Out to Find Freedom

by Lila Rose

  What had he said? It was something about being behind on paperwork.

  Anger boiled in my stomach, but most of all, hurt scratched at my chest.

  Hurt because he had been lying.

  Hurt because he’d been there drinking, having fun, and all he had to do was tell me he didn’t want to see me. He didn’t want to face me. He wanted to have fun with his friends. All of the reasons I would have accepted.

  If all he ever wanted was a friendship through texting, then he could have told me.

  Maybe he was worried about me being too young and not understanding, but I did.

  He obviously knew I wasn’t the one for him. I just needed him to say something.

  “Emmie,” Mattie called again.

  I glanced over my shoulder. “I’m fine,” I told him. I opened their front door and stomped inside.

  “Emmie,” Mattie said softly from behind me as I stepped inside the door and curled my arms around my waist.

  “I’m fine,” I said again.

  I heard Mattie close the door and glanced up to see Julian walk into the living room. “What’s going on?” he asked.

  “Emmie, that wasn’t what it looked like with Warden,” Mattie said.

  I snorted. “It doesn’t matter. Really, I’m fine.” At least I would be.

  I jumped when their door opened with a bang. Mattie and I spun that way. Ryan stood in the doorway, his eyes on me.

  “Emerson—”

  I waved my hand around. A noise, half snort and half growl, dropped from my lips. “I don’t know what you’re doing here, Ryan. But it’s fine. Everything is fine. Go back to the party.”

  “What’s going on?” Julian asked again.

  Mattie moved by me and shushed his man.

  Ryan stepped into the room and it suddenly felt smaller. He closed the door and took another step my way. I took one back.

  “That was my friend Mally. Her man was right there with us.”

  I laughed without humour. “Why are you telling me this?”

  His big-arse feet took another step. I backed up.

  “Why do you have tears, darlin’?” he asked softly.

  Tears?

  I wiped at my face angrily. “I don’t know,” I snapped. I pulled my sleeves down over my hands and gripped the material. I lifted both arms and held one around my waist, the other over my chest.

  He groaned, probably in annoyance for running after a stupid little girl. “I know I said I was busy, but—”

  “But you didn’t want to come here.” My stomach clenched. “That’s fine, Ryan. It’s fine.” My heart beat so hard that it started to ache.

  “She’s saying fine a lot. That’s not good,” I heard Julian comment.

  “Emmie, that’s not—”

  “I know.” I nodded, more to myself than him. More tears filled my eyes as I glanced down at the floor.

  “Know what?” Ryan asked quietly. His voice still grumbled though.

  I blinked and tears dropped. “I know you see me as too young. I know I’m not what you want. I know—”

  “Baby, don’t—”

  “I know I’m still mixed up. Why else would I still dream of it? I know… I know I’m never going to be good enough for you—”

  “Christ, Emmie. Don’t.”

  But I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t. “That’s okay, Ryan.” I smiled sadly at the floor. “It’s okay.” I shrugged. “All you had to do was tell me. I know I shouldn’t have held out hope for something more between us—”

  “Emerson,” he growled out, but his voice also held pain.

  How was I hurting him?

  “But I did, and I understand now that I would never be your type. I’m not… enough. I have scars.” My throat caught for a moment. “You deserve someone you want. Someone perfect for you. You really do.”

  “Baby doll,” Ryan tried again, this time on a whisper.

  I shook my head and wiped at my tears. My sleeve lifted as I did; I slowly lowered my arm and ran fingers over the marks there. “You don’t need anyone broken. Anyone like me.”

  “Fuckin’ hell,” he clipped. My eyes snagged on his feet as he stepped close. His big hands cupped my cheeks and he lifted my head so he could have my gaze.

  “You don’t have to—”

  “Shut it, baby doll. It’s my turn.” His eyes ran over my face. I reached up to take his wrists so I could pull his hands away from my face, but his next words had me stilling. “The only thing holding me back from wanting to see where this could go for us is your age. You deserve someone better, someone your own age.”

  “I only see you,” I told the stupid man.

  His jaw clenched. His eyes drifted down to my lips. And then he kissed me. It was soft and sweet, but I needed more. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tugged him closer. He made a noise in the back of his throat before deepening the kiss. My mouth opened under his. Immediately, his tongue swept in and played with my own. My body quivered, my heart skipped down to my belly and swirled in a pleasant motion. The kiss was more than I’d ever imagined.

  Too soon, he pulled back. “Dinner. Tomorrow night. You and me.”

  I nodded.

  He touched his lips to mine quickly and started for the door. He glanced over his shoulder. “Pick you up at six,” he said as he opened the door.

  “Okay,” I whispered. Distractedly, my fingers pressed against my swollen lips. I caught Ryan’s soft smile just for me, and that spread goosebumps over my arms from the excitement that flooded my body.

  His gaze ran over me. He nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

  “Holy fuck,” Julian drew out.

  My face heated when I turned to them. To be completely honest, I’d forgotten they’d been there. Mattie stood close beside Julian, who held Mattie’s hand out in front of his chest—no doubt Mattie’s hand had been over Julian’s mouth.

  “Did that really happen?” I asked, unsure if my mind was playing tricks on me. My body still wasn’t acting normal, my pulse was up, my hands shook, and I couldn’t stop smiling.

  “It happened,” Mattie said.

  “It sure did. That was…. I have no words. You were crying. I could see how much he hated to see it, how your words were crushing him. I could see the pain, the feelings, and then bam! He caved. He’s been feeling the same as you all along.”

  Had he?

  That kiss told me he had, but I’d wait and see what happened tomorrow night.

  On my date.

  With Ryan Warden.

  “I have a date tomorrow night.”

  “You do.” Julian smiled.

  Mattie rolled his eyes, but he was smiling when we both did a little jig and cried out in joy.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  WARDEN

  I’d never in my damn life been nervous about seeing a woman before. Until then. I even felt like I could puke as I walked up to Emmie’s front door. That kiss the night before had me staying up most of the night replaying it in my head.

  What I’d also been replaying, and I wished I hadn’t, had been her words. How she thought she wasn’t enough for me. Christ, it nearly broke me to hear the sorrow in her voice as she spoke to me, thinking I deserved better than her scarred self. She didn’t understand, but she would. I didn’t give two fucks about her scars; she was stunning inside and out. The thought of how she got them twisted my gut, but seeing them on her wouldn’t stop me from feeling something for her.

  Like I’d told her, what held me back the most was her age.

  Not only the worry of what people would say to her about being with a man my age, but what would she do if something happened to me on the job? It could crush her in a way I would never want to. It was something I’d have to bring up one day with her if this was going to work out.

  I knocked on her door and heard Julian say, “You’re supposed to make him wait a little bit before answering.”

  The door swung open. Emmie stood in the doorway, smiling up at me. Fuck, sh
e couldn’t wait. She wasn’t one to play games. She was excited to see me. I could also tell she was nervous by the way the hand that wasn’t holding the door rested over her stomach and how she shifted from one foot to another.

  “Baby doll,” I said softly.

  “Hi,” she whispered.

  Fuck it.

  Reaching out, I slid an arm around her waist and tugged her towards me. As soon as her hands hit my chest, I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers.

  It was quick. If I’d made it longer and got a real taste of her, I’d want more time just tasting and claiming her mouth.

  “You ready?” I asked, grinning down at her.

  “Yes,” she said, her voice soft and light.

  “Say bye to Julian.”

  She didn’t look away from me when she called, “Bye, Julian.”

  “Take care of our dove,” he said.

  I lifted my gaze, caught his, and nodded.

  “Always,” I told him.

  He smiled, giving two thumbs up. Shaking my head, I stepped out of the doorway, taking Emmie’s hand in mine. Julian moved forward to the door. I knew he’d take care of the place.

  “You got everything you need?” I asked down to Emmie.

  Her eyes widened. She turned back, and Julian was already holding out her purse. Her face heated as she pulled it onto her shoulder and faced me again. “Now I do,” she said, then reached out to take my hand. A thrill shot to my cock.

  As I led her down the walkway, I took in her clothes. The night was warm. I wore jeans and a tee, but Emmie was covered. She had on a long skirt, a top that covered her up to her neck, and a cardigan.

  When we stopped at my car, I turned her in to me. “You look gorgeous, always would to me, but you gotta be boilin’, baby doll.” I reached for her cardigan. She paled and stepped back.

  My hands flew up flat in front of me. “All right. Not yet.”

  Red blazed her cheeks, and her eyes shot to the ground. “I’m sorry, I….” She shook her head.

  I got close and cupped the side of her neck. “Hey.”

  She looked up at me. Christ, she was tiny. The top of her head reached my collarbone. She opened her mouth and I knew it was to apologise again, but I pressed a quick kiss to her lips.

  “Don’t say sorry, baby doll.”

  “But—”

  “Nah, darlin’. Nothin’ about it. Let’s have a good night, yeah?”

  “I’d like that.”

  Stepping back, I opened her door and waited until she sat in and put her seat belt on before I closed it. I walked around the front, keeping an eye on her, thinking she looked damn good sitting in my car.

  Christ, how’d I get so goddamn lucky that she wanted me?

  I couldn’t understand it, but I was glad for it.

  She smiled over at me as I got in. I returned it, which made her smile grow. Chuckling, I shook my head and started the car. As we drove, I asked, “How’s work?”

  She spoke proudly of it. I listened to each word out of her mouth. She’d come out of that basement not really talking or looking at people, but now she gabbed like she wanted to and kept her gaze on me the whole time.

  It was damn good to see.

  “I think you need to tell this client to fuck off,” I told her as I pulled up out the front of the restaurant. She had a difficult customer who Talon had passed on to her. The dick kept changing his mind on things. I knew Talon wouldn’t give a shit if she wiped him clean. I wouldn’t either since the fucker was a guy.

  She laughed. “I can’t do that. I like to finish what I start, even when they’re a pain. Plus, I told him I would be getting paid for all these changes. He didn’t argue with me. It’s bound to happen again and again in the business. Not everyone will be happy with what I produce first up.”

  “They should be. You’ve got talent.”

  She blushed. “Thank you.”

  One day she’d get used to compliments without reacting or feeling like she needed to say thanks. I winked before I climbed out of the car. I narrowed my eyes at her playfully when I saw she’d already gotten out before I could get her door.

  Tapping the end of her nose, I told her, “Next time, and all times from here on out, I get your door for you, darlin’.”

  “Um, okay.” She nodded.

  Shifting her out of the way, I closed her door and locked the car. Taking her hand in mine, which dwarfed hers, which I fucking liked, we made our way into the restaurant.

  The maître d’ stood behind his little desk at the front. “Hi, how may I help you both?”

  “Table under Warden.”

  “Right this way, sir.” He led us to a table in the corner near the window. Before he could, I pulled out Emmie’s chair. Once she was in and I was seated, the guy said, “Your waiter’s name is Steven. He’ll be along shortly to take your drink order.”

  “Thanks,” I said and picked up a menu. This type of place wasn’t my usual. I preferred a pub or bar meal, but I wanted to take Emmie somewhere special for our first date.

  Hell. First date.

  I presumed there’d be more. No, I wanted there to be more.

  She glanced over the menu to me, smiling. “What do you think you’ll have?”

  “Steak,” I answered automatically. “You?”

  “Hmm, I’m not sure yet.”

  “Hello, my name’s Steven. Can I get you and your father a drink?”

  My fingers dug into the menu. Emmie’s eyes flashed wide at me. She turned to the waiter. “It’s funny you presume he’s my father when we look nothing alike.”

  “I’m sorry, miss. Your uncle?”

  I ground my teeth together and dropped the menu to fist my hands so I didn’t reach out and grab the kid. He looked sixteen and was staring down at Emerson with doe eyes.

  Just as I was about to fucking say something, Emmie did. “Wrong again. This is our first date, and I’d like many more with this man, so if you’re going to continue to serve us, do it without speaking before Ryan shoves his fist down your throat.” She’d said it so damn calmly, I snorted from shock. She faced me. “Unless you’d like to go elsewhere?”

  I shook my head. The punk wasn’t going to ruin this for us. “No, but if the dickhead doesn’t stop staring at you like that, or if he does anything to our food, I’ll be bashing his head into the table,” I told her with a smile, making sure to use the same calm voice she had.

  Emmie smiled over at me. I glanced up at the kid to see him gulp and nod. “Two Cokes and some water. We’ll order when you come back.” He nodded again and quickly disappeared. “Fuckin’ arsehole.”

  Emmie’s hand slid across the table. I caught a few people looking at us. Probably wondering who we were to each other. Still, I took her hand, and then she said, “I know you’re uncomfortable about our age difference, but I need you to know I don’t care what they see when they look at us. They can think what they like. I just want you to be comfortable to be seen with me at your side.”

  “Baby doll, I am comfortable. Like having you across from me already. They can think what they want and I’ll damn try not to let it get to me, but it’ll take time.”

  She nodded. “I can accept that.”

  I chuckled. “Good to hear.”

  She sat back, slid her hand from mine, and picked up the menu again. I watched her read it and wondered once again what she saw in me.

  “Why me, Emmie?”

  She pulled her eyes up to me slowly. A blush took over her cheeks. “Sorry?”

  “I’m older, and I know it’s got nothing to do with money. Just don’t get why you’ve picked me.”

  The dickhead arrived before she could answer and silently placed the drinks on the table. He straightened and took out a pen and pad. Emmie made her order, and then I gave him mine. Then he left.

  Emmie reached for her water and took a sip. Her hand shook a little and I wondered if it was because she was nervous about answering. She cleared her throat, a throat where the heat had
spread to. “It was only you since the day you moved in.”

  I jerked my head back in shock. “What?”

  “I saw so many that day, helping you move in. A lot of the men from the Hawks, but….” She took another sip. “Um, when I saw you, all I could focus on was, well, you. No one else registered to me.”

  Say what the fuck now?

  “Serious?”

  “Yes. It sounds bad, but I don’t think it was.” She coughed. “I did stop watching you for a while because I was worried it was for the wrong reason.”

  I picked up my drink. “What do you mean, darlin’?”

  She leaned forward. “I liked watching you a lot because I was very attracted to you.” Fuck me, my chest puffed. To stop my cocky smirk, I took a gulp of Coke. But she went on, and I didn’t expect what she’d say. “Then I got very turned on when I saw you have sex with that woman. I wished it had been me.”

  I sprayed my drink over the table and Emmie, then coughed up what felt like a lung. I pounded my fist against my chest. “What?”

  She patted at her face with her napkin. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Oh God, why did I say that? And it’s our first date. I’ve just ruined it. I should have left it alone. But you asked.” She threw her hand my way and then dabbed at the table with her napkin. “Really, it’s your fault. I’m nervous, flustered, can’t believe I’m here with you, and I felt comfortable, which I also couldn’t believe, so I just said it.” She glared up at me. “Why do you make me nervous and comfortable all at the same time?”

  “Because you like me.”

  She paused her dabbing. The blush reappeared. “I’m sorry for—”

  “Baby doll, don’t want to hear it. I like the thought of you watchin’ me because you’re attracted to this mug.”

  “But I invaded your privacy.”

  “That we’ll talk on another time. Still, want you to know for now so you don’t stress, I get why you watched. I’m turned on to know you got off on watching me and wishin’ it was you. But we’ll talk more about it another day.”

  “Why?” she whispered.

  I shifted in my seat and adjusted my hardened dick. “It’s my understanding you’ve never been touched.”