neck and suck out his blood. No, no, only bats and Alice Cooper do that. I would…
Chester looks around for Kenny.
CHESTER
Kenny?! Where'd you go, man? Um, ok. Well, I will be in the bar grabbing another cold one.
Chester shrugs and dances into a bar.
CUT TO:
EXT: BOARDWALK.
Kenny stands amongst a group of people across the street from Chester. He appears to be in deep thought as he watches Chester disappearing into the bar.
KENNY
(to himself)
Sorry, man. I need to do this on my own. I don't want anyone else getting any more involved or hurt.
Kenny walks down the crowded sidewalk until the large quantities of people diminish and disperse. He hops into his car and drives off.
CUT TO:
INT: JEEP.
Simon SNAPS and points at the red car as it drives by in the other lane of traffic.
SIMON
Their goes our boy!
The Jeep maneuvers a wild u-turn in traffic causing a couple other cars to smash into each other. They burn rubber after Kenny.
CUT TO:
EXT: STREET.
Kenny cruises along in his car past convenience stores and closed down shops.
The Jeep slams into the rear of Kenny's car at seventy miles per hour. Kenny turns around quickly to see Simon and Numbers in the black Jeep behind him.
He slams on the gas and blows through a red light. The Jeep drops back and swerves around another car in the intersection avoiding a crash. Kenny keeps flying down the street. His car zooms over a hill and catches some air only to have the front bumper SLAM into the ground. SPARKS sputter from beneath the car as the bumper pops off and spins in the street.
Suddenly, a parked police car bursts out of a dark alley with it's sirens WAILING. It is in hot pursuit of Kenny.
KENNY
Oh shit!
Kenny pulls over in front of Barnacle Bill's miniature golf fun center. The police car pulls in behind Kenny.
Out steps OFFICER BARRY DAVIS. He is about forty-five with a chest like a barrel and a thick black mustache.
He strides up to Kenny.
BARRY
Good evening, son. You mind telling me where you were going in such a hurry? And you do know that you left your bumper back there in the road, right?
Kenny reads Barry's badge as he leans in the car.
INSERT: BADGE
Officer Barry Davis
BACK TO SCENE
Kenny takes a long, dry gulp of air as he recognizes his own reflection in the officer's silver glasses.
KENNY
Yes, sir. I am actually on my way to see the whale explosion. I am hurrying because I…I…I just don't want to miss any of it.
BARRY
Sure. You realize that the festivities are the other way, right? You're heading out of town in this direction.
KENNY
Oh, I must have gotten bad directions, I guess.
BARRY
Right. Let's see that license, registration, and insurance.
Kenny fumbles around in the glove compartment and his back pocket and emerges with the paperwork. He hands it all to the cop. Barry stands and checks it.
Behind Barry, the Jeep slowly drives by with Simon leaning out the window giving Kenny the middle finger. The Jeep drives into a parking lot across the street and waits.
BARRY
Well, I had no idea. I must say that I am quite a closet fan of your work, Kenny.
KENNY
What? I am sorry. Say that again?
BARRY
I mean, with the haircut and all I never would have noticed. Although, I thought maybe you might have been driving something a little nicer.
KENNY
What? I am lost.
BARRY
It is OK, son. I am not going to write you a ticket. But can I ask you a small favor?
KENNY
Uh, sure. Why no ticket?
BARRY
This is great, hang on a second. My wife is never going to believe this!
Barry quickly scurries to his police car and returns with a cd case, a marker and a soprano saxophone. He hands the cd case and marker to Kenny. Kenny looks at the cd case in his hand.
INSERT: CD CASE
KENNY GEE. Saxual Ballads
Kenny opens the case and signs it with the marker. As he hands it back to Barry, Barry exchanges it for the saxophone.
Kenny awkwardly fumbles the saxophone.
BARRY
Please, just for a few moments.
KENNY
You want me to play this thing?
BARRY
No, I want you to shove it up your ass, son. Of course I want to hear you play it! All of us men around the world were afraid to come out and play the soprano saxophone until you did it and sold all those records and proved so many people wrong! You proved that it is OK for a man to be in touch with his feminine side and slide his fingers up and down that instrument like he was making love to it until it moaned a soft melody! Don't you get it? You are the man, Kenny Gee!
Kenny catches on.
KENNY
Oh, I see!
Barry plugs the sax forcefully into Kenny's mouth.
BARRY
Go on, play me your favorite one.
Kenny gracelessly handles the instrument and blows out a few SQUEAKY sounds. He then repositions himself and plays an awful and plain rendition of "Hot Crossed Buns." A few seconds of uncomfortable silence pass after Kenny finishes. Barry's expression changes from bewildered to delighted.
BARRY
That was marvelous and breathtaking!
So poetic that you played something so elementary. Honestly, it is not quite like I remember, but it still strikes a nerve. Go ahead and get out of here, Mr. Gee. I can't possibly write you a ticket.
Kenny hands back the saxophone and starts his car.
BARRY
Oh yeah, make sure you go back the way you came to catch the whale. And please, slow down, sir.
Barry stands staring for another few seconds, shivers, and proudly walks back to his police car.
Kenny hesitantly flips his u-turn and heads back to the boardwalk. The Jeep follows in pursuit.
CUT TO:
EXT: BEACH.
The dead whale still lies in the sand surrounded by hundreds of people. Vendors are selling t-shirts.
INSERT: T-SHIRTS
The blowjob of the century!
Watch us shoot our sperm whale everywhere!
BACK TO SCENE
Protestors from the Seaside Beaches Coalition to Save the Ocean Animals picket with signs while the college students work with police officials to secure the whale with explosives. It is complete MAYHEM.
CUT TO:
EXT: STREET.
Kenny speeds along with the Jeep only half a block behind him.
He slams on the brake and SCREECHES to a halt, only inches from the car in front of him. Traffic is at a dead stop.
Up ahead, the police are directing traffic. Red and Blue lights FLASH from the police cars.
A few more cars lull to a stop around Kenny. He tries to back up, but is stuck in front of an old Ford pick-up truck with a ladder on it. Kenny panics and hops out of his car. The Jeep also SKIDS in an attempt to stop but slams into the back of the pickup truck. The ladder flips off the truck.
Simon jumps out of the Jeep with Numbers.
SIMON
Awww! I couldn't see shit over that fuckin' hill!
NUMBERS
Hey, there he is!
Numbers points to Kenny running into a crowd of people.
NUMBERS
Simon, you handle the accident. I will catch the kid!
SIMON
That ain't very exciting. Twist his fuckin' nuts good for me, Numbers!
Numbers pursues Kenny. Simon walks around to the front of the Jeep. Broken glass glitters on the asphalt.
SIMON
A man steps out of the Ford. His name is XAVIER. He is broad-shouldered with some red scruffy facial hair and long red hair tied back in a ponytail. He wears denim jeans and a white t-shirt.
XAVIER
You should be a little careful of who you're cursing. My name is XAVIER, by the way.
Xavier extends his hand to Simon for a handshake. Simon ignores him.
SIMON
Do we need to call the police for this, man? I think not. They look a little busy trying to calm the masses while disposing of a whale. Why don't we just exchange some driver information and my people will contact your people. Sound good?
Xavier smiles.
XAVIER
You think that is the honest approach to this situation, Simon? I will leave it up to you.
SIMON
Fuck yeah! Give me your name and stuff and then we can be off on our own ways. This one is for the insurance companies.
Xavier digs a business card out of his back pocket and hands it to Simon. Simon grabs it, nods, and walks away.
Xavier stands, watching Simon. Simon glances at the card and then looks at it again closely.
INSERT: BUSINESS CARD
"The Father and The Son, carpenters and more"
Pressure washing away the sins of the world and nailing them to a cross-beam, especially yours, Simon.
BACK TO SCENE
Xavier stands smiling. He extends his hand to Simon, again. Simon slowly inches closer to Xavier.
XAVIER
I see we have your attention, Simon. My Father sent me to do his will here in Seaside. He is sorry he couldn't deliver the card himself, but only because you might go blind if you behold him in all his glory. No man has ever seen him, Simon. So please don't feel ignored. You
Have Some Guts Page 9
