This Much Is True

by Anna Albo

  To: Emma Andrews

  From: Meredith Irvine

  December 1st, 2015

  Hello Emma,

  How are you today? I bet you’re back at school. I’m so happy to hear about your grandfather’s engagement. As a kid I remember your grandmother very well, and I think you’re right, she’d be delighted with this news. She was the kind of person who wouldn’t want your grandfather to be alone. As for your dad, he’ll be just fine.

  I know we only started talking, and I don’t want to push it, but I’d love to meet with you. Maybe we could have coffee sometime? No pressure, because I don’t want you to think you have to, but I’d really love to see you. Maybe think about it. Take as much time as you need because I know it will be a big step.

  Talk soon,

  Mom

  Meet with her? No, I wasn’t ready for that. I put away my phone and pulled out my history textbook. I had a lot of studying to do. I wasn’t fifteen minutes into it when Ben strolled in. He seriously thought he was God’s gift to women everywhere. What a tool.

  “I’ve got your schedule,” he said, sliding it across the desk towards me. He shot it to me with so much momentum it nearly sailed off the table. I scowled at him but he didn’t appear to care. I looked it over carefully and everything seemed in order.

  “It looks fine.”

  He leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms behind his head. Smug as always. “I had a Ms. Genie Walker want to sign up for one of my classes.”

  I looked up from my schedule. “You did?”

  “I thought it was kind of weird. Why would your boyfriend’s sister sign up for my class?”

  Good question. “I don’t know, Sherlock. Did you ask her?”

  “She mentioned something about wanting to get in a good workout and felt it would be strange taking your class. Must be nice to have all that Walker money to throw away. Unless there is another reason she’s taking my class.”

  Then I understood. “Do you think I have her spying on your classes?”

  “You know that people have high expectations. Maybe you’re feeling inadequate?”

  If he wasn’t so far away, I’d push him over in his chair. “The only thing inadequate around here is what’s in your pants.”

  He sucked back on his lips like I’d made him eat a lemon. He took a second to recover. “I hope you can live up to your hype.”

  No, he was a super tool. “I’m sure I can. The question is, can you? You’re the one with so much experience.”

  He smirked. “I’m not worried about me.”

  My eyes narrowed. “Do you have a problem with me?”

  “No.” He said it like a defiant four-year-old.

  “Look, if you have an issue with me, spit it out. The last thing I want is to work with someone who doesn’t want to work with me.”

  Ben pressed his lips together. “Since we’re being so honest, I don’t think you deserve to teach here. I should be doing it all.” He said it so matter-of-fact, like his words weren’t meant to hurt.

  My jaw dropped open. “Because you’re some washed up semi-pro who made the semifinals of one junior Grand Slam? Seriously? That makes you better than me?”

  “At least I didn’t quit.”

  I was silenced. “Right. I’m leaving. You’re an asshole.”

  “I’ve been called worse,” he said as I left.

  I was so mad. For some reason, instead of texting Zach to tell him what happened, I scrolled through numbers and found the one that I believed to be Bianca’s, the one that had tormented me for months.

  Me: Zach says he has nothing to do with all your problems and I believe him.

  I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I sent it without regret. Bianca could kiss my ass, if she even responded, because responding would prove she’d sent all those texts last year. Did I care? Not even a bit. Would I regret it later? Possibly. I was tired of people feeling sorry for her, and my run-in with Julia and then stupid Ben had pushed me over the edge.

  000:000:0000: He’s lying and I’m probably an idiot for replying to you. Are you going to call the cops now? Ruin me some more?

  My cheeks flushed. I stopped walking and attempted to contain my bubbling rage.

  Me: He’s not lying.

  A few seconds passed. In that time I edited the number to attach her name.

  Bianca: Are you really that dumb? Seriously? Did you ask him about the video he took?

  I stared at the text for a minute or two. My heart picked up a few beats and I could feel a clammy sweat form all over. I took in a few deep breaths and strategized.

  Me: I know he has a video.

  Bianca: Why don’t you ask to see it cuz I know you haven’t. If you had, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

  I put my phone away and stormed to the bus stop. I wanted to go home. I glanced at my watch and knew Zach would be there. I hopped on the next bus for the short ride to our place. I found him at the dining room table, his laptop in front of him as he typed away.

  I dropped my bag and didn’t bother taking off my jacket. I stood at the opposite end of the table and he looked up from his computer, an innocent expression on his face.

  “What’s up?” he asked.

  “The video,” I said between hurried breaths, “I want to see it.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Emma

  Other than after Bianca and her friends roughed me up, I don’t remember a time when Zach wasn’t cool and calm. In fact, he was always my rock, handling whatever pressures life threw his way. I’d never seen him freak out, but this time was so much different. It was hard not to see the panic on his face. He averted his gaze as all the color drained from him. “Why are we doing this again?”

  His voice, normally level, betrayed him as he stuttered the final couple of words.

  I swallowed hard. There was no going back now. “Because it’s not going away. I feel like it’s hanging over us, and that I’m the only one who doesn’t know what’s on it.”

  He closed his eyes. He was thinking, but I knew he wasn’t going to find a way out of this sticky situation. “You don’t want to see it,” he finally said.

  “Why?”

  “It’s more than two years old. I was a different person then, so was Bianca. It’s old news.”

  “If it’s old news, why are you keeping it?”

  He looked at me, his brown eyes pleading for me to back off. “To protect you.”

  “I don’t want you to protect me. I want you to show it to me.”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  My hands were shaking, and I could barely contain the adrenaline rushing through my veins. “Yes. Get it.”

  “It’s not a good idea.”

  I was tired of people making decisions for me. From Dad to Zach, they’d all decided my future and I was tired of it. Something came over me, the same devil that possessed me when I punched Bianca in the face. I slammed my fist down on the dining room table and it made Zach jump. “I want to see it. If you don’t get it, I walk. And I mean it, Zach. You’re going to show it to me.”

  His eyes showed fear I’d never seen before. “Emma, don’t make me do this,” he begged, his voice dropping to a whisper.

  “I don’t want to be the fool anymore. You’re not keeping it from me. Where is it?” My voice was level, but inside I was falling apart. His resistance was scaring me.

  “You won’t forgive me,” he said, his eyes locked on mine.

  “Let me decide.”

  He slowly stood and went to our bedroom. He returned with a flash drive but didn’t hand it to me. “Em, if you see this, I’m worried what you’ll think. I was stupid when I got involved in this. I was also very drunk. I’d never do something like this now. I can’t believe I did it then.”

  I felt like two hands had grabbed my heart and were ripping it in two, but I kept my composure. “Give it to me.”

  He held it out and I snatched it before he could take it back. I went to his lapt
op and inserted the flash drive. In seconds the video popped up. I flinched at the opening image. Bianca on her knees, presumably naked and surrounded by guys. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Scenarios ran through my head. I could destroy the flash drive before viewing it, but I’d always wonder what was on it. Or I could watch it and potentially see Zach in a way I could never forget.

  “We were young, trying to fit in,” Zach pleaded from behind me. “We were high on some kind of pills. I never took them again after that.”

  “Quiet!”

  My hands shook violently as I moved the mouse and let the cursor hover over the play button. One more deep breath, reconsidering, knowing that deep down this would change everything, then clicked on play.

  “Say hello, Bianca.” Zach’s laughing voice. My stomach lurched.

  She waved and licked her lips, pretending to be seductive, but failing miserably. Uncertainty was etched on her face.

  “Guys, Bianca is going to give us a show. She’s going to give us a little head, right?”

  She nodded. The sound of zippers, more laughing, then three naked guys stepped into the frame. I paused the video. I had to calm myself or I’d throw up. Did I really want to watch anymore? But not knowing Zach’s full role would haunt me. Zach took the opportunity to move around the table and stand in front of me. He reached for my hand and I slapped it away.

  “Stop!”

  He stepped back and slumped into the nearest chair. He didn’t look at me—couldn’t look at me.

  I pressed play again and watched, and like a car crash, I couldn’t avert my eyes. Zach was doing the play by play, laughing and egging the guys on. I pushed my chair further back, distancing myself from what I was seeing. A part of me felt like I was invading Bianca’s privacy, seeing an intimate part of her life that she was no doubt haunted by. Bianca hated what they were doing to her, it was obvious by the way she squeezed her eyes shut, probably wishing she could be anywhere else. The guys laughed and cheered, Zach included. She didn’t protest, but I could see the humiliation on her face. No amount of recreational drugs or alcohol could change that.

  I paused the video again and turned to Zach. He kept his gaze on the floor. “Why?” I asked, my voice faltering to a whisper.

  “Our frat and her sorority initiation,” he mumbled.

  I faced his laptop again and continued watching.

  I wanted to cry for her, the person who’d made my life so miserable, who’d been naïve enough to allow this to happen to her. I was so angry as I watched the other guys take their turn, with Zach filming it all. I hated those guys. Their disgusting behavior couldn’t . . . be forgiven.

  Zach slammed his laptop shut. “Don’t watch any more,” he said.

  My eyes were stinging with tears. How could be have been a part of this? Worse, why had he kept it? For kicks? “Did you force yourself on her too? Did you have sex with her?”

  “No to both.”

  I ripped his hands away and flipped open his computer again. “I don’t believe you.” I didn’t believe anything he said anymore.

  The video came back on.

  “Zachy, it’s your turn,” one said. “We want to make sure you get in on the action. It’s only fair.”

  More laughter from the savages. By this point I could see that Bianca wanted it over with, but at the same time she wanted to please these assholes. Why? I couldn’t understand. Being in a sorority meant that much to her?

  “Come on, Zach. It’s only fair,” the sadist said.

  “Guys, I’m too drunk and high to get it up, otherwise I’d love to fuck that sweet mouth,” Zach said. “Bet you’re disappointed, right, Bianca? You’ve always wanted me to fuck you.”

  She nodded like a person with a gun to her head.

  “Then I guess we’re done with you, bitch. Did you like it, Bianca?”

  “I loved it,” she said, her voice betraying her.

  She stood up, smiled and grabbed her bra and shirt. It was then that I noticed she had her jeans on. She got dressed, looked at herself in a mirror, touched up her hair, then left the room. The guys laughed and the video ended.

  For a long time, I stared at the screen. I then took the flash drive from out of his laptop. Zach reached out to grab me, but I pushed him away.

  “Why didn’t you participate?” I asked. “Is it because you knew if this video was ever discovered, it would ruin your dad and maybe your own future?” My eyes locked on his. I couldn’t contain the venom in my voice.

  He stared at me. “Yes.”

  I nodded. “Thought so,” I said, taking the flash drive and putting it in my pocket.

  “What are you doing, Emma?” There was no hiding the panic in his voice.

  “I don’t know, but you will not humiliate her any more. How could you have kept something like this? How could you have taken this video in the first place? Who are you?”

  Zach took a few steps back. He covered his face with one hand. “I told you. We were young, stupid and high. I’d never do anything like that now. I promise you that.”

  My hands were balled into fists. I was so angry. “Couldn’t you see that she didn’t want to do it?”

  “She never said no. Did you hear her say no?”

  “Semantics! Couldn’t you see that on her face? She wanted to please you guys.”

  Zach was freaking out but trying to keep it together. He started pacing the room. “Emma, I know you’re mad, but we can deal with this.”

  Tears escaped my eyes. “How many times did I ask you what was on that video? You played coy. Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

  “Because you would’ve left me.” His voice was defeated.

  “You have no idea what I would have done. But keeping this? Dangling it over her? Why?”

  “I was protecting you.”

  “Protecting me? Stop saying that. You had this video long before you met me.”

  “I forgot about it.”

  “Are there more videos? With other girls?”

  “It’s the only video I have.”

  “You have? What does that mean?” I shrieked. “Other people have videos like this?”

  “Probably. I don’t know! This is the only video I’m in. The guys made me participate otherwise Bianca wouldn’t have done it. She had a thing for me at the time—”

  “Are you serious? Stop! This is so disgusting!” And then it hit me. “Did you ever record us?”

  “No!”

  We stared at each other. I couldn’t deal with this. I breezed past him, grabbed my bag and left. I needed to get out of there.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Zach

  Did I go after her? I didn’t know what to do so I panicked. I paced the apartment, my heart beating so loud I could barely string a thought together.

  Fucking Bianca!

  I should have listened to Genie and destroyed the video. It would have been out of our lives, and I could’ve taken my chances with Bianca. Or I should have lied and told Emma there wasn’t a video, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Besides, she’d see through it. She knew me too well.

  I grabbed my phone and texted Genie. She’d know what to do. I paced some more. I looked at my phone. Nothing from Genie.

  Me: Please come back. We can talk about this.

  Did I expect Emma to text me back? It was clear she thought I was the biggest piece of shit to ever live. And worse, she had the video. I knew I could trust her with it, but what if she lost it? Or worse, gave it someone I couldn’t trust . . . or she gave it to Bianca. I closed my eyes and took in a few deep breaths. I was losing my shit. If I didn’t pull it together, I’d do something stupid.

  My first thought was a beer, to settle my nerves. I’d need ten fucking beers at this point to keep it together. A thousand thoughts clouded my head. What if Emma went to the cops? My life would be over. Mom and Dad would kill me. Law school out the window. Then the other guys would get on my case, worried I’d rat them out.

  Stop.
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  I gulped most of the beer, wishing we had some hard stuff. Shit, not even any rye. I finished the beer and grabbed another. I’d kill for a rye and Coke, to take off the edge.

  My head cleared for a moment. Emma wouldn’t go to the cops. She wouldn’t do that to me. Or would she? She loved me but this might have been a deal breaker. She was too good for me and too good for this. I was going to lose her, I knew it. That look on her face . . . pure disgust.

  And if she gave the video to Bianca? I’d like to think she’d destroy it, but what if she turned the tables on me? Held it over my head? I’d reason with Emma, try to get the thing back before it ended up anywhere. Beg her if I had to. And if it ended up somewhere else? Bianca would suffer before I did, at least until she fingered me and all the guys. She’d love taking us down with her.

  I checked my phone. No reply from Genie or Emma.

  I grabbed my jacket. I thought to drive to the store to get my booze, but I’d downed two beers in quick succession. Driving wasn’t worth the risk. I got outside and a north wind whipped up into my face like a thousand little needles. I wrapped my jacket tighter around me and walked the mile or so the liquor store. A few people were milling around and no one took notice of me. I grabbed a bottle of rye and headed to the counter. I stopped, went back and grabbed another. I slapped them down on the counter and the bored middle-aged attendant barely noticed me. I handed him cash and left. I nearly jogged home, checking my phone a few times. Nothing. I texted Genie again. I even called her, but got voicemail.

  Where the hell was she?

  I got home, slammed down a glass and poured myself a liberal helping. For good measure, I threw in some Coke. I drank it and when I was finished, I felt the heat warm me, calm me down a little. I poured another glass but decided to take my time. Falling down drunk wasn’t an option.

  I sat in the living room, staring at an empty television screen, sipping my rye and wondering if I’d lost the only girl I’d ever loved. The girl who could make me smile every time she walked into a room or heard her voice on the phone. A girl I looked forward to sleeping next to every night. Who made me try eggplant and learn to love it. A girl who trusted me up until an hour ago.