be standing closest to the
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of presents. I dashed onto the train. There was no time for words, so I
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the train, I had to spin around a few times before regaining my footing.
Later, I received a letter from her, in which she said:
¹?PW_MZMPW[MXMWXTM_PWKIUMW[MMUMWNN ')VL_PWOI^MUMPW[M
things that you dumped on me? It took me quite a while to sort everything
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Liang Shiqiu
185
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good intentions of my friends, I ended up having another piece of luggage.
I would like to know who gave me what. Since you came up to the car as
their representative, you must know, and I hope you will tell me as soon as
possible who these things are from, namely:
Three baskets of fruit, four cans of Taikang food, two bottles of fruit
syrup, four boxes of sweetmeats, four tins of crackers, four cans of
fermented tofu, four boxes of cake, eight boxes of pastry, eight tins
of cigarettes, a box of letter paper and envelopes, two pairs of silk
stockings, one bottle of perfume, a set of ashtrays, a small clock,
two pieces of fabric, four baskets of pickled vegetables, a pair of
embroidered slippers, four large loaves of bread, a tin of coffee, two
Wa[_WZL[º
I couldn’t come up with an answer to her query, and to this day, it
remains a mystery waiting to be solved.
I do not like to see people off, nor do I like other people to see
me off. Going through the moment of parting from people whom one
cannot bear to let go is like undergoing surgery, and as a rule, all surgery
requires anesthesia beforehand so that, half-conscious, the patient can
survive the pain. That is why it is best to avoid the pain of parting. A
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but when you return, I will come to meet you, even in the heaviest
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I admire this sentiment most of all.
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186
A Garden of One’s Own
Travel (1949)
Of all the races in the world, the Chinese are the most disinclined to
travel. Even in times of famine, they do not lightly set out on the road
to escape from hunger, preferring to stay in the same spot to eat grass,
gnaw on tree bark, and swallow Guanyin Tu.10 They are afraid that once
they leave their homes, they may die on the road and thus lose their
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willing to travel: Instead, they hang a picture on the wall and claim to
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what are the famous sights of great mountains and rivers, anyway, if not
merely a few piles of stones and a puddle of water?
I remember that when I was a primary school student, going for
a picnic in the wild could set my heart beating with excitement. We
would get all prepared well in advance, getting up early in the morning,
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front of us. A week after the picnic, we would even be required to hand
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matter considered to have come to a satisfactory conclusion. Such was
the solemn undertaking of a picnic!
My maternal grandmother lived in the city center of Hangzhou,
and in the eighty-some years of her life, she had never been to West
Lake. At long last, she went, but by then she could no longer walk and
had to be carried there. She never returned—she was buried in the hills
by the lake.
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they could and not be deterred by thoughts of the number of shoes they
might need to wear. But is traveling really an enjoyable thing, or is there
something somehow aggravating about it?
One cannot do without luggage when one is on the road. A bundle
of bedding wei
ghing twenty or thirty jin 11 Q[ PM ÅZ[ WJ[IKTM PI I
traveler has to overcome. It should be tied up tightly and handsomely
in the shape of a square with sharp, tidy corners, easily distinguishable
10
A kind of white clay eaten by famine victims.
11
Jin, a measurement of weight equal to about 1 1/3 pounds.
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Liang Shiqiu
187
from bundles that are loosely wrapped in cloth with the inside showing.
This task alone is not for those of us who lack the strength to tie up a
chicken. It sometimes happens that curious souls at domestic customs
stations like to open up your bedding to take a look, and once the
inspection is over, it is not that easy to restore it to its original shape.
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have endured the process of rolling up their bedding, the mood to travel
has almost run its course. In some countries, it is not necessary to carry
one’s bedding when one travels for wherever there is a bed, there is a
mattress; and wherever there is a mattress, there are bedsheets which
can be washed and changed at any time. Travelers can come and go
unburdened, and do not have to carry their bedding like snails carrying
their shells on their backs.
When all is said and done, carrying one’s bedding is still not such
an impossible task, but I have never heard of people carrying beds on
the road. There are very few beds in the world that do not come with
bedbugs, and I seriously doubt how much energy is left for touring after
a whole night spent giving one’s blood to the vermin. I have a friend
who designed for himself a set of seamless sleeping clothes that snugly
covered his head and limbs. When he crawled inside, only his eyes
were visible through the two holes in the front, and he was completely
insulated from the world outside. The problem was, with these sleeping
clothes on, he looked like a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I heard it
said that when he came out in his sleeping clothes one night, a person
who caught sight of him nearly fell dead from fright.
A primitive means of transportation is not necessarily a source
WN ZW]JTMNWZZI^MTMZ[IVL1ÅVLPII huagan or jiazi che 12 are much UWZM QVMZM[QVO PIV IQZXTIVM[ ¹
