Defy

by Sara B. Larson

“Tell Borracio that I got his message loud and clear,” I said as I unhooked the unconscious man’s scabbard and tightened it around my own waist. I sheathed the nicer of the two swords, and chucked the other one into the river flowing next to the opening we’d climbed through.

  “What are you?” the man who was still conscious asked.

  “A very good fighter,” I said as I stormed away into the darkening jungle.

  THE SMALL FIRE hissed and popped in front of me, like a glowing beacon, announcing my presence to any creature — human or otherwise — that might be lurking nearby in the dark trees. I felt exposed with the bright flames illuminating me, filling the air with light and smoke. But it would have been even worse to huddle in the damp, dark night without them.

  My belly ached with hunger and fear. There was still no sign of Rylan. I’d half hoped he’d notice my fire and find me. If Deron and the rest of the guard could see me now, it wouldn’t have mattered how many fights I’d won. My fear of the dark and snakes would defeat me in the end. A completely ignominious way to go. My body battled between the adrenaline of fear and the exhaustion and need for sleep that made my limbs heavy and my eyelids slow to open after each blink.

  Until I heard a snap in the bushes behind me.

  Instantly awake, I held my breath, my fingers inching toward the sword that lay across my lap. I don’t think a jaguar or snake would make a noise like that, not if it were stalking me. Could it be Rylan?

  I turned to glance behind me and just as I did, I saw a blur of motion out of the corner of my eye. I swung back around to see a massive black body lunging out of the bushes toward me. I only had time to open my mouth to scream and swing my sword up to block my neck before the creature was on me, claws and teeth flashing in the firelight, diving for my jugular. I threw my weight backward and tried to lift the sword up into the jaguar’s belly, as its claws tore through my tunic, pressing me into the ground. I felt fire on my ribs and arm, and distantly realized it was pain. But there was no time to assimilate any damage, not while the beast was still trying to get past the blade. The edge of my sword cut into my jaw, but I didn’t care. It was the only thing keeping the huge cat from tearing out my throat.

  It tried again, biting down hard, and got a mouthful of blade. It growled in pain and swiped the side of my head with one massive paw. More fire exploded across my skull and stars popped in front of my eyes. My grip on my sword weakened.

  Suddenly, the jaguar let out a howl of such pain and fury that it almost deafened me. A sword protruded from its chest. Hot, red blood poured from the wound onto me. The cat’s eyes rolled into its head and it collapsed on top of me, pushing all the air from my lungs. And then, just when my vision began to go dark from lack of oxygen, it was gone and Rylan stood over me, his chest heaving, holding a sword coated in blood.

  “Alex! Are you okay?” He dropped to his knees beside me. The fire was gone now and in its place was a pain so intense, so excruciating, I didn’t dare move, afraid I’d make it worse.

  I was soaked with blood, my own and the jaguar’s. My ribs, my left arm, and the side of my head all throbbed. I was afraid to look down and see how bad it really was.

  “We need to get you cleaned up and we have to sew up these wounds. None of them look too deep, luckily, but I can’t tell for sure. There’s too much blood, and it’s too dark.” Rylan kept up a steady stream of commentary as he pulled his tunic over his head and began to tear it into strips. “I didn’t bring any needles or thread, though, so we’re going to have to bind them as best we can and get back to the palace as quickly as possible.”

  “I can’t,” I finally said, my voice barely above a whisper. I sounded like a girl — I couldn’t get my tone gruff enough, but I didn’t care. I was probably going to die in this jungle tonight anyway.

  “Yes, you can. You’re the toughest fighter in the palace, and you aren’t going to let one little jaguar finish you off, are you?” Rylan had bent over me and was tugging on my tunic now. I realized what he was trying to do all at once and I reached up with my right hand and grabbed his wrist.

  “Stop.” It was hard to speak past the pain, the breathlessness that still plagued me. I wondered if the jaguar had punctured my lung. “Don’t. Don’t tear it.”

  “Alex, you’re hurt and bleeding. I need to clean the wounds first of all and then —”

  “No.” I tightened my grip on his wrist, trying to pull his hand away from my tunic. “Please.”

  He stared down at me, his face shadowed in the firelight. The light undulated in the breeze, briefly illuminating his face, and I realized his eyes were full of remorse. My stomach clenched. He thought I was going to die, too.

  With a deep sigh, he covered my right hand with his left. “Alexa, I know.”

  “You know wh —” I cut myself off with a horrified gasp as I realized what he’d said. Alexa. Not Alex. A name I never thought I’d hear spoken to me again. I shook my head, my eyes filling with tears. My mouth opened, but nothing came out.

  His grip tightened on my hand as my whole body began to tremble. From pain, from blood loss, from shock.

  Finally, I managed to whisper, “How?”

  “I’ve known since the first day I met you.” He stared at my mouth, at my chin, anywhere but my eyes.

  The pain that encompassed my body was eclipsed by the shock pulsing through me with each beat of my heart. He knew? He’d always known?

  “You and Marcel slipped up in front of me; he called you Alexa, and you responded. He realized I’d heard and later swore me to secrecy. I’m sorry I never told you. He made me promise.”

  The tears that had gathered in my eyes leaked out, slipping down both of my temples as I lay there on the ground, broken inside and out. “You knew,” I repeated, my voice hoarse.

  Rylan nodded, reaching with one hand to brush the tears from my face. “Now, please, let me clean your wounds and figure out how we’re going to help you.” His fingers lingered on my temple.

  “I think you’d better let us help you, or else the girl will most likely die from her injuries.”

  The voice came from just outside the light of my fire. I forced myself to lift my head, but when I did, the pain became unbearable. Strange, bright lights popped in front of my eyes and then everything began to tunnel into darkness. I saw Borracio step into the circle of the firelight.

  And then I was gone.

  WHEN I WOKE, I was lying on a bed of furs and the pain was gone.

  Above me was the same damp stone ceiling I’d seen the last time I’d woken in these caves, but it was a different cavern. Someone’s bedroom, from what I could gather, as I turned to glance around. I was alone, with only two torches to light the small cavern. I hardly dared look down at myself, afraid of what I’d see.

  “Alex, you’re awake.” I heard Rylan’s voice and turned to see him rushing through the opening toward me. “How do you feel?” There was a tenderness in his voice I’d never heard before, and I remembered that last night when I lay dying on the ground in front of him, he’d admitted knowing I was a girl all these years. Simultaneous relief and anger surged up.

  “I don’t know,” I answered gruffly when he dropped to his knees next to me.

  “A healer was with you all night. She only came out an hour ago, but she said you would be fit for travel when you woke.” Rylan reached to touch my head, but I jerked out of his grasp. He pulled his hand back and looked down at his lap, but not before I saw the hurt flash through his usually warm chocolate-brown eyes. The eyes I’d taken far too much notice of recently. “You’re mad,” he said quietly.

  “Of course I’m mad!” I burst out. “How could you let me go on for the last three years without any idea that you knew?”

  “Marcel made me swear. He was afraid you’d act different around me, accidentally reveal yourself to the others. I cared too much about you to risk that.”

  His words wormed past my anger, brushing my heart with warmth. I could feel myself softening.

>   “You look … really good. She worked some sort of miracle on you. Are you in any pain?”

  I reached up hesitantly, expecting to feel huge gashes on the side of my head where the jaguar had batted me. Instead, I found nothing but my hair and three thin lines of puckered skin, as if I’d already healed and formed scars. “No, there’s no pain,” I finally responded, my voice soft and disbelieving. “What is she?”

  “Borracio wouldn’t say, but I heard someone else whispering about her being a sorceress.”

  A sorceress who could heal? I’d never heard of anything like it. I, like all the people of Antion, had been told that sorcerers were evil, that the magic they wielded brought only death.

  I pulled up the sleeve of my shirt to find the same thing — the skin on my left bicep was completely healed, with four bright pink scars to mark where the claws had bitten through my flesh, tearing my muscle.

  “He said we needed to leave as soon as you were awake and feeling up to it. He acted like he couldn’t wait to be rid of us.” Rylan sat back on his heels, watching me as I slowly sat up.

  “If he wants to be rid of us that badly, why even make the effort to have his healer help me?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Then let’s go. Prince Damian is probably going to undo all her hard work when we arrive a day late.” I stood up and flexed my left hand and stretched my neck, rolling my head in wonder, not quite able to believe the pain, the horror of the night before were gone. I was scarred, but I was better. In one night. I glanced down and realized I was dressed in clean clothes and my chest was bound with a clean cloth. Whoever had taken care of me was now aware of my secret, too. The list was growing at an alarming rate.

  I wanted to find this woman, to ask her how she did it, to find out how I could repay her. To make sure she wouldn’t tell anyone I was a girl. Even though Borracio somehow already knew as well. But when I followed Rylan out of the room into an equally damp and dark tunnel, no one was there.

  “He told me the exit was just through here.” Rylan gestured to a tunnel that broke off from ours, heading to our left. He unhooked a second scabbard from around his waist and gave it to me. I recognized it as my own, the one that hadn’t been by the river yesterday. My bow and arrows were still gone, but I was glad to get my sword back at least.

  “Thank you,” I said, strapping it on.

  He nodded and I followed him down the left tunnel. I glanced over my shoulder once, hoping to see someone — anyone — but the path behind us was empty. I shivered and hurried after Rylan.

  We walked out into the sunlight, even closer to the spot where we’d originally been hit with the darts than where I’d come out the first time.

  “There must be a city’s worth of caves and tunnels around here,” I remarked.

  Rylan nodded, but didn’t say anything else. He took the lead this time, and I was happy to follow, although I kept checking over my shoulder, my heart beating unevenly in my chest. An uncomfortable silence weighed on the air around us, heavier even than the oppressive humidity, which coated my skin so that I was already damp with sweat. Rylan’s words rang through my mind again: I cared too much about you to risk that. What did he mean? I felt off balance around him now, more vulnerable than I felt since the day my parents died and I was taken into the army. I couldn’t believe he’d always known I was a girl. It embarrassed me for some reason.

  “Rylan, I’m —” I stumbled over a tree root and my cheeks flamed. I didn’t trip. I didn’t stumble or blush or let someone else take the lead. I couldn’t let the fact that he knew I was a girl change me. And yet, I already had. He’d never treated me any differently; I hadn’t had a clue. But now I was acting like an idiot. “Can we stop for a second?”

  He immediately turned around. “Are you okay? Are you in pain?” There was nothing but sincere concern in his eyes, and it made me feel even worse.

  “No. I mean, yes, I’m okay. I’m not in pain. But I needed to tell you … I don’t know. I’m sorry, I guess.”

  “What do you have to be sorry for?”

  I couldn’t meet his gaze and looked past his shoulder to the crowded trees and vines, the sudden, startling splash of rich purple bougainvillea. “I’m sorry I’ve been angry about … you know what. I should probably be thanking you.”

  He was silent and I hazarded a glance back at his face. The intensity of his gaze made my cheeks grow hot again. The flecks of gold in his irises were prominent in the bright sunlight. “And what is it you’d like to thank me for?” he asked finally.

  I cleared my throat, telling myself to calm down. He probably wasn’t looking at me in any special way. The heat, the humidity, the strange and overwhelming last few days were all getting to me. That plus the fact I had no idea how to even act like a girl anymore anyway, even if I’d wanted to. “Thank you for keeping my secret.” I made my voice gruff and folded my arms across my chest.

  “Of course,” he replied, his expression growing more guarded.

  “Not even Jude knows?”

  “No.”

  I nodded, then glanced up at the sky. The sun was almost directly overhead. “Let’s get going and hope we still have positions in the guard when we get back.” I brushed past him and took off down the path, making my strides as long as possible, eating up the distance between me and the palace. I didn’t look back to see if Rylan had followed, but I could feel his presence behind me.

  We didn’t speak or stop the rest of the way except for when I spotted some bloodroot growing in a small patch at the base of a large banyan tree. Rylan watched as I gathered a bunch, but didn’t ask why and I didn’t volunteer an answer.

  Finally, hours later, the palace walls rose in front of us. Beyond that, the city of Tubatse was visible, sprawled across the valley below the palace. Pressed up close to the outskirts of the buildings and huts of Tubatse was a whole other city of tents — the temporary stopping place for different battalions of the army on their way out to or back from fighting the Blevonese. Smoke curled up from the funeral pyres that lined the southern edge of the tent city — soldiers who had died of infection, injuries, disease, or a combination of all three, brought back from the battlefield only to die in the shadow of the palace.

  We hadn’t even made it to the side gate before it was thrown wide open and Jude came running out to us.

  “You’re alive!” he exclaimed right before grabbing his brother into a tight embrace. I watched silently.

  They broke apart and Jude turned to face me. “We were sure you’d gotten lost or been killed. Prince Damian has been throwing a tantrum all day. You’d better get up there before he breaks something.”

  Jude headed back toward the palace gate, but Rylan paused, giving me a long, searching look first. I lifted my chin, my teeth tightly clamped together against any display of emotion or weakness. Finally, he turned and followed his brother.

  Stomach churning, I stepped back into the protective wings of the palace walls, leaving the jungle and all that had happened behind me, but heading toward a different type of danger awaiting me: the fury of my prince.

  WHEN WE WALKED into Prince Damian’s room, he didn’t even turn around to acknowledge me.

  “Your Highness, Alex and Rylan have returned from the mission you sent them on,” Nolen said from behind where we stood in the doorway of his room.

  Very slowly, the prince turned to face us, one eyebrow lifted, a sneer on his handsome face. “I believe I asked you to return before nightfall. Yesterday.”

  I pressed my fist to my chest and bowed. “I apologize, Your Highness. We were unavoidably detained.”

  “Did you at least accomplish what I asked?”

  “Yes, my lord.”

  The drapes were pulled back in his room, letting the sun pour in through the large windows. Damian’s piercing blue eyes met mine from across the room and then he nodded curtly. “Fine. That is all. I will expect a full report later, but you must be hungry after your overly long journey.”

>   I bowed again and turned to walk out, with Rylan and Nolen on my heels. I didn’t know what I expected when I saw Prince Damian again, but a return to his haughty, condescending persona wasn’t it. I supposed I shouldn’t have been surprised. As he’d told me, he was playing a part. But he was extremely convincing — almost too convincing.

  “Why didn’t you tell him about the jaguar attack?” Rylan asked quietly as we exited the outer chamber to head down to the kitchens.

  “I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “I wasn’t sure if I should. Especially since I was healed by a sorcerer.”

  Rylan nodded. We both knew how King Hector felt about sorcerers or sorcery. If he found out that I’d been miraculously healed by a sorceress, he might have me burned at the stake just for having come into contact with one.

  I stopped suddenly, making Rylan halt and turn to me questioningly.

  “I have to find Deron.” With everything that had happened, I’d forgotten about Eljin until that moment.

  “Right now?”

  “Yes. Immediately.” I spun around and rushed back toward the prince’s rooms. The first person I saw was Jerrod, standing guard at the door to Prince Damian’s outer chamber.

  “Jerrod, where is Deron?”

  He glanced at me, irritation written plainly on his face. “He spent the night standing guard outside the prince’s room since you disappeared. I think he went to his room for a couple of hours to get some rest before tonight. We assumed you’d died and that he’d have to fill your position until you were replaced.”

  “I’m sure you were devastated by my supposed death, weren’t you, Jerrod?” I couldn’t resist goading him before turning and heading toward Deron’s room, back the way I’d come.

  He said something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like he was telling me to go somewhere unsavory, but I ignored him. Rylan stood a little bit farther down the hallway, silently watching our exchange. I ignored him, too, and pounded on the door to Deron’s room.